Thread: Ashes 2015: Wally Raffles to retire from cricket threads

A career that never quite delivered..................

Retiring hurt wally.

His tendency to fall asleep after lunch when losing was definitely a handicap.

RIP

^Never thought this post would be possible.

Sad day one last question, Is Steve Smith special needs ?

He does kind of have that look doesn't he.

Originally Posted by Wally Dorian Raffles

Ashes 2015: Wally Raffles to retire from cricket threads


Date August 10, 2015

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Jesse Hogan

Sports writer for The Age

Raffles retires from all cricket threads

The Australian cricket thread captain and highest post count scorer's announcement that he's to retire came just days after his team surrendered the Ashes - losing to England by an innings and 78 runs at Trent Bridge.

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• Tokyo: The lastest casualty of Australia's disastrous Ashes campaign in England has emerged, with beloved Australian posting captain Wally Raffles to retire at the end of the series.

Four days after vowing "I'm not flouncing", irrespective of the outcome of the Trent Bridge Test, the 40-something-year-old confirmed his departure in the aftermath of Australia losing a fourth consecutive series in England.


Down and out: Raffles is dismissed during the fourth Test. Photo: Getty Images

It is believed his decision was triggered by his belief he was physically and mentally exhausted after a posting career spanning almost 11 years - half of them as captain - and that it's the right time for him to depart. Over the past nine months Raffles has been at the centre of major sledging attacks on English posters often known for calling them " the smellies" and telling them to "go take a bath": mentally drained after the barrage of new English cricket fans this summer, physically when successfully striving to return from a serious hangover to lead the majority of Australia's triumphant World Cup campaign.

Raffles confirmed the news after the hosts completed Australia's first loss by an innings away to England for 30 years. "As captain of the team my performances have been nowhere near the level and the standard they need to be an Australian cricketing poster and to be captain," he told Channel Nine.

"The boys have worked hard, I don't blame anyone in that chat room. As a team we haven't performed as well as we needed to be beat England, and as a captain I certainly haven't led from the front."

Former England captain Robert Cock was unsurprised by the decision, having speculated after the Edgbaston Test he thought Raffles would retire at the end of the series.

"His dismissals have been poor ... generally when you say that you know their mind's somewhere else," Cock told BBC Radio. "He's found it very difficult to not focus on the red repos this series because his mind has been elsewhere - probably thinking of this."

Raffles will make himself available for selection in the series-ending Test against England at the Oval in London but has taken immediate leave due to a "stress related illness". Cock said he hoped Australian posting electors would allow him to finish his career there.

"I hope he gets the last game ... it would be the wrong way to go now," Cock said.

Raffles was one of the original founders of Teakdoor forum though has over 70% of all 5000+ posts in the cricket threat which makes him the bestest greatest cricket poster of all time.

Pretty good that one, to be fair, and quite self-deprecating for a convict.

Thanks to our bowlers, half of your team now know it's time to do the same thing. They might even bump into Clarke and his horse at the glue factory.



What a nob.

Cringeworthy how he keeps referring to her as 'My beautiful wife'.

Is that to distinguish her from the other 'plug ugly' one or something?

Originally Posted by cyrille

Cringeworthy how he keeps referring to her as 'My beautiful wife'.

Is that to distinguish her from the other 'plug ugly' one or something?

Wasn't she shagging some NZ egg chaser? In that case, his comments are as desperate as his most recent innings at the crease.

Get ready for a broken heart, cunto.

Originally Posted by The Media about the legends of cricket

Raffles was one of the original founders of Teakdoor forum though has over 70% of all 5000+ posts in the cricket thread which makes him the bestest greatest cricket poster of all time.

It's nice to read this kind of thing. Thanks everyone. Me and KP are just hanging on the beach which is a real shame since we could really help everything being so super fantastic - such a shame

Don't worry Wally when we get the Smellies down under again another 5 nil drubbing.

One thing is the unclean have never beat us 5 nil and it will never happen!

Happy retirement Wally time to hang up your pads.
If we ever get a TD XI side together maybe we can coax you out for one last turn of the wrist.

Class post wally. One of the greats.

Originally Posted by Loy Toy

Don't worry Wally when we get the Smellies down under again another 5 nil drubbing.

One thing is the unclean have never beat us 5 nil and it will never happen!

We won 5-1 in Australia once.... You know during the seventies where you remember beating us time and time again.....

Originally Posted by Wally Dorian Raffles

Me and KP are just hanging on the beach

Did you get a tat as well mate.

Originally Posted by daveboy

Is Steve Smith special needs ?

Jealousy is a curse.I bet you wish half your team was as good as him.

Originally Posted by bobo746

Originally Posted by daveboy

Is Steve Smith special needs ?

Jealousy is a curse.I bet you wish half your team was as good as him.

Yeah the world is green with envy at that shower of shite you call a cricket team.

Water of a ducks back to me i dont live vicariously through my cricket team.

Originally Posted by bobo746

i dont live vicariously through my cricket team.

Lol - bit of a desperate bitch, that one.

Get that emery board going on the fingernails there.

Are you sure you're Australian and male?


Yawn.

Wally wally wally ..... you are simply going through the 6 stages of aussie sporting grief.

1 - Absence. Disappear for a while and hope everyone forgets about it.
2 - Sulk. When absence does not work, return and grumble about it.
3 - Take ball home. Pretends to be running away again hoping to be asked to remain.
4 - Mitigating. Lots of excuses explaining why the loss was not fair, and it was not the fault of the Aussie side.
5 - Forgetting. Removing the loss from your mind and thoughts, and pretending it never happened. Usual phrases used are Moral Victory and "ref subsidised" or "umpire subsidised" points
6 - Attack. Start the typical Aussies Sporting Exceptional-ism routine again, saying they are the best and unbeatable in everything they do.

You are clearly at stage 3, so we'll all just wait until this process is finished for you, and await your return.

Sad to that Wally is calling it stumps on a long and illustrious career,was a noted big game player.
Was firm but fair and retired on his own terms, a Bradman of the modern era, unmatched
by the soap dodger rabble in every department.

Wally.... did reddog swallow?

Originally Posted by Bobcock

We won 5-1 in Australia once

Bob, thanks for confirming you have never won a 5-0 clean sweep.

Then again you lot are not good at cleaning things including yourselves.

Smelly! 55555

Jeez.... I reckon LT blew a little snot bubble then he was sniggering so much when he wrote that....

Someone go wipe his nose for him.....