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  1. #1
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    Me and Bill against the world

    Last night was abound with mirth and merriment. The premium strength French lager beer flowed freely; the shots were ordered and an evening of appalling drunken behaviour ensued, culminating in a gargantuan lurch towards a fast food outlet, where I'm very happy to report a fight broke out. Oh how we gasped when the first blow was dispatched, and how we whooped with delight when the retort came in the form of a devastating head-butt, and how we shat our pants when the Turkish person behind the counter started sharpening his fucking samurai sword.

    So that was last night.

    Today commenced with that oh-so-familiar feeling of regret. I lay in bed, drifting in and out of consciousness, damning the pain which I had inflicted upon myself. With residual 1664 and rum still tracing my veins, I sought out my telephone which transpired to be stuck to my face and tapped out a text message, cc'ing it to my drinking companions: "Whoever ordered the shots last night is a twat!" Feeling a little better about the situation, thoughts quickly turned to food.

    I staggered through the fug of rotten flatulence and five hours worth of boozy exhalations towards the kitchen where the only sustenance to speak of was the remnants of a badly eaten doner kebab. Bah! Foiled. I would have to go to the shop.

    As far as hangovers go, this one barely registered a seven on the twat scale, but anxiety levels were ridiculously high - even Andrew Marr scared the shite out of me. I had to change over to the kids' tv channel where I sought solace in a My Little Pony double bill.

    Curled into a foetal ball on the sofa I began the usual rules of conduct: feeling very fucking sorry for myself interspersed with bringing up large quantities of bile. Awful. I desperately needed to line my stomach, and food was a mile down the road.

    A mile. A fucking mile! If anyone makes eye contact with me I shall surely die. So the sun glasses went on (on this cold and overcast late autumn afternoon) and the headphones were put in - and to sooth me, Bill Bryson on audiobook.

    We did it Bill. We fucking did it, mate.


    Is anyone else scared of the general public?

    They fucking shit me up.

  2. #2
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    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap
    and tapped out a text message, cc'ing it to my drinking companions: "Whoever ordered the shots last night is a twat!"
    Just make sure you don't accidentally send it to your boss...

  3. #3
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    Life must be grand these days, Slap....


  4. #4
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    Smug Farang Bore's Avatar
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    Fug...

    Ffs

  5. #5
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by thaimeme
    Life must be grand these days, Slap....
    It's cold, dark and scary.

  6. #6
    Utopian Expat Chittychangchang's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by thaimeme
    Life must be grand these days, Slap....
    It's cold, dark and scary.
    If it makes you feel any better, it will get a lot colder and darker before the Summer.

    As for scary....well Halloween is just around the corner!


  7. #7
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    I love the dark evenings actually. Everyone's a bit too happy for my liking during the summer months.

  8. #8
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    I had a similar weekend in Aberdeen.

    Friday - The Monkey House, McGinty's, The Old King's Highway, The Crown and Anchor, Malone's, Bugsy's, Campus and Rainbow Casino.

    Saturday I was so rough I wanted to fucking die, then I remembered the owner of a harbour bar somehow gave me 3 tramadols the night before. Googled it, seemed legit, took one, donned my sunglasses (in Aberdeen) and went to Wetherspoon's (The Archiebald Simpson's) for eggs benedict and 6 pints, started to feel wobbly and walked home with chips n curry sauce.

    Game over.
    Lang may yer lum reek...

  9. #9
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    ^ Textbook, Dirk. Fucking textbook.

  10. #10
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    Aye, chips n curry sauce from a chinky.

  11. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by dirk diggler
    Saturday I was so rough I wanted to fucking die, then I remembered the owner of a harbour bar somehow gave me 3 tramadols the night before. Googled it, seemed legit, took one, donned my sunglasses (in Aberdeen) and went to Wetherspoon's (The Archiebald Simpson's) for eggs benedict and 6 pints, started to feel wobbly and walked home with chips n curry sauce.
    Quote Originally Posted by Side effects of mixing Tramadol and alcohol
    Moderate alcohol consumption with tramadol may produce the following symptoms:

    High risk of depression, mood disorders, agitation
    Nausea, vomiting, gastrointestinal upset
    Significant changes in nervous functioning like lack of coordination, permanent changes in behavior and memory
    Sedation, vertigo and recurrent episodes of troubling headache
    Elevated risk of enhanced liver damage, higher than either of the agents alone
    Acute alcohol syndrome (marked by toxic reaction to moderate alcohol consumption that may prove life-threatening)
    Moderate increase in intracranial pressure
    Acute abdomen marked by severe pain and discomfort
    Renal dysfunction (that may deteriorate to renal failure)
    Decrease in the seizure threshold, especially in susceptible individuals
    Various research studies indicate that co-ingestion of alcohol and tramadol increases the potential of substance abuse and is directly associated with a higher mortality [1].

    But there doesn't seem to be any bad side effects.

  12. #12
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    Not keen on loud crowded places with shouty people. China is off the cards for good!

  13. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap
    Me and Bill
    From a renowned author as yourself,Bill & I mate.

  14. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by kingwilly
    But there doesn't seem to be any bad side effects.
    I was fine on Sunday, had a few pints with dinner and woke in the night with a coughing fit along with what felt like the worst heartburn ever that may or may not have produced some blood into the toilet. I appear to be having a gout attack today. If still hurting tomorrow I'll take another one.

  15. #15
    POTUS HOCUS
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    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap View Post
    Bill Bryson on audiobook.

    We did it Bill. We fucking did it, mate.
    .
    Ales from a small island?

    P.S. 1664 is frog gravy and only used to cook German Sausages by ladyboys,

    I realize yadong and single malts maybe beyond your grasp but anything with Belgium on the label chips,chocs ales or waffles will fill your cavity

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