Results 1 to 21 of 21
  1. #1
    たのむよ。
    The Gentleman Scamp's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Last Online
    02-07-2021 @ 10:09 PM
    Location
    51.5491° N, 0.1441° W
    Posts
    9,779

    Post Lunch with rock singer

    lunch with rock singer


    I am riding a 1997 Harley Davidson FXR Fatboy classic and my passenger is a sexy Thai rock singer called Jackie who is wearing D&G aviator sunglasses, knee high black leather biker boots, torn denim hotpants and a white linen blouse knotted at the stomach, no that's bollocks I am actually riding an old Honda Wave I inherited from my deceased twin brother The Gentleman Scamp after he was murdered by that awful doctor, and my lady passenger is wearing fake Ray bans, pedal pushers, a blouse that clashes with her bum length rusty bleach blonde hair and a silly hat.


    She is indeed a Thai rock singer who I met at a party at the Lamai Resort and Spa last week; however, she is just a singer with a band who play regularly at Angkor, a huge new mountain resort; the opening party of which I attended the night before last and subsequently netted her mobile number as I had always fancied dating a singer.

    Speaking with her broken, almost irreparable English, her name is 'Jack-eeeee' and though she can sing classic western rock and pop songs her English leaves a lot to be desired, but here I am in the afternoon sunshine asking her in Thai if she wants to eat Thai or farang food, and if you don't know what 'farang' means then fuck you, and don't tell me you're an expat cause you know fuck all and I'm explaining nothing.


    As I approach the main Lamai road some dickhead driving beside me in a brand new (as they all seem to be in Thailand) - SUV makes a left turn without indicating (as the all seem to not do in Thailand) and then, despite clearly being in the wrong, has the nerve to beep me, and so I beep him back but alas, Scampy's bike has seen better days and the sound produced is more that of a kitten dry wretching than a beep.

    Fortunately I was chugging along at a modest 20k and had just been overtaken by a knock-kneed knackered old biddy on a chicken chaser so no harm was done.


    Jackie lives and works at the new Angkor resort, performing every night with a Thai band and another Thai singer, a man with long scraggly grey hair and brown teeth who wears a pale denim jacket over an old USA flag vest, who looks more rock and roll than Keith Richards and reminds me of Ad Carabao, and if you don't know who Ad Carabao is then fuck you, and don't tell me you're an expat cause you know fuck all and I'm explaining nothing.


    Did I forget to mention that her 16yr old brother is in tow, probably as some kind of chaperone - this is common when dating half decent Thai women but it's also a pain in the arse, even if you do just want lunch to see if the attraction is still there in the sober light of day.

    The menu is all in English but Jackie knows what she wants and requests 'spagg-et-teeeee carbonara' to the waitress. Her brother, who incedentally has zero understanding of written or spoken English, orders the T-Bone steak causing me to choke on my Tiger beer, turn red in the face and glances to be exchanged. To my relief the ensuing silence is broken by the waitress who informs us that 'no have T-bone today' and so the little shit looks at the prices again and orders the fillet steak, the second most expensive meal on the menu.


    I would say my spoken Thai is fairly good, by no means fluent but when conversing with a Thai who's English is fairly good we usually meet in the middle and can have a pretty reasonable and coherent conversation, providing he or she is savvy enough, which she is not.

    I ask her what time she starts work and she says 'Angkor resort', I ask her what song she most likes to sing and she agrees with me. There ensues a period of uncomfortable silence which only serves to highlight the pointlessness of the situation and this is probably why it is so rare for me to invite a girl to lunch. I tap my fingers on the table and look around with a ho hum exppression, I look left into the restaurant and I look right, out onto the street.


    I look at her brother opposite me and he smiles... I mean to smile back but it must have come out as a forced grimace.
    Typically, my food arrives the moment I light up a cigarette. Because of her horrid, greedy little oppertunist, let's-get-what-I-can-from-the-farang-man-who-wants-to-shag-my-sister sibling I have gone for the cheapo special, the grilled chicken breast in mushroom sauce with mashed potato.

