Working in Los. Tips no 1

[poolcleaner]

Thinking of working in LOS?

Some helpful tips to get you a secure well paying job.

First step..................The CV or resume.

Here is a CV/Resume

my name is D**** J****, I am a 52 year old American, in excellent health,currently residing in Bangkok, Thailand. I am looking for a job.

I have tried to make this a very complete C.V./resume so please forgive it's length. I have attached nothing as the shop I am at presently does not have the ability to do attachments from disk. If you are interested in me I will send you the "works" diplomas, transcripts, etc, etc

Genealogical "Highlights":
James Smithson, founder of the Smithsonian Institute and Museum is my great uncle, My mother's maiden name is Smithson. John Henry "Doc" Holiday is a cousin. He was a friend to Wyatt Earp, and fought in the famous "shoot-out at the OK corral". Though a southern gentleman, he is considered to have been the deadliest gun fighter of the old west. Lehi "Buckskin" Heward rode as Chief Scout for General George Crook, helping to capture the infamous renegade apache Geronimo. He is my great grand father.

Brief Autobiography:
Born 1:52 AM the 6TH. of November, 1951 at Good Samaritan Hospital, Phoenix, Arizona. During the fourth grade tested for IQ and as a result requested to participate as a test subject in the design of IQ tests for gifted children at ASU's college of education. As a freshman in college at Arizona State University (ASU) took the Air Force Officers Qualification Test (AFOQT) scoring somewhere beyond the fourth standard deviation. Married in 1972 to Cynthia Louise Walker. She died as the result of an automobile accident in 1974. Within a few months recruited into an American intelligence community "kite" organization. I was informed the work was very dangerous and statistically my life expectancy was no more than 10 years. The organization is above the unclassified chain of command. Survived 17 years within "kite" organization, retiring after a particularly close brush with disaster in 1992. In 1993 became the Director of Research for American Lightning, a think-tank/cutting edge research organization. In 2000 took a two month vacation to Mexico and the a three month vacation to Thailand. Very much enjoyed Thailand. Early in 2001 co-founded Xcess Xpress, a type "C" corporation in the USA. Became the Chairman of the Board and Chief Executive Officer (CEO). Transferred control to William Hallgren, while remaining the outstanding stockholder in mid 2001. Moved to Thailand in August of 2001.
Have been in Thailand and Southeast Asia since working as a teacher/tutor.

Education:
Ritter Grade School in Tempe, Arizona
Graduate from Tempe Union High School in 1969
Attended ASU for 2 years withdrawing after Cindy's death.

Receive an appointment to Dulles Academy of Military Sciences and
Intelligence Arts, graduate Summa cum laude (GPA 4.0) with a B.S. in
Strategic Scientific Theories and Applications in 1977.

Attend University of Chicago's Institute for Advanced Studies, receive a
M.A. in philosophy in 1978.

Recieve a Ph.D. in Philosophy/Metaphysics from the American College of
Metaphysics in 1999. Doctoral thesis, "A Physical Model of Psychic
Phenomena".

Additional Education:
Flying school in Sedona, Arizona. Trained by Jack Seeley (considered perhaps the best light aircraft pilot in the world). Received Private Pilot's
License in 1985 with a section 1 (highest) scores in both the written and
flight tests.

Work History:
American Intelligence Community 1975 - 1992. Exact details of duties and
missions is classified. I was a scientist/team leader who could be sent to
accomplish difficult technical and operational missions. I planned and
integrated ultra-elite military special forces with technical operational
intelligence personnel. Responsible for mission debriefings. I sometimes
taught special forces and scientific personnel technical aspects necessary
for successful mission completion.

