Not listening to the wife

[corvettelover]

It would appear that I do not understand the wifes language.
And I agree.
Here is something amusing which I am sure many of you would have had similar experiences in your time interperating what the wife really said.;

Darling I want to get some cement around the house?

Sure why not I think that will keep the red dust around the front of the yard away from the inside of the house and less mud when it rains tramped inside the house.
So ok how much i ask? answer 30,000 Baht
Great go for it organise it.
Meanwhile i am coming over from Aust in September.So it was all done I was informed. Looks great.
Low and behold I pull up in front of house, and there is a great big 10 foot high cement rendered wall around the house with a great big sliding gate. I neally fell over in shock.
so around the house was 20 mt x 40mts. not around the front of the steps and around the side of the house which i imangined
Wife was very pleased with herself and told me she felt a lot safer with CEMENT AROUND HOUSE.
And I still have red dirt around the front of the steps leading up to the house and mud in the wet season.
SO now before i nod my head to any requests trust me we fully discuss what she is really asking for.Then I question her brother who is thankefully able to confirm what she is really asking for.
Anyone have any other GEMS of translation requests??

[Bung]

When I came home while building our house I discovered the nice tiles I had planned for the floor were on the walls. Had a hell of a time picking some news ones out for the floor.

I love this one though and still give the mrs shit about it.

"Honey do you think I look cylinder"? (She meant slender)

"Yes honey, you are starting to look like a cylinder!"

[kingwilly]

When I came home while building our house I discovered the nice tiles I had planned for the floor were on the walls. Had a hell of a time picking some news ones out for the floor.

I love this one though and still give the mrs shit about it.

"Honey do you think I look cylinder"? (She meant slender)

"Yes honey, you are starting to look like a cylinder!"

That's more a case of not listening to that sensible little voice in ur heard telling you NOT to say that comment....

*usually heard just before a knife or other suitably deadly object is hurled at ur nether regions*

[cali kid]

I must say I have had way too many similar experiences for any to come to mind> its just seems to be such a constant thing.

I do know one thing
.

I would NEVER trust my wife, girlfriend, whatever to do ANY type of construction on my home while I was not there to supervise.

You should take it as a given that it will not be what you axpected and there is a pretty good chance that will be totally screwed up.

"No honey thats ok, wait till I get back to redecorate the living room ok"

[sabang]

Mine revolves around a car, a Thai wife and a Thai mechanic.
Wife tells me my car needs four new wheels, according to the mechanic. Four new wheels? I've never heard of that before. So I walk out to the car, bend down and pat the tyres and say- you mean four new tyres don't you? Quick consultation with the mechanic ensues, 'no he mean four new wheel' (as in wheel rims). Well, OK the roads here leave a lot to be desired, and who knows to what quality wheel rims are made locally.

So off the car goes for repair and is duly returned a couple of days later, with four brand new tyres (of which two were probably about due for replacement).
Why did this happen (always a hostile question to ask a Thai)? Oh- the Thai word for tyre and wheel are the same.

Which brings up another point- it is not just Thai and Falang that have problems communicating. Thai and Thai are not much better. Something about the vagueness of the language, Face and Kreng Jai I guess.

[corvettelover]

Wifes car sucking 30 lt of petrol for a 40 k trip to udon. getting sick of filling up nearly every day, so off we go to the mechanic at a dealership.
I explain to wife tell mechanic.
new air filter, new petrol filter,new oil filter, new oil,new spark plugs.
No problem I am assured, take a seat we will do.
So off I go, grab the bnk post and sit where i can see the mechanic working on the car.
See the car up on the hoist, out comes the oil into a drain stand out comes the filter,
Filter taken to bench washed out in petrol hit with compressed air and taken back to put in car.
Up out of chair grab the brother in law explain the concept of replace new.
This was explained to mechanic several times. No have new filter will have to send someone out to get one. I am in a dealership i think.
OK car down of hoist to wait for filter, work under the bonnet continues.
Out comes the fuel filter and the air filter, compressed air blown through both of them and then back in they go.
Out of chair again, close to losing mind now. Brother in law in toe again into workshop.PLease explain to mechanic the replace with new theory which i am paying for and want done.
mechanic explains only little dirt air take away.
So holding air filter in hand off we went down the trail of how filter weighs 1kg and needs to be replaced. No problem i am told so he puts it back in the car.
Thats it mind lost over this. grab hammer put both fuel filter and oil filter on the deck, and beat the living shit out of both of them, till they are pancakes.
Then back to the replace with new parts like i asked.
Well workshop was getting crowded by now as the Farang had lost his mind. wife couldnt understand why i was losing my cool.
So silly me tried to explain to wife why,some of this evidently got through.
As wife toddles over to mechanic and starts explaining to him what i want.
Then i see wife pointing at me and giving the crazy circle finger movement around her head. (him crazy).
Great thanks darling.So sorry have to get filters up the road (yes i am in a dealership) so before we go any further i make sure he gets the plugs whilst he is up the road.
50 minutes later 10 ciggies 3 coffees parts arrived.
All going well till i see mechanic put old oil out of drain tray into bottle with funnel. Shitttt back in for rehash of the new oil principle.
Finally done Cost 1100 baht.
I thought about the shock absorbers which were non existant and grounding out on every bump and needed replacing.
No not today torn enough hair out already.
hence all repair work is done by me now. Thai mechanics are off my menu.
I guess i can laugh about it now.
But the logic part of when you explain what you want done and will pay for ?????????????/
crazy farang is the look you get.
At least the car is getting the milage i am happy with. And i replaced the shokies my self other wise they would have just been wiped with a cloth, ok now all clean work ok would have been the thai answer.
Does not matter if you watch them they will still do it their way what does farang know

