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Thread: Life in Isaan

  1. #1
    wuron
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    Life in Isaan

    The other day I was cleaning house. I do most of the housework because cleaning gives the little woman a headache, she is pron to headaches.When cleaning off the kitchen counter, I found a bag off dog puke.I was so proud of my old streetdog Lek, he had learned to puke in a plastic bag.I did wonder why he put it on the kitchen counter, but I didn't dwell on it I was just so proud that he had learned to puke in a plastic bag.I was so happy that I stopped cleaning went to pat Lek on the head and give him a belly scratch.Later that afternoon I heard the little woman rumaging around in the kitchen. Soon I heard her grumbling about where is my food? It was on the kitchen counter.You know a Thai woman is very touchy about her food. So there was only one thing to do, I pretended to be stupid.I told her, you know that damned old streetdog has no manners and likes to steal things. I'll beat his ass if I can catch him.Then I went and gave Lek a pat on the head and a good belly scratch.I love that old streetdag.

  2. #2
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    So, did she eat the...err...shit?...
    My missus eats dogshit, too...it's called Laos food...
    But headaches in Siam?
    Fck that shite...
    That's why we leave falang land...


  3. #3
    Fuck it
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    Quote Originally Posted by wuron View Post
    The other day I was cleaning house. I do most of the housework because cleaning gives the little woman a headache, she is pron to headaches.
    Seriously WTF?

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    Thailand Expat superman's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by wuron View Post
    The other day I was cleaning house. I do most of the housework because cleaning gives the little woman a headache, she is pron to headaches.
    Not to worry, you'll be going home soon.

    the grass is not always greener on the other side. I am speaking from experience. Five years here and soon I will be going home with my tail between my legs and broke.

  5. #5
    M.A.D
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    [quote=wuron;1798466]because cleaning gives the little woman a headache, she is prone to headaches..[/quote]


    I sure hope this doesn't affect your sex life

  6. #6
    Pedantic bastard
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    ^ I kinda liked pron to be honest....

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    Quote Originally Posted by nidhogg
    ^ I kinda liked pron to be honest....
    And her sisters: Penn, Peaun and Porn.

  8. #8
    splendid and tremendous
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    Certain products have been banned from my household. Anything that smells akin to my arse after a liver sausage and brussel sprout binge should be made illegal.

  9. #9
    Pedantic bastard
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    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap View Post
    Certain products have been banned from my household. Anything that smells akin to my arse after a liver sausage and brussel sprout binge should be made illegal.
    I think I need extensive help on how to burn an image out of my brain now. Slap, that was not helpful at all....

  10. #10
    Gohills flip-flops wearer
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    Quote Originally Posted by wuron
    I do most of the housework
    Do you clean the windows?

  11. #11
    sabaii sabaii
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    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap
    Certain products have been banned from my household.
    None of that 1 year old fish in mine

  12. #12
    splendid and tremendous
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    Quote Originally Posted by sabaii sabaii
    None of that 1 year old fish in mine
    That and that Cha-Om shite in mine - I don't know how it managed it, but somehow a vegetable that smells like a dead dog has found its way onto the markets.

  13. #13
    splendid and tremendous
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    Quote Originally Posted by nidhogg
    I think I need extensive help on how to burn an image out of my brain now. Slap, that was not helpful at all....
    ..this should do it, NH. Flatulence fodder defined..


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    Don't dogs eat their own vomit? that faux vomit you purloined from the wife was quite probably an Isaan delicacy, something like fresh cows afterbirth lovingly mixed with a bitter roadside vegetable. Shame on you.

  15. #15
    wuron
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    I will explain a couple things. WTF Why do I clean the house? Because I got snagged by a worthless Isaan [at][at][at][at]. The only thing an Isaan girl knows how to clean is her plate. And I can not live like these Isaan village people. Why do I stay? I stay to raise my baby.I can not leave my baby here to be raised Isaan stupid.My daughter will learn to use her brain for something besides a menu.So I stay here to raise my baby and try to keep a sense of humor about the situation.

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    Get a mia noi or two. They make good babysitters and will keep you from going insa.... nah, probably not, actually.

  17. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by nidhogg
    I think I need extensive help on how to burn an image out of my brain now. Slap, that was not helpful at all....
    ..this should do it, NH. Flatulence fodder defined..

    Fuck that looks fantastic , could murder a plate of that now washed down with a couple of pints of Guinness .

  18. #18
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    The recipe goes like this:

    Grill two penis-like sausages. Add some steamed green vegetables of unclear origin. Add some mashed potato-like substance. Pour two pints of Guinness. Wait for Guiness to settle. Throw plate over left shoulder. Drink Guinness.

  19. #19
    splendid and tremendous
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    Quote Originally Posted by WilliamBlake
    Add some steamed green vegetables of unclear origin
    Will, do you spend your late afternoons/evenings pyschologically assaulting people with this weeks copy of Watch Tower? The steam green vegetables are cleary brussels sprouts, ideal for emptying rooms of lingering guests on Boxing Day.

  20. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap
    The steam green vegetables are cleary brussels sprouts,
    Where I come from the preferred vegetable is chicken.

    (P.S. I don't get the Watch Tower reference??)

  21. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by wuron
    The only thing an Isaan girl knows how to clean is her plate.
    Speak for yerself- my wife & MIL are fastidiously clean. I've given up on ever teaching them the simple discipline of putting things back where they came from though.
    Quote Originally Posted by wuron
    And I can not live like these Isaan village people
    You only have to if you are impoverished.
    Quote Originally Posted by wuron
    So I stay here to raise my baby and try to keep a sense of humor about the situation.
    Good for you.

    I reckon rural Isaan is great- the place, or rather the lifestyle, just keeps growing on me (like cancer). Dunno why it took so long to find here actually. If your wife is a bit of a waster, gedda mia noi as blakey says. It will also help keep your wife on her toes- a bit of competition (real or implied) does that to people.
    probes Aliens

  22. #22
    Pedantic bastard
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  23. #23
    Pedantic bastard
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    Quote Originally Posted by sabang View Post
    If your wife is a bit of a waster, gedda mia noi as blakey says. It will also help keep your wife on her toes- a bit of competition (real or implied) does that to people.
    No offense, but a wee bit of sense there is probably a good idea. Rubbing a wifes nose in it in a small issan village or whatever is not really the safest thing to do.

    Strange things can happen to farangs who deliberately set out to break face in back country places.....

  24. #24
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    ^ theres ways to go about it- one of the first of which is to discuss it with the wife.
    If nothing else, the implied threat will give her cause to think about the quality of her game.
    And, I hasten to add, never from the same village- unless they plan to shack up together in one happy household- but even then, wouldn't recommend mia from same moo ban.
    The way I see it, mentioning the thought or possibilty wouldn't carry much downside.

  25. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by nidhogg
    ^^ Lordy boy...
    Yeah, I know what it is, I just don't see how it relates to green vegetables. The erstwhile S. Slapp Esq. will no doubt be along presently to shed some light... Or light some sheds.

    Oh, and the mia noi thing was mainly meant as a joke. Unless he fancies 'feeding the ducks'...

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