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  1. #1
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    Laughably Inaccurate "Historical" Films

    Yet another one...
    'Elizabeth: The Golden Age' more fashionable than historically accurate
    “Elizabeth: The Golden Age” is essentially a Paris couture fashion show with some historical names and details tossed in as a feeble attempt at significance.



    Seriously, it’s not an exaggeration to say that the entire movie consists of Cate Blanchett trying on various ornate, richly hued dresses with increasingly intricate wigs and headdresses, until one day when the Spanish armada shows up. Costume designer Alexandra Byrne probably should have gotten top billing.

    Blanchett being Blanchett, she finds some opportunities for subtle, deliciously regal condescension as she returns to the role of Queen Elizabeth I, which turned her into a star and earned her an Academy Award nomination nearly a decade ago. But more often she vamps it up mightily under the over-the-top direction of Shekhar Kapur, who also made 1998’s “Elizabeth.”

    Despite its lofty aspirations and late 16th century setting, this one belongs right up there with “Showgirls” in the high-camp section of your local video store. Clive Owen wears puffy shirts and dangles from a pirate ship as the devilishly handsome and flirty Sir Walter Raleigh (he also takes part in a corny, soft-core sex scene), while Geoffrey Rush returns from the first film and is sadly squandered as Elizabeth’s right-hand man, who somehow manages to remain at the center of international intrigue even though he’s barely around.

    The script, from “Elizabeth” writer Michael Hirst and “Gladiator” co-writer William Nicholson, contains sprinklings of fact, fiction and mythology with some heaping scoops of romance novel.

    Elizabeth, the virgin queen, is tired of being pestered by Rush’s Sir Francis Walsingham to find a suitable mate, settle down and start making babies. He thinks it’ll make her monarchy stronger. (This leads to a parade of ill-fitting suitors, a highbrow version of the bad-date montage you’d see in any standard romantic comedy.)

    At the same time, the Protestant queen is in danger of being overthrown by Spain’s King Philip II (a flamboyant Jordi Molla), who wants to restore Catholicism to England and has no shortage of overzealous followers who are willing to go to war and die for this cause. Meanwhile, there’s also an assassination plot afoot that may involve Elizabeth’s imprisoned cousin, Mary Stuart (Samantha Morton, also barely used).

    Somehow, in the midst of all this turmoil, Elizabeth finds time to dally with the swarthy and adventurous Raleigh, who has just returned from the New World with potatoes and tobacco and a couple of natives, just to prove he was really there. They giggle and ride horses and verbally spar, but there’s no way Elizabeth could ever realistically hook up with him (even though he’s played by Owen, who is pretty much impossible to resist).

    Instead, she sends her most trusted lady-in-waiting, Bess (Abbie Cornish) to get close to him and learn more about him – but then Bess gets too close, which sends Elizabeth into vicious, slapping snits of jealousy and anger. Certainly this must have been a complicated woman; “Elizabeth” oversimplifies matters and depicts her as having the temperament of a spoiled teenager. Blanchett nevertheless looks stunning throughout with that translucent skin, those piercing blue eyes and, of course, a different vibrant frock for every occasion.

    Kapur drowns all these melodramatic proceedings in the bombastic, omnipresent score from Craig Armstrong and A.R. Rahman; it swells when it should, it swells when it shouldn’t. And while some of the visuals from cinematographer Remi Adefarasin can be lovely (the detailed interiors of the castle, the rolling English countryside), the climactic invasion by Spanish war ships bears the distracting fakeness of an explosive set piece that obviously came out of a computer.

    It actually looks like something you could check in front of the Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas, every hour on the hour.

    Link Sioux Falls | Your Entertainment Needs
    "If you can accept critically-acclaimed, but mostly historically inaccurate and somewhat anachronistic, films like Jesus Christ Superstar, Gladiator, and Braveheart, perhaps you might be able to cut Marie Antoinette the slack necessary, "



    Marie Antoinette review (2006) Kirsten Dunst - Qwipster's Movie Reviews

    And wasn't the true story in this one about a British crew?

    "U-571

    Academy Award® Winner

    The crew of a WWII U.S. submarine is ordered to board a German U-boat and obtain a decoder box. Following an unexpected turn of events, this group of American sailors become trapped in the enemy's ... View more >



    http://www.bigscreen.com/ReaderReview.php?movie=U-571"
    Last edited by Hootad Binky; 16-10-2007 at 08:40 AM.

  2. #2
    Cynical Member
    Fstop's Avatar
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    Good thread topic here. There are a few that come to mind.

    Elizabeth

    Yes, there were some things that were accurate. But the main inaccuracy that pissed me off was the fact that they dubbed Robert Dudley a traitor, when he was actually completely loyal to the Queen. The Prince Anju from France was wrong as well - his proposal of marriage came much later in her life.

    Nixon

    The way they portrayed his wife was completely wrong.

    Gladiator

    In the movie, at the end of each gladiator match Caesar is to decide whether or not the losing opponent dies or is given mercy by putting his thumb up or down. In the film it shows that when Caesar puts his thumb up, the opponent lives, whereas a thumbs down meant death. In actuality it was the exact opposite.
    "Fuck off. And take your stupid cult with you."

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    Thailand Expat AntRobertson's Avatar
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    [Insert any Hollywood WW2 film here, it only started in 1942 don'tcha know!]

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    Anything with Mel Gibson in it (except Mad Max).

  5. #5
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    It's just another form of revisionist history, imho.

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    Thailand Expat AntRobertson's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hootad Binky
    It's just another form of revisionist history, imho.
    I remember being shown 'All Quiet on the Western Front' in history class at school. The lesson that the teacher was trying to show us was that Germans were people too and were also affected by the war.

    Came as quite the surprise to find that they weren't all named Fritz and didn't run around screaming "Gott ein himmel!" or "Achtung!" all the time.

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by Marmite the Dog View Post
    Anything with Mel Gibson in it (except Mad Max).
    Yeah, what's with the braids?



    Looks like a football supporter. Did Scots paint their faces with the Scottish national colors at that time when in battle?

  8. #8
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    U571 is a bit crass. Not only was it a British ship and crew, it also depicts events that happened before America even joined WW2.

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    That's taking the piss!

  10. #10
    Rhubarb, rhubarb, rhubarb
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    Hmmm.......no the scots didn't use wode (blue dye). The Britons used it at the time the Romans arrived.

    Gladiator. A thumb down meant "bury the sword in the earth" thus sparing the man.
    A thumb pointed at the throat meant death.
    Also, gladiators were expensive to train and keep. Very rarely were they made to fight to the death. Usually, the contest was over after first blood was drawn.

    Mel Gibson's movie The Patriot was also taking the piss.
    Phuket - Veni Vidi Veni

  11. #11
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    [quote=Hootad Binky;427302]
    Quote Originally Posted by Marmite the Dog View Post
    Anything with Mel Gibson in it (except Mad Max).


    COCK!!!

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    Pearl Harbor, when a few pilots drop what they're doing and simply jump into planes (conveniently gassed and loaded) to do battle with hundreds flying overhead.

  13. #13
    ding ding ding
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    Enigma. no further comment from me required.

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