How to spot a ladyboy
At the bar we met a man who referred to himself only as Strider; he was your typical 50-something divorced Australian male who travels to Thailand with enough money to find a younger girlfriend.
Unfortunately for Strider, his Thai girlfriend of six years had recently left him for a richer Swiss man.
Fortunately for us, however, he was more than happy to offer some good tips on how to spot the ladyboy.
"Firstly,'' he said, "the majority of them can't dance to save their life, because they still have the male gene.
"Secondly, and probably most importantly, they will always, always, fidget with their hair because they are not used to it and are very self-conscious about it.''
Strider said bigger feet and broad shoulders were the next best giveaways, but warned to avoid relying on spotting Adam's Apples, as many had undergone surgery to have the bone shaved back.
"There are ladyboys virtually in every bar here because, put simply, females make more money than men,'' he explained.
"The only options for some men are to become drivers or work in the fields, whereas ladyboys can make a lot more money and have a lot more fun.''
Taking heed of his advice, we had the time of our lives for the next five-nights straight, and avoided coming unstuck again.
After drinking $1.50 Happy Hour beers all week past 2am, I couldn't wait to have a full night's rest in my V Australia business class sleeper's lounge on the flight home. Before nodding off, however, I decided to have a brief peek at the daily newspaper of the untameable little beast of a city I was departing.
Blasted across the front page of the Phuket Gazette was the headline: "Ladyboy fraudster purchases hard time.''
Well at least I'm not the only fool, I reassured myself.
How to spot a ladyboy in Thailand | News.com.au