Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 25 of 27
  1. #1
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Last Online
    17-04-2019 @ 02:58 PM
    Location
    Down on the farm
    Posts
    13,570

    Isaan father in-law: director's cut

    I recently happened upon a publication documenting the life of the author's Isaan father in-law.

    I quote:

    " Isaan father in-law is a biography of the author's father in-law, Mr Rin. It draws on family and historical sources to uncover his career. Mr Rin is revealed as a teacher, farmer, community leader, rural development activist and conservationist."

    Call me a cynic but that bushy-tailed preface bears no correlation whatsoever to my considerable firsthand experiences of the archetypal Isaan gent. I suggest a slightly more accurate portrayal of your typical provincial adult male would read something a long the lines of:

    "Isaan father in-law is a biography of the author's father in-law, Por. It draws on family and historical sources to uncover his career.

    Por is revealed to be a degenerate drunk with a propensity for soiling his underpants. His hobbies included sweeping, chain-smoking cheap tobacco, and hurling unintelligible abuse at his 14" portable television set.

    As well as boasting the hygienic proficiency of a dung beetle, Por could invariably be found shod in a mish-mash of thread bare attire, giving him the air of a man who'd just been dragged backwards through a Spastic Society outlet.

    He had no time for small talk; opting to speak only in laconic sentences: " 30 baht", "20 baht" or "10 baht" being amongst his most oft uttered repartee."


    Despite these shortcomings, Por remains quite possibly the most dangerous and powerful man in Thailand's northeast. Should he catch a whiff of the ensuing shindig in Bangkok; well... I'll let you draw your own conclusions.

    That broom could potentially oust the entire Thai military... look at the speed of the fucking strokes!


  2. #2
    Valve Master
    Latindancer's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Last Online
    @
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    11,124
    Should be more of that physical sweeping over here in Oz. The lazy bastards with leaf blowers are driving me nuts !

  3. #3
    Thailand Expat
    Albert Shagnastier's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Last Online
    22-03-2015 @ 09:09 PM
    Location
    City of Angels
    Posts
    7,166
    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap
    Por could invariably be found shod in a mish-mash of thread bare attire, giving him the air of a man who'd just been dragged backwards through a Spastic Society outlet.

  4. #4
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Last Online
    17-04-2019 @ 02:58 PM
    Location
    Down on the farm
    Posts
    13,570
    Quote Originally Posted by Latindancer
    The lazy bastards with leaf blowers are driving me nuts !
    I would get Por a leaf blower for his birthday, although I'm not entirely convinced that he was actually born, rather a mish-mash of aborted scientific experiments.

  5. #5
    Thailand Expat
    Albert Shagnastier's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Last Online
    22-03-2015 @ 09:09 PM
    Location
    City of Angels
    Posts
    7,166
    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap
    I would get Por a leaf blower for his birthday, although I'm not entirely convinced that he was actually born, rather a mish-mash of aborted scientific experiments.
    Just get him one for Christmas instead then mate.

  6. #6
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Last Online
    17-04-2019 @ 02:58 PM
    Location
    Down on the farm
    Posts
    13,570
    ^ I suppose Father's day would be the obvious juncture. Although, again I'm not sure that Por is actually a human being and therefore not a father at all!

  7. #7
    Thailand Expat
    Albert Shagnastier's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Last Online
    22-03-2015 @ 09:09 PM
    Location
    City of Angels
    Posts
    7,166
    ^That's why I suggested Christmas (immaculate conception and all that)

  8. #8
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Last Online
    17-04-2019 @ 02:58 PM
    Location
    Down on the farm
    Posts
    13,570
    Quote Originally Posted by Albert Shagnastier
    ^That's why I suggested Christmas (immaculate conception and all that)
    I think you may be on to something there... The messiah lives. And he likes a drink.

  9. #9
    Can I still change this?
    Bogon's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Last Online
    Today @ 03:34 PM
    Posts
    4,459
    My Por was a master of illusion, but he has sadly passed away and is sitting in the big mango tree in the sky right now.

    In the time that I knew him (10 years or so).

    1) I had to have a swig of Lao Khao in front of his mates so he got face. (bit hard not to as the missus and family has 2 factories producing the drink of the Devil).

    2) I presented a packet of Wonder Red whenever I went out on a "ciggie" run on the trusty wave.

    3) He would eat one of my rouge brussel sprouts that I imported to the North to show off to his mates.

    4) I think he lost my mototrbike around 4 times playing cards. I even had to buy it back on my wedding day when 2 heavies turned up requiring payment from last weeks cardgame.