Director of Research for American Lightning from January, 1993 - December, 1999. Acted as a "hub" coordinating various scientific, medical, and engineering specialists into cohesive and incisive research teams. Taught scientists, mathematicians, physicians, and engineers, familiarizing them with our research projects and aiding them in contributing their expert skills, information, and ideas. Principle investigator (PI) on planetary vortex phenomena. Wrote the paper "An Observation of a Planetary Vortex Phenomena and a theoretical hyper dimensional mechanism". Contributed to "Temporal Gravitic Theory" which among other things proposes a methodology for induction of gravity. Contributed to "a Theory of Exo-Sapient Evolution". Proposed the concept for an encephalic frequency amplitude scanner (EFAS), a device more powerful than conventional EEGs for conducting studies of altered brain states. Wrote "Text of Psychic Enhancement". Suggested a hyperdimensional data space for the bible code data set, in the process discover a new prime number. Leader/Trainer of the Tele-vectoring Team.

Start-up CEO and Chairman of the Board of Xcess Xpress 2000 - 2001. I was asked by William Hallgren, a professor of economics and theoretician behind the Xcess Xpress concept to act as the start-up CEO because of my strong administrative/leadership background and ability to "network" eclectic specialists. Wrote the business plan, perspective, and pro-forma. Designed power point presentations for "Early Adaptors", and "Pragmatists". Also designed and wrote sound bites and press releases. Landed seed money from "Angel Investors". Brought on branded officers from within Council on Foreign Relations (CFR), Tri-Lateral Commission (TLC), World Bank, International Monetary Fund, etc. Gary Lasater was our software writer. He is the number one expert on triangle trading software. His software packages are used world wide for excess inventory trading. Robert Crisafulli, a partner with KPMG, NY, NY, was our CFO. Jim Dilettoso, an entertainment producer with over 1000 concerts to his name, some with over $100 million in ticket sale, was COO. For additional information request a Xcess Xpress Inc. "Statutory Private Offering Exemption". Our legal representation was Gallagher and Kennedy, Phoenix, Arizona.

Since I have been in Thailand I have been working as a tutor and teacher.
Aug. 2001 to current. Letters of recommendation have been added to the
attachments. Students have included all age ranges and levels of English
proficiency. I have a certificate for teaching English as a second language,
an (ESL) certificate.

I am working on a series of lectures/text for advanced and university level
students. They have associated essay handouts and here is a partial list of
the completed essays.
Mathematics
Physics
Quantum Time
Time Machines
Inertial Propulsion
Chemistry
Astronomy
Cosmology
Planetology
Terraforming
Biology
Psychology
Scientists and Mathematicians
Leadership
Problem Solving
English Mechanics
Creative Writing
Drama
Stage Craft
Writers
Composers
Artists
Art
Philosophy
Business
Farming Ideas
The Future
Trans National Corporations
Puzzles
Second Aid
Style

My main strengths are in science, philosophy, business, executive
administration, and aviation.

Sometimes it's easier to demonstrate what 'not' to do than explain what you should write and this CV is perfect for that.
I think this is a well written piss take of perhaps a similarly over the top cv some one received as an application.
But let's take it as a serious effort.......fucking scary.

What not to do.

* don't write your fucking life story, save it for the 'great american novel' you're going to write when you retire.
*No-one is remotely interested in who your great grand-daddy fucked.
If you write this shit you come across as a total loser who has nothing better to say about himself. Don't try and trade on your relatives.
*^Also, while it's good to speak well about yourself and your experiences, it's not neccessary to make every post a winner. Constant references to "the best", "The highest" etc. sound like bullshit. If you're so fucking good why are you bumming in Thailand's TEFL industry.
*Bullshitting is OK but be aware of the limits of reason.
If you're CEO of a super successful company that you wasted a whole paragraph on, again, why the fuck are you teaching in LOS.
*I accept that if you're an american you're not really comfortable with a mediocre existence. Your society demands winners not also rans, so you're tempted to stretch the truth on your military service.
Not every one in the world wants to employ a trained killer let alone a 'secret service' 'black ops' type. You're now seen as delusional, people are suddenly to scared to reply to your application. Save the pretending to be a spy for your long nights in the girly bars.
* The temptation to go overboard with your acheivements can backfire. Words such as "Exo-Sapient" and hyperdimensional" "bible code" mean fuckall to a admin looking to hire a teacher. Perhaps you could mention your acheivements in a class room?
The list of lectures being prepared is impressive. How ever will you be able to finish them AND find time to teach as well?
*The old adage 'killers want to be caught so they leave clues" reads true in this case. Interestingly enough you started work for a top secret organisation after your wife died in a car accident. Tying up loose ends perhaps?
*"born at 1:52 am, 6th Nov 1951" leads to "CV discarded into bin at 3.14 20th june 2005!"

