Works both ways!

[The Gentleman Scamp]

The following letter was written by a Thai widow in Sutton, Surrey (U.K.) and goes to show that us English provide service that is as equally shite as that for which we moan about in LOS - minus inane smile...



Dear Cretins,



I have been an NTL customer since 9th July 2001, when I signed up for your 3-in-one deal for cable TV, cable modem, and telephone. During this three-month period I have encountered inadequacy of service which I had not previously considered possible, as well as ignorance and stupidity of monolithic proportions.

Please allow me to provide specific details, so that you can either pursue your professional perogative, and seek to rectify these difficulties - or more likely (I suspect) so that you can have some entertaining reading material as you while away the working day smoking B&H and drinking vendor-coffee on the bog in your office:



My initial installation was cancelled without warning, resulting in my spending an entire Saturday sitting on my fat Thai arse waiting for your technician to arrive. When he did not arrive, I spent a further 57 minutes listening to your infuriating hold music, and the even more annoying Scottish robot woman telling me to look at your helpful website....HOW?

I alleviated the boredom by twiddling my thumbs for a few minutes - an activity at which you are no-doubt both familiar and highly adept. The rescheduled installation then took place some two weeks later, although the technician did forget to bring a number of vital tools - such as a drill-bit, and his cerebrum. Two weeks later, my cable modem had still not arrived. After 15 telephone calls over 4 weeks my modem arrived... six weeks after I had requested it, and begun to pay for it.



Estimating your internet server's downtime is roughly 35%... hours between about 6pm -midnight, Mon-Fri, and most of the weekend. I am still waiting for my telephone connection. I have made 9 calls on my mobile to your no-help line, and have been unhelpfully transferred to a variety of disinterested individuals, who are it seems also highly skilled bollock jugglers.



Having been informed that a telephone line is available (and someone will call me back); that no telephone line is available (and someone will call me back); that I will be transferred to someone who knows whether or not a telephone line is available (and then been cut off); that I will be transferred to someone (and then been redirected to an answer machine informing me that your office is closed); that I will be transferred to someone and then been redirected to the irritating Scottish robot woman...and several other variations on this theme.



Doubtless you are no longer reading this letter, as you have at least a thousand other dissatisfied customers to ignore, and also another one of those crucially important testicle-moments to attend to. Frankly I don't care, it's far more satisfying as a customer to voice my frustration's in print than to shout them at your unending hold music. Forgive me, therefore, if I continue.



I thought BT were shit, that they had attained the holy piss-pot of god- awful customer relations, that no-one, anywhere, ever, could be more disinterested, less helpful or more obstructive to delivering service to their customers. That's why I chose NTL, and because, well, there isn't anyone else is there? How surprised I therefore was, when I discovered to my considerable dissatisfaction and disappointment what a useless shower of bastards you truly are. You are sputum-filled pieces of distended rectum incompetents of the highest order.



British Telecom - wankers though they are - shine like brilliant beacons of success, in the filthy puss-filled mire of your seemingly limitless inadequacy. Suffice to say that I have now given up on my futile and foolhardy quest to receive any kind of service from you. I suggest that you cease any potential future attempts to extort payment from me for the services which you have so pointedly and catastrophically failed to deliver - any such activity will be greeted initially with hilarity and disbelief quickly be replaced by derision, and even perhaps bemused rage.



Enclosed are two small deposits, selected with great care from my cats litter tray, as an expression of my utter and complete contempt for both you and your pointless company. I sincerely hope that they have not become desiccated during transit - they were satisfyingly moist at the time of posting, and I would feel considerable disappointment if you did not experience both their rich aroma and delicate texture. Consider them the very embodiment of my feelings towards NTL, and its worthless employees.


Have a nice day - may it be the last in you miserable short life, you irritatingly incompetent and infuriatingly unhelpful bunch of twats.


rgds

Wannaporn Manonome

[dirtydog]

Best Complaint Letter

complaint letter of the year [Archive] - Access World Forums

wernt a Thai.

[The Gentleman Scamp]

Best Complaint Letter

complaint letter of the year [Archive] - Access World Forums

wernt a Thai.

Ok so I did a little edit, but the point is that we are just as crap as the Thai's when it comes to service... We seem to expect more from Thailand just because the weather and the girls are better.

[stroller]

We seem to expect more from Thailand just because the weather and the girls are better.

Well, at the price of services one cannot complain.

[keda]

As a wise man said when I was about to invite the owner of la Beurre to nibble at my duck that was still undercooked when it reached the table for the third time, if you want service go to Japan, but expect to pay for it.

[Dougal]

I tried NTL a few years ago and they were pretty crap but not enough to justify the outpouring of bile above. BT have improved their service tremendously. After i moved house and installed a new line they couldn't do enough to ensure everything went smoothly and phoned back later to ensure everything was still OK. I don't work for BT by the way.

[Spin]

the point is that we are just as crap as the Thai's when it comes to service...

No we are not. NTL cannot be considered as offering good service.

I can go into any any restraunt in England and get my rice at the same time as the main dish.

[Butterfly]

public and utility services in Europe have seriously degraded in the recent years.

Between ISP outsourcing to India or Eastern Europe, banks with trainee clerks who have no fucking clue what is a bank, insurance companies that would cancel your policy because of a lost cheque that didn't make it on time by 2 days, postal services being privatised and therefore losing mail even more with no post office left to complain etc...

The truth is Europe with a massive influx of immigrants and a massive outflux of "retirees", doesn't have the need for such luxury services, it's only going to be immigrants that are going to use it in the coming 5 to 6 years, so why bother.

In the meantime, even Thailand being a mess, it's getting closer to Europe quality of services, and without knowing it.

[Skulldigger]

the point is that we are just as crap as the Thai's when it comes to service...

No we are not. NTL cannot be considered as offering good service.

I can go into any any restraunt in England and get my rice at the same time as the main dish.

No you can't.

[shehiredahitman]

Yes you can.

[Little Chuchok]

no you can't.

[slimboyfat]

yes you can yes you can

[keda]

the point is that we are just as crap as the Thai's when it comes to service...

...I can go into any any restraunt in England and get my rice at the same time as the main dish.

Last time I did that the rice cost £3.95 - I don't mind waiting till the waitress gets around to it.

[Begbie]

No we are not. NTL cannot be considered as offering good service.

I can go into any any restraunt in England and get my rice at the same time as the main dish.

Harry Ramsden's ?