    5) The bloke was a cad, but when he died he left everything lock, stock and barrel to me and the missus. Whatever I done for him (mistakes or not), he has paid up back 100 times.

    R.I.P Por Noi

    Love Ya...
    Last edited by Bogon; 24-05-2014 at 09:37 PM.
    Black diamonds? I shit 'em.

  10. #10
    Banned

    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Last Online
    03-06-2014 @ 09:01 PM
    Posts
    27,545
    Quote Originally Posted by Latindancer View Post
    Should be more of that physical sweeping over here in Oz. The lazy bastards with leaf blowers are driving me nuts !
    That's real old school....

    Sweeping dirt from here to there, just because it's there.

  11. #11
    Member
    Breny's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Last Online
    22-09-2015 @ 10:44 PM
    Location
    The 4th dimension.
    Posts
    878
    "I even had to buy it back on my wedding day when 2 heavies turned up requiring payment from last weeks cardgame"

    Epic.

  12. #12
    Thailand Expat
    Albert Shagnastier's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Last Online
    22-03-2015 @ 09:09 PM
    Location
    City of Angels
    Posts
    7,166
    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap
    The messiah lives. And he likes a drink.
    You're not wrong mate.

    Mum always understood


  13. #13
    Can I still change this?
    Bogon's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Last Online
    Today @ 03:34 PM
    Posts
    4,459
    ^^ True story.

    I live in Bangkok, but keep a bike and stuff up North for my visits. Much easier doing the beer run and using the bike for a quick reckie to the internet shack than wheel spinning the motor out of the gravel yard every time I wanna venture out.

    Mum is worse than Por in the brain stakes. The girl is semi-retarded with some of the shit she comes out with.
    Last edited by Bogon; 24-05-2014 at 09:29 PM.

  14. #14
    Can I still change this?
    Bogon's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Last Online
    Today @ 03:34 PM
    Posts
    4,459
    Some of mum's quotes (100% real).

    1) is this the same moon you see in England?

    2) Do you have chickens in England?

    3) Do you have trees like this in England?

    4) I don't remember here...a restaurant we took her 2 weeks ago.

    4) I don't remember here... a restaurant we took her last week.

    5) I don't remember here... a restaurant we took her today.

    6) Are we out of her home town? 4 hours of driving and hitting Nakhon Sawan.

    7) Trying to put 5 baht in to the escaltor at MBK because the missus said you had to pay to go up (I shit you not).

    There are many more, but my fingers are hurting.

  15. #15
    Thailand Expat
    jamescollister's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Last Online
    15-04-2019 @ 08:14 PM
    Location
    Bunthrik Ubon
    Posts
    4,683
    Quote Originally Posted by Bogon View Post
    Some of mum's quotes (100% real).

    1) is this the same moon you see in England?

    2) Do you have chickens in England?

    3) Do you have trees like this in England?

    4) I don't remember here...a restaurant we took her 2 weeks ago.

    4) I don't remember here... a restaurant we took her last week.

    5) I don't remember here... a restaurant we took her today.

    6) Are we out of her home town? 4 hours of driving and hitting Nakhon Sawan.

    7) Trying to put 5 baht in to the escaltor at MBK because the missus said you had to pay to go up (I shit you not).

    There are many more, but my fingers are hurting.
    Did you marry the daughter of my MILs sister. Jim

  16. #16
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Last Online
    17-04-2019 @ 02:58 PM
    Location
    Down on the farm
    Posts
    13,570
    Quote Originally Posted by Bogon
    1) is this the same moon you see in England?
    Local shop Q&A:

    Q "Does the moon exist in England?"

    A "No. No it doesn't."

  17. #17
    Can I still change this?
    Bogon's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Last Online
    Today @ 03:34 PM
    Posts
    4,459
    Quote Originally Posted by jamescollister
    Did you marry the daughter of my MILs sister. Jim
    Still trying to get my head around that.

    The girl I married was earning 6k a month in a dead-end job 12 years back.

    Now we own a 3 storey gaff with 3 bogs, 2 showers, 3 bedrooms, 2 living rooms and 2 decent motors on the driveway... and it's all down to her.

    I have never met a woman with such drive and verve.

    10 years ago we had sod all money and had to share a fried rice for dinner in our 4,000 baht a month condo in CM.

    This is what amazes me about what Mum and Dad have done to bring her up, and with retrospesct, Por was f*^king tops with lending a hand when others were in strife and Mum is one of the hardest grafters I have ever seen. These are (were not old people, just hitting their 60's)

    This must have rubbed off onto the missus because she now earns nearly as much as me and has promised a Porche within the next 10 years.

