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  1. #1
    Member Andrew Hicks's Avatar
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    Andrew Hicks Escapes Death - The snake in my shorts.



    This really is a cautionary tale.

    If you're in agony from a snake bite, the writing could be on the wall!

    The story below tells where I got bitten, so please read on.

    Sorry, no photos. It's hard to focus when you're hopping around in agony uttering expletives.




    Never, never, ever make jokes about being bitten by snakes!

    Iíve just been staring into the jaws of death and it wasnít funny. The jaws were small, the jaws probably of a Laotian wolf snake, but they might have killed me and by God, did it hurt.

    Weíve just been staying for the New Year on Koh Chang one of Thailandís loveliest islands and we took a chalet on White Sands Beach, under the jungle canopy hard up against the foot of the mountain. The monkeys come down in the evenings and there are wild boar up there so itís still nature red in tooth and claw, including the rash of bars and discos on the sands.

    On our first night, despite it being the dry season, it began to rain. I lay awake in bed listening to the rain beating on the corrugated iron roof for a bit but, not having seen rain for a few months, went outside onto the verandah to have a look. In the lights of the surrounding huts I could see that my shorts hanging on the verandah rail were getting wet so I picked them up to move them under cover.

    Then I felt something soft fall onto my right foot and immediately came a stabbing pain. As I turned I saw something slither away into the pot plants moving very fast. I wasnít sure what it was and at first I thought must be a centipede.

    I blundered back inside the hut rudely waking Cat and Nan and lay in agony on the bed massaging my foot. I broke into a sweat. I felt dizzy and sick. This looks too bad to be a centipede so it must be a snake, Cat tells me.

    Tropical snake bites can be fatal so, I guess, Iím now staring into the jaws of death.

    Cat goes and calls help from Thai friends nearby who get up and gather round looking extremely worried. ďWhatís the remedy for centipede bites?Ē I ask them.

    ďKill centipede, squeeze shit out and rub it on the bite.Ē

    I think Iíll assume it was a snake. We havenít caught the thing yet anyway.

    Iím still lying on the bed, the worst pain of my life now tracking up my calf and into my groin, while outside the hunt for the snake begins. Suddenly thereís a hubbub. Theyíve found it curled up under one of the pots. Figures are dashing to and fro and thereís a banging sound. Theyíve killed the snake.

    I have a great respect for local knowledge on country lore such as snakes and I watch their faces. They look grave.

    ďWe know this one. Very bad snake. Very dangeruss!Ē

    It doesnít look too good for me. I need a doctor pronto.

    Thereís nobody who can drive my pickup so I have to drive it myself, my right braking foot a blazing ball of fire. We get to the local international clinic which says it cannot treat me but arranges an ambulance to the government hospital on the far side of the island.

    Itís a good long run over the hills and almost vertical hairpins so itís just getting light as we arrive. Now early morning, itís very quiet and an English speaking nurse checks me in and takes my pulse. We show her the snake and she checks a poster showing the local snakes that are dangerous. When she canít find it, she does a Google search and says she thinks itís a Laotian wolf snake, a small snake that hunts frogs and lizards at night. This one isnít poisonous, but they can take any chances with the identification.

    The doctor comes and I learn more about snakes. One type of snake bite is neurotoxic. The venom causes extreme drowsiness which is the neurological system closing down and the beginning of a quick death. The other poisonous bite affects the capacity of the blood to clot and the victim slowly bleeds to death from all orifices and internal bleeding.

    If Iím lucky, it could be another one where the snake disables the prey with shock and extreme pain caused by toxins injected by the bite. Itís certainly hurting enough to disable anyone.

    What they have to do, it appears, is to admit me for observation for 24 hours and take regular blood tests to check that coagulation is normal. But what if itís not, I wonder. How can a small public clinic on a Thai island cope if thereís a severe crisis? What can they do to stop me bleeding to death?

    Iím not usually squeamish about having blood taken but the first nurse manages to squirt my blood all over my arm. I sink into a whirling pit of dizziness and put my head between my knees. Perhaps this is it then, a new species of snake that can do a double strike. The bloodís gone everywhere because itís not coagulating properly and the snakeís toxins are now fatally attacking my neurological system.

