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Old 06-07-2013, 12:46 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Vegetarianism, Atheism and Masturbation: The New


Masturbation is a human problem. We are given certain urges to love and procreate. God has blessed us with
the independence to pursue that joy on our own accord. It is the responsibility of each and every man to control his phallus, to limit its use for appropriate activities. The sacred institution of marriage is the just place for the penis, yet some young men cannot refrain from enjoying their bodies in sneaky ways. They pleasure the penis to a full erection and then recklessly spill their seeds with little concern for where it lands. Many do this quite often, even several times a week, and the damage is shown on their weary, pained faces. They suffer from the horrific guilt knowing that others know that they reek of self-abuse. The masturbator is a sinful man, an uncontrollable wanton, a weak hedonist who can spend hours locked in a room with little more than a tube of hand cream. It is an addiction and in its extreme form can cause multiple forms of urethral trauma, as well as lost work and homework hours and, inevitably, problems consummating the marriage bed. America’s twenty-somethings are suffering today more than ever before. They are far from their loving Mothers and wise Fathers. They are alone and lonely, reckless and sexually uninhibited. They embrace any moronic trend that comes down the pipe to appear “hipster” and “cool” amongst their friends. The unsettling result is the triad of vegetarianism, atheism and masturbation.
The grave issue of vegetarianism, atheism and masturbation is that all three represent a negative approach to a beautiful life. They are all denial and rejection. Vegetarians reject the bounty of our earth, a bounty that the Bible instructs us to enjoy as men should. They are rejecting the outward. Atheism is a rejection of the inward, the spirituality we all lovingly harbor in our hearts through the genius of Jesus Christ. Masturbation is a rejection of our bodies, that temple to the Holy Spirit. Worse still, it is a denial of marriage, of reproduction and can even lead to homosexuality. The historical term for this threesome of rejection is nihilism, or existentialism. Curiously enough, vegetarianism is a profoundly unhealthy approach to the human organism on the most basic levels. It deprives the body of nutrients and minerals that are vital to life. Vegetarians are lanky and pale. They have long, narrow arms and hairless chests. Their faces are yellow and sickly. The odor of the vegetarian is intense and grotesque, much like damp coffee grounds mixed with horse urine. You will see them wearing sandals made popular by hippies in the 1960s and many of the men grow their hair long to celebrate their effeminate natures. Vegetarianism is indeed a womanish fad, a histrionic, misguided emotional state. These are people far too sensitive to eat a simple chicken nugget or a fish sandwich. They likely tear up at the thought of biting into a grape. Could this be a mental default? While such proof is not yet evident, there is a strong correlation between vegetarians and liberals who also seek to undermine American traditions with radical sexuality and socialism.

What is most surprising about vegetarians is that they so anxiously celebrate hardcore intercourse and masturbation. One would think that they would be too weak to masturbate due to their insufficient diets, but the average vegan masturbates over five times a week and some have been known to pleasure the phallus up to four times in a single day. These lithe, longhaired men also embrace public nudism and naturally masturbation comes into play there. As they hike and camp in our public parks, these nudist vegans seek to fondle their genitalia in outdoors spaces in what appears to be a twisted denouncement of the original Garden of Eden. It is barbaric, but when it comes to the penis, the vegetarian cannot control himself.


The female vegetarian tends to be far more emotional than your normal woman. She will weep and scream on a regular basis over the most banal things. They avoid using polish on their nails, but are not afraid to color their hair with gaudy hues. They wear loose, translucent blouses of Asiatic fabrics and sometimes do not shave their armpits. Many are excitably involved in mundane political causes, like changing the vending machines at public schools or “drama therapy” for black prison inmates. Their diet causes pimple outbreaks on their backs and an overpowering smell during their liquidy bowel movements. All of these factors contribute to making a twenty-something vegetarian female appear like unbathed elderly woman upon first glance.



Vegetarians practice sodomy on an unprecedented scale. With female companions, it occurs with a depraved efficiency in the backs of vans at music concerts or late at night in university dorm rooms. They straddle a young lady from behind like a backwards belt buckle, stabbing her with their stubby girths until the wall of purity is breached with shrieks of horror and messy tears. Pressed face down on the floor, all that young woman’s cherished memories of innocence are lost, traded away for a hot, steamy moment of conjugal erotic violation with some longhaired guitarist who smells of bean curd and unwashed feet.
The key to stopping this youth trend is to educate your children at an early age. They must understand that all three fads are shallow and harmful. Once a child leaves the family home, they should be reminded of God’s love and admonished not to masturbate when they’re alone. We are blessed with one fantastic chance to live our lives according to God’s will, why throw it away on something as idiotic and childish as vegetarianism? It is a tremendously insipid fad that has only succeeded through liberal peer pressure. Most practitioners lack any admirable levels of human intelligence. Furthermore, atheism is little more than a demonic influence, a fraudulent attempt to deny the love of Jesus Christ by those more excited by their own corporeal bodies than their eternal souls. We may pray for the vegetarians, atheists and masturbators in our midst, but we must also lead them from the forest of self-destruction with public declarations and parental supervision. Only when the atheist vegetarian masturbators of America feel the pinch of public shame, will they repent.
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Old 06-07-2013, 12:54 AM   #2 (permalink)
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With Unemployment Benefits Extended, Rates of Domestic Masturbation And Sodomy Are Poised to Skyrocket