    9 years, 11 months , 24 days, 8 hours and waiting...

  18. #18
    Banned

    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Last Online
    03-06-2014 @ 09:01 PM
    Posts
    27,545
    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Bogon
    1) is this the same moon you see in England?
    Local shop Q&A:

    Q "Does the moon exist in England?"

    A "No. No it doesn't."
    Glad you set 'em straight, Slap.

    Savages.....

  19. #19
    Member
    Breny's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Last Online
    22-09-2015 @ 10:44 PM
    Location
    The 4th dimension.
    Posts
    878
    ^^ Your in love aren't you? Go on admit it.

  20. #20
    Thailand Expat
    adzt1's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Last Online
    16-04-2019 @ 08:05 PM
    Location
    watching&learning
    Posts
    1,229
    Quote Originally Posted by Bogon View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by jamescollister
    Did you marry the daughter of my MILs sister. Jim
    Still trying to get my head around that.

    The girl I married was earning 6k a month in a dead-end job 12 years back.

    Now we own a 3 storey gaff with 3 bogs, 2 showers, 3 bedrooms, 2 living rooms and 2 decent motors on the driveway... and it's all down to her.

    I have never met a woman with such drive and verve.

    10 years ago we had sod all money and had to share a fried rice for dinner in our 4,000 baht a month condo in CM.

    This is what amazes me about what Mum and Dad have done to bring her up, and with retrospesct, Por was f*^king tops with lending a hand when others were in strife and Mum is one of the hardest grafters I have ever seen. These are (were not old people, just hitting their 60's)

    This must have rubbed off onto the missus because she now earns nearly as much as me and has promised a Porche within the next 10 years.

    9 years, 11 months , 24 days, 8 hours and waiting...
    will not put up wiv the "Nanny state" so don't push it on me.

  21. #21
    Can I still change this?
    Bogon's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Last Online
    Today @ 03:34 PM
    Posts
    4,459
    ^^ Yes, I am, though can't speak for the missus (poor cow has to stick up with me).

    ^ Telling it is how it is (using a Southern black voice).

    Many people in my boat, but this isn't ThaiVisa with the naysayers. Thailand is not 3 areas that most of us drink in.

    If you in play the sewers, then you hangaround with the rats.

    --EDIT--

    I'm drinking in town most weekends and know what the score is, but the difference is, is that I go home with a clean hampton and a clear conscience.

    Again, what I type is no boast because most of the punters in here are doing a lot better than me. I am bordering on middle class here!

    Can name a dozen or so that would piss all over me in a texam hold'em money stakes game
    amd probally 8 dozen more than I don't know about.

    AO
    LT
    Marmite
    Withers
    Somtam
    Sunnyboy
    Terry (insert swear words)
    Steven Seagal (rides the bike)
    Fondals
    The gay Belgium bloke
    Necronn
    TonyBKK (bike rider)
    Jizzy



    Life is good.
    Last edited by Bogon; 24-05-2014 at 10:58 PM.

  22. #22
    Gohills flip-flops wearer
    withnallstoke's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Last Online
    Yesterday @ 10:55 AM
    Location
    The Felcher Memorial Home.
    Posts
    14,249
    I think people from Isarn are like Tenpole Tudor.

    And they should be prould of their Jock heritage.


  23. #23
    Thailand Expat Dillinger's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Last Online
    @
    Posts
    25,132
    Those look like Betty's crocs

  24. #24
    Gohills flip-flops wearer
    withnallstoke's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Last Online
    Yesterday @ 10:55 AM
    Location
    The Felcher Memorial Home.
    Posts
    14,249
    Quote Originally Posted by Bogon
    The gay Belgium bloke
    I bet he has seen the "Swords of a thousand men".

  25. #25
    POTUS HOCUS
    david44's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Last Online
    03-12-2018 @ 01:21 PM
    Location
    Inner Wrongholia
    Posts
    13,668
    alt balm delete

    'The late Robert Hughes had the best reply. He gave the purveyors of moral uplift of his day the story of Sigismondo Malatesta, Lord of Rimini. Malatesta was without doubt a prince of exquisite taste, who patronised the finest artists of Renaissance Italy.

    Art did not exalt him, however, for he was so famed for his cruelty that the Catholic church made him for a time the only man apart from Judas Iscariot officially listed as being in hell – "a distinction he earned by trussing up a papal emissary, the 15-year-old bishop of Fano, and publicly sodomising him before his applauding army in the main square of Rimini".

    Now that's how to pack 'em in sod tv hunta hunter lost orf kuala jumpa
    I used to have a job at a calendar factory.
    I got the sack because
    I took a couple of days off.

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •