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  1. #101
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bob63
    As for the child I agree Western men are more attached to their kids than Thai men (from what I have observed - it is not because I am prejudiced),
    maybe your observations have made you predujiced?

    from what I have observed, Thai men love their kids and are very demonstrative about it, unlike a lot of westerners

  2. #102
    Member Benayahu's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by rickschoppers View Post
    The time has come to finish working and start a new chapter in my life. After over 34 years in health care, I have finished my last day at work and plan to retire in Thailand. This has not been a decision I have taken lightly.

    About the same time I met a food waitress from the Udon Thani area (no hanky panky). She told me about her home town and that she had a younger sister visiting and wondered if I would like to meet her. I said sure and there was immediate chemistry. I had no intention of hooking up with a constant girlfriend, but things happen and we started spending a lot of time together. Her mother had passed away a few months prior to my meeting her and she was still mourning her death. Her father had passed away when she was young. She spoke very little English and I had to rely on the sister for translation, but things continued to go well.

    About 2 years ago, my lady started talking about having a child. Since I already had three grown children, I remained neutral. I told her I was not even sure if I could make babys anymore, but that it was definatly fun trying. She went off the pill and the first month became pregnant. I guess that answers the question whether I am shooting blanks or not. This happened during one of my three month trips and it was hard to come back and work while she was in her current condition. Al this time, I was still thinking about working another 2 years.

    Our son was born on June 30, 2010 (the year of the tiger). I missed her delivery by 1 week since she went into labor a little early and I had planned my trip around her delivery date. It was not fun hearing from her sister that her chances were 50/50 of surviving according to the physician. Being in health care, that is not good new, but it seems the Thais use that term all the time. To this day, I do not know how bad she was but it would have been much better if I had been there.

    I will be heading over to Thailand on October 12th and am looking foward to not having to return. I have my one way ticket, my O visa and enough money to build a house in the Udon area. That was my goal all along and it feels great to have achieved that goal. There are a lot of members on this site that are retired and I
    WELL ,what can I say, but this posting has been one of the most inspire and heart warming since I have joined this discussion groups. To the poster Rick, you are one very lucky man and you seem to have very much to look forwards to. You have a lovely new family and a new life in a different country ,but one which you love. I think I speak on behalfs of all other posters here when we say best of lucks and we will most certain look forward to hearing all your future stories on how life is going for you in LOS. You seem to be very sensible and I am sure every thing is gona be very positive for you and your young families.

    Lotsa good luck and wishes and hoping to read more from you soon.

    peace ,MavenGuy (Ben)

  3. #103
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    The very best of luck Rickchopper"s in you new venture and a happy retirement,I personally opted for an USUFRUCT agreement instead of a 30 yr land lease which worked out a helluva lot cheaper...It"s worth looking into. Safe havens buddy.....

  4. #104
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bob63 View Post
    Rick, thanks a lot for a good thread and honest serious input by all.
    I too contemplate thai retirement but it is some years off.

    I have been a bit in Isaan too and have noted the empty villas that are in several villages. Looks a lot like "farang moved out, and can't sell luxury villa in the middle of nowhere". But I gather you have considered this as well and made an informed choice.

    As for the child I agree Western men are more attached to their kids than Thai men (from what I have observed - it is not because I am prejudiced), and it is nice to read how you want to provide for your son's future. Whether or not to have a child at your age is a moot point, because now he is here and then you deal with it. Things happen.
    It will be interesting to hear how the "delicate" conversation with the wife about transferring ownership from her to him works out.
    Actually, if your wife is truly longterm trustworthy you might consider letting her keep the house. Some of the young thai men I have heard about have little sense. He might sell the house at an early age to cover a new pickup truck, gambling debts or whatever. To keep the house under control of a wiser person (mother, guardian etc) might be a good plan.

    Hope to see you some day up in Udon
    Bob63, thanks for the words and I would have to agree with you about choosing to have a child at my age. With the Thai family structure, I think my son will have a better upbringing, whether I am around or not, than most US kids. It is one of the cultural traits of SEA I like along with taking care of the elders (for obvious reasons). To apply western standards to raising children in Thailand is what is really wrong here.
    You make a good point about the property and I have also thought what if my son does not grow up not knowing the value of land and having a place to live. Hopefully that will be instilled in him by myself and his family. Another option is to do as you suggest and hope nobody puts the house up for a loan they can not pay back. It is a flip of a coin right now and my mind is not fully made up on the topic.

  5. #105
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    Quote Originally Posted by Colorado View Post
    I will be 60 next week. My son by my Thai wife will be three in January. I certainly don't regret having him and if given a choice, I'm sure he would rather have been born to an older father than not be born at all.
    Should I pass away while he is still young, I believe he would still choose to have been born.
    Good post and I agree.

  6. #106
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    Quote Originally Posted by DrAndy View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Bob63
    As for the child I agree Western men are more attached to their kids than Thai men (from what I have observed - it is not because I am prejudiced),
    maybe your observations have made you predujiced?

    from what I have observed, Thai men love their kids and are very demonstrative about it, unlike a lot of westerners
    I am not so sure the absense of the father is always due to their unwillingness to take on the responsibility. Many working aged fathers are away in another country to try and make enough money to send home and support the family. It would be interesting to know how the percentages between working fathers vs deadbeat father's would work out.

