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  1. #1
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    A nice cup of tea

    Now this thread is primarily intended for Americans, Australians and people who run restaurants in Chiang Mai, but English people (and possibly Welsh people) might also enjoy it. This is how you make a cup of tea.

    1. First, fill the kettle with fresh drinking water and bring to the boil. Old, stale water wonít do, and neither will warm water. It needs to come properly to the boil (100 degrees Celsius, or 212 Fahrenheit in old money). If youíre not sure if itís hot enough, just dip your finger in. If it goes red and swells to the size of a big sausage, youíre nearly there.



    2. You need good quality tea or tea bags. Co-op Indian Prince Premium are excellent and so are many other brands Ė PG Tips, for example. But steer clear of those insipid Liptonís things with the strings attached. Strings are for tampons.



    3. Fresh, full-cream cowís milk is essential. Donít be fooled into thinking skimmed will do the trick. Skimmed milk isnít really milk at all, itís the devilís semen.



    4. A good teapot is also essential. Not one of those stupid little metal ones that hold about a teaspoonful and burn your hand when you pick them up, either.



    5. Proper mugs are the correct drinking vessels. These are big and chunky, have a sturdy handle and hold a good three-quarters of a pint as a minimum. My are attractively decorated with cock motifs.



    6.Add three tea bags to the pot, not forgetting to remove the lid first.



    7. Add the water as soon as it has come to the boil, put the lid on and go and do something else for five minutes. Donít be tempted to peek inside to see if itís Ďdoneí before the five minutes is up.



    8. Add milk to the mug and then pour in the tea. Not the other way round.



    9. Serve straight away while piping hot.



    10. Popular accessories include hot buttered toast (pictured), scones, crumpets, cucumber sandwiches with the crusts cut off and biscuits Ė Rich Tea and Digestive being the best.

    The sleep of reason brings forth monsters.

  2. #2
    punk douche bag
    ChiangMai noon's Avatar
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    I'd red you for this Benners, but I redded you too recently.


    Fukking tea threads belong on ajarn

  3. #3
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    What's wrong with you, you grumpy old sod?

  4. #4
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    Excellent post, Ben.

    I shall go and make myself a lovely cuppa Kenyan.

  5. #5
    lom
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    Nice tutorial benbaaa, except for the milk part.
    Tea is tea, milk is milk and never shall they meet
    Last edited by lom; 28-06-2006 at 01:56 PM. Reason: spelling error corrected

  6. #6
    I am in Jail
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    Quote Originally Posted by Marmite the Dog
    Proper mugs are the correct drinking vessels. These are big and chunky, have a sturdy handle and hold a good three-quarters of a pint as a minimum. My are attractively decorated with cock motifs.

    No, no, no; mugs are for coffee, tea should be taken from a cup with a saucer under it.

    Philistine!

  7. #7
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    I agree regarding the Lipton stuff but unfortunately I have found worse.
    Tesco are now selling their own brand tea. I thought it might be the same as they were selling a few years ago but it looked suspiciously like the yellow label crap.
    I couldn't resist and so bought a pack. It makes the Lipton look like the best tea ever. i believe it is the dregs that Tesco do not want. Almost undrinkable

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by lom
    Tee is tee, milk is milk and never shall they meet
    Fekkin' turnips! What would they know about the national English pastime?

    Quote Originally Posted by Lily
    No, no, no; mugs are for coffee, tea should be taken from a cup with a saucer under it.
    Fekkin' convicts! What would they know about the national English pastime?

  9. #9
    lom
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    Quote Originally Posted by Marmite the Dog
    Fekkin' turnips! What would they know about the national English pastime?
    I beg to differ Sir !
    I had the most proper introduction to the fine art of English teadrinking at the Ritz. An afternoon tea sitting there is a memory for life..

  10. #10
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    [quote=lom
    I beg to differ Sir !
    I had the most proper introduction to the fine art of English teadrinking at the Ritz. An afternoon tea sitting there is a memory for life..[/quote]

    I wouldn't know. They refused me permission to enter their hallowed premises

  11. #11
    I am in Jail
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    Quote Originally Posted by Marmite the Dog
    Fekkin' convicts! What would they know about the national English pastime?
    Obviously more than Englishmen who have corrupted it.

