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  1. #1
    Member bedtime's Avatar
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    And then it all went tits up (relationship Thread)

    I'll try not to bore you with the bits that don't count, but what was a seemingly perfect relationship with my lovely Thai g/f all of a sudden went downhill very very quickly and has now been terminated unfortunately.

    Let me set the scene, I have a very good friend who lives in Isaan (location irrelevant) he is married to a nice Thai lady, my friend and I have been friends for many many years and the lucky sod managed to retire to LOS before me although I will be making the move within the next year or so.

    Anyway,on one of my visits very early this year I was introduced to his wife's much younger sister, word was fed back to me that she was quite taken with me and we started to see a lot more of each other, insomuch as she stayed with me for the duration of my visit (1 month).

    Now this girl did not work, something to to with a motocycle accident and bad leg ? she did a few hours in her mums village shop selling sweets to the local kids and whisky and beer to the local drunks,so effectively had no income.

    When I eventually got home I had agreed to send her a few bob every month to help out, amount irrelevant considering it was for doing nowt, and I did for a few months, I also paid for one 2 one tuition English language lessons for about 3 months, but the texts got less and when I phoned the interest from the other side of the planet was negligable. I then got wind that the 2 sisters had got their heads together and decided that the money I was sending wasn't enough and that a severe hike in the amount was due.

    Suffice to say I refused to stump up the extra cash and the "relationship" died a natural death, no pompem I thought, now I know different.

    A while after all the above,the following happened.

    I met a lovely lady on a dating website, not the prettiest girl in Thailand but she ticked all the right boxes for me, never been married, no kids, never worked bar, no tatts, no swearing except what she mimicked from me, intelligent, uni degree, good job with above average wage, sense of humour etc etc

    On my last trip in October we eventually met, she stayed with me for the whole month, we had a great time, she had to work and also finish off her Uni work but we spent a lot of time together getting to know and understand each other, I would visit her at work during the day and have lunch with her and her friends in the staff canteen and when she went off for seconds or a drink I would ask her friends about her past, they confirmed that effectively she was an orphan.

    We went to visit my friend and his wife one weekend, I do try to learn Thai but one month's visit seperated by 6 months is not good for memory retention with me, so when my g/f and my friends wife were chatting away in Thai neither I or my mate took any notice, we couldn't understand anyway.

    So, we had a wonderful time, I came home, we both proclaimed undying love for each other before I left and to make plans for a wedding and to meet again on my next holiday in April.

    It would appear that my friends wife has really held a grudge,and told my new g/f that I am an absolute low life and have let her sister down big style, apparently we were engaged etc etc and I am only after one thing etc etc

    So now I am despondent, all was going so well in my life at long last and now it has all come crashing down around my ears, I only found all this out last week and now my e mails are probably diverted to junk, my SMS is probably on block and if I use my land line to call as soon as she knows its me she turns her phone off.

    I will be going back to her city in April, and will try to re establish contact when back in Thailand,but there is feck all I can do from 6500 miles away at the moment,and I will not tell my mate, he is oblivious to all this and it will stay that way, we have been mates for too long for me to drive a wedge between him and his missus, but I have to say that I loved that girl, no, what I mean is that I still love that girl and miss her terribly.

    Life can be such a feckin bitch at times.

  2. #2
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    I think your mate needs to know what a [at][at][at][at] he has married.....

  3. #3
    Member bedtime's Avatar
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    I can't do that, I know her history and have seen the pics (another forum) I wouldn't do that to him, we have been through a lot together in the last few years me and him.

    I think I was given an insight by another Thai female friend of mine the other day, and this girl is very young, only 18 or 19 and we have never met, but chat a lot on Skype, she told me that Thai's treat there best friends and peers as "sisters" and my now ex g/f probably sees my friends wife as a "sister" and I have insulted a "sister" if that makes sense ?

  4. #4
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    You need to sort your mates Mrs out..



    ..permanently.

  5. #5
    disturbance in the Turnip baldrick's Avatar
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    find one a bit older who will not be intimidated by your mates wife

  6. #6
    RIP
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    Go to your mates alone and not take potential g/f to them

  7. #7
    Member bedtime's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by baldrick View Post
    find one a bit older who will not be intimidated by your mates wife
    The one that's just given me the elbow was 30 and a bit, not a spring chicken, and also quite headstrong and stubborn in way, but definately loveable.

    The smilie was not meant to be flippant by the way cos all I have to look forward to is a very bleak Christmas,New year & empty future at the moment.

  8. #8
    Member bedtime's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Propagator View Post
    Go to your mates alone and not take potential g/f to them
    Don't worry I have already made that a New years resolution, talk about harbour a grudge !! thanks though.

  9. #9
    Guest Member S Landreth's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bedtime View Post
    my next holiday in April.

    Are you crazy? Holiday in Thailand in April?

