Ant Rant

[The Gentleman Scamp]

So there I am in the kitchen, chopping up chives for my late night scrambled eggs and well done toast and it's late so the cockers are scuttlin about, I can hear the dirty c*nts rustlin the bin liner, and there's a mozzie and I swat it and I get it first time which isn't bad - I normally have to have my hand wet and full of soap suds to do that, but I get him and I'm about to scrape the chopped chives into the pan and I can feel this acidic pain on my foot between my toes and I look down and there's this tiny orange ant, and the bastard has his tiny front jaws in me and is really going for it like I am on his territory or something.

'Why you cheeky little fuck' I think to myself, and I pick him up between finger and thumb and put him on the work surface and he's a bit crumpled and can't walk in a straight line but the hard little bastard is ok.

Between my toes is not ok, it is burning and blossoming like a sulphuric mozzie bite, only worse, and I'm thinking, 'Why you little orange shitbag, that's not on' and so I go to the bathroom and I get the bleach and put a drop of it on him and say 'How do you like that eh, that feel good?' and he doesn't seem to like it but it is still ok, so I crush him under the back of a tablespoon.

By this time the other ant I hadn't noticed has got as far as my right elbow and it's time to get in the shower and fuck off upstairs with the supper.

Fucking ants, who's ave em.

[The Fish]

hate em too

[CharleyFarley]

Me too...not wanting to be rascist here,but I hate them all,whatever fucking colour they are.
A slow death is not possible, there's just too many of them.

Blitzkreig! Banzai!

[The Fish]

fooking all kinds if sizes where i live too had the big fook off black ones last month in the bathroom gave it a spray and not see them again

[sabang]

They have a right to exist too, and I'm sure they are fookin' useful in ways we do not know.

[Frankenstein]

Many threads have been kind of anty, lately, but this one takes the cake and walks away with it, on many little feet.

[slimboyfat]

its time to go outside on a sunny day with a magnifying glass and toast the buggers in revenge

[Redrocket]

Interesting paper on ant society

[The Gentleman Scamp]

^ It's boring... How about a picture of a monkey pissing in a guys mouth?

[Redrocket]

^you missed the part about chemical trails!

[mrsquirrel]

I hate those small ants that smell when you squash them. The really small ones. They used to get in my mueslie and make it taste funny.

[The Gentleman Scamp]

^ Only 1 'e' in museli Q - some English teacher you are.

I should have called this thread 'Ant Rant', feck - why do I always think of these cool titles when it's too late.

[keda]

Not sure how toxic it is to us but that chalk stuff does a good job, just draw lines by a nest or along one of their major routes and they'll be dead in minutes by the hundred.

[ChiangMai noon]

^^
you are right but...
I think you spell it muesli.

[mrsquirrel]

you are right but I don't give a shite since I type so fast tha tsometimes i make mistakes. but it's oke since you are allowed to have a % of mistakes in any producmct

[Jet Gorgon]

Oh. I thought this thread was about Ant Robertson or Robinson or, I'm sorry, I forgot your family name. So, did you squish him, Scamp? I heard he's been a naught boy in Issues.

Never had ant probs, except when I left some Bing cherries out once. Don't leave any food out. Wipe up the crumbs. Get a myna bird or something. Natural attrition innit?

[The Gentleman Scamp]

Here's the scrambled eggs anyway.

[Lily]

Get a myna bird or something.

Or a dog. Never a crumb on the kitchen floor.

Border collies and labs are the best hoovers.

[mrsquirrel]

order collies and labs are the best hoovers.

Not as good as orphan 3 year olds though and they can't wash the dishes afterwards, make the bed, polish shoes then lock themselves away in a cupboard until the next day.

[The Fish]

Get a myna bird or something.

Or a dog. Never a crumb on the kitchen floor.

Border collies and labs are the best hoovers.

yes my dog eats anything

[Mr Earl]

^^^^I'm I missing something? Why is a plate of scrambled eggs sitting on the floor?

[slimboyfat]

and that's not a suitable knife

[kk boy]

The big tree ants give painful bite, moot daeng (sp) I think

Remember buying new sofa and it came with a colony of those little fuckers, one can of baygon and a shampoo for the sofa and all cleared up

[Sir Burr]

and that's not a suitable knife

...and it looks dirty.

[jizzybloke]

And the scambled eggs look like vomit!