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  1. #1
    Balls to Monty
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    The Malt Whisky Thread

    Christmas is the time for good will and fine whisky.

    There is nothing that fills you with festive spirit like the tickle of a single malt on your tongue.

    The only problem with malt whisky, as all fellas everywhere know but are scared to admit, is that in reality it tastes a bit shit.

    Fear not for the solution to this problem is documented in pictorial format here!

    First take a bottle of fine single malt (any single malt will do, this one is Balvenie) and another empty bottle and a bottle of organic agave syrup.



    Decant some of the fine whisky into the empty bottle so that you will have (1) enough space to add some syrup (2) enough air to allow some slooshing of the mixture to mix the syrup.



    Now add 20-25% syrup to the original bottle. It will sit at the bottom of the bottle and not mix so sloosh it up.



    Now add 20-25% syrup to the second bottle and sloosh it up too.



    Sloosh both bottles many more times until the syrup dissolves into the fine whisky.

    You have basically turned your whisky into a liqueur like Drambuie.

    Now serve in 90 year-old vintage crystal liqueur glasses!



    Cheers!

    I do not recommend using honey as the honey flavours will overpower the complexities of the single malt.

    Honey is OK as a liqueur mixer in grain whisky.

    And as if the gods had spoken their approval what should arrive by express post delivery Christmas present from my sister within 30 minutes of my fine photographic work but a bottle of Lagavulin 16 year-old....




  2. #2
    I am in Jail
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    ^Are you mad? Spoiling good whisky like that! You should be shot, eviscerated and drawn and quartered....butt first the pillory.
    Drink Canadian whisky if don't like whisky. Don't be wasting single malt Scotch.

  3. #3
    Pedantic bastard
    nidhogg's Avatar
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    Dear God.

    Why, why do that to single malts?

  4. #4
    Pedantic bastard
    nidhogg's Avatar
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    And can we please get this thread re-named:

    "The f*cking up a decent whisky thread"

  5. #5
    Thailand Expat

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    Not nearly as bad as me... I admit, I add diet coke to my single malt...

    (forgive me lord, for I know not what I have done)

    But, before you beat me to a pulp, I am starting to appreciate it 'neat'... so give me time.. I'll get to whiskey nirvana one day...

    I love this thread BTW...

  6. #6
    Philippine Expat Davis Knowlton's Avatar
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    I don't like single malt. I drink scotch, but quite honestly can't really tell one from another. Single malt drinkers tend to be pretentious twats, just like kunts who babble on and on about wine while sniffing the cork and rolling it in their hands. FFS, just get it down yer gullet....

  7. #7
    Thailand Expat Dillinger's Avatar
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    You can be forgiven Dick, my tastebuds were different at 15 too bro lol.

    As for Looper, red incoming

  8. #8
    I am in Jail
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    Interestingly I just recently learned most of the Canadian whisky is rye whisky.
    I generally like rye whisky. But the old American brands like Old Overholt an Jim Beam rye.

    Mind Canadian whisky is good but kinda generic and lack of character like the tripple distilled Jameson. Bushmills has much more character.

  9. #9
    Thailand Expat

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    I tell a lie.. I'm drinking "Teacher's Highland cream".. it's a blend, sorry (my bad).

    Hey, Dill 15 and 3/4 matey!...

    Merry Xmas mate :-)

  10. #10
    I am in Jail
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    And just for the record: good whisky should be drunk neat at room temp with just a few drops of water to help release the flavors.
    Good scotch is very complex and very much an acquired tasting art.

  11. #11
    disturbance in the Turnip baldrick's Avatar
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    as it is yours so you may do anything you want with it - have your tried to mix it with WWjuice ?

    Quote Originally Posted by Looper
    as all fellas everywhere know
    do I need to point out that you wear high heels and thus are disqualified for speaking as a representative of real men

    Quote Originally Posted by Looper
    like Drambuie
    why not just buy a bottle of drambuie ? it is great liqueur - I had a stage when I could pick up a bottle for 22 euros so I used to get 3 at a time and either carried a decanted 350ml bottle to nip it straight or splashed it over an ice cube when I had the glass and ice

    the Lagavulin is an Islay Malt and thus is special - I like all the islays

    Balvenie is ok , I bought a bottle back in June transiting the swampypoon ,that was ok - can't remember what cask it was.

    I was looking for the rum cask stuff that is matured in old rum casks from the caribbean - sounded like an interesting taste

  12. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mr Earl View Post
    Interestingly I just recently learned most of the Canadian whisky is rye whisky.
    I generally like rye whisky. But the old American brands like Old Overholt an Jim Beam rye.

    Mind Canadian whisky is good but kinda generic and lack of character like the tripple distilled Jameson. Bushmills has much more character.
    Canadian whiskeys have a reputation for being smooth, less harsh or a bite than their cousin whiskeys...

    To each his own.

  13. #13
    Thailand Expat Pragmatic's Avatar
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    I once had a liking for Bowmore Single Malt when I lived in Scotland. I kicked the habit on moving South.

  14. #14
    I am in Jail
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    Quote Originally Posted by thaimeme View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Mr Earl View Post
    Interestingly I just recently learned most of the Canadian whisky is rye whisky.
    I generally like rye whisky. But the old American brands like Old Overholt an Jim Beam rye.

