Altercation At The ATM

[somtamslap]

Being a Bank Holiday here in horrendously humid Thailand, you would assume that people would err from their regular workaday pattern and stay the fuck away from banks. However, as I brought my deceitful bastard of a motorcycle slowly to a halt outside the grounds of my local Krungthai Bank branch, it became clear that, contrary to my initial assumption, this place was the venue for a fucking peasants rally..every farmer and his inbred herd had turned up.
There they all were, indiscriminately pressing buttons on the machines in hope that they maybe be able to complete the transaction they came here to accomplish...please, sometime today would be fantastic, you know, there's only so long you can stand in amongst a mob of retards who perpetually reek of manure and cheap booze.

The 20 or so strong gathering eventually started to dwindle allowing me my first sighting of the sacred machines..the ATM, ADM and the controversial Passbook Update apparatus..personally, if I was rich and had plenty-dollar-bill in the bank, I wouldn't advertise the fact in a shitty little 'Passbook'. God knows, if that 'Passbook' (sounds fucking gay as well, truth be told) fell into the wrong hands, ie drug users, tramps, pyschos and farmers, then you best prepare yourself for a particuarly brutal mugging which may involve losing your anal virginity..especially if farmers are involved.

The altercation started thus:

I was third in the queue which had now tapered down to some five or so. The lady at the machine finally finished her business after what appeared to be a five minute session of vigorous foreplay with the fucking thing. Next in attendance was another lady who gingerly tiptoed towards the ATM, I'm not sure she'd ever used such an appliance before...her stance suggested she thought it was gonna free itself rom the wall and batter the fuck out of her..she was literally stood three foot away, mouth open, gawping..at a fucking money dispensing machine..WAKE UP, WOMEN...it's 2554 for crying out loud..we've even surpassed Buck bastard Rogers in terms of yearly progression..PUT YOUR FUCKING CARD IN THE SLOT!

Nope, inserting-card-in-slot was an action that this particular beast was unable to peform..so, using my logic I decided that after a whole twenty second wait, that this lady had either dosed off or was so convinced that the ATM was going to fuck her shit up, that she had frozen to the spot. Being a gentleman, I squeezed past her, rather than irratably shoving her fat arse out of the way, popped my card in the slot and was in and out in no more than 30 seconds.

Then, I heard it...

The lady who was behind me (not the freak, who was still rooted to the foyet tiling) , spat a sentence to another lady who was standing in the line, which was obviously directed at my good self..

Mai mee malee - ard (essentially, you have bad manners) she said..

Well excuse me! I replied..kit waa khao mong choi choi ( I thought she was just staring at it)

Ow - followed by naa daeng (red face)

Yep, I know your sort, you old bat. Not getting enough cock at home because hubbys got several dozen bints on the go in as many different provinces and on the rare occasions he comes 'home' he gets positively cunted on Johnny Walker Black Label so he doesn't have to suffer your boat race..so you thought slagging off innocent people who don't look like you may inject a bit of fire into your drab, sitting cross-legged on the kitchen floor pummeling the fuck out of a bowl of dried chilis, existence...go on..bugger off.

And with that, I fucked off and went home...another victory...

[Mid]

Slap v's Isaan ,

even money at this stage I'd say

[somtamslap]

Slap v's Isaan , even money at this stage I'd say

It grinds you down, but little results like that make it bearable, almost fun in a sadistic kind of way..bring on the next hurdle..asap..

[superman]

I fcuking hate it also when the women stand there in front of the ATM machine, with their bit of paper in front of them, and they cock it up. I personally think that when they issue a bank card the recipient should have a test. Along the same lines as obtaining a driving licence. Fcuk 'em.

[somtamslap]

I personally think that when they issue a bank card the recipient should have a test.

...I agree, like a brain scan to see if just the smallest bit of grey matter is bouncing around the cranium..

[grasshopper]

I guess it depends a lot upon what they define as an "ATM". The Thai fair sex, I mean.

Not too many falang "ATMs" get the better of the average Thai BG or LB for that matter. So I'm reliably informed.

[yaangcome]

No worse than old aussie people counting out $24.95 in five cent coins [at] Woolworths after they got there pin number wrong five times on three diffrent cards. And this is after the cashier has spent 10 minutes explaning why a medicare card won't work.

[Marmite the Dog]

No worse than old aussie people

True. On able the same level of retardedness as an Isaani rice farmer.

