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  1. #1
    Member burdon's Avatar
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    The day when I bought Opium off a hill-tribe village on the Mekong in Laos.

    There was three of us staying in that hotel in Lunag Prabang. After the terrible, terrible experience which was the deadly fast-boat from Chiang Khong, we all wanted a decent hotel in which to give thanks to God for being alive. So we had checked into a pretty damn good little hotel. It was like a mini 5***** for $30-40 a night. There was me, T (my erstwhile friend, flat-mate and business partner) and Dodgy Dave. We had met Dave in a ladyboy owned guesthouse in C.Mai so days before. He, like us hated every fucking minute of the 2 days treck. We had bonded.

    Dave was maybe 40. He had about 30 tatooes. He was a proud football hooligan from Portsmouth who worked in the docks and revelled in his reputation for dodgy dealing. " 'Ash from Morroco. Fackin' shnaaaaaaaaahhhhts from Spain. I get's everything boys." He had taken us in under his wings. So it was two little posh boys and one huge, skin-headed thug. Dave decided to tag along with us to Laos.

    So we were now in Luang Prabang, bored shitless. What a boring place. The only thing I say for Laos is that it has great bread. Also one can feel rich when one has a huge roll of money wrapped in an elastic band. I certainly enjoyed feeling like Del Boy as I purchased a Pepsi for like, 40,000 fucking whatevers. Kips, scnips, bits?

    We decided that we wanted to rent a boat and go find some opium. For T and myself, smoking the brown was pretty much the only reason to see Laos (besides needing to get of BKK for a while). So we found a dodgyish boat driver and told him what we wanted. He was all ears. We set off soon after. The dude even let me drive the boat for 45 minutes. It was pretty cool. A nice way to see the River. But all we really wanted was some Opie.

    We eventually came to a typical little hovel village on the side of the river. The natives lined the shore, undoubtedly excited by the prospect of fleecing some White-boys. We had other ideas. They wanted us to buy jewellery and give money to their rather distended looking children. We wanted brown.

    After much discussion is what can only be described as gutteral Laos/Thai, we were led by a couple of unhappy 'village elders' to a place in the back of the village. It must have been the crack-den. The place where the undesirables lived. It felt like home.

    We managed to buy a couple of blocks of Opium and quickly wanted to be on our way. The village tried to enlighten us as to their culture and make us stay. But Dodgy Dave was not a man to be fooled with.

    "Get 'aaaat a' my way you fackin darkies", he said as we gradually make our exit.

    The villages did not exactly stone us on our exit, but they seemed very non-plussed to say the least. Fuck 'em. I was with Dave on that score.

    So we were back on the boat. Just me, Dave, T, the driver and a nice little stash of Opium. We proceeded to use the local technique of simply swiping a cigarette through the brown mush and smoking it. This worked quite nicely and 45 minutes later when we got back to Luang Prabang, we were stoned. Dave, a man more used to booze, 'puff' and fighting, found it hard to keep up with two middle-class druggies. He dozed while we smoked.

    In the next 48 hours, we only left the hotel to grab more bread. We had seen all we wanted in Luang Prabang. It was time to ditch Dave (who had been annoying T) and get out asses to Muan Singh.

  2. #2
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    While the story is interesting and smoking opium is probably pretty neat, TD has to be careful. Mods...

  3. #3
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    It was in Laos not Thailand.

  4. #4
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    another story full of holes and spelling mistakes. But never mind, if a story grabs your attention and you enjoy it, then it must be good. This one did not, it was boring and totally unoriginal, to say the elast (that was a dyslexic typo I have left in to commemorate the great town of Lunag Prabang)
    I have reported your post

  5. #5
    Member burdon's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by dirtydog View Post
    It was in Laos not Thailand.
    It was all Laos. Remember that.

  6. #6
    Member burdon's Avatar
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    Romours came to me a couple of years back that Dodgy Dave was now residing in Vietnam. But I am not sure whether to believe them or not.

    His finest moment? We were encased in the grimy, dark, filthy Star.69 bar in Chiang Mai. They keep the lights down for a very good reason.

    Dave kept gatting girls to come speak to him and then flicking his lighter on,

    "Uuuuh. Face like a facking pudding this one."

    Thanks for the laughs Dave.

  7. #7
    Member burdon's Avatar
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    Mecock. At least have the good grace to say the story is shit before jacking the thread.

    As you were.

    Same goes to Buttefly, NickA and kingwilly.

    As you were.

  8. #8
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    your threads crap. plus if you need to travel almost an hour to get a fix of opioum then i think you are pretty sad as well

    there is that better?

  9. #9
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    ^ dont feed the troll!

  10. #10
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    didn't get past 3rd paragraph. but guess i didn't miss anything.

  11. #11
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    Shall I tell you about the time I bought 150kg of hydro and had it delivered in a white van disguised in Gillette shaving foam cap boxes.

    or how about the time I bought 100,000 E's in washing powder boxes all sealed and fresh.

    or maybe the time I bought 25kg of fresh coffee which was really 25 x1kg blocks of Moroccon Hashish made to look like Moroccon coffee.

