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  1. #1
    Gohills flip-flops wearer
    withnallstoke's Avatar
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    Growing Cojones.

    I'm based in South Thailand.
    It rains a lot, but it is also hot and sunny a lot.
    The days and nights are split about 50/50 hours wise.
    The soil is often waterlogged, but is based on limestone and normally quite fertile.
    My wife has a massive thumb.

    I have been trying for years to grow cojones, but the truth is it's just not happening.
    Everytime they seem to be taking root, they wither and die.

    I need the advice of the TeakDoor wise.

  2. #2
    Excitable Boy
    FailSafe's Avatar
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    You mean these?:


  3. #3
    Thailand Expat
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    Tell her to take her thumb out of your arse and grow a pair yourself

  4. #4
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    Are you sure thats a thumb ?

  5. #5
    Gohills flip-flops wearer
    withnallstoke's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FailSafe
    You mean these?:




    No.
    These.


  6. #6
    Gohills flip-flops wearer
    withnallstoke's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bobo746
    Tell her to take her thumb out of your arse and grow a pair yourself
    Until such time as the cojones are grown, i can't tell her anything.

  7. #7
    Gohills flip-flops wearer
    withnallstoke's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dillinger
    Are you sure thats a thumb ?
    If thumbs are 14" long, vibrate, and are coated in a jelly like substance, then yes, fatso.

  8. #8
    splendid and tremendous
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    Ahhh. Get fucked Friday.

    As is, was, and ever shall be.

    Give us a bell yer northern poofta....

  9. #9
    Gohills flip-flops wearer
    withnallstoke's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap
    As is, was, and ever shall be.
    Unless one swaps a rice and petroleum based product for a hops and yeast one.

  10. #10
    Thailand Expat
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    Have you considered hydroponics?

  11. #11
    Gohills flip-flops wearer
    withnallstoke's Avatar
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    ^ Dude. I piss my pants regularly.

  12. #12
    Excommunicated baldrick's Avatar
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    first the wife's thumb needs to be painted green

    then bury the eggs about 1 inch under a layer of moist manure which as it decomposes should cause a comfortable exothermic reaction

    regular watering and a light shade should encourage germination

  13. #13
    Thailand Expat
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    Quote Originally Posted by withnallstoke
    My wife has a massive thumb.

    and you are under it

    well done, who needs cojones when you can go out and get pissed

  14. #14
    Gohills flip-flops wearer
    withnallstoke's Avatar
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    According to the wife, and i quote her in a most poetic moment,

    "Warm Chang doth not the cojones grow,
    you snivelling no balled bastard."

  15. #15
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    ^

  16. #16
    Gohills flip-flops wearer
    withnallstoke's Avatar
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    Don't give me the laughing dude.

    It's allright for you mingling with the southerners and thinking you have cochones, but when it boils down to it,

    Miraculous you call it babe
    You ain't seen nothing yet
    They've got Pepsi in the Andes
    McDonalds in Tibet
    Yosemite's been turned into
    A golf course for the Japs
    The Dead Sea is alive with rap
    Between the Tigris and Euphrates
    There's a leisure centre now
    They've got all kinds of sports
    They've got Bermuda shorts
    They had sex in Pennsylvania
    A Brazilian grew a tree
    A doctor in Manhattan
    Saved a dying man for free
    It's a miracle
    Another Miracle
    By the grace of God Almighty
    And the pressures of the marketplace
    The human race has civilized itself
    It's a miracle
    We've got warehouses of butter
    We've got oceans of wine
    We've got famine when we need it
    Got designer crime
    We've got Mercedes
    We've got Porsche
    Ferrari and Rolls Royce
    We've got choice
    She said meet me
    In the Garden of Gethsemene my dear
    The Lord said Peter I can see
    Your house from here
    An honest family man
    Finally reaped what he had sown
    A farmer in Ohio has just repaid a loan
    It's a miracle
    By the grace of God Almighty
    And the pressures of the marketplace
    The human race has civilized itself
    It's a miracle
    We cower in our shelters
    With our hands over our ears
    Lloyd-Webber's awful stuff
    Runs for years and years and years
    An earthquake hits the theater
    But the operetta lingers
    Then the piano lid comes down
    And breaks his fucking fingers
    It's a miracle



    It would be nice to put a link in here, but it seems like Woger has gobbed his dummy out.

  17. #17
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    klarse. once married ya never get ya cojones back.

  18. #18
    Gohills flip-flops wearer
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    Quote Originally Posted by kingwilly
    once married ya never get ya cojones back
    I asked the wife nicely, but she flat out refused to discuss the topic.

    I think she has cojones in abundance.

    Or in a jar.

  19. #19
    Thailand Expat
    panama hat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kingwilly View Post
    klarse. once married ya never get ya cojones back.

    You're married, correct?

  20. #20
    Gohills flip-flops wearer
    withnallstoke's Avatar
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    I once studied cojones growing at Aberystwyth Agricultural College, known as the ABC by the more alphabetically challenged.

    I think this bloke wrote the course books.


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