The Thailand expat forum for Travel, Lifestyle and Fun.

nedwalk

first question, as a man i understand the emotions of frustrations with what the kid did, and i don,t live in your world so i will not pass judgement on your actions, the next problem now is how do you deal with the crises to which this point has arrived at, is the kid still at your home, is he vindictive enough to carry out some pay back, is he screaming for some sort of attention from you? do you see in him some of yourself that you don,t like?.. is it ok not to love your child?

mate i been down your road, i have no advice to give, every situation is relative to those who are there, and its so easy to give 'advice' looking from the outside in, if what you are doing is right and it works good luck, kids...who.d have em

Rigger

My father floged me a few times when I was a teenager and it didnt do me any harm. I wouldnt have growen into the pillar of the community I am to day with out a few beatings

Panda

My Dad flogged me a few times when I was a small kid, but amazingly stopped when I got bigger and stronger than him. Funny that.

passengers

Funnily enough, I had the same experience, albeit the turning point was rather more abrupt - punching him back through a glass door at the age of 13.

The problem with physical punishment is that it doesn't ever address the issue of who is right, just who is bigger or stronger.

Loy Toy

My father also gave me a few hidings when I was young but justified everytime. I wish sometimes he was here with me here in Thailand and to give me a clip behind the ear and due to some of the daft things I get up too!

It was my mum who we were petrified of as she would pick up the nearest thing near her and hit us or she would pinch us and twist as she did not agree with beating kids in public.

DD as your nephew is here at the moment, and I expect he is 100% pom maybe your boy is crying out for attention or more than slightly jealous.

Speak to him even though you are obviously shattered by his actions. Communication is always better than a flogging!

chassamui

Are you talking about the theft or the beating?

dirtydog

I would quite happily beat the shite out of him again tonight, if i could find the fuk, but its a big building, I have never apart from last night said he was Thai scum to him or anybody else, he has proved himself to be as low as Thai scum, the nephew or I think cousin is the better description is Thai and his parents are doing him proud, my son has proved he is just Thai scum.

__________________

peterpan

Bit harsh mate, most of the time hitting out is just a release of your own frustration.
I must admit on occasion I have been tempted to give my own girls a good belt on the bum but controlled the urge because its just displaying my own weakness.
I have given them a smack before but not over the last 2 years.

Nowdays, if they over step the boundaries I just punish them in a different way by withholding their daily school money or a our weekly trip out to a fast food place. You have to mould their behavior in some way, but for me physical beatings don't cut it.
Saying that, I think girls are easier to control, I don't know what I would do if I caught them in a serious transgression but I am pretty sure I wouldn't beat them
My 'ol man didn't beat me, Mum did with a doubled up jug cord, but I went to an all boys school that was big on corporal punishment.
6 strokes of the cane was supposed to ne the max but they would give give you six and then send you onto another teacher who would give you another 6.
Sadistic pack of bastards they were, sometimes I think of going back to Christchurch and finding out which old folks home they are in and then beating the old cvnts over the head with their own zimmer frames.

Moving on, despite the gratuitous violence at their hand I think I have turned out a fairly well adjusted person, well I was until I hit these fair shores.

Nietzsche

He deserved a slap, no doubt about it, but if he's genuinely sorry, I'd think about forgiving him.

We've all done daft things when we were young.

Bexar County Stud

My Dad was abusive to me at times, so much so that it was noticed by friends and neighbors.

I don't believe anyone truly forgives for that, which is something to think about if you're a parent.

Kids make mistakes, adults make mistakes. Nobody deserves to be beaten or verbally abused for making a mistake.

somtamslap

I had a very good upbringing, but from between the ages of 13-19 I was a COCK..

Just a bit of a twat now.

Not sure the beating was such a good idea, DD, were you punching him in the head??

If he is "Thai scum" watch out for the hitman eh..

chassamui

I used to get a thump as a kid if i stepped out of line and my parents turned out ok.

PS That new av is stunning NR.

Chairman Mao

Take his phone and give it to the cousin. Or sell it and donate the money to homeless people. Plus further punishment.

Don't think beating them till your fists hurt is the most constructive form of punishment.

DrivingForce

Ever heard of TSD?? It's real and takes many people even decades to even understand the effects such traumas have had on their entire life, the person they are, and the relationships they cultivate. It's undeniable, it's like suggesting that a tree that grows with plenty of sunshine, water and healthy fertile soil has no advantage over the one that doesn't and eventually shrivels and dies..

It's not realistic to just dismiss the effects and minimize the results and struggles that a person has to confront their entire lives due to the abuse that was forced upon them which was buried deep in their psyche like so many other traumas people experience in life to give them the ability to deal on a daily basis regardless of whether they're adults or not... You can apply to this any of the numerous adults just now realizing how bad their childhood sexual abuse by priests or others is becoming recognized.
People so often disregard these traumas because they aren't as well understood or openly visible right in someone's face like an outward scar or even a lost limb for example but they are every bit as valid.

chassamui

Have you been taking drugs DF?
If not perhaps you should.

DrivingForce

^no, but it's certain you have and are right now if you can't see the sense in what I've said.. Heavy hallucinogens too I might add..

chassamui

That is just your opinion DF. Thankfully i don't have to see your kind of sense if i choose not to.
My only drugs are tobacco and the odd cold beer. It somehow seems to be enough for me to remain on a level.

NickA

No, but by a certain age they have to take responsibility for their actions. I think DD's son is 16 or so, which is certainly old enough.

Unless DD has shown or taught him that stealing is OK it is pretty weak to say that it is his fault.

However, if the kid goes out next week and beats the shit out of someone then maybe DD would have something to answer for.

There are plenty of examples of good kids from bad families and bad kids from good families and good and bad kids within the same family.

Mathos

Exactly.

__________________
All the women take their blouses off
And the men all dance on the polka dots
It's closing time !

Panda

Which raised a very interesting question.
The kid is supposed to be 16. Lets try a hypothetical scenario. If say, a 12 year old brother stole his Dads phone, would it be OK for him to flog the hell out of the littler one until his fists and arms hurt?