I could go on. This has to be one of the best examples of a fucked up freak begging to be let loose on a bunch of 6 yo Thai kids.
Remember Capt. Flag from M.A.S.H.?
Anyone who employed someone from a CV like this should be arrested themselves as endangering the safety of children.
After reading this, anyone seriously inending to work in Thailand, or anywhere else for that matter, will be certainly a lot wiser on what should or shouldn't be in a CV.

I picked this off of Ajarn's teacher database, so to my knowledge it's authentic.
Scary.
I think it might be Snaffy's CV!

[Marmite the Dog]

Either that or Storekeeper (well, he say's he's in Japan, but...), Biowaste or maybe our friend HillyBilly....?

[dirtydog]

got to be snaffie or biowaste i reckon

[machangezi]

Good CV for our dear TEFLers. Best of luck.

[hillbilly]

I koncur! Sum dumb foks out dere...

[Curious George]

I could go on. This has to be one of the best examples of a fucked up freak begging to be let loose on a bunch of 6 yo Thai kids...

...I picked this off of Ajarn's teacher database, so to my knowledge it's authentic.
Scary.

I totally agree! This person is trying to make something out of nothing.

I accept that if you're an American you're not really comfortable with a mediocre existence. Your society demands winners not also rans, so you're tempted to stretch the truth on your military service.

Being an American, I'm not sure I can agree with this assessment. If this person truly had the academic credentials presented, the annual gross should be well into the six figures, US dollars. I have a comfortable existence in the USA on somewhat less than that, and could envy those qualifications, if true. Of course, all of this assumes the subject in question is not a complete Bozo.

[kenkannif]

Either that or Storekeeper (well, he say's he's in Japan, but...), Biowaste or maybe our friend HillyBilly....?

I gave SK a simple sample teachers C/V...so hopefully it's not his one.

Actually to me it's the 'clever' people that write the long winded C/V's.

Here's another classic (I put it on Ajarn before), probably the worst C/V EVER in the world EVER (and this I shit you not is REAL!):

(This is the C/V, scroll down for the cover letter that is out of this world):

Fred Goldberg (made up name).

(Also known as Goldberg Fred)

Male in good health

Born 03/31/63 in New York, NY, USA


Education:



Associates Degree in Arts (AA) - Liberal Arts – State University of New York at Cobleskill

Majors: Agricultural Technology (Nursery Management), English



4 Semesters - State University of New York at Oneonta

Majors: Secondary Education in Social Science, Interdisciplinary Studies

(Minors: English, Sociology)

Honors: Deans list, Deans Honorable Mention



Bachelor of Arts (BA) University of London, King’s College, London

Majors: Instructional English and Education

First Class Honours



Full scholarship in Creative Writing from Dr. Gordon Lish (Fiction editor of Esquire magazine (retired), and Ivy league lecturer (retired), well-published novelist)



- Many years of weekly private guitar instruction, London and New York

Notable instructors: Chris Turner, Mark Peters, Nicholas Zaninovich

- 2 summer sessions, full time guitar study at USDAN Center for Performing Arts, New York

- A few cumulative years of classes and study of Judaism at different Yeshivas, and in the field: Jerusalem, Israel; Chabad House, Amherst, Massachusetts, USA; Bangkok, Thailand

-One-week live-in Leadership Training seminar, State University of New York, Oneonta

- Many years of on-the-job training in applied Arboriculture (mostly tree surgery)

New York, Connecticut, Vermont, Massachusetts, California, Oregon, USA; and Jerusalem, Israel

-2 years of on-the-job training in writing and editing curriculum:

ESL listening and reading comprehension in all levels of difficulty

- Self-training: business management, personnel training and management, basic small business accounting, basic PC hardware, basic software (Windows Professional 2000, Office Small Business 2000, basic Internet security, basic commonly used shareware programs, basic LAN, etc.) USA, London, England; Seoul, Korea; and Iloilo City and Cebu, The Philippines