    In regard to Thai fathers "showing" they are attached to their kids, my observation has been that they do it differently than in the west. The affection is there, but it is demonstrated by how they themselves were brought up. If they had a caring father then they themselves would be the same. If they did not show it openly, then that is how they would treat their own children unless they made a concious decision, like I did, to break the mold. We are all a product of our own environment. Since my own father was not around very much and never showed any affection, I have faught this type of reaction and have tried to show my own kids more affection than what I was used to. It does not mean that he was not attached, but he reacted the same as his own parents when it came to rearing children. My goal has always been to be much more open and caring than my father was.

  7. #107
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    ^^^^^

    Thanks Ben. Nice words from a guy show has so many reds. I will have to read your other posts to see what's up with that.

  8. #108
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    very interesting discussion here.
    This is just something i want to throw out there

    I have spoken with my thai daughter 17 years old ( who has been raised by me alone as mom split long ago) and she has seen first hand how thai raised kids are vs farang raised ones in her school and it is not as rosy as u all portray it. She tells me 90% of the thai boys or half thai's are extremely immature and child like. So in one respect they are just like their dads.

    Many of the teachers and i talk and they all tell me that they when they have parent teacher conferences none of the thai fathers or even Farang dad of half thai kids ever show up>and it is not cause they are off at work somewhere else. I don't exaclty know what that means but to me it shows that dads here dont really care what goes on and school such things are left to mom.

    Just observations.
    "I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol or insanity, but they've always worked for me" HST

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  9. #109
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    Quote Originally Posted by Phuketrichard
    Many of the teachers and i talk and they all tell me that they when they have parent teacher conferences none of the thai fathers or even Farang dad of half thai kids ever show up>and it is not cause they are off at work somewhere else. I don't exaclty know what that means but to me it shows that dads here dont really care what goes on and school such things are left to mom.
    PR,
    That is virtually the same in the US in most cases. I bet only about half of the parents show up to teacher parent conferences and if they do attend they are not really there. They just wanted to get the sign up credits for attending. They are not paying attention, never ask questions just sit and leave. So it is not a Thai only thing. I suspect some reasons for poor attendance is the timing of the said conference. I did my absolute best to attend but sometimes not possible. I had 2 daughters in different schools and sometimes the events frequently conflicted.

  10. #110
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    Quote Originally Posted by JPPR2 View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Phuketrichard
    Many of the teachers and i talk and they all tell me that they when they have parent teacher conferences none of the thai fathers or even Farang dad of half thai kids ever show up>and it is not cause they are off at work somewhere else. I don't exaclty know what that means but to me it shows that dads here dont really care what goes on and school such things are left to mom.
    PR,
    That is virtually the same in the US in most cases. I bet only about half of the parents show up to teacher parent conferences and if they do attend they are not really there. They just wanted to get the sign up credits for attending. They are not paying attention, never ask questions just sit and leave. So it is not a Thai only thing. I suspect some reasons for poor attendance is the timing of the said conference. I did my absolute best to attend but sometimes not possible. I had 2 daughters in different schools and sometimes the events frequently conflicted.

    Good point BUT at her international school, they are given a choice of 2 days and the hours of 8:30 am-5 pm.
    surely if u were concerned about ur kid u could find the time to get away. Also at least one parent HAS to attend to pick up the report cards. Unlike america they are not sent home with the kid ( where they always end up getting lost LOL) or posted online

    They just wanted to get the sign up credits for attending.
    Not sure i understand this. Parents get credit for attending conferences about their kids??

  11. #111
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    Quote Originally Posted by Phuketrichard View Post
    very interesting discussion here.
    This is just something i want to throw out there

    I have spoken with my thai daughter 17 years old ( who has been raised by me alone as mom split long ago) and she has seen first hand how thai raised kids are vs farang raised ones in her school and it is not as rosy as u all portray it. She tells me 90% of the thai boys or half thai's are extremely immature and child like. So in one respect they are just like their dads.

    Many of the teachers and i talk and they all tell me that they when they have parent teacher conferences none of the thai fathers or even Farang dad of half thai kids ever show up>and it is not cause they are off at work somewhere else. I don't exaclty know what that means but to me it shows that dads here dont really care what goes on and school such things are left to mom.

    Just observations.
    Not sure if your observations can be used as a statistical fact, but it would be interesting to hear what others have to say on the topic.

  12. #112
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    Quote Originally Posted by Phuketrichard
    Unlike america they are not sent home with the kid ( where they always end up getting lost LOL) or posted online
    Actually everything is done online currently. Parents receive the Report via email through what is called "School Loop". You also get weekly updates on your child's homework and attendance

    Quote Originally Posted by Phuketrichard
    Not sure i understand this. Parents get credit for attending conferences about their kids??
    If a parent attends a TPC they get credit points which most convert to extra credit for their child.

