Woke up early today intent on getting to Burriram to stay with my friend and have a poke around the Muang. I called her around 8.30am just to make sure that everything was ok only to learn that she in fact lives near Burriram in a small Ban called Nang Rong. She then went on to tell me that she didnt actually live in Nang Rong either but in that district. Yikes, it was starting to get complicated.
Undaunted, I showered and made ready for the journey by bus to somewhere near Burriram. I breakfasted on scrambled egg and toast at the Asia Hotel and laughed when, after I ordered, I saw the nong run off down the road to order it from the local milkbar here in Lopburi. Meanwhile I was supping on coffee. The toast was prepared on site and was served within 1 minute of me ordering it. The eggs came about 15 minutes later.
After breakfast I walked to the bus station which turned out to be about 3 kilometres east of where I stayed but I didnt care. Young fella's like myself need a walk from time to time.
I walked past the Khmer ruin in the middle of what is now a roundabout where the monkeys are treated like kings and was reminded of when I had visited the same site some 14 years prior with my galfriend Caroline. The memories flooded back and I laughed out aloud when I got to the bit where I was dancing naked in our room to the sound of Van Morrison's Brown Eyed Girl. It was then that I realized that a bunch of German tourists were staring at me as I laughed. Embarrassed, I walked on to the bus terminal and boarded a bus to Saraburi as it was explained that there was no direct bus to Burriram. I was told that I should change buses in Saraburi in order to get to Burriram and that the fare for that leg of the journey was 29 baht. Sound as a pound I thought and off I went.
Halfway to Saraburi the geezer that collects the fares came around and I watched as everyone paid thier 29 baht. The smallest note I had was a 100 baht and as I handed it over I said to the geezer "29 baht, Lopburi to Saraburi". He nodded and gave me back 10 baht and continued collecting 29 baht from the other passengers. Stunned, I called him back and asked him how much the fare was. Without even so much as a sideways glance he told me that the fare was 90 baht. I said "but, but, but............oh fok it."
I just hope he chokes on 61 bahts worth of something that he eats real soon. Ooooh that made me so cross but I wasnee gonna argue.
Half an hour later the bus pulls in to Saraburi and off I get and light up an L+M. I am surrounded by motorcycle taxi and samlor drivers all shouting "You, where you go?" while pointing directly upwards. I respond by asking them where they are going with a big grin on my face and they all look quizzicly at eachother until they collapse in fits of laughter.
It was then that I decided that I needed to know more about how far Burriram was from Saraburi and set off up the High St looking for a newsagents to buy a map. As I crossed the road it dawned on me that what I really needed was an internet cafe so I could cut to the knib of the knob to answer my questions. Deft eh? Daft more like, coz fokking Saraburi does not have a fokking internet cafe. In fact Sarafokkingburi doesnt have much going for it at all. Saraburi is like fokking S****horpe in fact.
I searched and searched for an internet cafe in Saraburi, all to no avail. There just isnt one. So I walked back to the bus terminal after I had a nice lunch of Kwiteo with duck followed by a bowl of ice cream.
Sitting myself down amongst all the punters waiting for thier bus I tried to look as though I had a purpose in being there but it wasnee long before those motorcycle taxi and samlor drivers eeked me out and did the "You, you, you." dance again. Grrrr
I busied myself with my mobile phone as Ice Maiden was texting me about her being on her way to Bangers and how she didnt want to be there. I sat there for some twenty minutes before I decided to become Actionman and enquired about the bus to Burriram.
"Mott. Mai mee. No have. Pinit" came the response. Grrrr. "Would I like to go to Korat instead?" No thanks, I said with a big grin. "Udon?" No thanks. "Krung Thep?" No thanks. "I want to go to bloody Burriram. Do you understand?" I said. "Cannot." came the answer. Oh fer fok sake, I thought.
It was about this time that I thought that I should have decided to live in Latvia.
It was clear that I was not going to get to Burriram so I took the decision to return to Lopburi. There was no way that I was gonna stay in S****horpe anyway. If I was quick I could make it back in time to hang around the gate at the University when all the students come out. I got a thing for the uniform you see.
Only 50 minutes later I alighted in Lopburi and made for Thepsatri University. I made it just in time. *grins*
Now I am sat writing this in the lobby of The Lopburi Asia Hotel and I have an audience watching me as I tap at the keyboard. Dont get me wrong coz I really do love Thailand. I just hate fokking Saraburi. I would rather go to Wollongong than go back to Saraburi again. And that cnut owes me 61 baht too. Grrr.
'As the Manly ferry cuts its way to Circular Quay.' (Now that is deep.)
Tonight I shall attend the Lopburi Tap Dance Gala night (my shoes are polished already) but I have got to say that I miss both the Chez Kanniff Fun Parlour and Jomtien.
Yikes. My laptops battery is about to run out so cheerio everyone.