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  1. #1
    Thailand Expat
    crackerjack101's Avatar
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    Your Dad dies...........

    How did you feel?

    Mine died a couple of weeks ago. We were terribly alike and had a very intense love hate relationship for 60 years.

    I couldn't make the funeral cos I'm sick but Skype was good.

    Now, I'm not sure what I feel. Relieved he's gone and out of pain but also - and this is the weird bit - free.

    I was the oldest and always the most combative with him. He was very domineering.

    Is it wrong to feel good that he's gone at last?

    42

  2. #2
    Custom Title Changer
    CSFFan's Avatar
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    It's ok to feel what you feel. It's not wrong or right in the way you feel, it just is....

  3. #3
    Thailand Expat AntRobertson's Avatar
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    What he said.

    I don't think there's any 'right' way to feel.

  4. #4
    Thailand Expat
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    Quote Originally Posted by crackerjack101
    How did you feel?
    Is what I'm interested in.
    Maybe it's a bit hard.
    I don't know.

  5. #5
    I am in Jail

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    You can have two/three different emotions at the same time .
    Naturally sad that hes no longer here .
    Happy because the conflict has gone .
    But feeling guilty because of this

  6. #6
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    Whatever, memories good or bad.

    Next chapter!

    A good reminder, we shall make a good mark and enjoy ourselves, coz after, who cares...

    Regrets, i had a few, but then...

    Try make a positive mark on your visit on this earth, we are generations better educated regarding this, looking back to previous generations, but then comes the Pokemon milleniums...
    Monday,Tuesday, then it goes WTF !

  7. #7
    Thailand Expat

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    Sorry to hear about your loss, CJ.

    I have only just recently - regained contact with my dad. He is a reformed alcoholic. It was weird, like meeting a stranger. Not sure if we ever bond, but having a dad is better than not, I suppose.

    Anyway, I don't wish death on anyone.. (even my mum and dad) unfortunately, it comes to us all regardless.

    RIP to your dad, bro.

  8. #8
    Thailand Expat
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    Thanks Dick.
    To make it clear; I'm not seeking sympathy in any way whatsoever, just interested in other TD members experiences.

  9. #9
    TD Fat Club VP Dillinger's Avatar
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    My dads about the same age as you old bastards so I wouldn't know what it feels like.

    I doubt it'll be anywhere as near as hard as losing my. Mom though.

    What I do know is everyone deals with grief in different ways.

    R.I.P to Janda snr

  10. #10
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    My condolences for your loss, CJ. May he RIP.

    My dad died 2 yrs ago. It was a heart attack. I got the news via text/SMS, then by a call from my bro-in-law. My sis & her family live in the same town as my mom; I live farther away. I received the call in the middle of the night & I had to wait for daylight before I could travel. I cried during most of the journey home.

    First it was shock, then sadness, that he had died. I had visited the parents a few days before, and everything was normal - he wasn't ill or anything. The suddenness of it all - that I wasn't able to say 'goodbye' - that was the hard part. But in a way, it was also good that it was sudden. He didn't suffer much and he literally died in my mom's arms. My mom tried to hold him up as he drew the last breath.

    I didn't have many conflicts w/ him, but maybe because dads are generally softer on their daughters? I don't have a bro, so can't compare on how he would've treated a male child. I've had more conflicts w/ my mom, as she's a stronger personality. Dad was more easy going. But then, maybe it's more common to have conflicts with the parent of the same gender? I do know that my parents were a bit more lenient on me (younger child) than on my elder sis. Thus, she was more rebelious (just like CJ). I was the more docile child.

    Now that he's been gone for a while now, I tend to remembee the good times, and that essentially, he was a good person & dad. He wasn't perfect, but he was a essentially a good man & well-liked.

    On a lighter note, my dad grew up in a coconut-growing region, and loved to cook & eat stuff w/ coconut milk. I don't like it much & sometimes dreaded when he cooked the stuff. Now that he's gone, whenever the ofc canteen serves a coconut milk dish, I buy it & remember my dad.

    Try to remember the good times. Condolences to you & yours.

    Sorry for the long post.

  11. #11
    Utopian Expat
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    Sorry for your loss.

    If it helps my old man was a cantankerous alcoholic who made our lives misery 90% of the time.

    I was relieved when he died 10 years ago and sad.

    I had a lot going on at the time with the birth of my babies so his death didn't affect me much.

    I think about him on the odd occasion and wish he'd looked after himself so he could enjoy his wonderful grand children.

