The Homeless SZS fantasy league thread

[Jofrey]

jebus has him too. Apparently he was injured.

he's shite..

[Jimmy McNulty]

Probably shouldn't have transferred him in then.

To be fair, he scores a goal every other game when he plays. But you need him to play innit.

[Jofrey]

getting rid as soon as i can.

Benteke looking decent.

[cyrille]

i think it's more palace looking great and benteke sometimes managing to bounce one in.

[Jimmy McNulty]

It's Zaha that's looking great. I bet Moyes really wishes he hadn't been so upset he was fucking his daughter and actually played him.

[cyrille]

we..e..ll...hennessy, sako and cabaye...also barely recognisably good imo. townsend is also almost back to the level he was at for newcastle.

but then it's always been clear they have talented players there...just had to lose that poser pardew

[Jimmy McNulty]

Pardew seems like rather a dickhead too.

This extract from an autobiography a while ago:

Quote unquote: Pardew’s ‘When you’re the King…’
Date published: Thursday 22nd December 2016 3:18

The first thing to say is that it’s absolutely true. When a ‘behind the scenes’ figure at a football club writes a book, you’re always liable to suspect they may have, well, exaggerated a few things for effect. Some stories you will treat with a degree of suspicion, no matter how funny or plausible, or how much you would like them to be true. But this one is true, independently confirmed as such to Football365. It’s absolutely true.

Stevie Bacon was West Ham’s club photographer for around 35 years and, by all accounts, something of a ‘character’. There was a terrace song dedicated to him. There was even a burger named after him (called, imaginatively enough, the Steve Bacon Burger), sold at Upton Park. Or the Boleyn Ground. Or whatever the hell that pile of rubble in east London used to be called.

In 2012 he, as you might expect from someone who had been around a club like West Ham for such a long time, published a book. This was the story of a man who watched a football club change over a generation, and the book featured assorted anecdotes of japes with and opinions from John Lyall, Lou Macari, Billy Bonds and Harry Redknapp. One passage about the latter includes the phrase ‘people questioned why he bought certain players….’ The foreword was written by Trevor Brooking. One chapter begins ‘Avram Grant is a miserable character’.

But in among some relatively tame tales and standard banter, one story – one chapter, in fact – stands out, like floodlights on a misty winter evening, bright and cutting through the dark. ‘I don’t like Alan Pardew,’ begins chapter six. ‘There, I’ve said it,’ as if this was Stevie finally breathing a sigh of relief and letting loose what he had held for the entire tenure of a West Ham manager. ‘In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever known a more arrogant person in my life,’ he continues, ‘There was one occasion when I threatened to stick a fork in his hand. I was sort of joking, but there were definitely times when I felt like swinging at him. Or telling him to fork off, if you follow my drift.’ We do, Stevie. We do.

Arrogance is not a surprising accusation to level at Pardew, a man you’d imagine is fond of a mirror, but in a piece of reportage such as this, you’d want some evidence to back up Bacon’s statement. And he provides it. Boy, does he. If you’ll excuse simply copying a healthy tract from the book, here it is:

‘Let me tell you a story. In fact, it’s called the ‘King story’ among those who were present and who believe it’s a perfect example of Pardew’s arrogance. We were staying at a hotel in the North East ahead of a game at Sunderland during Alan’s first season in charge and were about to have our Friday evening meal…I sat down with Pardew…and fitness coach Tony Strudwick, who now works for Manchester United and has done very well for himself. We ordered our meals and suddenly Pardew asked us all what were were having. I think Eddie said he’d gone for the chicken, while I’d chosen the steak.

‘Pards then turned to Struds, who revealed whatever it was he’d asked for. ‘That sounds good,’ said Pards. ‘Tell you what; if yours is better than mine when it turns up, I’m having that. That was one of the things he’d always say: I’m having that. ‘See that bloke’s haircut. I’m having that.’ He said it all the time. Anyway, I wasn’t ‘having that’ at all. So I said ‘Well, you’re certainly not having my dinner. You’ll get a fork in the back of your hand!’ Pardew sort of laughed, before turning back to Struds and saying, ‘Yeah, if yours is better than mine, I’m having that.’

‘Our meals eventually arrived and Pards looked at Tony and said, ‘Yeah, I was right, yours definitely looks much better than mine; I’m having that.’ And he went to swap the plates over. ‘You can’t do that!’ I said. ‘What do you mean?’ he asked. ‘You can’t just take somebody’s else’s dinner,’ I said in disbelief. And he replied, without any hint of a joke, ‘When you’re the King, you can do anything.’

The King. Apparently this became a running joke, and people who had previously worked with Pardew at Reading told Bacon that was how he referred to himself there, too. As revelations go, Pardew being rather fond and full of himself is not exactly the most difficult to believe (this is, after all, the man who did that dance at Wembley last season), and this seems to be simply the confirmation of what we already knew.