    Nah I would just sound like a dick if I did that.

  12. #12
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    ChiangMai noon's Avatar
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    Burdon is the only person that i know with a life experience to tell, I didn't know that people did drugs outside of the movies.
    He is a wonderful writer and in the millionth intelligence percentile to boot.
    Leave him alone Squizza.
    He fascinates.

  13. #13
    Member burdon's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MeMock View Post
    your threads crap. plus if you need to travel almost an hour to get a fix of opioum then i think you are pretty sad as well

    there is that better?
    Much better. Thanks.

  14. #14
    Member burdon's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mrsquirrel View Post
    Shall I tell you about the time I bought 150kg of hydro and had it delivered in a white van disguised in Gillette shaving foam cap boxes.

    or how about the time I bought 100,000 E's in washing powder boxes all sealed and fresh.

    or maybe the time I bought 25kg of fresh coffee which was really 25 x1kg blocks of Moroccon Hashish made to look like Moroccon coffee.

    Nah I would just sound like a dick if I did that.
    If I told any tall tales like that, I could see where you all were coming from. But I tell my story. No more, no less.

    For example I could say that I fucked the Foreign Ministers neice, that I own a bar, that I ran drugs, that I was in the C.I.fucking.A.

    But that would be lies.

    That is how one can tell I genuine story from an ouright lie. The details. Of course a true, good, practised lier knows how to come up with details.

  15. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by ChiangMai noon View Post
    Burdon is the only person that i know with a life experience to tell, I didn't know that people did drugs outside of the movies.
    He is a wonderful writer and in the millionth intelligence percentile to boot.
    Leave him alone Squizza.
    He fascinates.
    you drinking again?

  16. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by burdon View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by mrsquirrel View Post
    Shall I tell you about the time I bought 150kg of hydro and had it delivered in a white van disguised in Gillette shaving foam cap boxes.

    or how about the time I bought 100,000 E's in washing powder boxes all sealed and fresh.

    or maybe the time I bought 25kg of fresh coffee which was really 25 x1kg blocks of Moroccon Hashish made to look like Moroccon coffee.

    Nah I would just sound like a dick if I did that.
    If I told any tall tales like that, I could see where you all were coming from. But I tell my story. No more, no less.

    For example I could say that I fucked the Foreign Ministers neice, that I own a bar, that I ran drugs, that I was in the C.I.fucking.A.

    But that would be lies.

    That is how one can tell I genuine story from an ouright lie. The details. Of course a true, good, practised lier knows how to come up with details.
    some more threads for ya !

    great.

  17. #17
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    slimboyfat's Avatar
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    i just bought 6 cans of Tiger from 7-11. I was with 'Rubber' Johnny Yim - a real hard-case shipbroker from Bedok.

    don't worry though mods - i am in singapore
    Last edited by slimboyfat; 03-05-2007 at 10:58 PM.

  18. #18
    Have you got any cheese Thetyim's Avatar
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    ^ You should start a thread about it.

    Just remember to call yourself H or something because it makes it so much more interesting

    and don't forget to throw in a load of little details so that we know it's all true.

  19. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by slimboyfat View Post
    i just bought 6 cans of Tiger from 7-11. I was with 'Rubber' Johnny Yim - a real hard-case shipbroker from Bedok.

    don't worry though mods - i am in singapore

    yah jus had to bump his thread didnt yah - i outta red u fer that

    !

  20. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by burdon View Post
    There was three of us staying in that hotel in Lunag Prabang. After the terrible, terrible experience flat-mate and Dodgy Dave. So it was two little posh boys and one huge, skin-headed thug.
    Glad you left out the part about the ass rape.

  21. #21
    I am in Jail
    stroller's Avatar
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    ^
    He's not gonna put all his material into a single story, gotta keep some for the next round or 3.

  22. #22
    The Pikey Hunter
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    Quote Originally Posted by slimboyfat View Post
    i just bought 6 cans of Tiger from 7-11. I was with 'Rubber' Johnny Yim - a real hard-case shipbroker from Bedok.

    don't worry though mods - i am in singapore
    Maybe you should start a thread about the time you bought 2 sticks of chewing gum from a dealer on Orchard Road.

  23. #23
    Member burdon's Avatar
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    The next one is where I was employed by the C.I.A. They wanted me to fuck loads of bar-girls and kill lots of people.

    But shhhhhhhh. This is on a need to know basis.

  24. #24
    Thailand Expat Jarvis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by burdon
    There was three of us staying in that hotel in Lunag Prabang
    Is that in Laos, near Luang Prabang I presume

  25. #25
    R.I.P.
    DrB0b's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mrsquirrel View Post
    Shall I tell you about the time I bought 150kg of hydro and had it delivered in a white van disguised in Gillette shaving foam cap boxes.

    or how about the time I bought 100,000 E's in washing powder boxes all sealed and fresh.

    or maybe the time I bought 25kg of fresh coffee which was really 25 x1kg blocks of Moroccon Hashish made to look like Moroccon coffee.

    Nah I would just sound like a dick if I did that.
    I've just received a consigment of adrenal glands freshly harvested from Cambodian babies if you're interested.

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