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  1. #1
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    Northeastern Hospitality

    I've just journeyed to the local watering hole - the shop, if you like - with the exact change in order to procure one large bottle of award winning ale and a timely 10 baht nip of Ya-Dong.

    Lao Khao is strictly a la carte at present. There is indeed a fine line between heaven and wanton debauchery, and the herbal infusion that clearly lacks so noticeably in a neat swig of LK tends to flavour the aforementioned filth with a particularly untoward palate which reeks to high heaven of turpentine and petrol, and is enough to drive its imbiber to the edge of deepest, darkest insanity..

    Note this and note it good:

    When journeying upcountry, tell lao khao to fuck. right. off...but at the same time embrace Ya-Dong with an open gullet and a full, swinging set of bollocks. Heed this, and the best night you'll never remember will ensue.

    Not to beat around the bush here; I left the shop with three bottles of A.I.B.A's, a sports holdall full of prawn crackers, half a kilo of fried pork seasoned with garlic and lemon grass, and a series of back rubs and extra curricular fiddling - all con gratis of the female farmer persuasion..

    Despite their gaunt features and, quite frankly, hideous mannerisms, one can't help but opine that they'd offer up, quite possibly, the fuck of a lifetime.

    And with that, I'm off to the bog to make up my own mind...

  2. #2
    Member sranchito's Avatar
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    That might be considered TMI.

    Round my place in Isaan, most folks look like normal folks with the exception of a very few nieces. No desire to try any out though. Sis-in-law might give me the boot. BTW, one niece lives in the house for cooking and cleaning.

  3. #3
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    pescator's Avatar
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    is enough to drive its imbiber to the edge of deepest, darkest Issanity.
    There, I fixed it for you.

  4. #4
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    Thanks for your solid advice on the local herbs mate

  5. #5
    splendid and tremendous
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    Quote Originally Posted by nigelandjan
    Thanks for your solid advice on the local herbs mate
    Can't remember writing it, but you're most welcome Nigel..

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by sranchito View Post
    BTW, one niece lives in the house for cooking and cleaning.
    I'm sure she does...
    Last edited by Rural Surin; 07-11-2012 at 12:45 PM.

  7. #7
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    Is there nothing Slap won't try? I didn't think so.

  8. #8
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    A.I.B.A's ? You lost me at that point mate and it made the rest of the post bemusing to say the least
    Care to elucidate old bean ?

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Big Fella
    it made the rest of the post bemusing to say the least
    Don't feel bad. Things tend to come out all cryptic after 4 bottles of A.I.B.A's aka Australian Award Winning Beer aka Chang.

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap
    A.I.B.A's aka Australian Award Winning Beer
    Sorry, I'm obviously still fucked:

    A - Australian
    I - International
    B - Beer
    A - Award

  11. #11
    Gohills flip-flops wearer
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    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap
    with the exact change in order to procure one large bottle of award winning ale and a timely 10 baht nip of Ya-Dong.
    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap
    I left the shop with three bottles of A.I.B.A's, a sports holdall full of prawn crackers, half a kilo of fried pork seasoned with garlic and lemon grass, and a series of back rubs and extra curricular fiddling
    Lay off the Dong lest ye are prepared to pay up the huge tab on the next visit.


    PS. Pictures of farming type wenches are most welcome.

  12. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap
    A.I.B.A's aka Australian Award Winning Beer
    Sorry, I'm obviously still fucked:

    A - Australian
    I - International
    B - Beer
    A - Award
    Well there you go ! You learn something everyday here on TD
    It makes a little more sense now.

  13. #13
    splendid and tremendous
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    Quote Originally Posted by withnallstoke
    PS. Pictures of farming type wenches are most welcome.
    You say that but you wouldn't be thanking me whilst wiping projectile puke off of your computer monitor.

  14. #14
    Gohills flip-flops wearer
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    ^ Nor semen from my shoes.

  15. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap
    whilst wiping projectile puke off of your computer monitor.
    Thats a chance i'm willing to take.

  16. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by withnallstoke
    Nor semen from my shoes.
    Weeeee've got: Semen on us feet, semen on us feet, semen on us feet and we're fooking loving eeet...

  17. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by bobo746
    Thats a chance i'm willing to take.
    Are you sure Bob? I won't be able to cover your bill at the shrink, you know.

  18. #18
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    Shameful.

    Buncha foreign drunkards taking to the sticks...

  19. #19
    Gohills flip-flops wearer
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    Dear somtamslap,

    we, your avid readers, DEMAND photographs of farming type wenches, with or without sack clothing.

    All those in favour, say "aye".


    Aye.

  20. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rural Surin
    Buncha foreign drunkards taking to the sticks..
    I am always, 100 % of the time, the least drunk person at the shop.

    A chap the other day, must have been around 10 am, was the most drunk I've ever seen anyone in my life. He flayed around the place, crashing into the fridge, bumping into the fruit and veg display and taking half of it down with him as he fell to the ground.

    Amazingly enough he managed to retain the grip on his shot glass of Lao without spilling a drop and held it up triumphantly like a fucking golden snitch. He then went about assaulting my poor little daughter with his breath before finally ending with an impressive finale which featured a monumental slump into a sugar cane plantation before nodding off into a rather deep slumber - slurring words about one more shot for the road as he did so.

    Bloody marvellous performance.

  21. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by withnallstoke
    All those in favour, say "aye".
    The eyes are yet to have it.

  22. #22
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    Aye!!
    Get em up here.

  23. #23
    Thailand Expat gusG's Avatar
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    Aye! Come on fella.
    Show us the local wildlife.

  24. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Rural Surin
    Buncha foreign drunkards taking to the sticks..
    I am always, 100 % of the time, the least drunk person at the shop.

    A chap the other day, must have been around 10 am, was the most drunk I've ever seen anyone in my life. He flayed around the place, crashing into the fridge, bumping into the fruit and veg display and taking half of it down with him as he fell to the ground.

    Amazingly enough he managed to retain the grip on his shot glass of Lao without spilling a drop and held it up triumphantly like a fucking golden snitch. He then went about assaulting my poor little daughter with his breath before finally ending with an impressive finale which featured a monumental slump into a sugar cane plantation before nodding off into a rather deep slumber - slurring words about one more shot for the road as he did so.

    Bloody marvellous performance.
    Only 10 am, huh?
    We have you beat most mornings, having the regulars dead pissed by 9:15 am.

  25. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by bobo746
    Aye!!
    Quote Originally Posted by gusG
    Aye!
    20 eyes and I'll get me camera oot.

    Shame my camera phone's bust. Twas great for taking stealthy shots of drunk people.

    Just went to the shop and bought a 7up - nearly as good as Coke, definitely a million times more refreshing than sprite and fanta, and accidentally woke a drunk person who was slouched all over the exterior furniture.

    Lots of slurring and dribbling ensued.

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