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  1. #1
    Cynical Member
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    Patong Beach is shit.

    Last week a friend of mine invited me down to Patong Beach in Phuket for a week of drinking and debauchery. Not having been there for more than 2 years, I gladly accepted and boarded a plane bound for Phuket. Well, this is high season so everyone has their greedy little grins on and unfortunately accommodation is not to be had for less than 1000 baht a night.
    Also, the touts are the worst here than anywhere else in Thailand. Yes, even worse than Pattaya (actually they're not that bad up there). You can't walk 5 feet without some idiot trying to sell you some stupid shit. You're not even safe from these cnuts on the beach. I was sitting under my 100 baht umbrella and every 5 minutes somebody would come by and try to sell me something.
    I figured, okay, let's go to a different beach. Well, the taxi mafia is going to charge you 400 baht one-way (after bargaining down from 500) to go to Karon. Fuck that.
    Oh well, at least the beach is nice. Wrong. 3 years ago, it looked like this:





    Unfortunately the idiots have turned it into umbrella city now:





    Ahhh, and we can't forget the prostitutes and ladyboys of Bangla Road! I actually don't mind these folk (After all, I used to live in Pattaya). But they're really in your face here. Do not bring the kiddies to this beach! And for you mongers looking for a good deal won't find it here. The big tittied lasses down Soi Tiger will charge you 3000 baht for the privilege of sleeping in your bed. (Oh, and beers are a mere 120 baht down that soi as well).

    Can you spot the ladyboy?


    I doubt I'll ever come back here. Got some good drinking in with friends, though, so not all was lost.
    "Fuck off. And take your stupid cult with you."

    -Scarlett Johansson to Tom Cruise

  2. #2
    Thailand Expat
    Marmite the Dog's Avatar
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    Looks nice.

  3. #3
    I am in Jail Butterfly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by durianfan
    Can you spot the ladyboy?
    Yeah, the one with a nice ass

    I was going to start a similar thread actually, after I went there in December. I stayed in Karon though and because I knew about the outrageous tuk tuk mafia, I decided to rent a car, it was much cheaper that way, well worth it if rented from the Airport. Even with that, I got into trouble with them in Karon, after I parked my car in their "reserved space". Almost got into a fight, with one guy trying to steal my car keys etc... got saved by a local farang, but that didn't stop them from following me to my 5 star hotel !!! The ones in Karon are far worse than those in Patong, bunch of kunts. They even blackmail big chain hotels with a blockade if they don't let them park in their guest parking lot. Apparently it happened a few times.

    Phuket is HELL, used to be a paradise, why would anyone spend 20M THB for a beachhouse there (even 30M THB as advertised everywhere) is beyond me.
    Last edited by Butterfly; 15-01-2008 at 06:28 PM.

  4. #4
    Days Work Done! Norton's Avatar
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    I see they have an abundance of the always pleasant Jet skis.

  5. #5
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    Looks like 2 ladyboys in that picture...

    I'll give the place a miss for the forseeable future I think.... Can get all the same in Pattaya for half the price (or less)...

  6. #6
    Thailand Expat
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    By my figuring, a holiday in Phuket will cost you about three times as much as a holiday in Pattaya once you are on the ground. OTOH, the beaches are much better. OTOOH, the baht bus mafia and relentless Tout's get on my tits.

    And a holiday by the beach in Rayong will cost you about a third of the price of Pattaya, if you are happy doing things the locals way.
    probes Aliens

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by durianfan View Post
    L Karon.
    Oh well, at least the beach is nice. Wrong. 3 years ago, it looked like this:





    Unfortunately the idiots have turned it into umbrella city now:









    .

    3 years ago is Karon beach

    Umbrella city seems to be Kata Beach !

    Oops perhaps??

    Could be wrong but Kata is just around the corner from my place - first Umbrella pic looks like the Club Med end

  8. #8
    I am in Jail Butterfly's Avatar
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    Basically Patong is Pattaya, I mean there is no difference, except you pay 3 times the price. Walking around I felt exactly like in Pattaya, same boutiques, same people, same bars, same shit.