    Yes, it was an anxious few hours with little Cat could do to distract me. I was admitted to a ward to lie and stare at the ceiling. At first the pain had been so bad I didnít much care how it stopped, but now I was getting more reluctant to die.

    The hospital was excellent and soon reported that the first blood test was normal. I slept the night with the usual interruptions for checks of temperature and blood pressure and for more blood letting. By morning I was still alive and it was still raining.

    It was a dismal day and I dressed and sat out the front of the hospital watching as the nightís harvest of farang males whoíve fallen off motorbikes are brought in to be patched up. Of these there were three in all.

    One had bounced down the road on his beer belly, removing most of the skin. Two others riding a motorbike through the jungle had gone straight on where there was in fact a bend in the road. Lying unconscious and hidden in the undergrowth at three in the morning with about five fractures between them canít have been the best way to spend their holiday. But Iím told the hospital has about twenty of these road accidents to deal with every day.

    My own problem was beginning to look relatively minor in comparison.

    These lads were in real trouble. I was going to be okay and the Laotian wolf snake it was that died.


  2. #2
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    nice story. pity about the laotian wolf snake dying.

  3. #3
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    So to sum it up you weren't bitten by a venemous snake. Oh well, never mind.

  4. #4
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    Why so many reds? are there lots of snake lovers on TD

    Any way nice little story, snakes are scarey fuckers eh, especially if you're not used to dealing with them.

    ave a green for your pains

  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by Begbie View Post
    So to sum it up you weren't bitten by a venemous snake. Oh well, never mind.
    I'll bet you'd have cut open the wound with your Bowie knife and got your trusty Indian side kick to suck out the poison eh

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sdigit
    Why so many reds? are there lots of snake lovers on TD
    click on his user name, select view other posts.

    naught to do with snakes.

  7. #7
    Thailand Expat AntRobertson's Avatar
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    Why does Andrew Hicks refer to himself in the third person? Does Andrew Hicks not realise this is a bit wanked?

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sdigit View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Begbie View Post
    So to sum it up you weren't bitten by a venemous snake. Oh well, never mind.
    I'll bet you'd have cut open the wound with your Bowie knife and got your trusty Indian side kick to suck out the poison eh
    It's an advert for his blog, which is an advert for his "books". I suppose we all have to make a living but don't expect a round of applause.

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by AntRobertson
    Does Andrew Hicks not realise this is a bit wanked?
    There is lots of wanked things about Andrew Hicks.

    Doesn't Scampy refer to himself in the 3rd person.... Oh I see.

    yes.

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by Begbie View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Sdigit View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Begbie View Post
    So to sum it up you weren't bitten by a venemous snake. Oh well, never mind.
    I'll bet you'd have cut open the wound with your Bowie knife and got your trusty Indian side kick to suck out the poison eh
    It's an advert for his blog, which is an advert for his "books". I suppose we all have to make a living but don't expect a round of applause.
    Ok so he writes books for a living, big deal, that don't make him some kind of devil dose it.

    It's a decent story and a lot more entertaining than some of the stuff posted on here.

    Probably a true story as well and that's worthy of posting ........and greening

  11. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sdigit
    I'll bet you'd have cut open the wound with your Bowie knife and got your trusty Indian side kick to suck out the poison eh
    Only if it was on his knob.

  12. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by kingwilly View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Sdigit
    Why so many reds? are there lots of snake lovers on TD
    click on his user name, select view other posts.

    naught to do with snakes.
    Every time I try doing that I get the message about waiting 19 seconds between searches?????

  13. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by dirtydog View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Sdigit
    I'll bet you'd have cut open the wound with your Bowie knife and got your trusty Indian side kick to suck out the poison eh
    Only if it was on his knob.
    Now that would be a story

    Dose Begbie even have a knob, I thought he was a she

  14. #14
    Have you got any cheese Thetyim's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sdigit
    Why so many reds?
    He gets a red every time he mentions his book.