    I can't recall ever being presented with such a crappy colorless meal and can easily imagine what Gordon Ramsay would say upon being presented with such flat, culinary dullness. I will refrain from typing it for the sake of my parents who have thus far enjoyed my writing but I'm sure you can imagine, anyway, Jackie gestures for me to begin and I explain in broken Thai that where I come from it is impolite to begin before everybody has their food.


    Her spag-et-teeeee carbonara arrives and it looks almost as bland as mine does, a clumsy mass of white and beige with the occasional glimpse of pink.

    My dry chicken breast with tasteless mash covered in mushroom soup is, to be frank, rubbish - but I persist and by the time I have finished the unstimulating, flavorless mush I have become a dab hand at salt application.


    The brother, whatever his fucking name is, is clearly enjoying his fillet steak with chips and grilled carrots which doesn't look too bad, and so it shouldn't for 300 baht, which is over four quid, his meal alone costs more than mine and Jack-eeeeee's put together but he does at least finish it. Jackie is struggling and asks for my help, and so I reluctantly manage a couple of forkfuls of the vapid, salty, faux-cheesy stodge.

    How did this happen I ask myself, why did I even ask for her number?


    Well the first night I met her we had made small talk and it whad been nice of me to be able to practice my Thai.
    The second night I met her at the Angkor opening party, and I remember she had been wearing a black leather bra and a cowboy hat so I can only assume that in my drunken state, Mr Squinky - (AKA Littlebrain) had woken up, made his presence known and pushed me to get her number, and if you don't know who Mr Squinky is then fuck yourself up the arse, and don't tell me you're an expat cause you know fuck all and I'm explaining nothing.
    Last edited by The Gentleman Scamp; 17-02-2006 at 09:24 PM.

  2. #2
    Aspiring Guru
    poolcleaner's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Last Online
    27-07-2006 @ 09:21 PM
    Location
    pratunam
    Posts
    4,456
    Didn't Mr Squinky work for ECC?

  3. #3
    Have you got any cheese Thetyim's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Last Online
    @
    Location
    Mousehole
    Posts
    20,893
    Eyup, Scampy, what you doing in here ?

    I thought you were going to China

  4. #4

    R.I.P.


    dirtydog's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Last Online
    @
    Location
    Pattaya Jomtien
    Posts
    58,763
    You should go out for meals with me Whumpy, I seem to have this knack for finding the most disgusting food in the world that they actually charge money for.

  5. #5
    たのむよ。
    The Gentleman Scamp's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Last Online
    02-07-2021 @ 10:09 PM
    Location
    51.5491° N, 0.1441° W
    Posts
    9,779
    Quote Originally Posted by dirtydog
    You should go out for meals with me Whumpy, I seem to have this knack for finding the most disgusting food in the world that they actually charge money for.
    Whumpy!

  6. #6
    There once upon a time...
    Torbek's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Last Online
    02-08-2014 @ 05:14 AM
    Posts
    1,184
    I'm still undecided about people who refer to themselves using the definite article.

    Just thought I'd say.

  7. #7

    R.I.P.


    dirtydog's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Last Online
    @
    Location
    Pattaya Jomtien
    Posts
    58,763
    Quote Originally Posted by Torbek
    the definite article.
    so whats that then? and dont forget we aint a teachers forum so the explaination has to be real simple so ppl like marmers and that can understand it

  8. #8
    Thailand Expat
    Marmite the Dog's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Last Online
    08-09-2014 @ 10:43 AM
    Location
    Simian Islands
    Posts
    34,827
    alai wah?!?

  9. #9
    There once upon a time...
    Torbek's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Last Online
    02-08-2014 @ 05:14 AM
    Posts
    1,184
    The...

    (And they don't teach ya wisdom like that in fuckin' three day course!)






    Well...actually, they probably do... They gotta give you something for your THB 5,000...

    Last edited by Torbek; 17-02-2006 at 11:58 PM.