    Apparently the Tsunami left all the trash when it was done,

  9. #9
    I am in Jail Butterfly's Avatar
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    They really destroyed the fucking island in no time, I remember being there 12 years ago, and it was already seriouly compromised with the locals hoping that the island will not turn into another Pattaya. Apparently they failed.

    I mean how do you fuck up like that and turn everything to shit without even trying ? must be a Thai thing.

  10. #10
    Cynical Member
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    All the pics I posted were from Patong Beach. I've only been to Kata once - and it was raining so no pics.

    Pattaya is a much cheaper option. I can't believe I now prefer Pattaya over Phuket! Never thought I'd see the day. I mean, 120 baht for a beer? Come on. Dinner cost the 3 of us around 1000-1200 baht.

  11. #11
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    I stand corrected ! sorry - misread your first post

  12. #12
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    Phuket is full of disease riddled hoes, I only stayed there one night and got gonerea, and she wanted to come to Pattaya with me, that was about 16 years ago, I thought it was crap and over priced then, seems it hasn't changed much relatively speaking

  13. #13
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    Patong Beach was shit 15 years ago. I doubt it will improve this year.

    The only positive thing in Patong is the availability of bargirls . Some very nice.

  14. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by dirtydog
    Phuket is full of disease riddled hoes, I only stayed there one night and got gonerea
    If you're stupid like not wearing a condom.... Somnamna.

  15. #15
    The Cat
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    Well, I guess he wised up since then or there would not be any teakdoor forum.
    Not with the same admin anyway...

  16. #16
    Thailand Expat
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    ^^ They didn't have condoms back in those days...

  17. #17
    Thailand Expat
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    To be more accurate they didn't have condoms that would fit a normal sized prick, they only had tiny little ones that you would struggle to fit over the end of your knob and be lucky to roll it a third of the way down its length, if your into pain then I would recommend the Thai condoms.

  18. #18
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    Was it to heavy to bring it in your luggage or be sent to you ?

    Cheap Charlie will not last long time.

  19. #19
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    Been to both beaches numerous times, live here in Phuket and the Op here is the beach not the surrounding festivities..
    There is no comparison between the two. Phuket is thousands of times cleaner and massively more appealing. It is also much cooler and refreshing.

    Every time I went to Pattaya I felt like I needed a tetanus and hepatitis shot after leaving.

    The water is so disgusting and hot I felt like I had been swimming in a bowl of piss-water and grew a second skin in the process.

    Since the other things mentioned don't relate to me and besides cost and what I have already mentioned there seems to be no difference between the 2 so I'll opt for taking my kids to Patong every time...

    I am curious why your complaining though, only 100 baht for an Umbrella? Damn!! They always try to charge us 250 and we usually get them down to 200 with my wife doing the negotiating. I gotta hand that one to you anyway..

  20. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by Driventowin
    The water is so disgusting and hot I felt like I had been swimming in a bowl of piss-water
    You were swimming in a bowl of piss-water. I'm surprised you could have put a feet in this water. You're very courageous, I couldn't.

  21. #21
    I am in Jail Butterfly's Avatar
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    The beach are indeed nicer in Phuket, but that's not hard, as Pattaya is really a dump for oil tankers anyway
    Last edited by Butterfly; 16-01-2008 at 08:03 AM.

  22. #22
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    Phuket has become its own sort of animal, which is to say it has grown up...almost. It is in the process of becoming like Hawaii or something. It's going upscale in many respects. The last vestiges of crap are the terrible tuk tuk problem and the touts. However, as a visitor, if you do a few simple things, you will never have any hassles.

    1) Avoid the beach road in Patong, or learn how to handle touts. I can walk the whole beach road and never have a problem with touts. You don't have to acknowledge them. Just use the French method. Ignore them and smile or not.

    2) Immediately upon arrival rent either a motorbike or car, either at your hotel or at the airport. NEVER take or use any tuk tuk anywhere you want to go. It will aggravate you to no end. Even me, an almost 10 year resident here, the other day I had my car washed in Patong. I wanted to go eat lunch at a restaurant on the beach road, so asked a tuk tuk how much. He answered 200 Baht! This same ride in Bangkok by aircon metered taxi would be 40 baht, or 20 baht by motorbike taxi. I offered 80. He spat and said 200 or nothing and walked away. I said fuck it, and we ate somewhere close and walked. NEVER use the tuk tuks.

