Weaning a kid away from Thai style parenting

[Marmite the Dog]

Hmmm.... where do I start?

I've just acquired an 18 month old kid who has previously been brought up the Thai way and we need to correct this before it's too late. Therefore, I reckon I've got about 6 months to address this.

There are a few specific areas that are problems in my western eyes.

1. He's a victim of the 'I want - I cry - I get' syndrome.

This is quite simple to remedy (in theory). He gets told 'no', if it's not appropriate. He's still a bit wary of me, so its working quite well at the moment.

2. The grandparents used to give him milk all through the night whenever he woke up, which seems to be every 30 mins or so. Also, milk seems to have been used as a substitute for food most of the time. The milk they gave us was shitty soya milk with a sugar content of 10%. I have noticed that he is very mucusy and I belive the large quantities of milk are at least partially to blame for this.

Now he gets a bottle of milk at breakfast and one before bedtime. That's it. Otherwise he eats normal, non-spicy food. Fresh veges and a bit of fish or chicken. The milk he will be given in future is semi-skimmed, normal milk. I also want to get him using those beakers with the little mouthpiece on top rather than a baby's bottle.

3. In a one roomed house, it is quite natural that the family all sleeps together. We don't live in a one roomed house, so that is going to stop too. Not yet though, as the poor little mite needs to settle in first and get comfortable with his surroundings and more importantly, get used to me.

I think the way forward with this is to put him to bed with the Midget until he falls asleep, then she can leave him. This will obviously have to wait until he is sleeping properly and not expecting to feed all night.

4. He can barely speak, which for 18 months is a bit poor.

The Midget will get some books and start reading to him soon.

5. He still wears Pampers in the day time.

I don't mind them at night, but surely he should be training to use a potty about now? We have tiled floors, so the odd accident isn't a problem.

Are there any other tips that parents can share with us to help the lad speak more and ultimately start reading?

The Midget is 100% behind all of this as she is worried about his development too, and we have talked a lot about the best way of being good parents and maing the lad happy as well as strong & independant.

I'm sure more things will come to mind and of course, any other useful advice is appreciated.

[good2bhappy]

^ what is wrong with the above?

[good2bhappy]

4. He can barely speak, which for 18 months is a bit poor.

Not that unusual

5. He still wears Pampers in the day time.

saves clearing up the mess

1. He's a victim of the 'I want - I cry - I get' syndrome.

so are many children in the west

[good2bhappy]

The milk he will be given in future is semi-skimmed, normal milk.

full fat(normal) is better. However these days powdered milks by a reputable company are more nutricous

[The Fresh Prince]

I've just acquired an 18 month old kid

How did this come about?

[CharleyFarley]

Just treat him as your own, and do what comes naturally.

Don't dare imagine what twaddle he's been listening to for 18 mnths.

[Marmite the Dog]

4. He can barely speak, which for 18 months is a bit poor.

Not that unusual

OK, I didn't know. That's reassuring.

5. He still wears Pampers in the day time.

saves clearing up the mess

I'd prefer to get him potty trained sooner, rather than later. I don't want him starting school still wearing Pampers and pissing himself every day.

1. He's a victim of the 'I want - I cry - I get' syndrome.

so are many children in the west

Doesn't mean it's good though. Anyway, he's out of luck with this one.

How did this come about?

He's the Midget's son and he needs to be with his mother rather than the extended family who are too busy to look after him properly.

[DrB0b]

Barely speaking at 18 months is pretty normal. A lot of kids don't speak much until they're about two years old. Don't try to force it, you'll do more harm than good. Best thing you can do is talk to him as much as possible in English, toddlers can pick up new languages pretty quickly.

Same thing for pampers, wearing nappies at 18 months is pretty normal, nothing to worry about. Potty training isn't difficult. This might sound weird but my son learnt to use the toilet by seeing me and his mum use it, children like to copy what their parents do so it only took a week or two for him to start using the potty we put in the bathroom for him. If by school you mean kindergarten then Thai kindergartens potty-train the kids themselves.

Food is a difficult one, the only way I've been able to stop my son turning into one of those obese Thai brats is to restrict the time he spends alone with his Thai relatives. They completely fail to understand that stuffing him with fried foods and sweets is not an act of kindness and they think I'm some kind of monster for rationing his intake.