    He must be very ill because he didn't mention it today

  15. #15
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    ^

  16. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sdigit View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by kingwilly View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Sdigit
    Why so many reds? are there lots of snake lovers on TD
    click on his user name, select view other posts.

    naught to do with snakes.
    Every time I try doing that I get the message about waiting 19 seconds between searches?????

    here ya go, knock yerself out.

    http://teakdoor.com/newbies-lounge/3...-the-door.html (Andrew Hicks Knocks on the Door)
    http://teakdoor.com/the-teakdoor-lou...standards.html (Jeep By Anyone's Standards)
    http://teakdoor.com/the-teakdoor-lou...l-or-bike.html (Bar Girl or Bike?)
    http://teakdoor.com/the-teakdoor-lou...-loungers.html (A Special Invite for Teak Loungers)

  17. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sdigit View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Begbie View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Sdigit View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Begbie View Post
    So to sum it up you weren't bitten by a venemous snake. Oh well, never mind.
    I'll bet you'd have cut open the wound with your Bowie knife and got your trusty Indian side kick to suck out the poison eh
    It's an advert for his blog, which is an advert for his "books". I suppose we all have to make a living but don't expect a round of applause.
    Ok so he writes books for a living, big deal, that don't make him some kind of devil dose it.

    It's a decent story and a lot more entertaining than some of the stuff posted on here.

    Probably a true story as well and that's worthy of posting ........and greening
    Well rush out and buy one of his books, you know you want to.

    Sorry SD you fucking moron, but I reckon that anyone who uses this place as an advert for their work is fair game for critical reply.
    Last edited by Begbie; 15-01-2010 at 04:29 PM. Reason: short words for ShitDigit

  18. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by Begbie View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Sdigit View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Begbie View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Sdigit View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Begbie View Post
    So to sum it up you weren't bitten by a venemous snake. Oh well, never mind.
    I'll bet you'd have cut open the wound with your Bowie knife and got your trusty Indian side kick to suck out the poison eh
    It's an advert for his blog, which is an advert for his "books". I suppose we all have to make a living but don't expect a round of applause.
    Ok so he writes books for a living, big deal, that don't make him some kind of devil dose it.

    It's a decent story and a lot more entertaining than some of the stuff posted on here.

    Probably a true story as well and that's worthy of posting ........and greening
    Well rush out and buy one of his books, you know you want to.

    Sorry SD but I reckon that anyone who uses this place as an advert for their work is fair game for critical reply.
    Thats cool Begbie, I'm just having fun with you anyway.....carry on

  19. #19
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    Thai Girl scroll down about two pages.
    Last edited by WhiteKnight; 15-01-2010 at 04:34 PM. Reason: To help people find article

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sdigit
    Dose Begbie even have a knob
    Does is the word your looking for, and the answer is he is Scottish, so it's extremely unlikely.

  21. #21
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    ^You're very interested in my genitalia DD. The stereotype about all englishmen being poofs may have some grounding in fact.

  22. #22
    Have you got any cheese Thetyim's Avatar
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    On our first night, despite it being the dry season, it began to rain. I lay awake in bed writing a chapter fro my new book "Thai Girl 2" and listening to the rain beating on the corrugated iron roof for a bit but, not having seen rain for a few months, went outside onto the verandah to read my book "Thai Girl" and have a look. In the lights of the surrounding huts I could see that my shorts hanging on the verandah rail were getting wet so I picked them up and put them under my book "Thai Girl".
    Then I felt something soft fall onto my book "Thai Girl" and immediately came a stabbing pain. As I turned I saw something slither away into the pot plants moving very fast. I wasn’t sure what it was and at first I thought must be the publisher of my book "Thai Girl".

    I blundered back inside the hut stubbing my toe on a copy of my book "Thai Girl" rudely waking Cat and Nan and lay in agony on the bed massaging my foot. I broke into a sweat. I felt dizzy and sick. This looks too bad I may never complete my new book "Thai Girl 2"

  23. #23
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    Men that habitually wear skirts generally don't have penises, take a wander down your local ladyboy bar

  24. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by Thetyim
    rudely waking Cat and Nan
    Needs a rewrite....

    interupting Cat and Nan who reading my book called Thai Girl.

  25. #25
    Thailand Expat AntRobertson's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Begbie View Post
    ^You're very interested in my genitalia DD.
    Must be a novel experience for you then, having someone else other than your right-hand paying attention to your genitals.

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