  10. #10
    Love Thailand Carnwadrick's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bedtime
    It would appear that my friends wife has really held a grudge,and told my new g/f that I am an absolute low life and have let her sister down big style, apparently we were engaged etc etc and I am only after one thing etc etc
    I have a friend met a "nice" girl on the net He couldn't stop talking about how good they were for each other etc. he then made plans to go visit her, so I asked him to drop of some things to my wife. While there my wife overheard her talking on the phone to her other boyfriend and not even hiding it from my wife she obviously considered to be a similar type since she was married to a Farang. When he returned to the USA I tried advising him to go easy (without telling him what my wife said) but fell on deaf ears, it took more than a year for their relationship to sour I suspect he (& and others) were supporting her as she was driving a BMW and not working.

  11. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by bedtime View Post
    ..all I have to look forward to is a very bleak Christmas,New year & empty future at the moment.
    Is that you smeg?

  12. #12
    Member bedtime's Avatar
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    Yea, I love it, I think I have probably been to LOS more often at that time of year than any other, heat does not bother me at all, I don't usually break into a sweat untill its about 33C and then it's only a mild one

    In all my life I have never the heat a problem, right now it is -1.7C outside, the room I am sitting in is 25.8C nice and cosy as far as I am concerned.

  13. #13
    Member bedtime's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Carnwadrick View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by bedtime
    It would appear that my friends wife has really held a grudge,and told my new g/f that I am an absolute low life and have let her sister down big style, apparently we were engaged etc etc and I am only after one thing etc etc
    I have a friend met a "nice" girl on the net He couldn't stop talking about how good they were for each other etc. he then made plans to go visit her, so I asked him to drop of some things to my wife. While there my wife overheard her talking on the phone to her other boyfriend and not even hiding it from my wife she obviously considered to be a similar type since she was married to a Farang. When he returned to the USA I tried advising him to go easy (without telling him what my wife said) but fell on deaf ears, it took more than a year for their relationship to sour I suspect he (& and others) were supporting her as she was driving a BMW and not working.
    Carnwadrick,
    I know what you are saying, and yes those girls abound in Thailand, but without trying to sound to corny or hackneyed this one was not like that (my girls different) how many threads do we see starting like that ?

    She rides a scooter, she shares a small house with a (female) friend from work 22 kliks out of the city to save on rent,sleeps on the floor in her own room, has enough debt but not too much (mainly from financing her Uni course) pawned all her gold.

    I am not blind or stupid, I have had dealings with her more professional sisters before and I understand what you mean, but even you must admit that a woman who is holding down a full time job at a local hospital and also doing a uni degree in her spare time would not have a lot of time for much else.

    I looked for every warning sign possible from day one and didn't spot a thing, hence my happiness, it was only when I got home that her converstion with my mates wife came out and it all went to ratshit.

    Now you are talking to mr fucked off, pissed off, fed up and down right fucking angry, I still love her which is a pompen.

    Not your fault and I really appreciate your input, Merry Christmas & have a happy New Year, really I do mean it

  14. #14
    Member bedtime's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ItsRobsLife View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by bedtime View Post
    ..all I have to look forward to is a very bleak Christmas,New year & empty future at the moment.
    Is that you smeg?
    No sorry, but if you need a stand in I'm your man

  15. #15
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    Your mates wife probably said that you were a cheap charly, and wouldn't stump up money on demand.
    Try watching a few Thai soap operas, they're childish beyond belief but the jeleosy and grudges played out in these programs are all too real amongst the Thai females.
    You say your friend is married to a nice Thai lady, don,t sound nice to me.
    Her and her sisters tactics sound a bit "sow Pattayary" to me.
    Falling asleep and waking up is not the same as passing out and coming to.

  16. #16
    Member paranha's Avatar
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    Whoops.

    This sounds like a classic thailand pitfall: Gullible farang and "innocent" G/F....


    Those greedy girls are just trash and your friend won't see anything before he has burned his fingers.

    -----
    I had a problem in my relationship regarding money and who was going to get priorized (me or the girlfriend's family). So I had to check those issues. It didn't surprise me what I found:

    I checked this up with a reliable thai - yes, they exist but you have to look hard for them.

    1 - a marriage here is the same as back home. Husband and wife are going to support themselves first. their respective family always comes as number two.

    2 - Sending her money every month? Nope. Same as back home. You support
    each other. If she doesn't have a job, you support her. If she has, it is not needed but you may do.

    3 - Legal matters regarding marriage (papers). Same as back home. If the thai partner says something different - thats utter bullshit. It's just makes it convenient to run away with your money taking away all your means to get them back.
    -: P A R A N H A :-

  17. #17
    Member bedtime's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by the dogcatcher View Post
    Your mates wife probably said that you were a cheap charly, and wouldn't stump up money on demand.
    Try watching a few Thai soap operas, they're childish beyond belief but the jeleosy and grudges played out in these programs are all too real amongst the Thai females.
    You say your friend is married to a nice Thai lady, don,t sound nice to me.
    Her and her sisters tactics sound a bit "sow Pattayary" to me.
    You got it in one sir,
    I will not be an ATM for anyone, I am also not a cheap charlie, but I cannot and will not send some female, 6500miles away 20,000baht per month to squander on shit. And I have to say that the lady asked for very little while we were together, that doesn't mean that she went short while I was there because she didn't, but I think the mates wife instilled a certain amount of doubt,enough to perhaps make her think "if he did that to her what will he /could he do to me ?"