  10. #10
    Member

    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Last Online
    17-01-2011 @ 08:05 PM
    Posts
    140
    What sort of songs does she sing?
    I wouldn't mind accompanying her.

  11. #11
    たのむよ。
    The Gentleman Scamp's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Last Online
    02-07-2021 @ 10:09 PM
    Location
    51.5491° N, 0.1441° W
    Posts
    9,779
    Quote Originally Posted by marklatham
    What sort of songs does she sing?
    I wouldn't mind accompanying her.
    The usual cover stuff.

    No Coldplay thank Christ.

  12. #12
    Khun Marmite
    RDN's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Last Online
    19-03-2016 @ 06:03 PM
    Location
    ราไวย์, ภูเก็ต
    Posts
    3,165
    Quote Originally Posted by The Hutchinson Whump
    ...my deceased twin brother The Gentleman Scamp after he was murdered by that awful doctor...
    I knew him - TGS. Nice guy, but too popular for that insecure, paranoid doctor bloke.

    Quote Originally Posted by The Hutchinson Whump
    ..... bleach blonde hair and a silly hat....
    Is that the one with the tattooed titties?

    Quote Originally Posted by The Hutchinson Whump
    ...orders the fillet steak, the second most expensive meal on the menu....
    One of my girlfriends had a friend like that. The first night - fillet steak. "Fucking hell" I thought, but was trying to impress the gorgeous new g/f. Next day we go for lunch with her - fillet steak again. "Fucking hell!". Never invited her again.

    Nice post - keep 'em coming!

  13. #13
    I am in Jail
    attaboy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Last Online
    11-12-2013 @ 11:30 AM
    Posts
    4,042
    The young Thai kid knows his math.

  14. #14
    たのむよ。
    The Gentleman Scamp's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Last Online
    02-07-2021 @ 10:09 PM
    Location
    51.5491° N, 0.1441° W
    Posts
    9,779
    Is that the one with the tattooed titties?
    I know who you're thinking of RD, no I just have a think for tarts in cowboy hats.

  15. #15
    たのむよ。
    The Gentleman Scamp's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Last Online
    02-07-2021 @ 10:09 PM
    Location
    51.5491° N, 0.1441° W
    Posts
    9,779
    I just have a think for tarts in cowboy hats
    'Thing', not 'think' - where's the edit function round here?

  16. #16
    Khun Marmite
    RDN's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Last Online
    19-03-2016 @ 06:03 PM
    Location
    ราไวย์, ภูเก็ต
    Posts
    3,165
    Quote Originally Posted by The Hutchinson Whump
    I just have a think for tarts in cowboy hats
    'Thing', not 'think' - where's the edit function round here?
    Don't worry about it - I often think about them too...

  17. #17

    R.I.P.


    dirtydog's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Last Online
    @
    Location
    Pattaya Jomtien
    Posts
    58,763
    Now this I wouldn't mind spending a weekend at Koh Samet with


  18. #18
    punk douche bag
    ChiangMai noon's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Last Online
    @
    Location
    o dan y bryn
    Posts
    29,256
    Inded DD.. But there lies the difference between a classy Japanese AV star and your common o garden variety, wouldn't take them anywhere for fear of awful embarrassment, Pattaya street slags.

  19. #19

    R.I.P.


    dirtydog's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Last Online
    @
    Location
    Pattaya Jomtien
    Posts
    58,763
    This young lady was available a couple of nights ago in Soi Post Office down in Pattaya, 1,100 baht though and no cowboy hat, although I was tempted



  20. #20
    punk douche bag
    ChiangMai noon's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Last Online
    @
    Location
    o dan y bryn
    Posts
    29,256
    Now that's much better.

    Does she play pool nude?
    She ought to for the extra 100 baht.

  21. #21

    R.I.P.


    dirtydog's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Last Online
    @
    Location
    Pattaya Jomtien
    Posts
    58,763
    The nude pool is 200baht per gal I mean now you must start to realise the great amounts of money we invest into this site just to keep perves like you happy not to mention the time either, I mean do you really think I enjoy visiting these places of sin?

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •