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  1. #1
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    Johnny Longprong's Avatar
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    Johnny's Liver Tonic

    I have had the pleasure of Wayne Kerr’s company at the Ponderosa this month. The young bloke was well rooted from an overindulgent Asian lifestyle. He had developed an unfortunate mild social drinking problem, what looks like a mild dose of Hepatitis, and has been scratching his scrotum madly to boot.

    I helped Wayne out with my secret liver tonic. I thought some of you might benefit also .

    The tonic consists of a simple health drink made from the Kaffir lime, or, as it is know in more politically correct circles, the Makrud lime. This tree grows all over Asia and has many culinary and other uses.



    Here is a step-by-step guide of how to make the ultimate liver tonic.

  2. #2
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    1. Cut your limes.





    Kaffir lime juice is often used as a shampoo. It leaves hair squeaky clean and revives the scalp. Kaffir lime has also been used for generations as a natural bleach to remove stains. Just mix some with a small amount of detergent. Not only does it clean effectively, it is inexpensive, natural and sweet-smelling. Wayne reckons it knocked his genital crustaceans over in a flash. You will also see the fruit in Asian urinals and it can be fun trying to move them around with your stream.

    It is believed to improve a person's mental outlook and even ward off evil spirits. In folk medicine, Kaffir lime juice is used to promote healthy gums so it is often prescribed for use in brushing teeth.

    The magic is thought to be in the Kaffir lime leaf oil. The essential oils in the fruit are a key ingredient in a wide variety of ointments. Even the rind is an ingredient in several common medical tonics because it is believed to be good for the blood and the digestive system.

    Did I mention it cured Wayne's crabs?

  3. #3
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    Johnny Longprong's Avatar
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    2. Squeeze your limes. I use a double bunger automatic juicer which saves the wrists.





  4. #4
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    Johnny Longprong's Avatar
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    3. Keep your skins. I will show you how to use them to make a cheap outdoor insect repellent. Waste not, want not.


  5. #5
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    4. Pour the juice into ice trays for freezing. Each block is equivalent to about 2 limes. You simply put one block into a glass of water and drink it, 3 times a day.

    It tastes very sour and leaves an astringent aftertaste, but just imagine how good it is for you.


  6. #6
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    For the super mozzie repellent.

    A. Put the skins into a large sealable container and fill it with cooking oil. If you are real keen you can cut the outer skin off and just use that as it contains most of the citrus oil that you are trying to infuse into the cooking oil. Seal the lid and put it away for a few months.



    B. Drain the oil into a suitable container. Try to get one that pours easily, not like mine which spills everywhere.



    C. Get one of those T-light burners that the new age crew use and heat the gear up. The stuff smells half reasonable to humans but lousy to mozzies.


  7. #7
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    dirtydog's Avatar
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    I think the ice cubes would go better with tequila Did wayne use the ice cube version for his crabs

  8. #8
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    ^ I don't know, and I prefer not to know.....However, I imagine he applied it topically.

  9. #9
    Hifaluten Member
    Wayne Kerr's Avatar
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    Yep bloody great stuff JLP and thanks ... doc says the liver function has improved to buggery too

    As for the ... erm ... skin disorder, well I mixed the juice in with some warm soapy water and just let it soak. Friggin miracle cure if I ever saw one

  10. #10
    Thailand Expat nedwalk's Avatar
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    ta for that mate, a whole lot cheaper than the stuff from the chemist to get rid of me 'mozzies ', on that note oranges work too

  11. #11
    I don't know barbaro's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Johnny Longprong View Post
    He had developed an unfortunate mild social drinking problem, what looks like a mild dose of Hepatitis, and has been scratching his scrotum madly to boot.
    I don't want to detract from the thread about "Liver tonics" - I need the tonic.

    But I have quick question about the liver.

    I drink a lot of beer. Everyday.

    A Physician's assistant (US nationality) and I were talking about drinking and the liver.

    He asked me if I had a "smelly crotch." I said yes. My crotch has a stench. (Not a joke.) I have a smelly crotch. I thought it is because of the heat and humidity. Perhaps?

    This physician's assistant who's had medical training said my "liver was running hot."

    Can someone answer?

    And thansk to Johnny Longprong for the tonic. Cheers.
    ............