  13. #113
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    Quote Originally Posted by JPPR2 View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Phuketrichard
    Unlike america they are not sent home with the kid ( where they always end up getting lost LOL) or posted online
    Actually everything is done online currently. Parents receive the Report via email through what is called "School Loop". You also get weekly updates on your child's homework and attendance

    Quote Originally Posted by Phuketrichard
    Not sure i understand this. Parents get credit for attending conferences about their kids??
    If a parent attends a TPC they get credit points which most convert to extra credit for their child.
    Cool, but still not enough reason to move back there

    No more;

    Teacher: Suzi, where is ur signed report card?"
    Suzi: "the dog ate it ""

  14. #114
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    Quote Originally Posted by Phuketrichard View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by JPPR2 View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Phuketrichard
    Unlike america they are not sent home with the kid ( where they always end up getting lost LOL) or posted online
    Actually everything is done online currently. Parents receive the Report via email through what is called "School Loop". You also get weekly updates on your child's homework and attendance

    Quote Originally Posted by Phuketrichard
    Not sure i understand this. Parents get credit for attending conferences about their kids??
    If a parent attends a TPC they get credit points which most convert to extra credit for their child.
    Cool, but still not enough reason to move back there

    No more;

    Teacher: Suzi, where is ur signed report card?"
    Suzi: "the dog ate it ""
    ^ Agreed. I can't wait to come back home.

  15. #115
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    It is only 7 more days before I climb on the plane with a one way ticket. There are still things to be done and a short time to do them. For anyone thinking about retiring to a country other than your homeland you will need to allow ample time to get things done. Even though I have been planning this for over 5 years, I need all of two weeks to get moved, arrange my retirement payments and shuffle things around to be able to leave and not look back.

    I am not saying I will never need to come back to the US, but my hope is that there will be no return trips because I forgot to do something. There are many on this thread who have made the same decision and it is not one to be taken lightly. It must depend on how complicated one makes their life and how many lose ends need to be tied before one can head out. The only easy way that I can see, is to have very little personal property to bog you down and be able to fit everything you own in two suitcases.

  16. #116
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    Can imagine how you feel mate and no doubt I will feel the same thoughts as I cross the same bridge a bit later on ,, but we all have to remember life is not quite as long as we sometimes imagine as a couple of names that come to mind the Apple guy Steve Jobs 56 + the cricketer Grahame Dilly 52 have both this week just checked out far too early ,,,,,, good luck with it all mate ,,,,,,look forward
    Last edited by nigelandjan; 06-10-2011 at 01:37 PM.
    I'm proud of my 38" waist , also proud I have never done drugs

  17. #117
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    I hope Hicks isn't reading this he'll be most put out.

    Graham Dilley

    BBC Sport - Former England bowler Graham Dilley dies after illness

  18. #118
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    hope u have a visa>> new regulations are sticky on one way flights

  19. #119
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    Quote Originally Posted by Phuketrichard View Post
    hope u have a visa>> new regulations are sticky on one way flights
    Costs nearly double to buy 1 way. Just book RT and let other return ticket go.

  20. #120
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    Quote Originally Posted by alwarner
    I hope Hicks isn't reading this he'll be most put out.
    Sorry bout that mate ,, my bleedin bro phoned me with that bit of non info last night,,better edit quick

  21. #121
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    Quote Originally Posted by Phuketrichard View Post
    hope u have a visa>> new regulations are sticky on one way flights
    My understanding is that a Non-Immigrant "O" visa will work, which is what I already have in my passport.

  22. #122
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    Quote Originally Posted by rickschoppers View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Phuketrichard View Post
    hope u have a visa>> new regulations are sticky on one way flights
    My understanding is that a Non-Immigrant "O" visa will work, which is what I already have in my passport.
    Yeah you'll be fine i should think. They can get shitty if you come in on a tourist visa with a one way ticket.

  23. #123
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    it is ZERO problem coming in on ANY visa.
    but even though many westerns are allowed to stay visa free for 30 days, flying in on a one way ticket sometimes the airlines will not allow u to board ( although Thai immigration could care less)

    Rick;
    Having trouble sleeping.. lift off s close :-)

  24. #124
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    ^
    Not having too much problem sleeping since I have been pretty busy the last two weeks. I am anxious to go and will be glad when that day comes and I can finally start thinking about getting started on the house. It makes sense to rent, but I am past that stage since I now have a son. If I were coming to Thailand with little knowledge of the place, I would highly recommend you rent for at least a year, if not longer.

    For all of you posters out there that are already in Thailand, be happy you are in a country that does not cost everything you have to live. JPPR2 has a good thread on how much it costs to exist in the States and it is pretty much spot on. I figure I will be spending less than a 10th of what it costs me here in the US.

  25. #125
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    u must live very well in the states if u think u can exist on a 1/10
    i spend over $2,500/month for myself and daughter, granted $1,000 of that is school fees. ( no rent and dont eat out often and never go to bars or take ladies).

    Even in the middle of nowhere its going to cost ya... and i guarantee u will find urself bored out of ur mind ina year or two up there. Have had more than one close friend marry, build an move up there and then find themselves wondering why they did it.
    most leave and a few just take trips out ever month

    But if u get urself a hobby ( take up aqua phonics or knitting) you might make it

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