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  1. #1
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    Free visa run to KL - All you have to do is drink

    Visa runs where you are only going to get the visa and come back are mostly shit.

    Some people spend 3-4 days somewhere tropical, fickering around with filipinos, Malaysians, Indos... The main thing is the fickering.
    Or some have interesting culturally stimulating reports to share.
    I cannot claim either of those things. I probably won't even be arsed to put a picture up. In fact please do indeed navigate away from this thread if you want anything of that nature.

    I had to be back in Thailand on a one day turnaround. Pretty poop but if well planned can be bare able.
    My visa run story is one of smooth as can be. This was a mix of good planning and good luck.

    The good planning part is this: Use air miles to book a return to KL from BKK business class.
    It is immensely good planning to have accrued a huge amount of air miles first.
    I suggest you do this if you can. It only costs the tax which in this case was less than 30.

    Procure 4 valium from a friend, to be consumed in the taxi on the way to the airport.
    This part is optional but i am pretty sure it helped me not give a fuck about anything, massively.

    This is the key part of the plan however: Rape the free alcohol in the lounge and on the plane.

    Alarm for 06:50. In taxi with one piece of hand luggage and gone around 07:30.
    Not feeling my best, but surprisingly awake i checked in with plenty of time to spare, told i can go to the BA lounge as usual or go to the Thai one.

    I decided on the Thai lounge mainly wanting to try something different as i couldn't remember being in there before, and also that i reasoned the women that were checking in would be there. They were hisos. Not that nice. You still would obviously though.

    Pros: It has lots of nice food and booze seemed freely available.
    Cons: Looks a bit tatty now.
    Also, i got accused of smoking in the shitter and told it was a 2000 baht fine. I really hadn't been smoking, but someone had been in there.

    In hindsight i should have gone to the BA lounge.

    I remember having a nice chicken roll pasty things and coffee.
    Stocked up on sarnies. Not so many that i look a complete no breakfast [at][at][at][at], but enough to save pissing about.
    They weren't all fancy, they are just 7-11 bread style jobbies, but they are ok.

    My theory was to keep it alcohol free for the first couple of courses. "See how you feel", i thought. You did after all leave the house in the grip of a hangover with only a cold bottle of water to save you.

    The scran quickly dispatched, i look about. A guy is drinking a whisky at 10:00. Fine. Drink what you want, but you don't need to hold it up to show everyone. The idea here is about people not noticing your drinking. Be the grey man.

    Aim to always take 2 cans of lager from the fridge at a time, as we'll as some sort of spirit and mixer. I prefer bombay sapphire and tonic. Lime if there is. Finish them immediately and go and get more. You get bonus points for finishing one at the bar bit while you are getting the rest.

    This is very important. I want to get something free out of the airline. I can easily drink upwards in 30 of booze.
    So thats how i intend to get a free flight. This pleases me. Never happens normally, so i am making the most of if. Also, i like getting as pissed as i can on visa runs it seems.

    So, i set out quickly to get pished, we are wasting a day but we mustn't waste time getting wasted.
    The quicker I'm blootered the quicker i have made back my money. The rest is profit!
    This time tomorrow we'll be millionaires!

    The flight down to KL is fairly uneventful. I am referred to as Mr Neep and given as many drinks as i like. Mixing them with abandon.

    Carlsberg, gin and tonic, champagne...repeat. I also had two coffees at the start, lull them into a false sense of security. The guy sitting next to me thought it weird mixing cold and hot drinks. I distinctly remember not giving a single fuck what he or anyone like him thought.

    I settled in and tried to use my headphones instead of the airline's. Since i forgot the adaptor i can only listen to one ear. Ah well. Minor things don't trouble you when you are full of good cheer.
    The airline ones would have been fine most likely, but i had decided to do it this way, and so i did.

    I am fed some chicken and rice which i don't think was too bad. It didn't trouble me at the time anyway.
    I have no idea what movie i watched. I remember there was pacific rim or something else and i chose neither, ending up watching feck knows what. By this time I'm enjoying the experience. This is all before midday.

    Land, bounce out my seat and into the toilet. Unload all those drinks.