- Various forms of individual study and self-training



Major Work Experience:



-Tree surgery and arboriculture, 10 years seasonal (cumulative) at various companies: trainee, general worker, instructor, foreman, boss, sales and estimates, consulting, office, flagman (climber and ground crew, truck driver, light and heavy equipment operations and maintenance: chainsaw, wood chipper, forklift, cherry picker (“bucket truck”), rope and saddle (climbing belt), climbing spikes, bull rope, stump grinder (large and small), hooks and cable, rigging for major limb, section and whole tree dropping in finesse situations, extension ladder, etc.) New York, Connecticut, Vermont, Massachusetts, California, Oregon, USA; and Jerusalem, Israel



- Guitar and vocal instruction, private, 10 years (cumulative) acoustic and electric guitar (lead, rhythm or both at the same time): folk, folk-rock, rock-n-roll, hard rock, blues, country, bluegrass, reggae, Jewish music - New York, Massachusetts, USA; and Jerusalem, Israel



- Live performance of solo, duo and ensemble acoustic and electric guitar, (lead, rhythm or both at the same time), and vocals: folk, folk-rock, rock-n-roll, hard rock, blues, country, Jewish - New York, California, Vermont, USA; London, England; Jerusalem and Hebron, etc., Israel; and Iloilo City and Manila, The Philippines



- Academic tutor for college level English and Social Science, proofreading and editing academic papers and articles, 2 years (cumulative) State University of New York at Cobleskill and State University of New York at Oneonta



- CEO and Managing Editor of IVYWRITE (IVY World Research Institute for Teaching English) Iloilo City, The Philippines and Cebu City, The Philippines - 2 years full-time

Duties: Writing and editing ESL material for following sample tests and study guides: Korean High School Listening and Reading Comprehension - 3 levels, TOEFL - 5 levels, and TEPS – 3 levels

Analysis of Korean High School Listening and Reading Comprehension tests, TOEFL, and TEPS for purposes of textbook/audio, and Multi-media LAN and Web-based materials www.Essay123.com, www.English12345.com

Consultation and troubleshooting for above-mentioned ESL projects with main branch, and sister branches

Classroom analysis of above-mentioned ESL projects

Instruction of writing and editing trainees in Korean High School Listening and Reading Comprehension practice tests, TOEFL, TEPS (including creation of instructional materials for those trainees) [Two of my trainees went on to become team leaders for different branches]

Personnel management, purchasing, PR, advertising, project management, project material and financial accounting; creation of project material and financial accounting procedures, creation and execution of project scheduling systems, policy and contracts,

hardware, LAN, and software installations, maintenance and troubleshooting

Chief consultant and team leader – consulting, training and facilitation for other companies’ personnel training, business management, hardware, software and LAN

Assisting the programmer (verbally and in text only) in concepts and troubleshooting for custom software development and applications

Training of general labor: cooks, janitorial, childcare, security…

Training of executives in: personnel management, PC and Internet literacy, systems, correspondence, accounting, PR, customer service, purchasing

Training of computer technicians and teachers

Classroom teacher, one semester



-Kim’s English Academy, Seoul, Korea

Courses taught:

English Conversation (Intensive), High School level

TOEFL Essay Writing (team teaching with the principal, Mr. Kim) www.Essay123.com



-Classroom teacher, one semester

Sandi Kupperman Learning Center of Temple Beth El, Springfield, Massachusetts

Courses taught:

History of Judaism through Music, High School level

Jewish music (singing), Kindergarten through 2nd grade

Basic Judaism, 7th grade



-Classroom teacher, 1 year cumulative, various unverifiable locations in South Korea and Thailand: Preschool, primary school, middle school, high school – all grades, adult, and one-on-one TOEIC (Barron’s book)



- Street performer, guitar and vocals (licensed) - New York, Massachusetts, California, USA; Jerusalem, Israel



-Social worker, (in the field) one year cumulative, Mossad Maccabe, Jerusalem, Israel

