Overheard a conversation twixt an old flame and her live in Polish javelin throwing toyboy recently.
The gist of their intercourse may be summarised as
'FLINGS AINT WHAT THEY USED TO BE'
They changed our local Palais into a bowling alley
and Smegs ain't what they used t' be
There's Ants wiv drainpipe trousers
and Ents in coffee houses
and Smegs ain't what they used t' be
There used to be Trams not very quick
Gotcha from place to place
But now there's just jams 'alf a mile fick
Stay in the human race... I'm walking
They stuck parking meters outside our doors to greet us
Now Smegs ain't what they used t' be
Corr! monkeys... flying round the moon
We'll be up there with 'em soon
Smegs ain't what they used t' be
Once our beer was frothy
but now its frothy coffee... well
Smegs ain't what they used t'be
It used to be fun Dad an' old Mum
paddling down Southend
But now it ain't done
Never mind chum
Patters is where we spend our outin's
Grandma tries to shock us all
Doing pole dancing rock 'n' roll
Smegs ain't wot they used t' be
We used to have stars
Rude Noise who sung a Dixie melody
Somtaps guitars... plinkty plonk
Backing their selves wiv free chords only
Once we'd dance from 12 to 3
I've got news for Boonmee
Fings ain't what they used taaa
There's a lot we used taaa
Fings ain't what they used taa beeeee
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