Are you Gay? A self examination.

**Cujo** · 16-08-2007, 12:59 PM

GENTLEMEN, IT'S TIME FOR YOUR ANNUAL "AM I GAY?" SELF EXAMINATION

1. If you are over forty, and you have a washboard stomach, you are gay. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet.

2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming homo. A cat is like a dog, but gay - it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and purrs to be fed. And just think about how you call a dog... "Killer, come here! I said get your ass over here, Killer!" Now think about how you call a cat..."Here Kitty-Kitty-Kitty!" Jeeezus, you're fit to be framed, you're so gay. If you have two cats....well don't even ask.

3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks on bar-b-que ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, crawfish guts, pickled pigs feet, or tits. Anything else and you are in training to suck El Dicko and undeniably a fag.

4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is his bathroom; he defecates and urinates where he pleases.

5. If you drink decaf coffee with skim milk, you like a high hard one in the poop chute Coffee is to be hard strong, black, and full aroma. A straight man will never be heard ordering a "Decaf Cafe Latte with Skim "and he will never, ever know what artificial sweetener tastes like. If you've had NutraSweet in your mouth, you've had a man there, too.

6. If you know more than six names of colors or four different types of dessert, you might as well be handing out free passes to your ass. A real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap as well as all the names of all the players in the Major league, NFL, NHL, college ball, PGA and NASCAR. If you can pick out chartreuse or you know what a "fressier" is you're gay. And if you can name ANY type of textile other than denim, you are faggadocious.

7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're dying to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a slow-ass driver or to cut the punk off. The rest of the time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, hold his beer, or play with his honey in the passenger seat.
So, how'd you do?

**sabang** · 16-08-2007, 01:05 PM

If this stimulates you, you are Gay.

**Accidental Ajarn** · 16-08-2007, 01:43 PM

LMAO

Beer gut, no idea of fashion, own a dog, can't handle de-caf, I drink coffee, not the three dollar a cup stuff with the sissy european names, and prefer draining it in the front yard 9only after dark though).

So I feel pretty secure.

Cheers

**Frankenstein** · 16-08-2007, 02:33 PM

Just 1 out of 7. I feel safe.

**Marmite the Dog** · 16-08-2007, 02:47 PM

Originally Posted by cujo

A real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap as well as all the names of all the players in the Major league, NFL, NHL, college ball, PGA and NASCAR.

Knowing lots about gay sports is surely gay?

**kingwilly** · 16-08-2007, 02:52 PM

i failed the 1st and 2nd and 6th ones... does that mean i am gay!

**Marmite the Dog** · 16-08-2007, 02:56 PM

Originally Posted by mrT

i failed the 1st

Liar.

But, yes, you are a batty boy.

**terry57** · 16-08-2007, 02:57 PM

you could be gay mr T.

DONT WORRY, I WONT TELL ANYONE.

**kingwilly** · 16-08-2007, 02:58 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by mrT
i failed the 1st

Liar.

Bastard, well compared to you I am!

**kingwilly** · 16-08-2007, 03:03 PM

Originally Posted by terry57

you could be gay mr T, can i be your boyfriend?

DONT WORRY, I WONT TELL ANYONE.

umm, thanks, but no thanks.

**terry57** · 16-08-2007, 03:06 PM

jeez mate, for a fella that has the village people for his avatar you must be batting for the other team.

and yes, i will be your girlfriend, so come over here and suck mommeys cock.

**Cujo** · 16-08-2007, 03:25 PM

Originally Posted by Accidental Ajarn

LMAO

Beer gut, no idea of fashion, own a dog, can't handle de-caf, I drink coffee, not the three dollar a cup stuff with the sissy european names, and prefer draining it in the front yard 9only after dark though).

So I feel pretty secure.

Cheers

I think you're overcompensating.

**kingwilly** · 16-08-2007, 04:07 PM

Originally Posted by terry57

jeez mate, for a fella that has the village people for his avatar you must be batting for the other team.

village ppl, that is me!

**Mr Earl** · 16-08-2007, 04:17 PM

**terry57** · 16-08-2007, 04:42 PM

^^

urr, umm,

thats very nice mr T .

cheers, and i love that " in the navy song."

go down a hoot with all the yank sailors in patters.

**Redrocket** · 17-08-2007, 03:57 AM

I don't think 6 and 7 are all that gay. That would make all race car driver gay.

**Whiteshiva** · 17-08-2007, 11:01 AM

I think it is gay to take tests to find out if you're gay.

I mean, if you have to take the test, you obviously have some issues about your sexuality, right?

**slimboyfat** · 17-08-2007, 12:27 PM

i think its gay to post in this thread

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