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  1. #1
    Thailand Expat

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    Cooking lovely fluffy rice for one person.

    Three years ago I left my wife because she was a lieing bitch.
    Oooh thats a bit strong for a cooking thread but its true.
    Anyway, ever since, I have found myself cooking way to much rice which I never eat and it just ends up in the bin. I got so use to cooking for two that it just became a habit.
    When Madame Sensible started making overtures to me I started to feel ok about this wanton habit as I was soon to be cooking for two or more again and, well, rice is so fokking cheap anyway, so who gives a rats.
    It was when I learned that Madame Sensible was actually sleeping with half of Virginia that I sat myself down and had a good talk to myself about only cooking enough rice for one.
    I knew it wasnt going to be easy but I had to come to terms with this problem and I think that I have now done just that.

    So, let me ask you a question. When you cook rice, do you cook more than you actually need?

    If you do then I can help you coz I have found the solution.

    What you do is.............

    Take a small saucepan (6"-8"is good) and pour in enough rice to just cover the bottom of the saucepan.



    Boil the kettle (not a full kettle), and when the kettle has boiled pour in enough boiled water to just cover the rice and about one centremetre more. Trust me, this works.



    Light the gas under the saucepan and wait until it starts boiling. Do not go anywhere or even answer the phone coz this is only gonna take a minute or two, no more.



    When the water over the rice starts to boil turn the heat down as low as it will go and put the lid on the saucepan.



    You may now light a ciggie and make polite conversation from the kitchen door while you watch the saucepan. However, it is unlikely that you will be engaging in conversation with anyone as you are cooking rice for one.

    In about three minutes (keep your eye on it) you will find that the water has disappeared and the rice has puffed up and there are holes (a bit like geisers) all over the top of the rice.
    At this point you will need to put the kettle on again but this time fill her right up.



    The rice is now cooked and you can turn the gas off and remove the saucepan. Take the lid off and give the rice a nice stir, ensuring that all the bits of rice that are now stuck to the bottom of the saucepan are free.

    Pour the boiling water from the kettle into the saucepan and give it a good swirl around.

    Now using a siv (sorry no pic) pour off the water into the sink (again, sorry no pic) to remove the gloopy starchy, sticky stuff.

    You will now have lovely fluffy rice ready to eat.

    More than that, you will have just enough for one.

    Being a bachelor is great once you fine tune the bad habits you picked up while you were married.


    So just bung it on a plate with whatever you are having with it and feel good about the fact.

  2. #2
    Thailand Expat aging one's Avatar
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    Damn that was funny!! you can easily put the rice in the fridge and then heat it up in the microwave. It a gallant effort though and again the commentary is suburb.

  3. #3
    Aspiring Guru
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    Poolie's alternative:

    just sit at the computer posting shite while the missus uses the rice cooker to knock out perfect rice.

    "Looky look Cap, no hands!!"






    I'm not really a cnut you know!

  4. #4
    Thailand Expat

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    Poolie, this thread was designed to empower happily divorced men into believing in their ability in home economics again. I now consider myself as a personal trainer, not only to the mods at ajarn, but to all sad men who live alone and cook way too much rice due to their past experiences.

    I am a latter day John Wesley Harding if you like, I am am a friend to all.

  5. #5
    Thailand Expat

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    Fuck me I am sick to death of Christmas already as well. What a load of nonsense eh?

    Quote Originally Posted by Dennis the Dictionary
    Errr Cap, how many beers have you had tonight?
    You can fok right off as well lilliput.

  6. #6
    Aspiring Guru
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    Yes, Cap. You are all that and more and as Bangerphil would say "more power to you"

    I see my role as a leader in the exsquite skill of manipulation.
    To lead the poor down-trodden masses of western men to seek and the holiest of grails.
    The Thai companion.
    Did I mention my misuus likes bonking?
    Well nevermind, she is now the provider of the household (not beer mind).

    I am a God. Well not one with real powers but my faithfull servant awaits my next command so to speak.

    *ouch*.........I just pinched meself to make sure I wasn't dreaming.

    Did I mention the girl who's going to run my bar?

    She wants me as well.

    That's not good.

    Thailand. What a place, eh?

  7. #7
    Thailand Expat

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    I can see that I have to come to Thailand to continue my good work Poolie. With my training I think that I will be able to help many sweet young things to enjoy themselves and their life more. I feel duty bound actually.

    'Sensible does Bangers'. ooooh I am gonna write a pamphlet and hand it out to waifs and strays.
    It is the least I can do.

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