Working with Rabbis David and Avraham Feld www.maccabeeinstitute.org



Minor Work Experience:



-Writer and editor of ESL material for GEMDC (Global English Materials Development Center) – A Korean business in Iloilo City, The Philippines



- Basic sound system set up and sound board for live performance



-CEO and managing editor WERC (located in cyberspace) (World English Resource Center) (The beginning of www.essay123.com and IVYWRITE)

Solicitation and training of writers online internationally and editing of their work for production of Korean High School Listening and Reading Comprehension practice tests and study guides (3 months, mostly evenings while teaching classroom during the day)

Assisting the programmer in concepts and troubleshooting for custom software development and applications, and interactive Website for correcting Korean High School students’ essays at www.essay123.com …

Correcting essays and editing (re-correcting) already corrected essays at www.essay123.com and in the school office



-CEO and Managing Editor of Jeannie in a Bubble Internet Café and Computer Club (and business consulting), Iloilo City, The Philippines -Direction of art and graphics for short stories



- Private English tutor for a few Korean college students in The Philippines



- Private English tutor for a few Israelis in Israel



-Music store manager – sales, consulting, guitar instruction, minor guitar repairs and adjustments (such as necks, action and intonation), Oneonta, New York, USA



-Kitchen/restaurant (all positions), fast food, car and truck driver, light masonry, carpenter’s assistant, drywall (“sheetrock”), spackle, factory, table saw, house painting (interior and exterior), poultry processing (live department), housecleaning, landscaping, lawn care and maintenance, home care giving (elderly, mentally and/or physically handicapped), home for senior citizens general worker, handicapped bus attendant, carnival barker, milking goats, moving pianos, moving furniture, moving everything, packing, apple picking and packing, picking cucumbers, warehouse, cabinet maker’s assistant, security guard, restoration of 42 foot antique wooden boat apprentice, mechanic’s assistant, pumping gas, owner/manager of youth hostels…etc.





Extra-curricular Activities:



Short story writer, writing and editing for 2 university newspapers, school newspaper columnist, environmental, health and social activism, president of PYE (Protect Your Environment) SUNY Cobleskill, manager and coordinator for ACE (Artists’ Coalition for the Environment) SUNY Oneonta, youth soccer, college soccer, Earth Day Committee SUNY Oneonta, live musical performances for charity and social, health and environmental awareness campaigns and fundraising, regular musical and commentary guest on college television talk show SUNY Oneonta, volunteer social work, vice-president of photography club SUNY Oneonta, school PR photographer SUNY Oneonta, darkroom (B+W), basic video production (shooting, editing, directing, writing, etc), running guitar workshop (playing and singing), open microphone set-up, host and improvisational back-up performer, etc., etc., etc.





Computer:



Intermediate experience in: Windows Professional 2000, preschool/early primary school level software applications (Jumpstart, Reader Rabbit, Microsoft, and misc.), LAN, MS Word, Excel, MS Outlook Express 6 (and POP mail), CD burn, scan and edit, Internet, chat, PC to mobile, PowerPoint, WinZip, Alzip, Webcam, ACDSee, Hypersnap… Webster’s, Collins Cobuild, Cambridge, Norton 2003, Norton Internet Security, Zone Alarm Pro, PC hardware maintenance

Basic experience in: Adobe 6, Corel 9, hardware, software and LAN installations and troubleshooting, software installations, Windows 98, MS Outlook





Documents available by request:



US passport

California driver’s license (clean with DMV printout)

Voter’s registration

Birth certificate

College Diploma and transcripts

Academic overview from college with specific achievements and details

Senior paper from college (“thesis”)

References from employers, friends and family

US Government official Social Security printout (shows all US employers on the books)

Proof of US teaching employment from Beth El

Street Performer’s license

Marriage certificate

Birth certificate of my son

Parent’s ketubah (Jewish marriage certificate)

Proof of previous employment from Korea

Portfolio: hundreds of pages of written and edited ESL material published ESL book (scanned cover, and/or pages, or just request MS WORD version) (Short stories are still not copyrighted or published, so they are available for viewing in person: MS Word, or MS Publisher versions), artwork from short stories and ESL projects (directed, not drawn, by me). Large quantities can be shown only in person (because the previous clients have copyrights).

