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  1. #1
    I am in Jail

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    Kenkannif to run Smeg's new school !!!

    I've decided to open a school for newbies to Thailand which will teach "Thainess survival skills".

    Having racked my brain for a lead tutor, the answer is obvious; Kenkannif, as he is an expert in the entire syllabus and can more than match the Thais at their own game.

    The course modules are as follows:

    • How to never grow up
    • How to survive using the least possible effort
    • Lying without guilt
    • Cheating and deceipt - the keys to success
    • Opportunism and how to exploit
    • Image over morals - sly ways to earn trust
    • Effective use of kind deeds to maximise self-karma
    • How to dress, be polite, and entertain to disguise your lack of ability
    • Kissing the boss' arse and general bullshitting skills
    • Making easy money in Thailand by spinning newly arrived foreigners a yarn
    • How to smile and seem permanently happy in shitty situations
    • Piracy with pride

  2. #2
    Thailand Expat
    Agent_Smith's Avatar
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    How about avoiding staged suicides?

  3. #3
    Thailand Expat raycarey's Avatar
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    * How to crap out in thailand, return to a bedsit in the UK, and incessantly bitch about a website for teachers (I'm assuming the OP would be a guest lecturer on that day)

  4. #4
    I am in Jail

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    raycarey, based on the facts that

    1) I have never "crapped out" anywhere
    2) I have never lived in a bedsit anywhere
    3) There is no "website for teachers" mentioned in this thread

    And the fact that you (and lily) feel the need to endlessly support your sad little online pal on here, would you be willing to run the optional add-on Thainess skill modules entitled

    -You scratch my back and I'll scratch yours
    -I don't know what the feck I'm on about but I'm full of myself so I'm going to speak anyway

    ?
    Last edited by beware of the dog; 05-02-2007 at 11:26 PM.

  5. #5
    punk douche bag
    ChiangMai noon's Avatar
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    I once lived in a bedsit in Swanage, Dorset.
    I still owe about 220 pounds that I ran away without paying.

  6. #6
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    i think i might become a teacher in thailand just to find out what you guys are talking about.

    i am not even sure what a bedsit is, although if it is cheap i am sure i must have lived in one at some stage

  7. #7
    punk douche bag
    ChiangMai noon's Avatar
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    It's basically a room in a shared house... sort iof student type accomodation.
    A bedsit room in Dorset costs more than a 4 bedroom house in Northern Thailand which means that anyone who wants to live in Thailand is a loser.

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by ChiangMai noon View Post
    It's basically a room in a shared house... sort iof student type accomodation.

    oh yeah i have done that then, not in Swanage but in various shitholes around Southampton while i was learning how to drive ships.

    i have just realised that i can't become a teacher in thailand because i don't have a degree.

  9. #9
    Thailand Expat
    William's Avatar
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    ^since when has that stopped us

  10. #10
    befuddled
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    How to dress, be polite, and entertain to disguise your lack of ability
    Now this is what I need....If I had a penny for every time I've heard, "That rude, scruffy boring bastard hasn't got a clue what he's doing"


    Re - bed-sits. They must be very depressing to live in. I only have a small one bedroom flat but it makes all the difference to be able to move to a different room. Sharing one room with another person must be a nightmare. I'd have to cover myself with a blanket, budgie-style, else I'd probably just start screaming....and shedding my feathers.
    Back off Margaret, you're on a sugar rush!

  11. #11
    ENT
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    Bedsits can be a nightmare! people stealing your food from the shared kitchen, dirty dishes everywhere, the bathrooms can be grotty and your mail gets opened or disappears.

    The landlord doesn't care and someone's got a pet dog or rat illegally, the things piss and shit everywhere, while the bi-polar dope dealer student in the upstairs room always forgets his keys and bangs on yer window at 3 am to get in.

    The so called music has stopped after an angry tenant (nameless) kicked in the offending noise maker while its owner was out.

    When all the available wood in the place has been used for heating, the cops start visiting the place and making a right nuisance of themselves instead of banging the mano druggy into a bin.

    Student days, I depart such an environment in 4 weeks and flee to Thailand, never to live in such a scenario again!

    PS
    The pet rat died of rat poison, all the punks had a full moon funeral in the back garden for it,

    The dog got reported to the SPCA and the city council took it away.


  12. #12
    ENT
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    ^^^ Actually, the dog ran away from home.

  13. #13
    ding ding ding
    Spin's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by beware of the dog
    I've decided to open a school for newbies to Thailand
    You just cant stay away from this fokin third world shithole can you?

  14. #14
    Thailand Expat
    Whiteshiva's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by beware of the dog View Post
    -I don't know what the feck I'm on about but I'm full of myself so I'm going to speak anyway
    More of a US trait than Thai, me thinks.....

  15. #15
    I am in Jail
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    Quote Originally Posted by danbo
    I'd have to cover myself with a blanket, budgie-style
    Yes, I have seen lots of budgies up in their shared gum trees with their crocheted blankets wrapped around their little bodies.

    The possums keep trying to nick them though.

  16. #16
    Not a Mod.
    Begbie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ChiangMai noon View Post
    I once lived in a bedsit in Swanage, Dorset.
    I still owe about 220 pounds that I ran away without paying.
    Criminal tendency noted for future threads.

  17. #17
    punk douche bag
    ChiangMai noon's Avatar
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    Funny thing is... the landlord threatened to beat the shit into me when he heard I was trying to score some E's but I didn't have any money to pay him.

    Dark days indeed.
    It's so much better being a holier than thou teetotaller.

  18. #18
    I am in Jail

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    When you think about it, it really is scary how "thai" the guy is. For further example, only a low class thai and kenkannif would be pleased about having an ill child, the former because they can profit by sticking said child on a footbridge, and the latter who brags about a profit via regular health insurance cash payments.

    Still, it explains why he failed dismally in the UK but can get by in Thailand.

    He was lucky enough to find a job where his low level thai behaviour was acceptable, because most of his clients turn up due to being desperate to remain with their bargirl, hence his behaviour seems normal and reassuring.

  19. #19
    ding ding ding
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    ^ perhaps your talking to yourself?

    Is that the first sign of madness?, maybe you should just let it go.

  20. #20
    Thailand Expat
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    Helicopter, what happened to your party dude avatar? Are you not living in young women's bedrooms anymore? You get married or something

  21. #21
    Just about to be banned from Issues
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    No one has got staying power like 'beware of the dog'.

    He will be after KK long after he's got no teeth and is all hunched over the keyboard looking at the screen with a magnifying glass.

    Respect!

    IA

  22. #22
    I am in Jail

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    IA I am in awe of your staying power at slagging off Thailand for years on end in 90% of your ajarn posts. Truly awesome

  23. #23
    Thailand Expat
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    Quote Originally Posted by beware of the dog View Post
    He was lucky enough to find a job where his low level thai behaviour was acceptable, because most of his clients turn up due to being desperate to remain with their bargirl, hence his behaviour seems normal and reassuring.
    At the prices they charge, I hope to fuck most of his clients are coming straight out of the UK

  24. #24
    Just about to be banned from Issues
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    beware of the dog wrote:
    IA I am in awe of your staying power at slagging off Thailand for years on end in 90% of your ajarn posts. Truly awesome
    Let's toast to mutual admiration then.

    Staying power is staying power!



    IA

  25. #25
    I am in Jail

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    Quote Originally Posted by ChiangMai noon View Post
    I once lived in a bedsit in Swanage, Dorset.
    I still owe about 220 pounds that I ran away without paying.
    Spend any leisure time on Studland Bay?

    I lived in a bedsit in Poole Harbour.

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