Thread: Somtamslap - Omelette Maker Extraordinaire

So to make the perfect omelette we first need to locate some chickens, which down here on the farm is a fairly easy obstacle to negotiate.
Upon locating the feathered friend, beat it hard in stomach until it parts with a trio of eggs..give the little madam a gentle pat on the crest in thanks then boot the irritating little fucker back into the jungle.

Eggs procured, they now need cracking and beating with us much vigour as you administered on their intial owner..

Add a pinch of oregano, a small finger and thumb pinch, into the mixture just to liven it up a touch..



Next, because our New Year's Resolution clearly states that a loss of weight is required, we purchase a modest block of cheddar, off of which a humble amount is grated..



Cheese now successfully grated onto the ingredient plate, we now need to forage around for some more flavours to add to the omelette. In a horrendously dense part of the jungle I came across some tomatoes which I had to shimmy up a 50 foot vine to collect..

I also spotted a wild bore, speared the fucker then chopped half of its arse off..

The extras were then added to the plate..



The beaten eggs shall now be placed in a wok (because we don't have a frying pan you see) with just a drizzle of oil..the mixture should then be whirled evenly round the pan..



Add the modest amount of cheese, foraged vegeatables and pigs arse to the wok..



Flip one side and allow to cook on a low heat for a few minutes..then flip over again..



Place on large dish..



Cut in half to demonstrate the sheer quality of the food..



Eat it..

Cooking/Preparation time approx: 12 minutes

Eating time approx 12 seconds..

Bon Voyage..

bon appetit

Mange toot Roders!

That's a nice looking bit of grub.

But, is it as nice as Granny's omelette?


Granny's Country Omelette $8.79
Granny's Country Omelette $8.79 | PERKINS RESTAURANT & BAKERY | Breakfast, Lunch, Dinner, Coffee, Dessert, Pies | Idaho Falls, ID

^Good though that looks I doubt it's worth the round-trip airfare from Baan Kwai to Idaho

Somtamslap has a granny, he could train her up; it'd give them a chance to have some quality time together...

That's a fine looking omelette "slap". I'd call that a mans omelette. Nice thing about omelettes is you can put so many things in it. What evers handy. I like the pinch of oregano. I do that myself.

Originally Posted by Bettyboo

The home fried pototoes are what's catching my eye.

Originally Posted by Bettyboo

Somtamslap has a granny

She's officially been disowned..if old biddies homes existed here she'd be in one..

Grannys omelette looks like a rolled up chamois leather with sick on it.

Originally Posted by withnallstoke

Grannys omelette looks like a rolled up chamois leather with sick on it.

Chicks, ants, responsibilities. ???

Originally Posted by Bettyboo

But, is it as nice as Granny's omelette?

Is that a euphemism?

^ better ask Somtamslap. He told us that she likes to put it about, and after a few of those Issan whiskies, well, I can see it now (not a pretty image!) - no wonder she throws things at him, the little rascal.

Originally Posted by Bettyboo

Chicks, ants, responsibilities. ???

Coffee break.

Originally Posted by The Cat

Is that a euphemism?

Originally Posted by Bettyboo

^ better ask Somtamslap. He told us that she likes to put it about, and after a few of those Issan whiskies, well, I can see it now (not a pretty image!) - no wonder she throws things at him, the little rascal.

Thanks chaps, there goes the culinary theme of the thread..I've just projectile vomitted all over my computer.

I live with the missus and her mother; they are similar shapes and sizes, but the missus' mother has short hair whilst the missus has long hair which I like, but she wants an easier maintenance solution. Every time she talks about cutting her hair, I tell her that this might cause a problem if I come home drunk and feeling frisky; maybe I'll bang the wrong one... easily done...

Upto now, this little scheme has worked well.

^ Quick edit to add: not a scheme to shag them both, but to keep the missus' hair long.

Anyways, Somtamslap, now you're stomach is empty you can make another one of those lovely looking /man's omolette'.

^ Pizza's next on the menu as it happens.
Might go for a huge bastard the size of a baking tray just to look that extra bit manly..

^ don't forget the pictures.

You've got the ham and cheese and tomateoes (American), presumably some dough/base too - you're virtually there...

Originally Posted by Bettyboo

presumably some dough/base

Got flour, got water, don't have yeast..nil desparandum..I like em crunchy..

Originally Posted by somtamslap

Got flour, got water, don't have yeast

Just get yourself a 45 year-old bargirl and ask her to give the dough a quick rub with her moneymaker. You'll have sourdough in a couple of seconds.

^Jesus, Doc; I was eating! Was............

Originally Posted by somtamslap

She's officially been disowned..if old biddies homes existed here she'd be in one..

Don't you have any klongs where you live?

^ You got a Tops there? R.Sole!!

Originally Posted by Marmite the Dog

Don't you have any klongs where you live?

We don't as ahppens but we do have acres and acres of farmland..one more squawk from the old goat may see her in it.