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  1. #1
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    World History, Where do you fit in?

    Division of the human family into 2 distinct political groups began some 12,000 years ago. Humans existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains in the summer & would go to the beach & live on fish & lobster in winter.
    The 2 most important events in all of history were the invention of beer & the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization & together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into 2 distinct subgroups:
    Liberals & Conservatives.
    Once beer was discovered it required grain & that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early human ancestors were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.
    Some men spent their days tracking & killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as "the Conservative movement."
    Other men who were weaker & less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's & doing the sewing, fetching & hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement. Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as 'girleymen.'
    Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy & group hugs & the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat & beer that conservatives provided.
    Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass. Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, & French food are standard liberal fare.
    Another interesting revolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men.
    Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood & group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't "fair" to make the pitcher also bat.
    Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat & still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, soldiers, athletes & generally anyone who works productively outside government. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.
    Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to "govern" the producers & decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. They crept in after the Wild West was tamed & created a business of trying to get MORE for nothing.
    Here ends today's lesson in world history

  2. #2
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    ChiangMai noon's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by blackgang
    Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans.
    Liberals are quite correct.

  3. #3
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    stroller's Avatar
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    ^
    And the beer is much better in Europe, which is why liberals are happy to let the conservative rednecks have all the local piss.

  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by blackgang
    Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen,
    Is'nt that the village people ?

    I enjoyed reading that it was quite funny. I thought the US had democrat and republican, where do the conservitives and liberals fit it ? Strolls been on about doing a guide, but he's yet to come up with the goods.

  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by RandomChances
    Strolls been on about doing a guide, but he's yet to come up with the goods.
    I considered starting a thread on "communism", but I'm not that interested in it myself and prolly be accused of being 'biased' for starting the thread - a lose/lose situation.

    For the American political landscape I am not competent, but we've had a few threads on just this already.
    Last edited by stroller; 12-03-2007 at 04:09 PM.

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by stroller
    I am not competent
    I don't think your the first to mention that

  7. #7
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    Well RC, the demos are supposed to be the libs cause they always elect them that give away with large govt.
    And the repubs is supposed to be conservatives because they were supposed to run things a little closer to the vest.
    But anymore it just don't make no diff what side gets in, they will all steal all they can and throw or give the rest away.
    So it ia all a joke anyway.

  8. #8
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    I'll fit in with whoever has the better beer. So that'll be the Europeans/Liberals then.

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by blackgang
    Some men spent their days tracking & killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as "the Conservative movement."
    Since they were known more for their rough manners, which included ritual back-patting each other for making loud growling noises, than any technical or designing skills, the liberals took on the task of developing BBQ appliances to placate the loud rogues.
    A recent example:


    The charm and beauty of conservative BBQ entertainers is reknown:


    Conservatives did try at various stages throughout history to attain some knowledge of scientific research methods, such as this one:
    Last edited by stroller; 12-03-2007 at 08:01 PM.

  10. #10
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    Anyway Blackguard, for a self described Neo-con you have shown inklings of originality, I will even describe that as a good post.
    How unfortunate that your founding Fathers were in fact Liberal.
    I do however propose that you be promoted from 'neo-con' to probationary Conservative.

  11. #11
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    blackgang's Avatar
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    No, the founding fathers were not liberal, thats the reason that they threw the tea in the bay.
    Taxation without representation is the norm for Big Govt. Tax me and take my money and give it to someone else who didn't work for it.
    Take my guns because you don't think I should have em.

    No way, Jose..

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