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hillbilly · 02-02-2009, 01:34 AM

While living in the states with my daughter we have had a few hiccups. She has grown up in a Thailand with a maid and is not use to doing housework. Hence, one of the reasons for moving back for a few years to instill some responsibility.

Sunday is a clean the house day. Washing, drying and putting up clothes along with tidying up our rooms. The big stink involves cleaning the bathroom, my daughter says that it is disgusting. Today, to add to her chores I added my bathroom as she often uses it as well.

This 9-year old got all upset about the additional duty and said "I hate you".

Currently, I am now trying to calm down before resolving this issue. So what would you do?

Texpat · 02-02-2009, 01:43 AM

get a maid.

S Landreth · 02-02-2009, 01:54 AM

unacceptable behavior (the “I hate you” comment),…she does need responsibilities

I was raised in a strict home,…..there is nothing wrong with asking your children to do chores

However,.she was raised with a house keeper in the house here in Thailand so it is going to take some adjustments

hillbilly · 02-02-2009, 02:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Texpat

get a maid.

Your suggestion could help bandaid the problem, but actually providing a solution?

buriramboy · 02-02-2009, 02:21 AM

Make her earn her pocket money/allowance or whatever you call it, no work no money, she don't want to do her chores then no luxuries as in new clothes or whatever you spoil your daughter with.

NickA · 02-02-2009, 02:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hillbilly

She has grown up in a Thailand with a maid and is not use to doing housework. Hence, one of the reasons for moving back for a few years to instill some responsibility.

Couldn't you just have sacked the maid?

hillbilly · 02-02-2009, 02:42 AM

^This was tried several times, but the truth is initially I enjoyed the aspects of having a Thai maid. As the years went on... Well you get the picture.

davearn · 02-02-2009, 02:58 AM

Could always use the line Dustin Hoffman used in Kramer vs Kramer.

hillbilly · 02-02-2009, 03:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by davearn

Could always use the line Dustin Hoffman used in Kramer vs Kramer.

Come on now, help me out here. What was the line?

britmaveric · 02-02-2009, 03:03 AM

reward/punishment method - don't do your chores you get things cut out, you do things then you get some pocket dosh.

Chores teaches responsibility - not going to have someone else do things for you always, so best to learn this now, not later.

davearn · 02-02-2009, 03:04 AM

^ Sorry mate, I was only joshing but the line is "I hate you back, you littlle shit"

mrsquirrel · 02-02-2009, 03:52 AM

Do nothing.

Said it myself a few times

Let it pass and she will do something about it if she wants to or realises she said it out of anger.

don't worry about it HB.

friscofrankie · 02-02-2009, 04:17 AM

ignore the "I hate you" stick to your guns. Be fair.
Every parent goes through this. It is her prerogative to hate you, it is NOT her prerogative to defy you. Make damned she does her chores, whether she hates you or not.

hillbilly · 02-02-2009, 04:50 AM

Ok, I have calmed down just a bit.

I just have to remind myself that I was an asshole when I was I kid. Probably still am at times.

Now here is where us adults can't figure out kids. My daughter is now cleaning out her entire room to include the closet.

Might I say no problem with the Disney Channel not being on, she is listening to today's music and is doing what she has been asked.

Even organizing her closet or wardrobe as the Thais would say.

However, she did comment that she only had 5 pairs of jeans...

Thanks for all the imput. Really appreciate the feedback!

kingwilly · 02-02-2009, 05:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hillbilly

Currently, I am now trying to calm down before resolving this issue. So what would you do?

gladd the others said it first, DO NOT react to the i hate you comment,

it is either

1. a means of blowing off steam (and thus to be ignored)

2. said to get a reaction (and thus to be ignored)

Besides, your daughter will love you forever, don't let words said in anger hurt that. do not make a deal out of it.

ch1ldofthemoon · 02-02-2009, 05:09 AM

send her out to work ther rice paddies,tell her she cant come back `till she loves you........

chitown · 02-02-2009, 05:17 AM

This type of the thing was the beginning of the end of my relationship with the kid. So be careful how you handle it. Be firm, fair, loving and don't back down. Hope for the best, but expect the worst. No matter how fair you are it won't be enough in her eyes. Good luck HB - been there done that!

Rural Surin · 02-02-2009, 05:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by friscofrankie

ignore the "I hate you" stick to your guns. Be fair.
Every parent goes through this. It is her prerogative to hate you, it is NOT her prerogative to defy you. Make damned she does her chores, whether she hates you or not.

