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  1. #1
    Utopian Expat Chittychangchang's Avatar
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    Americanís Observations About Britain Are Scarily Accurate

    A commercial artist from St Augustine, Florida, Scott Waters is a worldly man and he saw it upon himself to go back to his roots and visit the country of his forefathers… England.


    But what did he learn? This was the list he compiled… it’s a lengthy:

    Almost everyone is very polite
    The food is generally outstanding
    There are no guns
    There are too many narrow stairs
    Everything is just a little bit different
    The pubs close too early
    The reason they drive on the left is because all their cars are built backwards
    Pubs are not bars, they are community living rooms.
    You’d better like peas, potatoes and sausage
    Refrigerators and washing machines are very small
    Everything is generally older, smaller and shorter
    People don’t seem to be afraid of their neighbors or the government
    Their paper money makes sense, the coins don’t
    Everyone has a washing machine but driers are rare
    Hot and cold water faucets. Remember them?
    Pants are called “trousers”, underwear are “pants” and sweaters are “jumpers”
    The bathroom light is a string hanging from the ceiling
    “Fanny” is a naughty word, as is “shag”
    All the signs are well designed with beautiful typography and written in full sentences with proper grammar.
    There’s no dress code
    Doors close by themselves, but they don’t always open
    They eat with their forks upside down
    The English are as crazy about their gardens as Americans are about cars
    They don’t seem to use facecloths or napkins or maybe they’re just neater then [sic] we are
    The wall outlets all have switches, some don’t do anything
    There are hardly any cops or police cars
    5,000 year ago, someone arranged a lot of rocks all over, but no one is sure why
    When you do see police they seem to be in male & female pairs and often smiling
    Black people are just people: they didn’t quite do slavery here
    Everything comes with chips, which are French fries. You put vinegar on them
    Cookies are “biscuits” and potato chips are “crisps”
    HP sauce is better then catsup
    Obama is considered a hero, Bush is considered an idiot.
    After fish and chips, curry is the most popular food
    The water controls in showers need detailed instructions
    They can boil anything
    Folks don’t always lock their bikes
    It’s not unusual to see people dressed different and speaking different languages
    Your electronic devices will work fine with just a plug adapter
    Nearly everyone is better educated then we are
    If someone buys you a drink you must do the same
    There are no guns
    Look right, walk left. Again; look right, walk left. You’re welcome.
    Avoid British wine and French beer
    It’s not that hard to eat with the fork in your left hand with a little practice. If you don’t, everyone knows you’re an American
    Many of the roads are the size of our sidewalks
    There’s no AC
    Instead of turning the heat up, you put on a jumper
    Gas is “petrol”, it costs about $6 a gallon and is sold by the liter
    If you speed on a motorway, you get a ticket. Period. Always
    You don’t have to tip, really!
    Scotland, Wales, Ireland and Cornwall really are different countries
    Only 14% of Americans have a passport, everyone in the UK does
    You pay the price marked on products because the taxes (VAT) are built in
    Walking is the national pastime
    Their TV looks and sounds much better then ours
    They took the street signs down during WWII, but haven’t put them all back up yet
    Everyone enjoys a good joke
    There are no guns
    Dogs are very well behaved and welcome everywhere
    There are no window screens
    You can get on a bus and end up in Paris
    Everyone knows more about our history then we do
    Radio is still a big deal. The BBC is quite good
    The newspapers can be awful
    Everything costs the same but our money is worth less so you have to add 50% to the price to figure what you’re paying
    Beer comes in large, completely filled, actual pint glasses and the closer the brewery the better the beer
    Butter and eggs aren’t refrigerated
    The beer isn’t warm, each style is served at the proper temperature
    Cider (alcoholic) is quite good.
    Excess cider consumption can be very painful.
    The universal greeting is “Cheers” (pronounced “cheeahz” unless you are from Cornwall, then it’s “chairz”)
    The money is easy to understand: 1-2-5-10-20-50 pence, then-£1-£2-£5-£10, etc bills. There are no quarters.
    Their cash makes ours look like Monopoly money
    Cars don’t have bumper stickers
    Many doorknobs, buildings and tools are older than America
    By law, there are no crappy, old cars
    When the sign says something was built in 456, they didn’t lose the “1”
    Cake is is pudding, ice cream is pudding, anything served for desert is pudding, even pudding
    BBC 4 is NPR
    Everything closes by 1800 (6pm)
    Very few people smoke, those who do often roll their own
    You’re defined by your accent
    No one in Cornwall knows what the hell a Cornish Game Hen is
    Soccer is a religion, religion is a sport
    Europeans dress better then the British, we dress worse
    The trains work: a three minute delay is regrettable
    Drinks don’t come with ice
    There are far fewer fat English people
    There are a lot of healthy old folks around participating in life instead of hiding at home watching tv
    If you’re over 60, you get free tv and bus and rail passes.
    They don’t use Bose anything anywhere
    Displaying your political or religious affiliation is considered very bad taste
    Every pub has a pet drunk
    Their healthcare works, but they still bitch about it
    Cake is one of the major food groups
    Their coffee is mediocre but their tea is wonderful
    There are still no guns
    Towel warmers!
    Cheers

