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  1. #1
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    Aussie Rules Footy: Bali 9's Tournament

    If you are not inspired enough by the thought of running around a tropical island into the hours holding a Tournament Cup for 2012 that you know we are morally entitled to, then you are not displaying the level of rank self interest we expect from a Bintang. Lift your game.

    If you don’t go to Bali, then you are also throwing away a chance to drop the Bucket of Self-Interest deep into the Well of Bintangs’ Stats.[at]

    Do you really want to miss that chance? Will you be able to stand the look of shattered disappointment in the eyes of your grandchild in 2042, when she says “Grandpa, the kids at cyberschool say your games tally was beaten by ….sob………the Wombat? Say it aint so.”

    If you do not get straight up, check your stats, realise they are hardly defensible in the long term and then book a flight and a room in Doc’s Hotel of Statistical Glory, then you are straight out subjecting your unborn progeny to Humiliation by Wombat, and believe me that is not a pretty sight. By 2042, Wombat will be the Minister for Getting the Asylum Seekers to Stay in Their Bloody Place in the Queue, so the humiliation will go viral. For the love of little Cindy, book that ticket.

    And look at this Gallery of Preterhuman Statistical Achievement beckoning you to the Air Asia counter:
    [at]
    ➢Italian Job, like Bela Lugosi on his castle’s parapet, viewing all those below. He’s on 105 games, a feat never equaled.

    ➢MJ on 98 games, bracing to be the first Bintang to bring up the 100 in both games and goals but there is a plot underfoot by Prowely to keep Jolly away from Bali. Could Midnight be so Machiavellian as to keep the former coach, B.J Morgan winner and double All Asian from this tournament just to pad his own statistics? Or are they the same person, as rumour has it? They look alike……..Or is this the product of another step in the hushed up Bintangs cloning programme that brought Gus “Edwards” to Bali last time? Fly to Denpasar and solve this mystery.

    ➢Due to the salmagundi of forward talent in the 2012 Bintangs, Butcher was unable to break into the team for the Philippines and Singapore games, but he came back in for the Asian Champs and was reasonable. All things considered. For him. He knows though that he must not falter. He is the 4th highest Bintangs’ games player on 74 games, with the 5th highest, Doc, on 72 games and breathing down his ear, an off-putting experience.

    ➢Those who make it to Bali will get to see the unforgettable Triumph of the Improbable that will be the 50th game of “Sledge”, the icing on the pavlova of a career that has brought the 2010 Goal of the Year and other remarkable moments too numerous and indictable to mention.

    ➢At the start of 2010, Patch was known by no one but his own parents and now in 2012, he is going to burst into the top 20 All Time Bintangs games players list, picking up Ron and throwing him bodily out of the Top 20 position like a slightly warm sundried tomato off the side of a yacht. Ron had spent mere days in the Top 20, proud days, but nervous, hearing the roars of Patch, Gillsy, Boy and Dirty Harry (“OK Ron) baying for his place.

    ➢In the Most Games for Season 2012, it’s hard to find a more diverse group outside of Middle Earth. Doc heads the list with 18, and then tied on 17 games, a variegated Quartet. The helium powered Cat, the shadowy Prowler, the Indestructible and Ageless Timmy and the Dutch van der Meer.

    ➢In the Most Goals for Season 2012, Boucher remains a holdout at the top with 18. Big Sam is coming second, but it is becoming harder to get him out on the park since his public speaking career took off in the Philippines.

    ➢Dirty Harry has apparently given up on his grand child’s self esteem and won’t make it to Bali but expect Gillsy and Patch to give it a red hot crack for goals glory as the taillights of 2012 slowly fade to black. This season is ending but history will remember. Season 2012 will cry out over the evanescent considerations of the day.

    ➢In the total Goals Tally in Bintangs History, we have “The Butcher” sitting, not only in the coveted front passenger seat of the Monaro of Goalkicking Excellence at the Drive-In of Eternal Football Respect with 179 career goals, but he has also been given a Chicko Roll and large RC Cola and is allowed to honk the horn during the good bits of the film. MJ is in the back seat, but with a sensational 112 goals still has it pretty good and has got a double cheeseburger with beetroot and the speaker put through his window, so he can turn up sound for the good bits and then turn it off to do sidesplitting overdubs when the inspiration strikes him. To save on ticket costs, Max was hidden in the boot but with 3 career goals, it seems the Goal Colossi in the front have forgotten him and the movie’s almost over.

    ➢The lads sometimes hear a commotion coming from outside the fence of the drive-in. It is the revving engines of two muscle cars and the blasting of a horn that is programmed to play that fanfare at the start of horse races. Gillsy and Patch are parked in these two cars, revving and blasting away. As 24th and 21st highest goalkickers respectively come October 6, the Drive-In of Eternal Football Respect is about to see a hell of a lot of fishtailing.Bring it on in Bali. Be there
    Last edited by kingwilly; 03-10-2012 at 06:56 PM.

  2. #2
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  3. #3
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    Who are you playing for mate ?

  4. #4
    Thailand Expat Bobcock's Avatar
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    I know which is your pen picture, ties in with a certain tattoo.

    My lad is still training with the Tigers but sadly I refused him permission to attend both Bali and Hanoi....

  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bobcock
    My lad is still training with the Tigers but sadly I refused him permission to attend both Bali and Hanoi....
    I understand why, but some trips are more family friendly than others, a couple of times we've brought a youth team with us.

    This particular tour we're taking WAGS. (my young one is coming alone as well, it will be her first plane flight).

    How old is your boy now ? 14 ?

  6. #6
    Thailand Expat Bobcock's Avatar
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    14, but it's not fair on the other team members to have to look after someone else's child when I'd imagine they'd like to be out on the piss....

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