My son sleeps in the same bed as we do, I didn't like it at first but now I miss him terribly if he's not there. I don't think you'll have much luck with making him sleep in another room, children sleeping with their parents is deeply engrained in Thai culture, nothing to do with how many rooms are available. It does go too far though, I know of one 13 year old girl who still sleeps with her mum every night - that's just weird.

Books are important. You should read to him too, in English.

Don't sweat it too much, at 18 months he's still a baby but over the next 6 months to a year he'll develop into a proper human being, talking (endlessly) and full of curiosity.

One thing that I've learned to watch for is that a lot of Thais expect their children to be obedient, respectful, little robots. As a farang it's your duty to teach him naughtiness, wickedness, deviltry, and all the anarchic stuff that, I think, goes to make a well-balanced adult.

[good2bhappy]

well good luck
love is the best parent.
18 months may be a little early for potty training.
Once they start getting the hang of it they get very good at using it.

[good2bhappy]

I know of one 13 year old girl who still sleeps with her mum every night - that's just weird.

Going a bit too far! ( although I have heard stories)
I think at about 5 it is easy to get them to sleep in their own room
But hey when you were kids and you were frightened at night didn't you creep to your parents room? ( older sibling poss)

[Mr Pot]

1. He's a victim of the 'I want - I cry - I get' syndrome.

My son's has starting this ever increasingly frequently at 12 months, quite unbearable being at work all day with him in a Thai enviroment.

I always try to make him interact with something else when this occurs so he forgets about trying to achieve his previous goals.

Kids can be a pain, a recent example was my son trying to put his finger in the fan and your trying to get the message across that it's not such a good idea or way to lose your fingers, resulting of course with tears when you move the fan; you'll be very busy Mtd with a 18 month old

[good2bhappy]

children love doing what they are told not to!
As long as it is not a metal fan he won't get harmed as the blades rotate in a way that pushes the finger out!
Although it will hurt. The best lesson!

[DrivingForce]

The milk he will be given in future is semi-skimmed, normal milk.

full fat(normal) is better. However these days powdered milks by a reputable company are more nutricous

agreed on both counts...he should be using formula but most everything else sounds pretty good...

My boys stopped using diapers at about that age in the day time, buy him a training pottie and make using it a big deal my boys still wore diapers at night until they were 4, that worked quite well. Gave both of them plenty of advanced notice that they were not going to be sleeping with them anymore and they both made the transition very well , in fact my youngest just stopped in the end of January and hasn't had a night time accident, though they will happen eventually, but so far both boys do very well.

Get some of those bed pads for incontinence to put under his sheets to prevent the mattress from getting pee'd on..

Mostly sounds like your doing well tough MTD, but as you said get him off those damn sugary drinks and foods, I even water down their juice and now they know no better.. Too much sugar is why he can't sleep he keep getting sugar highs and then crashing the poor little guy, more sleep, less sugar...

Your idea with the misses lying down initially is good but you should take turns lying down with him so he'll bond to you as well as loose some of his dependence on her..Good luck! MTDaddy....... seems you're going to have to change your nik too like MilkMan...

I would start brushing his gum's too in the morning with a soft tooth brush he will begin to teeth soon and that will help him get used to brushing and cut his teeth. I had my mom send me over some teething cream I have yet to see here which will numb the gum's and give him some pain relief, I used that to brush my childrens gum's with and it worked great! They had very little discomfort or complaining, plus they got way ahead of the curve on brushing their teeth..

[Mr Pot]

Although it will hurt. The best lesson!

I agree with this but I could never convince the wife.

[DrivingForce]

I'd prefer to get him potty trained sooner, rather than later. I don't want him starting school still wearing Pampers and pissing himself every day.

should take until he's about 3 though, pushing him to hard will only cause more issues..Mostly with your sanity...

[Rural Surin]

^ what is wrong with the above?

....disconnections and unawareness?

[good2bhappy]

teething cream I have yet to see here which will numb the gum's and give him some pain relief

my nanny used to rub opium into my gums. did the trick!
Not that I am advocating that

[Lily]

OK, I didn't know. That's reassuring.

Not at all unusual.

I'd prefer to get him potty trained sooner, rather than later. I don't want him starting school still wearing Pampers and pissing himself every day.

Toilet training for boys doesn't usually happen until after two. It can be self defeating to try too hard when the child isn't ready for it.