The Federal Government offered relief to millions of Americans this week with the passage of the Unemployment Benefits Bill. It was a victory for President Obama and Democratic members of Congress who, with the Gulf Oil spill and the bleak economy, are in desperate need for positive messages to bring back to their home electorates in preparation for the upcoming midterm elections. For Republicans, the main sticking point was the $34 billion pricetag and how it will be funded. In total, The Government Accounting Office estimates that 5 million of the approximately 14.6 million unemployed Americans will benefit from this bill.

One group notably absent from the provisions in this legislation are the young people of this country who are neither on the unemployment rolls nor actively seeking work. Several news reports and anecdotal evidence show that we have a generation of young adults who have simply given up on their job searches until the economy rebounds. They may receive financial assistance from family members or live off savings and credit cards. Estimates are hard to come by, but some experts believe there are between 5 and 10 million 18 to 25-year olds in this position. With consumer confidence at an all time low, few signs of global financial recovery and this trend of 20-something “job-hunting malaise,” some critics fear that the Obama Administration’s policies are only digging us deeper into a recession and much worse.
Traditionally, high rates of unemployment have led to rises in crime across the board– from petty theft to drug abuse and prostitution. Our current crisis, with young educated people being most affected, brings up special concerns for Christian-Americans who have always adhered to solid principles of hard work and family. The incredible blocks of idle time that today’s teens and now 20-somethings have been granted poses a unique problem for our society. A 2004 study conducted in Toronto, Canada found that, “Healthy 21-28 year old males are able to masturbate at least 8-10 times per day if they are not stressed.” Another recent report went even further, stating, “[Masturbation] poses genuine health and spiritual risks, and also threatens workplace safety and the overall productivity of our economy.”


Demographically, masturbation crosses all boundaries. A report first published in Psychology Today did find some interesting characteristics of this trend, however. The March, 2009 article stated that, “White people were the most enthusiastic masturbators. African-Americans, Asian-Americans, and Pacific Islanders reported less masturbation.” Also of note, is that “Previous research has shown that masturbation becomes more likely with increased education” and despite illnesses, “Men who masturbate keep doing it regardless of their health.”
This issue of unemployed and unproductive members of society has resonated strongly in the conservative community. Studies have shown that job searching activity peaks after one year and beyond that, the jobless are far more likely to seek federal and state support for housing, healthcare and other necessities. The worry here is that extending benefits may push today’s crop of unemployed into a permanent place on the welfare rolls. Once citizens have moved into public housing and receive regular money from the government, they are far less likely to ever return as active members of the workforce.

With so many Americans now moving past that point of serious job searching, the rate of masturbation in the United States is set to skyrocket. Mr. Obama’s policies of extending benefits are partly to blame. Also to blame is a culture that does not actively discourage young people from abusing their genitalia. We have enshrined an ethos of arrogance, not humility in our 20-somethings. They believe they are too good to take blue collar or minimum wage jobs because of their college educations. This is clearly evident in the rise of youth subcultures such as the “hipsters” who celebrate the idea that they are financially secure but unemployed. What do these types of people do with their free time? The Toronto study noted:
“Many males masturbate daily, or even more frequently, well into their 20s and sometimes far beyond. This decline is more drastic among females, and more gradual among males. While females aged 13–17 masturbated almost once a day on average (and almost as often as their male peers), adult women only masturbated 8–9 times a month, compared to the 18–22 among men. Adolescent youths report being able to masturbate to ejaculation around six times per day, though some men in older middle age report being hard pressed to ejaculate even once per day.” –via Wikipedia.
Masturbation has often been seen as a gateway to further explorations of the human body. Notorious amongst other experiments are sexual toys, homosexuality and sodomy (see “Sodomy Is Never the Answer” for more information). As a culture we have sunk into even greater perversions with every generation. This sex-obsessed culture will be eerily familiar to those who remember the Biblical story of the adulterous woman Oholibah who could not contain her lust for Assyrian soldiers:
“She became more and more promiscuous as she recalled the days of her youth, when she was a prostitute in Egypt. There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses. So you longed for the lewdness of your youth, when in Egypt your bosom was caressed and your young breasts fondled.“ –Ezekiel 23: 19-21.
Is masturbation a serious issue today? If you consider that we are standing at the crossroads of perversity and perseverance, between a time when an entire generation could move to the unemployment rolls where they would risk their physical and spiritual health through incessant masturbation and sodomy instead of focusing on innovation, hard work and family-building, then yes masturbation is significant problem for our future as a nation. The Obama Administration seems to side with the masturbators, extending them benefits and discouraging them from careers, pushing them to a place where they may end up in public housing, on public assistance with all the free time in the world to practice self-abuse and further immoral penetrations of the body.
How can we stop this crisis? First, we must do whatever we can to elect public officials who are righteous in the lives and have the intelligence to get us through this downtown. Secondly, we need to be far more vigilant in our communities, conscientious of sexual debauchery in our homes, workplaces and on our streets. As we are reminded in James 1: 14 -15, “But each one is tempted when he is carried away and enticed by his own lusts. Then when lust has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and when sin is accomplished, it bring forth death.”










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Old 06-07-2013, 01:00 AM   #3 (permalink)
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xhamster, spraining wrists worldwide.
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Old 06-07-2013, 01:00 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Well heavens to mercatroid, whatever next.
(16-17 5.5 times per week?)
i'm doubting these numbers.
Maybe I didn't have enough to keep me busy as a teen, I was knocking 5.5 out before lunchtime on Monday.

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Old 06-07-2013, 01:27 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Wiki-

Christwire is a satirical website that publishes blog-style articles that highlight excesses of American Christian conservatives along with obscure weather reportage, inaccurate and unfactual warnings about such things as politicians and video games, new vernacular, intense focus on various communities, and numerous parenting and lifestyle tips.[1][2][3][4]
Like similar satirical websites, Christwire's stories have often erroneously been taken at face value due to their perceived plausibility


So kind of like 'My Right Wing Dad' for stark raving christians. I'll check it out.
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Old 06-07-2013, 01:39 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Is My Husband Gay?

Right now in America there are over 2 million couples secretly struggling with homosexuality in their marriages. Are you one of them? Are you having intimacy issues? Are you suspicious about your husband’s late night activities? Or are you oblivious to a problem that could be putting your health and the livelihood of your family at risk? Don’t tell yourself that you’re simply being paranoid without taking a closer look!

... For the wife unsure about her husband’s proclivities, the most important thing is to first confirm your suspicions. Drawing on the expertise of spiritual and medical professionals, Christwire has put together a list of 15 commonly-accepted characteristics of men struggling with homosexuality within a marriage:

1) Secretive late night use of cellphones and computers

2) Looks at other men in a flirtatious way

3) Feigning attention in church and prayer groups

4) Overly fastidious about his appearance and the home

5) Gym membership but no interest in sports

6) Clothes that are too tight and too “trendy”

7) Strange sexual demands

8) More interested in the men than the women in pornographic films

9) Travels frequently to big cities or Asia


Is My Husband GAY? • ChristWire
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Old 06-07-2013, 01:23 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Koojo View Post
Well heavens to mercatroid, whatever next.
(16-17 5.5 times per week?)
i'm doubting these numbers.
Maybe I didn't have enough to keep me busy as a teen, I was knocking 5.5 out before lunchtime on Monday.
Kids of today don't know how lucky they are. When I was a teenager we had it tough. There was no instant hardcore porn to be viewed on phones, PCs, DVDs, subscribed tv porn channels etc. All I had for wanking material was the lingerie section in my mum's shopping catalogue or an old 1950's National Geographic magazine article on the bare-breasted pygmy women of the Ooka-bolla-bonga tribe in the Amazon basin. I think I averaged around about twice a day (give or take a wank or two) but....they were quality wanks. Aye....try telling that to the youngsters of today and they won't believe you.
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Old 06-07-2013, 03:52 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sabang
1) Secretive late night use of cellphones and computers
Guilty.
Quote:
Originally Posted by sabang
3) Feigning attention in church and prayer groups
Guilty.
Quote:
Originally Posted by sabang
7) Strange sexual demands
Definitely.
Quote:
Originally Posted by sabang
8) More interested in the men than the women in pornographic films
Prefer one of each.
Quote:
Originally Posted by sabang
9) Travels frequently to big cities or Asia
So hang me, I'm a poof.
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Old 06-07-2013, 04:29 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Always said Americans are bunch of wankers.
Only joking guy's before you choke on your vegetables
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Old 06-07-2013, 04:52 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by richie22 View Post
Always said Americans are bunch of wankers.
Only joking guy's before you choke your chickens
Fixed that for you.
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Old 06-07-2013, 06:23 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sabang
3) Feigning attention in church and prayer groups


That whole thing is hilarious, sabang, but point 3! OMG!
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Old 06-07-2013, 10:05 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Fluke View Post
Vegetarianism, Atheism and Masturbation: The New

Vegetarians practice sodomy on an unprecedented scale. With female companions, it occurs with a depraved efficiency in the backs of vans at music concerts or late at night in university dorm rooms. They straddle a young lady from behind like a backwards belt buckle, stabbing her with their stubby girths until the wall of purity is breached with shrieks of horror and messy tears. Pressed face down on the floor, all that young woman’s cherished memories of innocence are lost, traded away for a hot, steamy moment of conjugal erotic violation with some longhaired guitarist who smells of bean curd and unwashed feet.
Its ironic that reading this made me want to masturbate.
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Old 06-07-2013, 10:45 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Neep
They straddle a young lady from behind like a backwards belt buckle, stabbing her with their stubby girths until the wall of purity is breached with shrieks of horror and messy tears
Very poetic moving and subtle, makings of a great writer.
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