Good sound advice Frankie. Nonetheless, situations can be different, this might be a sound guideline. Cheers

Rural Surin · 02-02-2009, 05:35 AM

DELETE

Rattanaburi · 02-02-2009, 05:43 AM

She should learn to do work but making her clean your bathroom could be a bit disgusting especially if your hair is all over the place in it. Why not tell her if she doesn't want to clean it she should use the other one but she has to clean it. Growing up we never cleaned our parents bathroom. My sisters pretty much only did laundry or stuff in the kitchen. I guess they helped in keeping the main bathroom clean. You know girls though they mess up bathrooms with all their makeup etc. Thinking back it seems that my brother and I did a lot more work around the house inside and out than my sisters. Now my brother is a lazy ass. My sisters are the most successful.

Anyways, I still think that a 9 year old shouldn't have to clean her father's toilet. It's disgusting!!!

Loy Toy · 02-02-2009, 06:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hillbilly

This 9-year old got all upset about the additional duty and said "I hate you".

Welcome to fatherhood mate!

Don't make a big issue out of it but stick to your guns and certainly do not bow to her outburst.

I would like a dollar for everytime one of my kids told me they hate me and at the end we could not be closer.

By giving her chores and responsibilities is ensuring that she ends up feeling a bigger part of your family. She will thank you one day and tell you she is going to teach her children the same principles.

Then your grand kids will tell you that they hate you!

Comes with being a good dad mate!

hillbilly · 02-02-2009, 06:14 AM

Thanks! My daughter is still not happy!

jizzybloke · 02-02-2009, 06:35 AM

^she'll get over it!

I never said "i hate you" to mine my brother did and got the shit kicked out of him, just made me more sneaky

Loy Toy · 02-02-2009, 06:45 AM

My son (adopted) tends to piss all over the toilet seat including the floor and when he does a piss and doesn't clean up his mess.

My wife explained that he has a foreskin which hangs over his bell end which does not allow him to piss straight!

Well as I don't have a foreskin I can't imagine his problem so this morning I waltzed him into the toilet and made him clean up his mess. My wife told me she would clean it and I told her that if he doesn't learn now he will never learn.

She agreed, he got down begrudgingly and cleaned up his piss and I don't want to see his yellow beads all over the toilet seat again over wise I will ban him from the toilets and I will give him a 5 Gallon bucket to do his business in.

You gotta be cruel to be kind......My parents were!

The Gentleman Scamp · 02-02-2009, 06:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hillbilly

Quote:

Originally Posted by Texpat

get a maid.

Your suggestion could help bandaid the problem, but actually providing a solution?

Exactly, it must hurt a bit to be told 'I hate you' from your own child or from a step child but is getting a maid providing a solution or simply spoiling the kid?

Many kids in Thailand do have maids and drivers and go to nice schools - this is all very well providing they understand how fortunate they are.

02-02-2009, 01:34 AM	#1 (permalink)
hillbilly Still trailer trash Last Online: Today 04:35 AM Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: BKK & 'D&G Resort' Posts: 8,049	I hate you While living in the states with my daughter we have had a few hiccups. She has grown up in a Thailand with a maid and is not use to doing housework. Hence, one of the reasons for moving back for a few years to instill some responsibility. Sunday is a clean the house day. Washing, drying and putting up clothes along with tidying up our rooms. The big stink involves cleaning the bathroom, my daughter says that it is disgusting. Today, to add to her chores I added my bathroom as she often uses it as well. This 9-year old got all upset about the additional duty and said "I hate you". Currently, I am now trying to calm down before resolving this issue. So what would you do?

02-02-2009, 01:54 AM	#3 (permalink)
S Landreth Guest Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: left of center Posts: 4,920	unacceptable behavior (the “I hate you” comment),…she does need responsibilities I was raised in a strict home,…..there is nothing wrong with asking your children to do chores However,.she was raised with a house keeper in the house here in Thailand so it is going to take some adjustments __________________ Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.

02-02-2009, 04:50 AM	#14 (permalink)
hillbilly Still trailer trash Last Online: Today 04:35 AM Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: BKK & 'D&G Resort' Posts: 8,049	Ok, I have calmed down just a bit. I just have to remind myself that I was an asshole when I was I kid. Probably still am at times. Now here is where us adults can't figure out kids. My daughter is now cleaning out her entire room to include the closet. Might I say no problem with the Disney Channel not being on, she is listening to today's music and is doing what she has been asked. Even organizing her closet or wardrobe as the Thais would say. However, she did comment that she only had 5 pairs of jeans... Thanks for all the imput. Really appreciate the feedback! Last edited by hillbilly : 02-02-2009 at 04:55 AM.

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02-02-2009, 01:43 AM	#2 (permalink)
Texpat I am in Jail Last Online: 18-05-2013 11:51 PM Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Nong Khai Posts: 12,261	get a maid.

02-02-2009, 02:21 AM	#5 (permalink)
buriramboy I am in Jail Last Online: Today 02:24 AM Join Date: Mar 2007 Posts: 4,729	Make her earn her pocket money/allowance or whatever you call it, no work no money, she don't want to do her chores then no luxuries as in new clothes or whatever you spoil your daughter with.