    I know it's a cliche but time is a great healer.

    All the best.

    CCC

  12. #12
    Thailand Expat
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chittychangchang
    Sorry for your loss.
    That's the thing. I'm not sure I'm sorry.

  13. #13
    Thailand Expat
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    Quote Originally Posted by Somboon
    So you hated your dad.
    hate - love

    I don't know if there's a differentiation. I do know you're a cnut though.

  14. #14
    Guest Member S Landreth's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by crackerjack101 View Post
    How did you feel?
    Awful

    Love him and still miss the man today (still go by his gravesite every year). He was absolutely wonderful. He led a fast life.

    Lost him when I was 12 years old,..everything pointed to murder. No convictions (but everyone involved is dead today). May they all fvckin’ rot in hell.
    Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.

  15. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by S Landreth
    Lost him when I was 12 years old,..everything pointed to murder. No convictions
    bloody hell that's harsh, mate. Commiserations.

  16. #16
    Thailand Expat
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    Quote Originally Posted by Somboon
    You don't know shit. Hating on your dad and strangers. You need help. Starting a topic about comedians then whining like a bitch.
    Interesting comment. Would you care to expand?

  17. #17
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    My Father died 26 years ago, I have never shed a tear or felt any grief.
    My Mother and sisters only felt relief. Not because he was ill and suffering, because when he was alive he was hard work.
    Life goes on.

  18. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by crackerjack101 View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Somboon
    You don't know shit. Hating on your dad and strangers. You need help. Starting a topic about comedians then whining like a bitch.
    Interesting comment. Would you care to expand?
    Oh purlease, he posts enough shite as it is.


  19. #19
    Thailand Expat
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    Quote Originally Posted by harrybarracuda
    Oh purlease, he posts enough shite as it is.
    Fair point.

  20. #20
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    Cold Pizza's Avatar
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    My dad ain't dead yet.

    But, in life, these things will happen.

  21. #21
    Days Work Done! Norton's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by crackerjack101
    I'm not sure I'm sorry
    Aside from societal expectation, a father has to earn the right to have a son feel sorry when old dad kicks it. He didn't so you have no need to feel sorry.

  22. #22
    'ello 'ello 'ello Luigi's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by crackerjack101 View Post
    How did you feel?

    Mine died a couple of weeks ago. We were terribly alike and had a very intense love hate relationship for 60 years.

    I couldn't make the funeral cos I'm sick but Skype was good.

    Now, I'm not sure what I feel. Relieved he's gone and out of pain but also - and this is the weird bit - free.

    I was the oldest and always the most combative with him. He was very domineering.

    Is it wrong to feel good that he's gone at last?

    Not wrong to feel, especially if he's out of his pain.

    Both my parents are in their late 60's but both still happy and active in life, and healthy, very happy living on opposite sides of the country from each other.

    RIP JJ Senior. From what I know of your deeds on (and off) this forum, he raised a good son.

  23. #23
    'ello 'ello 'ello Luigi's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by S Landreth View Post
    Lost him when I was 12 years old,..everything pointed to murder. No convictions (but everyone involved is dead today). May they all fvckin’ rot in hell.
    Very sorry to hear.

    A very good mate of mine lost his dad at 14, 2 days after Christmas.

    The local scumbags jumped into their front garden pissed up and started pulling up the flowers and shrubs (stop sniggering ) He went out, they went for him and he collapsed, heart attack at age 47 in front of the family.

    Pricks.

    He actually dealt with it fairly well looking back.

  24. #24
    Thailand Expat KEVIN2008's Avatar
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    My Father had a profound influence on me..... He was a lunatic...... Spike Milligan.

  25. #25
    R.I.P.
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    Mine died 13 years ago, Sunday 19th October.

    My mum rang my mobile phone a few times, i knew something was wrong. She never rang that phone.

    I rang back and she told me "I'm sorry, but Daddy died this morning". I kept it together until we hung up. Then i let out a scream and banged my head against a wall. I was alone, and just collapsed.

    Pulled myself together, rang a friend and they came round. One of them arranged a flight for me, paid it and got me on a plane home to my family within 24 hours.

    We all still miss him lots, the sadness has diminished but sometimes rears it's head. Especially since he would have been a great grandpa a year ago, with another on his way in November. He would have loved that.

    I was a Daddy's girl, but so was my sister. My brother and he had a more complex relationship.

    My mum is still alive, and at 86 has managed well without the man she was married to for 55 years. I'm sure she still misses him lots too.

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