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Loy Toy

Sorry for shocking you duck but I have heard all stories about strangulated foreskins and the such and I therefore asked the good people here for some advice.

By the way the boy is well into puberty and I am sure he will be more embarrassed about this situation then what I am. I am thinking about taking him down to the local family doctor and for him to check his foreskin and give him some advice also.

Anyway thanks for your advice, even with your elephant in a china shop delivery!

DaffyDuck

Fair enough.

LOL! Yeah, sorry about that -- it just appears to be such a common thing, showering and washing, that I was genuinely shocked that it was even a question.

Not sure if taking him to a doctor for examination and lecturing on how to clean his penis might not be more embarrassing than just having a father-son talk with him, especially if he's well into puberty (the way it was described, you made it appears as if he were a 5-9 year old).

Hey, but when in doubt, you can always google for it:

Penis care (uncircumcised) - Overview

;-)

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Lily

I have to agree with Frankie here, you are not being a good parent if they dont 'say' they hate you at times. It is about teaching them to take responsibility for themselves. Sometimes it is a challeng to them they will use every trick in the book to get out of it.Really, who chooses to clean toilets if they dont have to?

They dont hate you, it is just a rite of passage.

Panda

One thing I noticed about my upcountry Thai in-laws was that the kids all pulled their weight around the place as far as chores go. I never saw any whinging about it either. Kids as young as 4 would be helping their family clean up and prepare food for the market next morning. The kids would sit around on the mat cutting up the banana leaves and enjoying the experience too. It was impressive to see such cooperation. But the one thing that stood out is that the work was always shared. None (especially the kids) was seen working alone. Everyone chipped in together in the extended family situation and the kids were brought up to not know anything different than it was just the normal thing to do.

I have to wonder if our newly evolved nuclear family unit is not a bit out of whack with human nature in some ways when everyone has individual chores and individual rewards?

Sounds like the young girl in the OP is suffering from a bit of culture shock coming from a relatitively privileged family with a maid to (?USA) and becoming middle class having do do her own cleaning up. Shes had to take a cut in living standards, as far as menial tasks go anyway, and it wasn't her choice. So no wonder she is upset. We all whinge when someone takes something away from us.

I wouldn't be too concerned about the "I hate you" line. Kids dont have the developed vocabulary to express their feelings adequately sometimes. (often goes for adults too.) If she had said something like, -- " I am really angry with you for making me come here and having to do all this shitty work that should be done by the maid" , I'll bet it wouldn't have the same emotional impact on dear old Dad.

My suggestion to help her overcome the culture shock of a change in social class levels would be to encourage a more family based participation in the cleaning duties rather than divide the tasks up and assign them to individuals within the unit. And then to offer some reward, eg, .. Ok, lets all get this place cleaned up and we can all go out and have a treat... etc.

Its not easy to change habits and attitudes of a lifetime (assuming the girl has never had to do her own cleaning before), especially if it means taking a cut in living standards (eg:more domestic chores).

The standard stick and carrot approach is probably the way to go. Offer some reward for helping out, perhaps some pocket money to spend on an outing as reward. Also there's the emotional reward of working together as a family unit, -- everyone kicks in together to get the job done and praise for effort is encouragement while refusal to participate should result in a degree of scorn from the rest of the family group. And of course, no reward spending money on the follow up family outing would also have an impact on her decision making.

If it gets down to a --"do as I say because I am the boss and just forget about your previous upbringing because you are in a different country now", you are sure to create more animosity. She may end up submitting to your will but be prepared for a rebellion when she hits her teens.

Johnny Longprong

Bloody good advice. This is a pivotal moment in your relationship. For the next 15 or so years there will be similar challenges to your position. Whilst her comments might be hurtful to you, they probably mean very little to her, other than she doesn't know any other way to respond. The concept of hate is something not understood by her. It is not even understood by you, so why would it be understood by her?

I hate to draw the analogy, but it is a lot like training your dog. Someone has to show leadership and authority. The important thing also is that your authority isn't being undermined from other areas. Unity of command is vitally important in such matters. Love is strong and kind.

DrivingForce

which? a kid or an asshole?

phuketbound

There is a lot of great advice on this thread.

I'd just like to add that giving a child responsibility is the best thing you can do. If you had stayed in Thailand, and had her grown up with a maid. She may end up being a spoiled brat, who may have a hard time in life because of her attitude.

She doesn't hate you. Hate has strong emotion to cover for another emotion. She is probably in pain, because it is new to her, and she thinks it is unfair. After she starts cleaning after herself a few times, I bet she will grow to like it. It may make her feel good about herself, having some responsibility. Evenif it is cleaning toilets

BarnacleBill

Such a wealth of advice here. Not a lot more to add. In our household we worked together to keep the domestic place clean and tidy, like my two sons and I having to clean all the china on a Sunday morning, with Mum continually telling us not to break anything. But it was a challenge to all of us and we enjoyed it - in the end. We all (most of us) like to live in a clean environment and once we acknowledge that it can only be made that way by our own efforts then it becomes a responsibilit and not a chore.

Texpat

good words, crusted one.

Take care of that which is important.

Kids often times don't see a home as important.

Nawty

Don't worry about the Duck LT....Daffney likes to play with his 'bell' end a lot in the shower and any old excuse to give it a rub and a soak in nice warm soapy water will do.....maybe he is one of those clean freaks, you know he gets the rubber gloves on and a scrubbing brush to give his gonads a good goin over also.

I mean really....lets look at it this way....I went into the pisser once in a bar here and had a piss. I had just been eating or drinking, whatever...I undid me zip, I dragged out the schlong and had a piss, put it back and did up the zip.

Only thing i touched was my pecker and my pecker is good enough for my wife to swallow, so its good enough for me to hold.

I don't normally wash my hands after only pissing, don't touch anything else, even the door you can kick open.

So this guy in the bathroom says....oi ain't you gunna wash your hands...I said mate its my dick, not yours, fuck off and mind your own business.

Maybe it was Daffney ??

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Ghandi

Take the kid down to the ghetto and show her how the other half lives and then explain they don't even have toilets to clean, sure works like a charm for me.

Fabian

Are there really people in the US living without toilets?

Texpat

^ Gotta model home if yer interested.

Panda

The Yanks dont have toilets, -- only bathrooms.
Always wondered if they shit in the bath or the shower?

Nawty

I think it depends at what stage of obescity they are at !

Another Farang

mate, in my oppinion she may be too young to scrub skidmarks off the toilet.
I know it builds character, and disciple and all that, but I would wait for her to be an early teen for that at least.
Even if she did the whole house and you do just the toilet...

its just a shitty task, thats all.