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mobs00

Marmers thread on Thai parenting got me thinking....


First off I have no kids, yet. I look around and see how some of these Thai kids have grown up with no sense of questioning authority. They seem to just follow the flock without ever asking "Is this right or wrong". By authority I mean anyone older than them, the media and government. The mentality of not wanting to rock the boat seems extremely prevalent in Thai culture. I live near a university and watch the "group exercises" that build on this theme of the group is stronger than the individual. The hazing and initiations carried out in Thai schools by the senior pupils towards the freshy's only seems to ingrain this thought process further.

How did you go about teaching your kids to think for themselves? To question what they are "told" is correct. Did they get any flack from others for their independent thinking?

I for one have never been a model citizen. I always try to question the facts and usually don't believe what I am told right away. I think this trait is an important part of an individuals upbringing. Again, I am not a father but I could never see my kids just following everyone else just because the "group" says they should.

Marmite the Dog

It's a tricky one and something that will no doubt come up in the future.

As for teaching the kid to question authority, I think your kid will more likely pick up on your reactions to certain events, rather than you actually having to make a concious effort to teach it.

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There's the right way, and there's the Thai way

robuzo

Exactly, I am not teaching my son to question authority per se, but rather expect him to pick it up the way I did, and my dad did. The genetic predisposition if such exists should be in place.

good2bhappy

not mine

blackgang

Sounds like we a lot alike, and I did try to teach my last kid, I was away from home most of the time when my first family were growing up, but their mother was a right decent person if a little easy at times, so the kids did fuck up some.
But my daughter who I raised thru her first formative years was taught to not believe everything she heard and to question most stuff and think of the consequences of her actions, if I do this what will be the outcome.
She was also taught to think for herself, and to do for herself.
Once a friend was visiting and my kid was about 4 and was fooling around in the kitchen and my friend and I were in the living room with a football game on and talking AA stuff as she was a newer member of AA.
anyway she heard my daughter doing something with an electric mixer in the kitchen, and finally curiosity got the better of her and she went in to see what was going on, and the kid was making cup cakes and she had put the paper cups in the muffin pan and had mostly missed when filling most of them and some had little in them and some were more than full and wanted this friend to help her get it in the oven.
Well this broad liked to shit herself, Why do you let thus child do shit like this, she has fucked up a cake mix and from the looks of things there are egg shells in the mix and it will never cook right and yadada do,
And I said, she got to learn and what better way than doing it, she has hurt nothing, she made a mess and will clean it up herself, if I do not get right up from the table after we eat, she trys to do the dishes herself.
She knew about making cupcakes as we had done it many times and she had it down pretty pat but her actions were still not tuned quite right, I had always let her do what she could and so she did not fuck up to bad,, but thats how you learn, think and do.

NickA

I will tell them to do what they are told, but will also tell them when what they are told to do is bollocks, even if it is me who is telling them what to do

jarne

hei
by asking your children about their opinions, what they want and how they think and feel, the progress is in motion

mobs00

Never thought of that one. I hope they dont pick up on everything I do, as if that's the case I am sure I will have my hands full.

mobs00

BG, I am also pretty sure I will try to raise my kids with a sense of responsibility for their actions which is also a trait that seems to get overlooked by most Thais.

My parents let me do things on my own and I learned from my mistakes. As you said, letting them try new things and figuring out how to be independent is an important aspect of a free thinker.

robuzo

They don't miss a trick- they pick up on things you do that you don't even notice yourself.

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露武蔵

mellow

I have told my son many times not to be confrontational with his teachers. To just ignore some of the crazy, or negative stuff, without verbalizing it, or being obvious. Authority figures hold grudges, as he has already found out at 9 years old. So if your child questions authority, help him or her learn that part too.

mobs00

^ That's one of the things I was wondering. Do kids that go against the norm here get treated differently? And if so, it must be difficult to help them keep the free spirit but at the same time function normally in Thai society.

blackgang

When I was a kid maybe they did different stuff than they do now, I really do not know but I tried to do as was done to me but some stuff I did worry about with my kid.
I had a very nice Morgan mare, probably 10 years old, just long enough in the tooth to be a very dependable horse and still young enough to do a days work.
Part of my job as a kid was to ride fences and check on the cattle, so I would get a canteen full of water from the creek, and a nosebag of oats for Babes lunch and put my sandwiches in a saddle bag and get on my horse and ride off to be gone all day and to be sure to get back before dark, now that seems pretty far out as a way to treat a 6 year old kid now days but thats the way it was then,
And if I seen a cow was sick and needed doctoring and I was unable to do it I would bring grandpa back tomorrow and find her and he would fix her up.
And I have always been able to think and to figure the outcome of my thinking and to be responsible for my actions, and that is what I think a conscience is, being responsible for your actions.
If you are doing the right thinking and with love and kindness you will have no problem raising good kids or training good dogs, before anything there must be dialog, kids and dogs understand this and will respond to it.

britmaveric

Hmmmm well as I see it you need to do as your told unless its life dangering, illegal or malicious. Kids need rules and authority or else all hell will break loose. The way I look at it - your job is to follow adult authority from parents and teachers until you are on your own.

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mobs00

^^ I think that sort of independence builds a strong character. It helps kids learn to figure things out on their own. It's a shame that so many kids are babied nowadays and grow up expecting their parents to fix anything wrong in their lives.

I was out working construction at 14, after high school I moved out on my own, and after a few years of work I ended up in Thailand to figure things out here. Mind you, Thailand is similar to going to the moon as far as the folks in western Massachusetts think. I remember getting to BKK and had no idea what or where I was. At that point I didn't even know what a GOGO bar was! So it goes to say something for figuring out things by yourself.

I do however really appreciate and wholeheartedly accept good advice. Advice from people who have been there and done that is sometimes invaluable in life's trials and tribulations.

mobs00

^^ I think I read that somewhere in the Thaivisa rules of engagement.

britmaveric

Part of the fun of growing up is fking up - builds character and hardens you - prepares you for what lies ahead.

mobs00

^ Yup, I remember in 4th grade the teachers had a bet on which student would end up in the slammer. I came in 2nd!

FlyFree

I'd imagine if you teach your kids here to think and question they're gonna have a hard time. If you don't they'll turn out to be sheep. Between a rock and a hard place here. That's one of the primary reasons I'd never try and raise a child in Thailand.

If you want to teach your kid to be independent and questioning, treat them as a person from the start. This means never to tell him/her not to do something without explaining why. Most parents are too lazy to do this, much easier to just tell them to do as you say. Then they wonder why the teenager rebels against them eventually.

blackgang

Exfuckingzactly, I did that with my kid and she responded like an adult, not a little kid, and I started to do that the day she came home from the hospital and up until the day she got on the plane at CM heading for the first grade in US.

mrsquirrel

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Has 1/2 mile range as well. So when you know he is being naughty but you can't see him you can zap them anyway