    Mind Canadian whisky is good but kinda generic and lack of character like the tripple distilled Jameson. Bushmills has much more character.
    Canadian whiskeys have a reputation for being smooth, less harsh or a bite than their cousin whiskeys...

    To each his own.

    Hey most of us haven't been trained or have very experienced palates.
    What I know now I was clueless when mixing Chivas and coke 20 years ago.

  15. #15
    Thailand Expat
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    Quote Originally Posted by Looper
    You have basically turned your whisky into a liqueur like Drambuie.
    yuck
    Quote Originally Posted by Mr Earl
    good whisky should be drunk neat at room temp with just a few drops of water to help release the flavors.
    Indeed. The aroma of a good malt thus unlocked is to die for. But do drink some too.

  16. #16
    Gohills flip-flops wearer
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    Quote Originally Posted by baldrick
    have your tried to mix it with WWjuice ?
    WWJ would make Loopers toes curl, and adding that disgusting Scottish stuff into it would probably reduce the strength of such a fine hallucinogen.

  17. #17
    Balls to Monty
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    Well you can drink malt either straight (very nasty) or with some water (unpleasant but you don't need to physically grimace) or in liqueur form (tastes like drops of heaven rolling around on your tongue).

    Adding syrup does not get in the way of being able to appreciate the complexities of the flavours in the malt (syrup is just sugar and water). It just makes it a heavenly experience instead of a trial of the taste-buds.

    It is much easier to taste the complex flavours when your palate is not being assaulted by 43% alcohol lacerating the skin from your tongue.

    I challenge any of the faux posturing connoisseurs to actually try it with 20% syrup added and then tell me that it is not a far superior drink.

    Quote Originally Posted by baldrick
    why not just buy a bottle of drambuie ?
    I like Drambuie but that is just one blend of whisky (not even pure malt) and they use honey and herbs so it is radically doctored which my drink is not. I like to explore the full range of tastes that malt whisky has to offer but I want to enjoy it rather than endure it.

  18. #18
    The poster you can trust Luigi's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Looper View Post
    and a bottle of organic agave syrup.


    add 20-25% syrup to the original bottle. It will sit at the bottom of the bottle and not mix so sloosh it up.

    Now add 20-25% syrup to the second bottle and sloosh it up too.

    Police!


    Arrest this man.

  19. #19
    Thailand Expat

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    Hmmm Looper puts forward a very good case... I shall give it a go.

    At least my missus will surely like it..

  20. #20
    Gohills flip-flops wearer
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    Quote Originally Posted by NZdick1983
    At least my missus will surely like it..

  21. #21
    Balls to Monty
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    Quote Originally Posted by NZdick1983
    I admit, I add diet coke to my single malt...
    I don't mean to come on all 'faux-connoisseur' on you Dick but 'diet coke' in malt whisky... That truly is a crime!

    The beauty of using syrup is that it is nothing more than sugar and water so you do not in any way alter the fundamental flavour of the whisky you are drinking and you are therefore qualified to offer a wafflingly bombastic opinion of the complexity of the flavours in the style of a true malt whisky aficionado wind-bag.

  22. #22
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    aging one's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Looper
    Well you can drink malt either straight (very nasty) or with some water (unpleasant but you don't need to physically grimace) or in liqueur form (tastes like drops of heaven rolling around on your tongue).
    stick with Breezers or Thai beer, your palate and taste buds are long dead. At first I thought you were taking the piss.

  23. #23
    Thailand Expat

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    All good bro.. I know mate.. you are right...

    I'm gonna make a change... gonna make a difference, gonna make it riighhhttt

    no more diet coke in my whisky.. I'm gonna go the full monty...

    I'm gonna use coke... no more diet shite...

    kidding.. I'll use your trick, cheers.

  24. #24
    Philippine Expat Davis Knowlton's Avatar
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    When I was a Drill Sergeant in Basic Training, there was an NCO Club in the training area. You could get in in fatigue uniform, unlike the Main NCO Club on Main Post.

    It was predominantly black, as a disproportionate numbers of Drill Sergeants were black - about 70% in my company.

    It was a great, kick-ass club. Only Drill Sergeants and their women. I saw Ike and Tina Turner there.

    To the point...the libation of choice was Chevas Pinch - with milk. They claimed it prevented ulcers.

    Never again.

  25. #25
    Balls to Monty
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    Quote Originally Posted by aging one View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Looper
    Well you can drink malt either straight (very nasty) or with some water (unpleasant but you don't need to physically grimace) or in liqueur form (tastes like drops of heaven rolling around on your tongue).
    stick with Breezers or Thai beer, your palate and taste buds are long dead. At first I thought you were taking the piss.
    Well put your bottle where your mouth is AO.

    If the idea of doing this to malt whisky is too painful for you to countenance then try it with grain whisky to start with.

    Mix 20% syrup into a glass of grain whisky.

    Now repeatedly take sips of the straight whisky followed by the liqueur whisky and then come back here and type with a straight face that the liqueur whisky was not far superior.

    Alternatively, if you decide that the liqueur whisky is actually nicer then ponder the fact that syrup is just sugar and water, and then explain to me why there is anything wrong with doing the same thing to malt whisky.

    Indeed, if it actually lets you enjoy the whisky more while still letting you taste all the flavours then why is it not the right thing to do?

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