    Float through immigration. Premium passes with Business are appreciated big time here. Get the stamp, walk round to the office and ask to move my flight from this evening to this afternoon.
    This is done, free of charge as well. I thank him with a big cheesy but totally genuine smile.
    Immigration asked if i just arrived? "Yes i did", with a grin. No hassle, no fuss.

    I walk directly to the gate via security. Paused to look at the new iPad, but noticed i didn't have enough time to buy chocolate before the flight went.
    Security open, on the plane and out of there.

    Settled into my new big comfy seat i am not giving a single fuck. I am polite to everyone, but i simply sit in my seat not fucking caring, the whole point getting it over with.

    By now I'm into my stride with drinking. They need to be roused once by means of the service bell, but after that they made sure they kept them coming. They weren't that strong, but i made sure i got alot of them in.

    Land in the swamp. Mate of my normal driver picks me up. We snake our way home stopping for several pisses and more beers. Me that is, he was alright he'd only been sniffing glue.

    Get home steaming, but happy. Missus not as pleased to see me as normal, but thats ok.

    I had shaved hours off my time and could sit about on the couch drinking and farting airplane farts at her. So that more than makes up for it.
    Apparently i was talking a load of shite when i got in so i must have been well on and i was back not long after teatime!

    I basically got a free day on the piss and a couple of shit meals. I woke up the next day and had to check the date. Initially i couldn't remember that much about the previous day and had to really convince myself it hadn't just been that easy. It was like a dream.

    Don't worry. The next one will be a double bastard just to make up for it.
    Last edited by Neep; 13-11-2013 at 04:55 PM.

  2. #2
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    Are you Scottish? - east coast I would guess.another post or two and I will name yer toon

  3. #3
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    Good plan. Agree the Thai lounge is a bit naff.

  4. #4
    splendid and tremendous
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    Quote Originally Posted by Neep
    Rape the free alcohol in the lounge and on the plane.
    This is simply the only way to travel.

  5. #5
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    You can also stick a couple of cans of beer, time and newsweek magazine and enough sarnies to last your duration into your carry on case from those lounges

    I find putting my ROP airmiles to hotel stays more beneficial than a flight, myself.
    There's a nice hotel with 4 star suites near Soi Cowboy that doesnt add any taxes on top. Didn't get any beer or magazines, but I have a lovely bath robe, slippers and cutlery set now

  6. #6
    Gohills flip-flops wearer
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    How much would one have to drink if one had no airmiles and had to cough up full whack for a ticket, and is the flight long enough?

  7. #7
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    Chav material.

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by withnallstoke
    How much would one have to drink if one had no airmiles and had to cough up full whack for a ticket
    If you have a gold card and get into the lounge and you consider 1 small Leo is normally 24 baht, then only 402 cans



    Quote Originally Posted by withnallstoke
    is the flight long enough?
    maybe not

  9. #9
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    Take the piss if you want lads, but i set myself a goal and i fulfil it.

    Take a look at your own lives.

  10. #10
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    Yeah, someone should start a This is Your Life thread on Willy the snobby tefler


  11. #11
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    ^
    KW would never make a candidate you need all your mates to show up.

    Cnut could have his show in a phone box.

  12. #12
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    Voicelink: Hi Willy

    Eamon: do you recognise that voice Willy

    willy: Erm not really Eamon

    Voicelink: It's me Willy, I sent you your first red, 200,000 posts ago, sorry I can't be there tonight, ya ladyboy strokin cnut ye.


  13. #13
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    Neep's, I greened ya! Great post.

  14. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by Neep View Post
    Take a look at your own lives.
    Yes, I should.... pales by comparison.

  15. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by charleyboy View Post
    Neep's, I greened ya! Great post.
    Cheers pal, good health to you and yours.

    The visa run sucks bobbys, but if we get it over with in comfort it is as good as it can be.

  16. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by kingwilly View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Neep View Post
    Take a look at your own lives.
    Yes, I should.... pales by comparison.
    You are probably amazing.

    Im just a hairy arsed fucker flying about because i had to.

