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  1. #1
    punk douche bag
    ChiangMai noon's Avatar
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    ChiangMai noon's lasagna special.

    OK.
    You are going to love this, I am extremely proud of my ability never to fuck up this dish.
    If you are careful in following the instructions, you too will be able to impress your guests.

    First of all these are the ingredients.
    I bought them from RimPing supermarket cos it's never got any queues and right now has a beer garden with girls in skimpy outfits that I feel sorry for because it's so cold up here.
    But I guess tesco would do.



    I'm cooking for 6 greedy people, so you'll need:
    2 onions
    1 large tin of plum tomatoes
    lots of garlic
    some lasagne sheets (verdi is preferable but tricky to get in Thailand)
    a packet of normal mushrooms. (magic if in season)
    a small tin of tomato paste
    2 nice peppers, 1 yellow 1 red
    2 packets of ground beef.

    And for the cheese sauce you will need these things.



    2 litres of ordinary milk
    a packet of good quality mature cheddar.
    butter
    real flour (not corn flour, it doesn't work the same)

    1 minute, I need a cigarette.
    Last edited by ChiangMai noon; 22-12-2005 at 02:09 PM.

  2. #2
    punk douche bag
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    Ok, on with the show.

    First of all peel and chop the onions, not too finely as they will lose their flavour during the cooking process.
    Chop the garlic, a good handful of the bastards, i find it better to buy big cloves cos they are much easier to chop without the risk of injury.

    Pour some good quality olive oil into the pan and add the garlic and onions, simmer on a low heat until they start to brown, this process should only take 3 or 4 minutes ande they will look something like this.



    Next add the ground beef, continue to cook on a relatively low heat, when the beef looks cooked you can add your chopped pepper and mushrooms.
    Continue to stir.

    Now, add your plum tomatoes, make sure to throw the lot in, including the juice, add a small tin of tomato puree, paste stuff, season to taste and sit back.
    After about 15 minutes of alow cook, you will have your lasagna sauce.
    Voila....



    Now, that's the easy bit done.
    the following post is the triksy part. the part where it can all go horribly wrong.

    1 minute, i need another cigarette.

  3. #3
    punk douche bag
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    Righto next comes the technical part.

    The secret to making a good cheese sauce is to use a good qualty flour, do not under any circumstances think you can get away with corn flor.
    It's lazy, my mother does it, it's no fucking use.

    Heat a sausepan for a coule of ticks then throw in a good nob of butter, about 3 tablespoons worth. Melt the butter, but do it slowly, you don't want the butter to burn.
    Bring the molten butter off the heat and add 3 tablespoons of your good, real flour.
    Stir thew flour int your butter with a whisk until you end up with something that looks like this.



    At this point in time, you can start adding the milg, a cup full at a time, keep stirring, don't stop under any circumstances, keep the gas on the lowest possible heat.
    Are you still stirring?
    Good, a few cup fulls later and you'll have this.



    At this point you can add the rest of the milk.
    Don't forget to keep stirring.
    Within about 8 minutes you will have a beautiful creamy sauce, the consistency of a thick mushroom soup.

    You can now relax, the hard work is over.
    Throw in half a paccket of your good quality mature cheddar, make sure that you have actually removed the packet.

    Keep stirring till the cheese has melted, your white sauce will have adopted a yellowish colour, this is normal, cheese is yellow.

    1 minute, i need another cigarette.

  4. #4
    A bladdy woman
    Goddess of Whatever's Avatar
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    RimPing supermarket
    I went there also when I went to CM 3 months ago.

    Many Farang foods, it made me thought of "Food Land" in Pattaya.

  5. #5
    punk douche bag
    ChiangMai noon's Avatar
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    It's all plain sailing from this point on.

    Now you can start to build your lasagna.
    I enjoy doing this, it's my favourite part of the lasagna creation experience.

    Note, the lasagna sheets should be dipped into water before putting them into the lasagna dish, this will help in the cooking process ensuring a thorough cooking.

    First, cover the bottom of your dish with you cheese sauce, then place your lasagna sheets on top, next add a liberal amount of the tomato and meat sauce. Again add pasta sheets.
    If you have been paying the attention that I feel you need to, you will now have this.



