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  1. #1
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    A successful afternoon in a Great British boozer #hic#belch#fcck orf ya twat

    Firstly, consume a vast quota of lager beer. At the culmination of this stage you'll preferably want to be vomiting.

    Start with a regional ale. Drink it very fucking quickly indeed.



    Progress onto socially acceptable session ale - stay there for a few, talk shite to your colleague, weave your way through the melee and smoke a cigarette, bulk at the sight of Christmas lights. Fuck it, bulk at the sight of the bastard British public. The TWATS!





    Move on to the hard stuff. Hit it like a bastard.



    Drink lots more of anything resembling alcohol that crosses your peripheral vision...


    Go for a well-earned slash. Lick brussel sprout poster while urinating.

    Sprouts are fab!



    Demonstrate cultural ale awareness by ordering a 660ml bottle of Chinese beer. Pronounce it badly many times in order to confuse bar staff.



    Get involved with the Italian stuff. This Moretti, coupled with a bag of balsamic, hits the fucking spot...



    Eat large kebab and chips and salad - forget to photograph the experience.

    Appetite still to be sated - order pizza, nachos and cola. Berate Polish delivery person... for being Polish.

    Eat.



    Wank.

    Laters.

    Innit.

  2. #2
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    Post sponsored by SFB.


    The ale slurping reprobate.

  3. #3
    Utopian Expat Chittychangchang's Avatar
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    I take it you gave the pint of STORYTELLER a miss this time

    Amber Leaf rollies you pirate

  4. #4
    Thailand Expat
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    I call all your pics are still in focus.

  5. #5
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    Ahhh...pub life.
    Life revolves.

  6. #6
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chittychangchang
    Amber Leaf rollies you pirate
    Cheapest in the country.


    Quote Originally Posted by kingwilly
    pics are still in focus.
    Impressive, eh! I can barely remember switching the computer on last night.

  7. #7
    POTUS HOCUS
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    Sponners George Street? or the Perineum or Athenauem club?

  8. #8
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by david44
    Sponners George Street?
    About 10 miles south thereof.

  9. #9
    Thailand Expat
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    Just for the record.....it's pronounced "Tsingtao".

  10. #10
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    Wetherspoons.

    Daytime drinking in such establishments generally indicates you are merely treading water in your life.

    Have you considered golf?

  11. #11
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    ^I think he's still sexually-active?

  12. #12
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    There was time to hunker
    In a nice cosy bunker
    With lovely Liz Hurley
    or big Shirley from Purley
    Pucker Suck her Pluck her

  13. #13
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    The vice of the pox led
    Ripnahol under med
    Yadong up the rear
    Chang like a queer
    Might sell the Ox Ted

  14. #14
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    great thread,

    Europe is really the best place to have a beer

  15. #15
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by david44
    Purley
    further south still.
    Quote Originally Posted by david44
    Ox Ted
    a little to the left.


    Quote Originally Posted by Dragonfly
    Europe is really the best place to have a beer
    I'd settle for a beer chang with a ya dong chaser.

  16. #16
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    great thread,
    for it to be classified as a great thread, as opposed to the struggling thread it is at the moment it needs some daytime betting shop action replete with stubbly woodbine sucking geezers, a phlegm strewn floor littered with copies of the racing post and coat hooks groaning under the weight of damp stained grey mackintoshes.

  17. #17
    R.I.P.
    patsycat's Avatar
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    Well. At least he managed to eat to sponge it all up.

  18. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by david44
    Purley
    further south still.
    Quote Originally Posted by david44
    Ox Ted
    a little to the left.


    Quote Originally Posted by Dragonfly
    Europe is really the best place to have a beer
    I'd settle for a beer chang with a ya dong chaser.
    A witty expsexpat used to Ram
    His hamrrod after a dram
    His spill over Redhill
    Was run of the mill
    Car Toys r us he'd Cater 'em

  19. #19
    I am in Jail
    stroller's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by taxexile View Post
    ...daytime betting shop action replete with stubbly woodbine sucking geezers, a phlegm strewn floor littered with copies of the racing post and coat hooks groaning under the weight of damp stained grey mackintoshes.
    Jeesh..., has nothing changed over the last 50 years?

  20. #20
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by taxexile
    it needs some daytime betting shop action replete with stubbly woodbine sucking geezers, a phlegm strewn floor littered with copies of the racing post and coat hooks groaning under the weight of damp stained grey mackintoshes.
    That sounds like my successful morning in a great british bookies.


    Quote Originally Posted by patsycat
    Well. At least he managed to eat to sponge it all up.
    I don't have a hangover. Chip, kebab, salad, pizza and nachos. FFS! A moment on the lips and all that - gonna have to do some serious botty crunches in the gym later.


    Quote Originally Posted by david44
    Redhill
    Yes, The Sun. An average venue. Although there are bar staff efficiency issues which I shall suggest Mr Spoon addresses.

  21. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by stroller View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by taxexile View Post
    ...daytime betting shop action replete with stubbly woodbine sucking geezers, a phlegm strewn floor littered with copies of the racing post and coat hooks groaning under the weight of damp stained grey mackintoshes.
    Jeesh..., has nothing changed over the last 50 years?
    50...??
    Probably hasn't adjusted since time immemorial.

    ....still remaining boorish and banal.


    But, terribly siwalai....

  22. #22
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    The pleasures of Redhill


    Donyngs Recreation Centre
    Massage as you enter
    Earnsdale clap clinic
    For a tincture of tonic
    Say you're a trainee Munter

  23. #23
    Thailand Expat terry57's Avatar
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    I've been sick lately so aint had a beer in a while.

    I hate being sick and off the piss, it makes me feel way to healthy.

  24. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by terry57 View Post
    I've been sick lately so aint had a beer in a while.

    I hate being sick and off the piss, it makes me feel way to healthy.
    Stick to spirits, even when your crook Ter!

    Heals all.


  25. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by terry57 View Post
    I've been sick lately so aint had a beer in a while.

    I hate being sick and off the piss, it makes me feel way to healthy.
    Lot of it about. Headaches, fatigue, stomach cramps, lack of appetite and general malaise. Pretty normal really for most folk I should think.

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