    If thats not enough I'm sorry.

  17. #17
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    Now we get the passive aggressive reply, if you cannot handle a pisstake about your children's beer stories then take a another look at yourself...

  18. #18
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    onya willy, sounds like a fuckin nightmare though, i was a member of the quantas frequent flyer club many years ago and would do my best to drink the fridge dry. one time i got stuck at karratha airport for 8 fuckin hours , couldnt go downtown because no fuckin taxis, when the plane finally showed up they wouldnt let us on; to pissed apparently, the lounge was full of guys that had just come of a dry rig oil and were all gagging for a bevvy .kunts

  19. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by kingwilly View Post
    Now we get the passive aggressive reply, if you cannot handle a pisstake about your children's beer stories then take a another look at yourself...
    Not arsed what you think mate. Was just a little story.

    I even told you it would be bereft of culture at the beginning, so don't fucking moan now.

  20. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by Neep View Post
    Take the piss if you want lads, but i set myself a goal and i fulfil it.

    Take a look at your own lives.
    By the way, that was a pisstake.

  21. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by beerlaodrinker View Post
    onya willy, sounds like a fuckin nightmare though, i was a member of the quantas frequent flyer club many years ago and would do my best to drink the fridge dry. one time i got stuck at karratha airport for 8 fuckin hours , couldnt go downtown because no fuckin taxis, when the plane finally showed up they wouldnt let us on; to pissed apparently, the lounge was full of guys that had just come of a dry rig oil and were all gagging for a bevvy .kunts
    Yeah me too. Pissed me off that they wouldnt open the bar before midday, even if you'd just come off an international flight.

  22. #22
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    Sounds like a pleasant enough way to get an extra 30 days.... Did you drink enough to cover your taxis to and from the airport also?

    I have recently done 2 visa runs where I flew out and in again.... Bit costlier though due to hotels, alcohol, entertainment, etc during a 1 night stopover in PP and then a 3 night stay in Angeles...

    Next time will be a 1 day land border minibus run now that us Brits can get 30 days doing it this way.

    Good report Neep - glad you enjoyed the vallies to start your day but I think I would have flaked out in the lounge once they had combined with the booze intake.

  23. #23
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    A friend recently took a trip to Laos for a visa. She used a bus service which was quite excellent at least getting there. The bus was modified so there were only 3 seats across which made for leg room. From BKK it went through the bridge checkpoints at the border and right up to the consulate to drop her off before it opened. I guess the trip was eight hundred something baht one way. She traveled back on her own but I'm sure she could have taken the bus back as well. Sounds like they've got it running smoothly. Not sure about drinking on the bus trip. It was a night ride so everyone just slept I guess. Just an idea.

  24. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by rawlins View Post
    Sounds like a pleasant enough way to get an extra 30 days.... Did you drink enough to cover your taxis to and from the airport also?

    I have recently done 2 visa runs where I flew out and in again.... Bit costlier though due to hotels, alcohol, entertainment, etc during a 1 night stopover in PP and then a 3 night stay in Angeles...

    Next time will be a 1 day land border minibus run now that us Brits can get 30 days doing it this way.

    Good report Neep - glad you enjoyed the vallies to start your day but I think I would have flaked out in the lounge once they had combined with the booze intake.
    It was alright.

    I would actually have saved myself about 2600 - 3000 (i can't remember what i tipped now) if i had driven up and back to the airport. Not sure what it would have cost in diesel for the truck, but it would have been less than that.

    I doubt I'm alone in saying "fuck driving up and down to Bangkok if you can avoid it".

    I would have had to do the driving, wouldn't have been able to get on the piss and then i wouldn't have gotten a "free" flight.

    Total airfare if paying cash for a business class day return to KL 2 weeks from now is 18,000 baht.
    Definitely a good idea to avoid paying that if you can. Cost me 26.60 or something in taxes, which is almost already free.

    Each flight is 2 hours 10 mins. Add to that your time in the lounge before hand and you can easily drink 30 quids worth to cover the tax.

    Stay sober and save a couple of grand, or pissed and spend a few on taxis? Easy one.

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