  2. #2
    Custom user Neverna's Avatar
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    Most Brits know the difference between than and then (they make other mistakes instead).

  3. #3
    Thailand Expat
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    An interesting, if somewhat whimsical look at UK from an outsiders point of view. An unusually tolerant and witty man.
    Everything spot on.

  4. #4
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    harrybarracuda's Avatar
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    So he sums up what Bill Bryson has written for years.

    Big deal.

  5. #5
    Thailand Expat
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    The UK Times also compared his observations to Bryson.

  6. #6
    Hansum Man! panama hat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chittychangchang
    They eat with their forks upside down
    No entiendo!

    Quote Originally Posted by Chittychangchang
    It’s not that hard to eat with the fork in your left hand with a little practice. If you don’t, everyone knows you’re an American
    I've always wondered why Americans do this. Cut with right hand, place knife on plate and take up fork with right hand . . . etc . . .

    My nine-year old has mastered the art of fork - left hand, knife - right hand

    Quote Originally Posted by Chittychangchang
    Cake is is pudding, ice cream is pudding, anything served for desert is pudding, even pudding



    Cute observations

  7. #7
    Thailand Expat
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    Quote Originally Posted by panama hat
    My nine-year old has mastered the art of fork - left hand, knife - right hand
    Maybe he's a genius?

  8. #8
    Hansum Man! panama hat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Humbert View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by panama hat
    My nine-year old has mastered the art of fork - left hand, knife - right hand
    Maybe he's a genius?

    Must be, he's a she. (and not American)

  9. #9
    Thailand Expat AntRobertson's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Neverna
    Most Brits know the difference between than and then (they make other mistakes instead).
    I saw that as well but took it to be a bit of an intentional phishtake.

  10. #10
    Head Skivvie Stacker Storekeeper's Avatar
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    Kinda sorta interested in Texpat's take on this thread ...

  11. #11
    Days Work Done! Norton's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chittychangchang
    Cake is is pudding, ice cream is pudding, anything served for desert is pudding, even pudding
    Can't get any if you don't eat your meat.

  12. #12
    Hansum Man! panama hat's Avatar
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    ^ Showing your age there, Norton?

  13. #13
    Thailand Expat AntRobertson's Avatar
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    Showing his appreciation for one of the best bands ever more like.

  14. #14
    Hansum Man! panama hat's Avatar
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    'Cream', I presume . . . because 'Pudding' never really had the gravitas to make it big in the heavy metal world

  15. #15
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    The pubs close too early
    No longer true, the licensing laws changed years ago, many pubs are open from early morning to late at night.

  16. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ronin View Post
    The pubs close too early
    No longer true, the licensing laws changed years ago, many pubs are open from early morning to late at night.
    He didn't realise they were just telling him that to get rid of him.

  17. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by Norton View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Chittychangchang
    Cake is is pudding, ice cream is pudding, anything served for desert is pudding, even pudding
    Can't get any if you don't eat your meat.

    ".....how can you have your pudding if ya don't eat your meat?"



  18. #18
    or TizYou?
    TizMe's Avatar
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  19. #19
    Thailand Expat
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ronin View Post
    The pubs close too early
    No longer true, the licensing laws changed years ago, many pubs are open from early morning to late at night.
    When it was 11:00pm closing you could get a drink until 2:00am in our village, now they all close at 11:00.

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