    Continue the building process until you get to the top of the dish, make sure that your last layer is a thick topping of white sauce.
    Like this one
    Here we go.



    Cover the dish in foil and put it in a pre-heated oven, quite hot but not too hot.
    Go outside if it's not too cold.
    Drink a beer, have a cigarette.
    Your work is nearly done.

  6. #6
    punk douche bag
    ChiangMai noon's Avatar
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    Captain, get over here and have a look at this.

  7. #7
    punk douche bag
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    It should be noted at this point that if you have a Thai partner, be they wife girlfriend or ladybar girl that they should not be trusted with real foreign ovens.
    They don't understand them. Yes, they are fine with an obb and can rustle up a quick spicy dish but this baby is a man's job.

    After 30 minutes, you can remove the lasagna from the real oven that your wife isn't allowed to touch.
    Flip off the foil and add the rest of the packet of cheese to the top.
    Grated works best.

    Put back into the oven on a high heat for another 10 minutes.
    Do not put the foil on. Your cheese won't brown.

    10 minutes later and after addin some mixed herb to the top, you will have this little beauty.


  8. #8
    punk douche bag
    ChiangMai noon's Avatar
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    As you can see, I took the liberty of making some garlic bread.

    When buying salad, be careful not to buy cabbage, they look remarkeably like lettuces but they aren't.
    The thing i bought sitting atop my pile turned out to be a cabbage.



    This is my friend Kate who expressly forbade me to upload her picture here.
    Looks happy with her meal doesn't she.



    She's very malnourished as you can see and this is what her plate looked like moments later.



    The reason she is so thin is that she can't cook and has a Thai boyfriend who prefers doing this.



    He was singing my praises all night.

    The end.
    I need another cigarette.

  9. #9
    A bladdy woman
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    Wow!!! Yummy!!!!!


    :You_Rock_

  10. #10
    Aspiring Guru
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    Kate's got some scary red eyes there CMN.

    Haven't you worked out photoshop yet?

    unnecessary criticism Poolie, you cake!

  11. #11
    Thailand Expat
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    Great show. Better then my big effort http://teakdoor.com/forum/showthread-t_1595.html

    I also think you smoke too much!

  12. #12
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    That looked fantastiche CMN. Great pics as well. You deserve a round of applause old boy.


  13. #13
    punk douche bag
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    Quote Originally Posted by Captain sensible
    That looked fantastiche CMN. Great pics as well. You deserve a round of applause old boy.
    Cheers mate.
    Try it out yourself.

    Quote Originally Posted by Poolcleaner
    Haven't you worked out photoshop yet?
    Nope.
    Can i start a help thread??


  14. #14
    Thailand Expat
    Marmite the Dog's Avatar
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    Wonderful stuff!! Hurrah!

  15. #15
    Thailand Expat
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    There you go, chap.


  16. #16
    punk douche bag
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    ^
    cheers. but how the soddery .... and how long does something like that take??

  17. #17
    Thailand Expat
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    Mmm, about 20 secs.

  18. #18
    punk douche bag
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    Clever English cnuts.

  19. #19
    Thailand Expat
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    Open Photoshop.

    Go to 'Help'

    'How to fix and enhance photos'

    'Fix red eyes'

    The tutorial is pretty understandable, even for the idiotic Welsh.

  20. #20
    punk douche bag
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    yes.
    I think I got it.
    Cheers marmite.


  21. #21
    Thailand Expat
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    Quote Originally Posted by ChiangMai noon
    yes.
    I think I got it.
    Cheers marmite.

    Maybe you should practice a bit...?

  22. #22
    Thailand Expat
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    That was unbelieveable CMN!! I mean all the computer expertise, I was laughing at you a week ago. Now you are the expert.

    Not only great commentary, but also it made my mouth water. I have never in my life seen a recipe for lasagna without mozzarella cheese, but the way you made the roux with flour and butter, and then incorporated the cheese. My hat is off to you.

  23. #23
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    Damn! Fair enough.

  24. #24
    punk douche bag
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    ^
    Cheers AO..
    Feel free to drop into my kitchen when you get up here..

  25. #25
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    Glad to see you using Mainland cheese. The farmers of New Zealand thank you.


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