[blue]

OP reminds me of a story about a slow old woman taking for ever to maneuver her car into the last parking spot ,
she pulls out for another try , at which point a young man ,in his beloved sports car zips in and takes the spot .
he smiles triumphantly and crows '' that's how it feels to be young and fast !! ''

the old lady smiles back ,
puts her foot on the accelerator ,and SMASHES into his sports car
yes she replies '' and that's how it feels to be old and rich ''

[somtamslap]

OP reminds me of a story about a slow old woman taking for ever to maneuver her car into the last parking spot , she pulls out for another try , at which point a young man ,on his geriatric Honda Wave chugs in and takes the spot . he smiles triumphantly and crows '' that's how it feels to be young and fat!! '' the old lady smiles back , puts her foot on the accelerator ,and SMASHES into his motorbike ,yes she replies '' and that's how it feels to be old and spasticated ''

That's a bit more like it..

[WilliamBlake]

Slap v's Isaan , even money at this stage I'd say

It grinds you down, but little results like that make it bearable, almost fun in a sadistic kind of way..bring on the next hurdle..asap..

My days in Isaan are filled with said hurdles, and without your Thai linguistic prowess I find the only way to negotiate them is with a sense of awe.

That is, 'awe' that when asked to demonstrate an electronic product for sale, (in other words plug it in,) a dozen Big C staff gather round and nominate a spokesperson to say "cannot".


Said spokesperson will then follow me through the shopping mall, entice me back with promises of "Yes, yes" as if he has finally figured out what I wanted, and lead me to the TV cabinet display, just in case "plug it in" meant "I say good man, I should very much like to purchase a free-standing display unit in which to house my television set - a nice pine veneer one, if you please. Yes, the one that looks like a trained monkey glued it together while pissed on apple cider. Yes that one."

[somtamslap]

That is, 'awe' that when asked to demonstrate an electronic product for sale, (in other words plug it in,) a dozen Big C staff gather round and nominate a spokesperson to say "cannot".

heh..count yourself lucky there, Will...in Tesco Lotus the fuckers run away from you..

[brettandlek]

No worse than old aussie people counting out $24.95 in five cent coins [at] Woolworths after they got there pin number wrong five times on three diffrent cards. And this is after the cashier has spent 10 minutes explaning why a medicare card won't work.

ha ha ha true true

[hillbilly]

Slap v's Isaan ,

even money at this stage I'd say

I am going to put my money on Issan.

Regardless, I still enjoy the stories and life tidbits...

[WilliamBlake]

heh..count yourself lucky there, Will...in Tesco Lotus the fuckers run away from you..

It's store policy. They don't mean to be rude. It's just that they don't give a toss. And what's up with KFC here anyway? It's virtually inedible. Are they using crow or something?

[dirtydog]

And what's up with KFC here anyway? It's virtually inedible.

Of course its virtually inedible, they use the same recipe throughout the whole world.

[WilliamBlake]

they use the same recipe throughout the whole world.

Somebody forgot to tell the Thais.

[somtamslap]

Somebody forgot to tell the Thais.

KFC is god-like compared to Chesters Grill..you know the dog 'pound' vehicles you see around here?.well, they're headed to one place..and it's not 'doggie heaven'..

[WilliamBlake]

Disgusted with the Colonel, I resorted to MK for the first time recently. They set the table with more sauces than food, and the serving of roast duck would have amply filled the belly of an anorexic squirrel who'd had a big breakfast.

Nice glasses though, they looked like wine carafes.

[jizzybloke]

best thing in MK is the moo daeng and moo grob.

[superman]

KFC is god-like compared to Chesters Grill..

I made a complaint to KFC via their web site about the local shop near where I live. Talk about overboard. They couldn't apologize enough. They came 60km, round trip, with a personal apology and a large basket of roses. I felt really embarrassed for complaining once they'd gone. Bastards didn't give me any free vouchers.

[Bogon]

KFC is a joke.
Been down the On-Nut one a few times after 6pm and they have run out of chicken!

Chester's Grill.
It's wrong, just wrong.
I have a new one open up near me, so now I don't have to go too far to laugh and point at the suckers eating in there through the window.

[Sakeopete]

I fcuking hate it also when the women stand there in front of the ATM machine, with their bit of paper in front of them, and they cock it up. I personally think that when they issue a bank card the recipient should have a test. Along the same lines as obtaining a driving licence. Fcuk 'em.

Unfortunately my wife is an expert at quick withdrawals. :-(

[Phoenix]

STS should have broken into song like this bloke :

[Marmite the Dog]

best thing in MK is the moo daeng and moo grob.

The best thing about MK is that I can walk past it and go and eat in a restaurant that has food that actually tastes of something.