  12. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by lom
    Quote Originally Posted by Marmite the Dog
    Fekkin' turnips! What would they know about the national English pastime?
    I beg to differ Sir !
    I had the most proper introduction to the fine art of English teadrinking at the Ritz. An afternoon tea sitting there is a memory for life..
    Possibly, but when I lived in the UK, I found the tea served in most places to be crap, and it always came with a string attached. No wonder they drink it with milk to dilute the taste.

    Considering that the UK is a nation of tea drinker, I found this somewhat surprising.....
    Any error in tact, fact or spelling is purely due to transmissional errors...

  13. #13
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    Of course milk and sugar are optional and to the person's own taste and therefore cannot be argued over as matters of protocol.

    What about warming the pot, aren't you sposed to warm the pot or something?

    I'm drinking PG Tips at the moment, which is certainly an improvement from Liptons, but not much so - they were bloody cheap which is my excuse!!

    Wonderful thread BB!!!

    Doesn't CMN's post go against DD's new rules? I think it should be deleted - mods, do your duty!!!!

  14. #14
    I am in Jail
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    Quote Originally Posted by NickA
    What about warming the pot, aren't you sposed to warm the pot or something?
    Yes Nick, you are supposed to warm the pot and let it stand for a minute before you pour.


    But your pics were great Benbaa-and a cute little teapot!

  15. #15
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    Who are the 2 models in the pics BB?

  16. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by NickA
    Who are the 2 models in the pics BB?
    That would be me (with the King's bracelet) and the current Mrs BB.

    Quote Originally Posted by NickA
    Doesn't CMN's post go against DD's new rules? I think it should be deleted - mods, do your duty!!!!
    I haven't seen DD's new rules. Would you care to put up a linky please? And yes, CMN's most was most rude. He should have his legs smacked for that, but I'm a forgiving, non-violent chap, so I'll leave all that to the likes of Danbo.

  17. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by NickA
    Doesn't CMN's post go against DD's new rules? I think it should be deleted - mods, do your duty!!!!
    Actually, now I've thought about it for 2 seconds, it was probably my mention of biscuits that got under Taffy's thin skin.

  18. #18
    Rhubarb, rhubarb, rhubarb
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    Tea-bags in a teapot? I don't think so old boy.
    Loose leaf is the proper way and then poured through a strainer.
    Hurrumph! Hurrumph!

  19. #19
    RDN
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    Phew! I was nearly apoplectic until I read NickA's post about warming the pot! I'm glad somebody noticed that cardinal sin.

    And what about about "Take the tea-pot to the kettle, not take the kettle to the tea-pot"? Every nano-second counts in getting boiling water into the tea-pot. You can't spend time walking across the kitchen and letting the water get cold!

    Tut, tut.

    9 out of 10.

    See me.

  20. #20
    Rhubarb, rhubarb, rhubarb
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    ^^^
    Not only that, but, that "thing" Benbaa uses to heat the water, never boils it. It's not a proper kettle!
    Has anybody mentioned a nice, knitted tea-cosy yet?

  21. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sir Burr
    Has anybody mentioned a nice, knitted tea-cosy yet?
    Over a brown betty.


  22. #22
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    Hey BB, I bet you thought a nice thread on tea would be relaxing and uncontroversial - I can tell you from previous experience that this is rarely the case!!!

  23. #23
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    ^Get out Nick, we're just helping!

  24. #24
    befuddled
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    Great thread BB, one of the classics. If I was rich and had someone else to clean up after me I'd go for tea-leaves, but as I just canna be bothered cleaning out the t-pot bags it is. In work it's all a bit caveman-like when making tea, no pots, just bag in the cup. The dilemma always is how to remove the bag from the cup - find a spoon, burn the fingers, use a pen, or maybe even a stapler and pretend to be a crane driver picking up something important from the sea....I normally opt for the stapler because I always wanted to be a crane driver.
    Back off Margaret, you're on a sugar rush!

  25. #25
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    ^Make it in one cup then pour it into another, making sure the tea bag doesn't follow.

    I'm sure the inventor of the tea pot went through a similar procedure before he/she had that Eureka moment.

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