Not that arrogance is necessarily a bad thing (indeed, it’s probably essential for anyone involved in football), but what’s presumably enjoyable for Bacon, and indeed anyone who appreciates a little light schadenfreude, is that Pardew doesn’t exactly have the goods to back up his lofty opinion. After being sacked by West Ham he spent just under two years at Charlton, leaving with protests ringing in his ears, and was then sacked by Southampton before lucking out by getting the Newcastle job. His subsequent reputation seems to be built largely on his one good – excellent – season there, and as the award-nominated Daniel Storey detailed recently, things are starting to go south at Crystal Palace. Those links with the England job do look a little more far-fetched at the moment. Not that Pardew would think so, of course. It’s also worth noting that West Ham lost the game to Sunderland, before which the ‘King’ meal took place. All about timing, this game.

In some respects, it doesn’t really matter whether the story is true. It fits with our idea of Pardew, and thus becomes a story we want to believe, without knowing if it is true. But just remember: it is absolutely true.

Quote unquote: Pardew's 'When you're the King...' - Football365

[Jofrey]

Huge DGW in 37.

Should be some immense scores for teams with the wildcard and bench boost

[cyrille]

Used my wildcard, but currently I only have four players who don't have a dgw 37.

And four weeks to go before dgw37.


Now, if I can just sort out the fucked form of quite a few players in my team...

[Jimmy McNulty]

Yes, it's a monstrous amount of players with a DGW. You could conceivably inadvertently get a full 15 if you've also managed to not spunk your bench boost.

Rather spoils the fun having it so late in the season doesn't it? Or maybe it doesn't if you're already flying high.

After top 35k, top 70k and top 11k finishes, I'll do well to get top 200k this season. Leaving the world of expat edutainment has had a huge negative effect on my Fantasy football management effectiveness. Need to get back on the expat education gravy train quick-sharp.

[cyrille]

inadvertently

Gosh no.

[cyrille]

Need to get back on the expat education gravy train quick-sharp.

Don't tell me you're planning...a return as a 'darksider'?

[Jimmy McNulty]

I'm planning a return late this year or early next I imagine. Getting married in January. I don't know that I can live with myself foisting UK life on her and the politics, conversations, and early kickoff times just aren't doing it for me. Ideally earning a crust outside of the aforementioned edutainment zones, however. Might involve working for myself there though.

[cyrille]

UK life

I've just watched some phone camera footage on the bbc of Leicester fans in plaza mayor in Madrid - a fairly frequent watering hole in my days TEFLing there.

I presume it was taken by Leicester fans themselves to show their maltreatment by the Madrid cops.

The rallying cry among the fans was 'Gibraltar is ours...Gibraltar is ours...err not sure what this line should be...Gibraltar is ours'

After all these years it's still so utterly fucking absurd.

Of course I hope none of them were seriously hurt...but if they copped a few good licks then som num fkin naa.

Congrats on the nuptials!

[Jimmy McNulty]

Cheers.

'Gibraltar is ours...Gibraltar is ours...***Fuck off Madrid / Spain / Juncker...Gibraltar is ours'

I'm assuming the latter option is beyond their....insight. I'm going with the double syllabled enunciation of 'Spain'.

[Jofrey]

huge negative effect on my Fantasy football management effectiveness.

ah yes...i recall our conversation in a certain bar on soi funbags

[cyrille]

Cheers.

'Gibraltar is ours...Gibraltar is ours...***Fuck off Madrid / Spain / Juncker...Gibraltar is ours'

The lyrical mystery solved, thanks to this excellent letter to 365:



The Leicester fairytale continues…
Can we just discuss the magical story of Leicester, we all know about Vardy’s drunk racist outbursts, Danny Simpson’s domestic abuse, and the rich heritage behind their identikit stadium funded by Thai billionaires. However last night the fans wrote another chapter, causing mayhem, damage and chanting beautiful hymns such as “You Spanish bastards, Gibraltar is ours”. I wish the Dortmund fans would take note how to treat opposing fans in their city.
(Fun fact: Gibraltar means Gibal Tariq, or the mountain of Tariq, so technically it’s mine)
Tariq, LFC

[Jimmy McNulty]

Ah. Of course.

[cyrille]

Getting tight at the top...

Jof might be regretting all those tips he's given to Russo

[hallelujah]

If United had a reliable striker beyond Ibrahimovic, we'd be smashing that league.

[cyrille]

They'd also be going much better if Pogba and Martial looked even remotely worth the money.

[Jofrey]

All i need is a Manure cleansheet to rescue a dire DGW....

[Jimmy McNulty]

You fell victim to the Negredo too.

I wildcarded this week to get some ManYoo and a couple of Boro in with everything else focused on the two DGWs. Riding the wave to mediocrity isn't it.

[Jofrey]

You fell victim to the Negredo too.

saved by the lord De Gea

[cyrille]

You fell victim to the Negredo too.

saved by the lord De Gea

That was so bloody obvious. Heaton out De Gea in. Can't believe I didn't see it. Instead I timed it perfectly to get two players in just before their season ended.

Roll on next season.

At least Fellaini still has great comic timing as Mourinho copied the pulis blueprint.