[stroller]

Farang him stay house here same-same, bababobo. Him hot heart to mut, vely angly. Farang no roo-chuk kreng chai.

[blackgang]

We lost in back roads, so see a Thai with a bicycle on the edge of the road, so I tell my wife to ask directions.
Her and this dude talk for 10 minutes, damn must be difficult instructions/directions.
So she thanks the guy and we ready to go,, OK which way did he say??
OH he not know about where we want to go.
So anymore when I want something I just leave her at home, go to town and find what I want and come, hell of a lot quicker and I get what I want even if I do get a few "OH No havo Thailand" replys.

How about the car wash.
We go to a place to have the car wash and waxed for 100 baht, lots of spiffy looking girls.
So time to have it washed again, she says OK lets go to the POISON place.
What the hell poison place.
OH where we go where the girls that are POISONERS do good work.
What the hell are you talking POISONERS???

yes, some do bad thing and get in jail so they work later before they get out..

Do you mean prisoners??

Yes they in prison,, and my wife has taught english in school for 20 years....

We have laughed about that for the last 6 years everytime we get it washed.

[Bung]

^^^ Man, that is bad even by Thai standards. If he is really a dealership he should have his arse kicked. Write a letter to the parent company.

My Toyota dealer is ok but for some reson refuses to put any grease into the prop shafts and the "protective mats" are covered in oil, then pick up dirt when they are thrown into the corner so has a nice layer of grit stuck to it scratching the paint work they are trying to protect! This has happened twice now so there will be words this time.

[blackgang]

NO SHIT, well I will have to watch next time we have a service, only had the 1000km so far, but they seem to be a lot better than Honda, they went around with a torque wrench and checked stuff, but I bet they took the air cleaner and blew thru it and not back thru it but forced all the big chunks thru the fiber, Next time I will have a new air filter put in and a new one every time, leave a standing order at the managers for it.

Hell in Honda they don't even have any tools, just like all Thai mechanics,, lucky if they have an Afro engineering set,, ya know a railroad spike, a rock, and a bent screwdriver that is their pry bar.

[stroller]

answer 30,000 Baht

The amount asked for should have been a clue for you.
Som nam na.

[hillbilly]

Not listening to the wife has brought yet a new meaning in my life today. You see, the wife constantly gripes about the way I take care of my camera.

This older style digital camera that I bought for B14,000 is the one that I just carry by hand. I have lost this damn camera twice! Today was the second time.

I had just got out of a taxi at Carrefour to do some last minute shopping before the crazy water fights begin. When the taxi pulled away, I realized that my old lucky camera was still inside the cab.

So there, I was running down the parking lot, yelling and trying to get the taxi to stop. Luckily, the car behind the taxi realized what I was trying to do and helped out with the flashing of the lights and honking of the horn.

Yea, I got my camera back and everyone had a good laugh at the 'falang'.

Just don't tell the wife, okay?

[corvettelover]

Actually when told 30,000 baht. I was not aware of how cheap things were I just went by aussie prices and assumed (something I dont do now about thai prices) considering i thought the
cement around the house thing was 6 mt square at the bottom of the stairs leading to the gate and carport,
I thought it was cheap here you have to have the ground Poisoned, formed up,reinforced with mesh and all the rest that happens, pay 6 people to lean on shovels and keep them on site for three days whilst the concrete dries. And take a personal loan out to get the work done and kiss your bank manager to get the loan.
All i have to panic about now is how was the wall constructed do i stand near it when the wind blows?

[stroller]

I thought it was cheap here you have to have the ground Poisoned, formed up,reinforced with mesh and all the rest that happens, pay 6 people to lean on shovels and keep them on site for three days whilst the concrete dries.

What you talking about? You want to build Buckinham Palace out in the sticks?

Well, my cement fen ces are still standing after the recent hailstorm, just some of the ground they were standing on was washed away. never mind...