02-02-2009, 02:42 AM	#7 (permalink)
hillbilly Still trailer trash Last Online: Today 04:35 AM Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: BKK & 'D&G Resort' Posts: 8,049	^This was tried several times, but the truth is initially I enjoyed the aspects of having a Thai maid. As the years went on... Well you get the picture.

02-02-2009, 02:58 AM	#8 (permalink)
davearn Thailand Expat Last Online: 19-05-2013 11:32 AM Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Brisbane, Australia Posts: 1,588	Could always use the line Dustin Hoffman used in Kramer vs Kramer.

02-02-2009, 03:03 AM	#10 (permalink)
britmaveric nid aur yw popeth melyn Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Pattaya Posts: 4,321	reward/punishment method - don't do your chores you get things cut out, you do things then you get some pocket dosh. Chores teaches responsibility - not going to have someone else do things for you always, so best to learn this now, not later.

02-02-2009, 03:04 AM	#11 (permalink)
davearn Thailand Expat Last Online: 19-05-2013 11:32 AM Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Brisbane, Australia Posts: 1,588	^ Sorry mate, I was only joshing but the line is "I hate you back, you littlle shit"

02-02-2009, 03:52 AM	#12 (permalink)
mrsquirrel Jarvis fellates goats 4 $ Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: In a rather cold and dark place Posts: 12,450	Do nothing. Said it myself a few times Let it pass and she will do something about it if she wants to or realises she said it out of anger. don't worry about it HB.

02-02-2009, 04:17 AM	#13 (permalink)
friscofrankie Northern Hermit Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Chiangmai, Thailand Posts: 7,412	ignore the "I hate you" stick to your guns. Be fair. Every parent goes through this. It is her prerogative to hate you, it is NOT her prerogative to defy you. Make damned she does her chores, whether she hates you or not.

02-02-2009, 05:09 AM	#16 (permalink)
ch1ldofthemoon Member Last Online: Today 04:06 AM Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: London,England Posts: 529	send her out to work ther rice paddies,tell her she cant come back `till she loves you........

02-02-2009, 05:17 AM	#17 (permalink)
chitown Gonna Miss This Place Join Date: May 2007 Posts: 12,311	This type of the thing was the beginning of the end of my relationship with the kid. So be careful how you handle it. Be firm, fair, loving and don't back down. Hope for the best, but expect the worst. No matter how fair you are it won't be enough in her eyes. Good luck HB - been there done that!

02-02-2009, 05:35 AM	#19 (permalink)
Rural Surin morbidly fascinated Last Online: Today 05:30 AM Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: กาฬสินธุ์ Posts: 23,497	DELETE

02-02-2009, 05:43 AM	#20 (permalink)
Rattanaburi Thailand Expat Last Online: 12-11-2009 11:42 AM Join Date: Sep 2007 Posts: 1,956	She should learn to do work but making her clean your bathroom could be a bit disgusting especially if your hair is all over the place in it. Why not tell her if she doesn't want to clean it she should use the other one but she has to clean it. Growing up we never cleaned our parents bathroom. My sisters pretty much only did laundry or stuff in the kitchen. I guess they helped in keeping the main bathroom clean. You know girls though they mess up bathrooms with all their makeup etc. Thinking back it seems that my brother and I did a lot more work around the house inside and out than my sisters. Now my brother is a lazy ass. My sisters are the most successful. Anyways, I still think that a 9 year old shouldn't have to clean her father's toilet. It's disgusting!!!

02-02-2009, 06:14 AM	#22 (permalink)
hillbilly Still trailer trash Last Online: Today 04:35 AM Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: BKK & 'D&G Resort' Posts: 8,049	Thanks! My daughter is still not happy!

02-02-2009, 06:35 AM	#23 (permalink)
jizzybloke Special member Join Date: Dec 2006 Posts: 7,447	^she'll get over it! I never said "i hate you" to mine my brother did and got the shit kicked out of him, just made me more sneaky

02-02-2009, 06:45 AM	#24 (permalink)
Loy Toy On a walkabout Last Online: Yesterday 10:05 PM Join Date: Jun 2008 Posts: 21,032	My son (adopted) tends to piss all over the toilet seat including the floor and when he does a piss and doesn't clean up his mess. My wife explained that he has a foreskin which hangs over his bell end which does not allow him to piss straight! Well as I don't have a foreskin I can't imagine his problem so this morning I waltzed him into the toilet and made him clean up his mess. My wife told me she would clean it and I told her that if he doesn't learn now he will never learn. She agreed, he got down begrudgingly and cleaned up his piss and I don't want to see his yellow beads all over the toilet seat again over wise I will ban him from the toilets and I will give him a 5 Gallon bucket to do his business in. You gotta be cruel to be kind......My parents were!

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