Just observing: My commute to work

[somtamslap]

I'm not ranting at/about them, just pointing out a collection of differences between Thai people and human beings.

Without trying to sound inflammatory, I would opine that to reach and match the mindset of a local, one would have to have suffered a massive head trauma after attempting to head butt an on coming Inter City 125.
Then, and only then, might we be able to delve inside the minds of these people and ascertain what greases the cogs of the ol grey matter..I'm pretty sure a weekly injection of fish sauce is used, but I maybe wrong and there's always a faint whoft of lau kau in the air, no matter where you are.

So, this morning, I'm pootling down the road taking in a lung full of nicotine, courtesy of a Wonder daeng (smoking, on a motorbike? I've turned into a cretinuous retard, nearly)..when a twat in a twenty wheeler lorry blares his horn at me, nearly causing the need for underwear replacement and races past at a ridiculous speed..'cnut', I speak, to know one inparticular..the first twenty wheeler is followed literally INCHES behind by another vehicle of the same description..both of them tearing along at a good 100 kph..

I shake my head and carry on..what else can you do? (apart from moan about it)

Further up the road and I've reached the sprawl of concrete bunkers that these people have the nerve to call a town. Having reduced my speed I'm able to make a few observations.

Because it's the time of the day when students are arriving at their various schools, we notice the obligatory family on a bike, normally consisting of father driving, mother sitting pillion with a new born on her lap, young Somjit between father's legs at the front, head resting on speedometer as he catches a few more minutes sleep before arriving at school (and sleeping some more) and little Tittyporn, sat behind mother, legs spread wide apart due to mater's portly backside..

Now, I have no problem with this..you live within your means..if you can't afford then you make the best out of a bad situation and pile the whole fucking family onto a scooter, obviously not the safest thing in the world to do but it's almost, ALMOST understandable.

We round the corner and pass a brand new Toyota Fortuna with a young child playing on the fucking dashboard..now what the fuck is that about?
Evidently a fairly well off family can't be fucked to buy a car seat for their baby..'WHAT IS GOING THROUGH YOUR FUCKING BRAIN YOU BELLEND??' I mouth to whom I assume is the father..

The answer of course, we'll never know

A few pics..

I plough down here for a few km's..



Where this type of scene is commonplace..



Then into the hustle and bustle of town..



Hectic eh...

[Carrabow]

I noticed the cement truck had to negotiate that dangerous curve. I sure glad it was not sharper than that. It could have been fatal

[grasshopper]

Just curious, Somtam. Did you marry one of them?

[taffyapple]

i see the same every day,but i think you might have made a mistake about the twat in the lorry a twat is usefull,and the family on the bike i bet only the driver had a crash helmet on the kids dont need them,yesterday i saw 3sat on a bike and a fourth sat on the shoulders of the one in the middle.

[somtamslap]

Just curious, Somtam.

Didn't you hear? Curiosity killed the cat.


















Yes, happily married with two daughters..life is sweet...sometimes..

[Thetyim]

The Thais have always held the British forces in high esteem and it is only natural for them to emulate their skills.

[somtamslap]

No wonder these people are so fucking short.

Every time they negotiate one of these 'speed humps' they lose a section of their spinal column.

As oppose to the European design during happening upon one, you glide over it creating that funny feeling you get when you stomach drops; here, on the other hand, you lose your guts in your underwear, your breakfast down your shirt and discs are slipping left right and centre.

They don't call them sleeping policemen over here, they call them retarded labourers..

Look, it's a bastard ramp..



Another shot, this time with a dead animal that's been runover 20,000 times, in the background..

[boloa]

Read the other day that the Thai Government have called 2011 "Year of the Crash Helmet"!!!!

They want everyone to wear a crash helmet buy the end of the year

Bangkok Post : 2011: Year of the crash helmet

[Jesus Jones]

The Thais have always held the British forces in high esteem and it is only natural for them to emulate their skills.

I'm sure if the Thais could, they would!

[somtamslap]

I'm sure if the Thais could, they would!

Minus the helmets of course.

[The Master Cool]

Love those little 10 inch speedbumps. No paint or signage, at night, in a soi with no lighting. Always fun.

[Carrabow]

Love those little 10 inch speedbumps. No paint or signage, at night, in a soi with no lighting. Always fun.

That aint a speed bump, that's Mr. Kantongs improvised septic tank repair. He punched a hole through his tank and ran a piece of PVC pipe across the street into the storm drain.

[BobR]

Love those little 10 inch speedbumps. No paint or signage, at night, in a soi with no lighting. Always fun.

Amazing how they've adopted the western idea of a speed bump minus the bright orange or red paint and sign to warn you it is there. It does not have to screw up your car to do its job.