  12. #12
    Thailand Expat nedwalk's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Milkman
    "liver was running hot."
    but is,nt that how the measure how long you been dead? liver temp

  13. #13
    I don't know barbaro's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nedwalk View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Milkman
    "liver was running hot."
    but is,nt that how the measure how long you been dead? liver temp
    I don't know if he was speaking figueratively, or not.

    I had been drinking a lot of beer during that time and he may have met that my liver was being over-loaded.

  14. #14
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    Well Milky I'm buggered if I know apart from having had a rooted liver ... seems this has sorted it in about 4 weeks. JLP is worth looking up in Thailand if in need of a "herbal remedy".

    Although despite his homeopathic knowledge he still reckons Pfizer's viagra is the best thing on the market for his particular difficulties

  15. #15
    I don't know barbaro's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wayne Kerr View Post
    Well Milky I'm buggered if I know apart from having had a rooted liver ... seems this has sorted it in about 4 weeks. JLP is worth looking up in Thailand if in need of a "herbal remedy".

    Although despite his homeopathic knowledge he still reckons Pfizer's viagra is the best thing on the market for his particular difficulties
    Thanks Wayne. And thanks to Johnny LP for starting this thread.

    Question: do I have to use this particular type of lime?

    Can I use any type of lime?

    I don't think those limes are in Saigon.

  16. #16
    I am in Jail

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    ^ This is good, too. Use any lime. Use OJ if no grapefriut. All else you will find in the market, except maybe olive oil (this is important -- the real lubricant). I use one based on the Spa Samui liver flush. I think it's also good for pancreas cleaning. Drink alot of water the day you do it, too.

    juice 1 grapefruit
    juice 1 lemon
    some olive oil
    2-3 cloves garlic, crushed
    knob of ginger, chopped fine
    pinch of cayenne

    Bung in the blender. I drink a small glass now and then. The Spa says twice a day for cleansing before a fast. Drink it on a home day as you may need the toilette.

    The Spa's Liver Flush recipe:
    Into a blender add extra virgin olive oil- 2 tablespoons or up to a third of a cup, with fresh lemon juice-about 1-2 thirds cup, garlic 3-5 cloves, ginger 1-knob, cayenne pepper half gram & top up with freshly squeezed orange juice.

    The Spa Resorts . Thailand

    MM, you might check if you have crotch rot.
    Last edited by Jet Gorgon; 04-04-2009 at 04:13 AM.

  17. #17
    Hifaluten Member
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    ^ Good on ya JG, looks a great tonic with all them special herbs and spices, will have to give it a go

    Quote Originally Posted by Milkman
    Question: do I have to use this particular type of lime?
    Maybe JLP can comment further but I understood the limes he uses have some "special" liver cleansing properties. I've seen them used in urinals in south central Vietnam so should be able to get them in Saigon.

  18. #18
    I am in Jail

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    ^ Don't forget the cayenne now. You need that kicker to push the bill through.

  19. #19
    Thailand Expat
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    Quote Originally Posted by Milkman
    I had been drinking a lot of beer during that time and he may have met that my liver was being over-loaded.
    Generally the liver function reflects in commonly run blood test results. Doctors can usually tell if your answer to "how much do you drink?" was BS or not. When I used to tell my doctor I only had 4 a day (that's when I was on the grog), he used to say "that means 8". The Thais like to talk in those terms like "makes blood hot" etc.

    Quote Originally Posted by Wayne Kerr
    Maybe JLP can comment further but I understood the limes he uses have some "special" liver cleansing properties. I've seen them used in urinals in south central Vietnam so should be able to get them in Saigon.
    I think the kaffir lime is native to SE Asia. Normal limes work just as well. Captain Cook used to feed his crew sauerkraut and lime juice to prevent scurvy. Leave me well out of the sauerkraut thanks!

  20. #20
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    I can't find Cayenne in any of the supermarkets here in Pattaya

  21. #21
    I am in Jail

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    ^ Do paprika and double the amount.

  22. #22
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    To get crabs in Thailand you've got to be one Dirty Bastard .

  23. #23
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    for crabs I suggest ginger and shallots or even black-bean sauce.

  24. #24
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    mmmmmmm i suggest not doing this liver treatment all in the same day ...if every does it at once there might be a backlog flowing out the pipes downtown...now that wud be nasty

  25. #25
    Eric
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    Milky

    When you say you have a smelly crotch; I have one question - serious.

    Do you have funghi on your pubes?

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