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  1. #1
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    A Traditional Issan Fry-Up

    In order to construct a sound 'Traditional Issan Fry-Up', one must first go about foraging for the ingredients, and because I'm so familiar with the lay of the land, it took very little time to gather them.

    Mushrooms from the garden

    Tomatoes from somebody else's garden

    Sausages from the local shop

    Eggs from a chicken's anus



    Sausage preparation should be the first step because being a fitness freak I decided to grill rather than fry, and this should take 15 minutes or so. Hack the silly bits of string off but leave the splinter of wood at the end which serves to hold the sausage togther. Falilure to heed this information will result in the fucking thing exploding..decorating your oven in a pretty new shade called 'Cow's Arse'.

    I'm using beef sausages because they were fresh out of fuking MOO..

    Cropped bangers ready for a blitzing...



    Pop them under the grill for 15 plus minutes - I tend to twist the temperature dial until it can go no further. Patience is not a virtue I possess..


  2. #2
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    Step 2: Tomatoes

    The best way to prepare tomatoes for your 'Traditional Issan Fry-Up' follows thus:

    Half and head - BISH



    Slice width wise - BASH



    Fry in minimal cooking oil and season with salt and pepper - BOSH



    Juicy, flavoursome tomatoes .

  3. #3
    ความสุขในอีสาน
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    Should red you for deceit Somtum ( Fry up !! ) in a grill ?

    I must admit I cant walk past them bloody Issan sausages in the market , u bugger youve made me hungry now .

    note the carefully replaced pic on top of the oven so as not to blow your cover good on yer mate

    will check this out tonight when I get home once the sausages have finished ( grilling )
    I'm proud of my 38" waist , also proud I have never done drugs

  4. #4
    Philippine Expat Davis Knowlton's Avatar
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    Nice, Slap. Making me feel good about Flip cuisine....

  5. #5
    Thailand Expat
    aging one's Avatar
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    its got me and the kids laughing as well. Nice to have a little bit of good humor while cooped up in casa refugee.

  6. #6
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    Step 3: Fungal Matter

    To cook the next bit
    Make sure your hob's lit

    Add a teaspoon of oil
    And bring to the boil

    Put the shrooms in the pan
    And stir as fast as you can

    After a very short time
    Squeeze in a segment of lime

    1 minutes passed by, so please don't be late
    Get a fucking great ladel and pop them on your plate


  7. #7
    En route
    Cujo's Avatar
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    No onions? Sin.

  8. #8
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    Step 4: Plating (no, not that kind, you rude bastard)

    The sausages, now piping hot, are emitting a quite marvellous aroma. That of pepper, garlic and something else I can't quite put my finger on. They actually look like something you'd see on the deli counter in Waitrose.



    With the egg now cooked, having been briefly introduced to the frying pan we now have our complete 'Tradiational Issan Fry-Up'..



    Masterchef here I come..

  9. #9
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nigelandjan
    note the carefully replaced pic on top of the oven so as not to blow your cover
    Not so, Nige. Our living room and kitchen are open plan and that piccie of one of ma wee bairns at Nam Tok Jet Sao Noi, always faces that way.


    Quote Originally Posted by Davis Knowlton
    Making me feel good about Flip cuisine....
    Surely it can't be that bad!




    Quote Originally Posted by aging one
    its got me and the kids laughing as well
    Apolgies to your kids for my profuse use of the F word, AO...but I find it helps with my poor knowledge of punctuation..



    Quote Originally Posted by Koojo
    No onions? Sin.
    i gave them serious consideration, but they just didn't seem to fit into the ensemble.

  10. #10
    Thailand Expat
    aging one's Avatar
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    hells kitchen would be better, I would love to hear Gordon Ramsay and you going at it.

  11. #11
    Thailand Expat
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    Only one egg?

  12. #12
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by aging one
    Gordon Ramsay
    I'm sure my superior culinary prowess would have Ramsey walking from the studio..tail between his legs.



    Quote Originally Posted by bsnub
    Only one egg?
    Yes, I fucked the other one up, not only breaking the yolk but burning it too, so it didn't look particuarly photogenic, but alas, I unscrupulously guzzled it straight from the frying pan.

  13. #13
    Gohills flip-flops wearer
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    Where did you put the other sausage?

  14. #14
    Thailand Expat
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    Collateral damage.

  15. #15
    splendid and tremendous
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    Quote Originally Posted by withnallstoke
    Where did you put the other sausage?
    I'll need to speak to my solicitor before answering this question, withnall.

  16. #16
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    Toast?
    Beans?
    Chang Export?

  17. #17
    splendid and tremendous
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    Quote Originally Posted by alwarner
    Collateral damage.
    Admit it, Al..you're drooling!

  18. #18
    Have you got any cheese Thetyim's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by withnallstoke
    Where did you put the other sausage?
    Don't ask.
    It was piping hot and he's still walking funny

  19. #19
    Gohills flip-flops wearer
    withnallstoke's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by alwarner
    Collateral damage.
    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap
    I'll need to speak to my solicitor before answering this question, withnall.
    Quote Originally Posted by Thetyim
    It was piping hot and he's still walking funny

    As i feared.

    It explains why it wasn't fried.
    Too much oil and it probably wouldn't stay in place.

  20. #20
    splendid and tremendous
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chairman Mao
    Toast? Beans? Chang Export?
    Definitely - but beans are 20 kms away, toast would only come in the form of that nasty sweet, white stuff - the floods are effecting our 7/11's..and Chang Export is, well, a fucking tremendous idea for a breakfast item!

    Quote Originally Posted by Thetyim
    It was piping hot and he's still walking funny
    Right, that's it! I DEMAND TO SPEAK TO MY ATTORNEY!

  21. #21
    Thailand Expat
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    Order! Order!

  22. #22
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by alwarner
    Order! Order!
    May I have the permission to approach the bench, your honour?

    Thank you.

    IT'S THAT WITHNALL PERSON. HE'S FUCKING POISON, I TELL YOU. HE POLLUTES PEOPLE'S MINDS WITH HIS FILTH!

  23. #23
    Thailand Expat
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    Thank fuck I don;t live in Isaan and have to have that for breakfast.

  24. #24
    Tonguin for a beer
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    Slap your egg is a disgrace. You need to lash out on a dedicated egg fry pan, about 6 inches in diameter and get the knack of over easy. Cook em in margarine or butter, it is a fry up after all. You also need king size bastards, no point ginning around with anything else. Also only buy from the market, come on, they will make it home on the scooter and are so much better than any of the shite from tesco et al.

    Here's a Bung top tip for free, take your tomatoes, add some onions and some pataks or similar curry paste and fry that lot up. It is the bollocks I can tell you.
    Fahn Cahn's

  25. #25
    Tonguin for a beer
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    Oh, if you need bacon and let's face it, you need bacon, try some good ham instead, a bit healthier and it won't wither away as the water they use in bacon packaging to bulk it up does. I can highly recommend Swiss Chalet smoked ham. Comes in at about 120 b but well worth it and let's face it, it is a fry up, a weekly (or when hungover) tradition and not to be skimped on.

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