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  1. #51
    Thailand Expat
    hick's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dillinger View Post
    This is what a school staffroom must be like then, without the coffee breath.
    My last staffroom had some moments....diverse group. One quiet guy compiled a lot of quotes and tweeted them. Here's a taste:



    "I know this doesn't sound nice but can I add your face to my list of punchable faces for 2017?"
    Sure, no problem.
    "Thanks."

    "You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy."
    That's my class!

    "This coffee is like the tears of abused children."

    "What's his name, this blues player?"
    Robert Cray.
    "That doesn't sound bluesy!"
    Well, maybe I should say Watermelon Jones or something...

    "Sorry, I haven't followed the last five minutes of what you were saying."
    Why didn't you stop me?
    "I was hoping it would get better.

    "Nothin' says America like lighting your cigarette with your Jack Daniel's Zippo lighter sipping Bud sitting on your Harley."

    "Withdraw my application!? I'm applying for a credit card not citizenship in Monaco!!"

    "There's this thing called the internet, and on this thing they have other things called sites where you can search for things called jobs...You should try that."

    "I went to a casino in Singapore. I didn't like it. There wasn't any video poker, just these silly Chinese games."

    "We don't have students on Christmas day. Wonder what they're doing that day?"
    Who gives a shit!?

    "So how did this gravitate back to you again?"
    Apparently I have an attractive personality.

    "There was a time in my teens when I'd get Ted Turner and Donald Trump mixed up. That doesn't happen anymore."

    "Yes? How may I hinder you?"

    "If I thought I was nobody before, I'm really nobody now."

    "Oh, I thought you were here just to avoid something."

    "A very wise man once told me there's more to life than money."
    Who was that?
    "It was you!"
    I must've been drunk that day.

    "Your presence in this office is palpable but unpalatable."

    "There have been a lot of big words thrown around in here today.....persnickety."
    Yeah! And some of them I can't even spell.

    "I don't give a shit about my tone of voice!! Do you want a lollipop too!?"

    "I don't like anything that shows me as an old person."
    You mean, like a mirror?

    "Your eternal optimism is noted but misplaced."

    "I try not to make fun of the less fortunate but in your case I'll make an exception."

    "Glad to see someone's working harder than I am...and for less money."

    "My student was in military lock up for two days."
    And??
    "I asked him what it was like and he said he loved it. He didn't want to come back to class but they made him."
    One of my students was out of class for two weeks and when I asked him why he said he was busy.

    "To be fair, a menstruating bear is an awful thing to see."

    "I'm tired of seeing so many Americans at hotels."
    Well, why don't you stay at the hotels I stay at?
    "I'm not that desperate."

    "Why did you go and tip those people!? Now I've gotta' tip them too!"

    "One of my students doesn't like you."
    Only one!?

    "I have kind of a reverse bucket list--weird things I've done that you'd never expect."
    Like what?
    "Well, I once stayed in a Mexican love hotel with a homeless guy and a dog."

    "You're trying to think of something insulting to say to me. I can tell."

    <colleague laughing hysterically> "I've heard that sound before. It was a labrador passing a kidney stone."

    "Talking with you is like talking to both of my grandmothers at the same time."

    "I added my own bacon to this sandwich."
    Aren't you Muslim?
    "It's beef bacon."

    "Want some gum?"
    No thanks, I'm trying to save my prostate.

    "What is this film -- for children?"
    No, it's for Americans.

    "It's a MAC."
    Oh, well in that case, fuck you.

    "When I say I'm going to do something, I do it!"
    Really?
    "Well, sometimes."

    "Ya'll are sweet. But oh my God do you need help."

    "Whenever I'm confused about what's the right vs improper course of action, I always ask myself what you would do....And then I always get in trouble."

    "What are you going to keep in that nice cigar box?"
    Prophylactics, probably.
    "So you'll never use it in other words."

    "I didn't sleep at all after that shisha...plus I knew I had to drive you into work."

    "I had to pay a fee to enter Argentina."
    Why? Because you're black?

    "Do you eat spinach?"
    I actually do but not so often.
    "Great, because they say it prevents dementia."

    "I wonder if I can get a free upgrade."
    It used to be that if you were nice, polite, well-dressed and good-looking you could get a free upgrade at the airport terminal...
    ...Of course, that'd never work for you.

    "What I have a taste for now is that dark, brown...."
    Don't let that sentence hang for too long.

    "That'd be a great t-shirt: 'I like my lesbians butchy.'"

    "I tell my students I'm dark because I drank chocolate milk as a child."

    "I don't like to talk to other men's wives.....anymore."

    "I don't think I could be helpful at all."
    Well, you could come to help lower everyone's morale.

    "Anyone seen Mike?"
    Yes. He was here 2 minutes ago and you were talking to him.

    "When a black dude goes to prison he comes out like Malcolm X. When a white dude comes out, he's like Richard Simmons."

    "What's that thing that Cyrus Miley does? Torking?"

    "One thing you'll never see me eating is a banana. I'm not touching that."
    <pause>
    I'm waiting for a safer joke.




    #overheardatwork

  2. #52
    Thailand Expat
    Mandaloopy's Avatar
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    A colleague on why his lesson observation was rated "Unsatisfactory": " The problem is they eat too much rice!" Of course, it couldn't possibly be the fact your lesson for pre-kindy was just a PowerPoint presentation.

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