    And your Pattaya link is spot on, have a bananaANANA (well I thought it was funny)

  18. #18
    Member paranha's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bedtime View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by the dogcatcher View Post
    Your mates wife probably said that you were a cheap charly, and wouldn't stump up money on demand.
    Try watching a few Thai soap operas, they're childish beyond belief but the jeleosy and grudges played out in these programs are all too real amongst the Thai females.
    You say your friend is married to a nice Thai lady, don,t sound nice to me.
    Her and her sisters tactics sound a bit "sow Pattayary" to me.
    You got it in one sir,
    I will not be an ATM for anyone, I am also not a cheap charlie, but I cannot and will not send some female, 6500miles away 20,000baht per month to squander on shit. And I have to say that the lady asked for very little while we were together, that doesn't mean that she went short while I was there because she didn't, but I think the mates wife instilled a certain amount of doubt,enough to perhaps make her think "if he did that to her what will he /could he do to me ?"

    And your Pattaya link is spot on, have a bananaANANA (well I thought it was funny)
    A store manager earns 12.000 baht per month plus overtime (and if lucky - a small percentage of the sale). That's outside the tourist areas - might be slightly higher inside them.

    Pattaya is an expensive city due to all the farangs. A secretary earns 8.000 baht per month plus a bonus of 500 baht it the clinic makes more than 800.000 baht that month.

    20.000,- per month she demanded.....

  19. #19
    Member bedtime's Avatar
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    There are a lot of good replies coming in all of them valid, and I thank you all I will reply as best I can but right now I need to sleep but I will be back at sometime in the morning please keep feeding me your thoughts as it does help me to make sense of a crazy situation, 1) I cannot understand how a women can hold a grudge so much as to fuck up 2 peoples lives, 2) I cannot understand how two women who had never met before can (bond) ?? and then fuck me over, I presume that that must be the Thai sistership at work. ??

  20. #20
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    20 effing grand????????????????????????????????????????????? ?????????????????
    ?????????????????????????????????????????????????? ?????????????????? ?

  21. #21
    Member paranha's Avatar
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    Bedtime, she is scamming you or testing your limits...

    They never tries that on a thai man.

    My girl actually said it to to me that se was deeming me as weak. I asked her why...
    The answer kind of shocked me: Since I didn't beat her up when she was out of her line, I was weak (that was what the thai man would do) and she could exploit it.

    And as Dogcatcher said it. They behave like spoilt kids and have to be put down a couple of times.

    Whatever you choose to do, you have to be the boss. A relationship with a thai is nothing you can compare to previous experiences you have earned.

    If it doesn't feel right for you - it ain't right. It's that simple.

  22. #22
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    When I eventually got home I had agreed to send her a few bob every month to help out,
    fatal mistake number one.

    we both proclaimed undying love for each other
    fatal mistake number 2

    I will be going back to her city in April, and will try to re establish contact
    fatal mistake number 3, and the one that confirms you as a hopeless loser.



    I am not blind or stupid,
    yes you are, you are both. you have absolutely no idea, no knowledge, no cultural insight, no idea of how different things are here and yet you "fall in love" with girls whose only aim in life is to secure a stable financial future for themselves and their parents/kids/brothers and sisters by marrying a foreigner.

    love doesnt even come into it for them, and your understanding of the word love and their understanding of the word are so far removed form one another as to be irrecconcileable.

    you might be a decent chap and a "good catch" for a western person, but for most thais, you are just another sucker whose main purpose will be to support or help support her and her family in a lifestyle that they could not achieve any other way. if you are prepared to go along with that then go ahead and marry one.

    read a short book called "inside thai society" by neils mulder if you want to know about thai family dynamics and the role and obligations of daughters within the family............ and then stop pissing about on websites promising you everlasting happiness....... and try to see beyond the smiles, flattery and superficial signals that make most thais so lovable in the short term, signals that when given off by a western woman could only mean true love and devotion, but are just part of normal social intercourse here in thailand and have absolutely no other hidden meaning.

    you are just another cuntstruck falang, thousands of them here, living in the cities and villages, thinking they have found true love and everlasting happiness, when basically all they have found is a girl who is happy to live off the retirement funds of a man (who should know better), in order to improve her status within her family and within the community she lives in.

    love has nothing to do with it.

    repeat after me, LOVE HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH IT.

  23. #23
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    Taxexile A man scorned an all that

  24. #24
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    If that girlfirend believes more in that lady she met with you then in you, forget it, as this kind of situation will pop up to many more times...

    Thai ladies seem to love spread couple destroying rumors and lies, the next problem is the credulous lady who got the news has lost face due to the lie and must let the relation die...

    Next girl secure that first.

  25. #25
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    Amen to the taxexile's post above! Green on the way!

    If you want to marry a Thai woman, come here and live here for a few years, and try dating 'normal' women who are not soliciting on the street, in a bar or on the internet. A woman who jumps into bed with you and/or demands money to be with you and/or goes on holiday with you as soon as she's met you is not wife material, IMHO.

    Finding true love takes time, luck and a good portion of common sense.
    Any error in tact, fact or spelling is purely due to transmissional errors...

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