    3) Avoid Patong completely if you're looking for a quiet relaxing holiday. The traffic in Patong has gotten horrible.

    Now, as to the beaches. There are no beaches in Pattaya or Hua Hin that can even come close to the beauty of Phuket beaches. Samui has a few nice beaches, but overall, the Phuket beaches and ocean are the most lovely in Thailand. True, Patong beach is crowed now in high season, but there are very small intimate beaches that are still uncrowded such as Tri Trang beach. Also, if you want to walk on a beautiful long stretch of beach and not see a single umbrella or jetski just go to Patong beach in the mornings before 10. And, the weather...nice ocean breezes, fresh air, no air con needed if you live by the beach. Patong Bay has the most refreshing sea breezes in Thailand.

    As far as infrastructure, roads, etc., Phuket has upgraded constantly and is now by far the best in Thailand of the southern beach resorts. The variety and selection of restaurants, malls, etc., means that anything you could want is available.

    Living costs are higher than probably anywhere in Thailand, but not significantly so. Maybe 20-30% more.
    Overall, if you can accept that Phuket is no longer the sleepy backwater it was year ago, and in fact is growing into a major world tropical beach destination, you can enjoy yourself. If you're looking for quiet and few people, there are also close by areas that offer that.


    Oh, and lastly, regarding girls, I've been out a lot the past month and at first I thought that the girls situation had been scaled back. But, I've seen and talked to more beautiful girls than in any previous year. And, talking to them, many of them are freshly new to the scene, some only arriving days ago. Seems the demand is just too great and there is a lot of recruiting going on in home towns. I've met a few that couldn't even speak one word of English, fresh off the bus. I bet that's hard to find in Pattaya.

  23. #23
    I am in Jail Butterfly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by chinthee
    As far as infrastructure, roads, etc., Phuket has upgraded constantly and is now by far the best in Thailand of the southern beach resorts. The variety and selection of restaurants, malls, etc., means that anything you could want is available.
    You got to be kidding, the roads are shit, have strange shape, are dangerous, and not wide enough to accomodate the level of traffic the island is facing. If you think the situation is bad now, it will be worse in a few years as the local government will be too lazy or to drunk to upgrade the local infrastructure.

    20 years ago, I could hear only good things about Phuket, how it was a lost Paradise etc... now just another Thailand shithole for sexpat tourists and Northern Europe package tours

  24. #24
    Member skycop51's Avatar
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    Now here is a idea. Once you get all setup with your friends etc. Umbrellas and all that stuff. You hire one or two kids to keep those other shits away. Politely of course, just tell them to keep them away.

    skycop

  25. #25
    I am in Jail

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    Quote Originally Posted by Butterfly View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by chinthee
    As far as infrastructure, roads, etc., Phuket has upgraded constantly and is now by far the best in Thailand of the southern beach resorts. The variety and selection of restaurants, malls, etc., means that anything you could want is available.
    You got to be kidding, the roads are shit, have strange shape, are dangerous, and not wide enough to accomodate the level of traffic the island is facing. If you think the situation is bad now, it will be worse in a few years as the local government will be too lazy or to drunk to upgrade the local infrastructure.

    20 years ago, I could hear only good things about Phuket, how it was a lost Paradise etc... now just another Thailand shithole for sexpat tourists and Northern Europe package tours
    You're probably referring to Patong Hill, the most dangerous stretch of road this side of East L.A...

    But, you are right that the traffic is absolutely overwhelming now, and there doesn't seem to be any solution in sight. Too many people, too many cars, vans, motorbikes, too many G**damn tuk tuk mafia hogging all the private parking places and threatening anyone who wants to park there, etc., etc.. I grant you all of this.

    But, compared with Samui, it's much better. Samui is really clogged up and really lacks infrastructure. Have you been there lately? I was there twice last year and it has a long way to go.

    Phuket is still paradise if you know how to live here. If you come and get wrapped up in the mess of Patong and tourist traps, you'll hate it.

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