[somtamslap]

The journey home oft starts with a trip to what they call 7/11. Here, upon entry, an electronic beeper sounds to let the lethargic staff know that someone has entered the building and that they should go into 'sawasdee kaa, chern 7 kaa' mode..

Upon completely ignoring this forced welcome (ala the locals..normally, back home if someone greets you, you greet them back, but it seems they can't be fucked to respond here, so a 'when in Rome' tactic is applied)..we head straight to the bakery section where a selection of sandwiches await..

What's it to be..

A prepacked delicacy..



or a toastie..



As usual a cheese, ham and egg toastie (untoasted) prevails and of we go, over the hills and far away.

A roundabout.
Fortunately this is a quiet stretch of road, otherwise mutiple pile ups would ensue on an hourly basis..the give way part is apparently NOT recognized here..



A field of young mango trees ( ridiculously close together) and something else..



Another makeshift family recreation vehicle refuelling..



Right, I make that Beer O' Clock..

[Bogon]

somtamslap. #1 poster by a mile.

Don't know what it says about TD in general but keep on going dude.
Miggins would be proud!

[somtamslap]

Miggins would be proud!

Seriously, I'm not ranting, ala Miggins..just keenly observing my surroundings...

[Bogon]

^Agree.

Like miggins without without the Beer+Prozac induced rants.
Same style of writing, that's all.
I enjoy your scribes. Beats checking out what sunsetter has been up to in the knickers thread or any other pervey threads whilst I'm at it! Jees man. That sunsetter turned up at the pub the other day and...............................said too much.
Keep up the good work somtam.

[somtamslap]

That sunsetter turned up at the pub the other day and...............................said too much

Tell eeeeeeeeet!! Come on chap, spill the beans...

[Bogon]

^Just kidding. sunsetter was on his best behaviour and acted like a gentlemen throughout.

[somtamslap]

^ Codswallop..I demand to read an accurate account of Sunsetter's tomfoolery five minutes ago.

Well, a very recent series of events has had me thinking.

I believe I've totally underestimated their (or at least some of their) excuses for being able to walk upright..infact..I'd even go as far as to say that they've gone way beyond the capablities of us mere Western mortals in terms of sheer compassion.

It all started this morning with the usual 40 baht top up of Benzine 91, which generally gets me through the day and then some, provided I don't take the massage route which will often see me searching my pockets for an extra 20 baht or so which woulde ensure my arriving home without having to wheel my bike 5 kilometres and collapsing on the meagre grounds of my house.

However, the fuck at the PUMP NUMAN this morning decided it appropriate to rip me the fuck off and give me 30 bahts worth of fuel for the 40 I offered...hence..along a desolate straight of tarmac on the way home in pitch black surroundings, I came unstuck..as in Bollocks..the bike won't move..the gasoline is MOT bastard leaw.

Getting off and wheeling the motorbike the potential 7 km's home however soon came to an abrupt halt when a motorcycle tore past me and immediately hit the breaks.

Fuck! I've got a laptop and 147bt cash on me, better get ready for the big square up.

Alas, two kids of 16/17 years old aproached me and offered to give me a tow..readne of them pushes my foot rest whilst the other drives. It went swimmingly until we all realized I was a fat [at][at][at][at] and one of the chaps dashed off to the nearest shop, some 4 km's away and bought a bottle o9f petrol.

Upon offering them a piss up to end all piss ups at my local watering hole (shop) the dozy buggers declined that and a healthy 200 baht tip.

I immediately told them where I lived and let them know that they're welcome to come round and scran on farang fare and beer anytime.

Thoroughly nice chaps indeed.

Didn't even catch their names..although I'm sure Somjit and Bumhole, feature..

[Marmite the Dog]

The Midget saw 2 squashed teens on the road this afternoon and didn't raise an eyelid when I commentated that that's 2 more oxygen thieves out of the way.

[somtamslap]

^ Depends..

Could've been a lau kau, yabbered up twit who smashed into them.

As was the case down my road a few weeks back. I personally didn't witness it but my wife was first on the scene. A couple of drunks barely able to walk were umming and erring about how to remove the motorcycle and corpse from beneath their pick up..

The mrs nabbed the keys from the truck, flagged down the next motor to pass and the potential hit and runners got nabbed..

I'm expecting to reap some kind of spiritual reward for this or an axe in the back of the bonce..

Either way, kudos to the bird..

[somtamslap]

This sight of a chap with a horrendous case of piles is fairly commonplace at the moment.

Selfish bastards, blocking my route to the boozer with their anal growths..

[taffyapple]

i bet the mean bastard didnt give the donkey a carrot.