Keep the nappies off him in the day, but dont make a fuss when he wets his pants. They have to be able to see the results before they know that it isn't going to be soaked up by a nappy.

[Marmite the Dog]

Thanks for all the posts, so far.

The main thing seems to be the sleeping with Mum syndrome. I really understand what you're saying B0b, but you also have to remember that he's not my blood, so there isn't a bond yet (hell I've only known him for 24 hours). But, I really am insistent that he sleeps in his own room (eventually).

Another problem is that the folks he lived with until recently, are going to make him homesick if they visit, so apart from Gran bringing some stuff over today, I don't want any of them here for a while until he settles in, as I don't think it's fair on the lad.

[Lily]

he should be using formula but most everything else sounds pretty good...

I totally disagree with that. He is not a little baby and it is not his whole diet. He should be drinking milk and full cream preferably. Kids need a certain amount of fat in their diets.

Try to substitute the morning bottle with a feeding cup. He will still want the nighttime one, even if just for comfort while he is going to sleep. I would also try to have him sleep beside you, not in the same bed, as a step to sleeping on his own in his own room.

Eighteen months is young enough to undo the bad habits he has been taught.

[Marmite the Dog]

Mostly sounds like your doing well tough MTD, but as you said get him off those damn sugary drinks and foods, I even water down their juice and now they know no better.. Too much sugar is why he can't sleep he keep getting sugar highs and then crashing the poor little guy, more sleep, less sugar...

Agreed. Sugar is banned!

I would start brushing his gum's too in the morning with a soft tooth brush he will begin to teeth soon and that will help him get used to brushing and cut his teeth. I had my mom send me over some teething cream I have yet to see here which will numb the gum's and give him some pain relief, I used that to brush my childrens gum's with and it worked great! They had very little discomfort or complaining, plus they got way ahead of the curve on brushing their teeth..

He's not had his teeth cleaned yet. When I asked why, I was told that Gran didn't bring his toothbrush over. I said to just use your one until we have time to go to Tesco as Thai toothbrushes are as soft as baby ones anyway, and it's better than nowt.

Keep the nappies off him in the day, but dont make a fuss when he wets his pants. They have to be able to see the results before they know that it isn't going to be soaked up by a nappy.

My thoughts too. I'll wait a few days before making yet another change in his life though.

[DrivingForce]

I think at about 5 it is easy to get them to sleep in their own room

My boys have been sleeping on their own since they were born and in their own room since they were 1 year old..It's very dangerous for adults to sleep with babies you can crush the litt un while your sleeping and suffocate them, the aren't strong enough to move you themselves or let you know, my boys are well adjusted and very strong, my feeling is it builds a strong sense of independence and character..it is also nice for the parents sanity and social life as well..

We took turns and laid down with them just until they went to sleep and then put them in their own crib or bed which ever it happened to be..When they were babies they slept in our room though until they were a year old but in their own crib..This is one reason why Thai's are such babies their entire life..One habit/custom you should definitely break..

[Marmite the Dog]

I totally disagree with that. He is not a little baby and it is not his whole diet. He should be drinking milk and full cream preferably. Kids need a certain amount of fat in their diets.

I agree with the formula bit. I think he's old enough to get off that stuff now. Is UHT ok?

Try to substitute the morning bottle with a feeding cup.

Yes, I think I said that somewhere.

I would also try to have him sleep beside you, not in the same bed, as a step to sleeping on his own in his own room.

I did think about that, but there's not an awful lot of room and the bed is quite high. We shall see.

[DrivingForce]

children love doing what they are told not to!
As long as it is not a metal fan he won't get harmed as the blades rotate in a way that pushes the finger out!
Although it will hurt. The best lesson!

bullocks! until he does put it into a fan with metal blades, move the fan out of his reach and tell him why..

[Marmite the Dog]

My boys have been sleeping on their own since they were born and in their own room since they were 1 year old..It's very dangerous for adults to sleep with babies you can crush the litt un while your sleeping and suffocate them, the aren't strong enough to move you themselves or let you know, my boys are well adjusted and very strong, my feeling is it builds a strong sense of independence and character..it is also nice for the parents sanity and social life as well..

We took turns and laid down with them just until they went to sleep and then put them in their own crib or bed which ever it happened to be..When they were babies they slept in our room though until they were a year old but in their own crib..This is one reason why Thai's are such babies their entire life..One habit/custom you should definitely break..

I totally agree with that.