Videotapes of IVYWRITE company functions for purposes of verification (in person only)

Various photographs from IVYWRITE for purposes of verification

Records and various IVYWRITE documents for purposes of verification (in person only)

Records and various IVYWRITE documents, such as charts and checklists, for purposes of showing management skills, etc. (in person only)

Records and various documents from essay123, such as accounting, for purposes of verification (in person only)

Original paperback books ghostwritten and/or edited by my companies and I (in person only)

Current phone contact information

List of textbooks and software I’ve used for English and guitar instruction

*A more beautiful version of my CV with various attractive fonts and symbols*


Now check this:

B”HaShem

<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-comfficeffice" />

Dear Prospective Employer or Agent,

My name is Fred Goldberg. I am also known by my Hebrew name, Goldberg Fred. I am presently in Bangkok with my wife, Wifey, and our 5-year-old son Brocky. I am an American. My wife and son are Filipino, but are fluent in English. We are interested in attaining employment here in Bangkok or in Chiang Mai. We are available to work as a team, separately or a combination of the two. Our son is extremely well behaved and does not cause any problems. We are also considering other countries. If you are an agent, please contact us about our conditions and preferences for employment in other countries. Enclosed are our CVs and photos. Please examine them and feel free to request additional information.

If you have already requested additional documents from us, they should be either enclosed in this email, or enclosed in separate emails. If you prefer a different format for any of the documents, be they image or text documents, please feel free to request the format of your choice. I can also send anything you want as in-line text inside an email document, including the pictures. By default, I use WinZip compression so as to have rapid, secure transfer of documents through the Internet, and enable the files to take up less space in your mailbox.

Documents compressed by WinZip can be opened by a simple utility that might already be on your computer (in which case simply clicking the icon will launch the WinZip program on your PC), or can be attained at www.winzip.com (Click “download evaluation version”). I guarantee that my PC is free of all viruses and is updated constantly. It is 100% secure for sending clean files, so please do not hesitate to open them.

Our family is Jewish. Although Judaism is a major religion in the world, many Thais have never heard of it. Our particular sect is called Chabad and information about us can be found at www.Chabad.org . There are at least 3 Jewish centers in Bangkok and one in Chiang Mai. The basic information I will now tell you is confirmable at that website, or by contacting the clergymen here in Thailand. They are called “Rabbis”. Their email and telephone contact information is available from me by request.

Our religion is NOT related to Islam or any other religion, although we also dress modestly and refrain from eating pork, as do the Muslims. Our religion outdates Islam and Christianity by thousands of years. We respect the right of all people to practice their respective religions, so long as it doesn’t hurt anyone, and they don not try to convert us away from our own religion. One of many reasons we picked Thailand to work in is because of their diversity, kindness and tolerance towards the many types of people in the world, and their philosophy of welcoming guests warmly. Inasmuch as we resent being missionized by other religions, we in turn do NOT seek converts to our own religion, ever. (Anyone wishing to convert to Judaism deals with our clergy, our Rabbis, not us.) We are not rabbis or ministers of any kind. Having said that, now I must mention the good and bad news for our employers in the event that they hire one or both of us.

First, the good news: Jewish people or “Jews” are famous for being “people of the book.” We are predominantly a hard-working, charitable, and well-educated people. We are natural and honest teachers and administrators, and are logical and pragmatic problem-solvers.

We detest unhealthy competition within a place of employment, and refrain from engaging in any “office politics.” We seek to improve the lives of all people who we make contact with, especially fellow teachers, staff and our students. If your establishment is satisfied with mediocrity in servicing your clients, that is, your students, then please delete our application. I’m sure that that is not the case, however, this a form letter that is going out to many establishments, so it must be stated. Having said that, we look forward to helping each other succeed in a big way.

Now, the bad news. The observant males in our religion wear beards and cover our heads. The hat is normal, but the trimming of the beard is not negotiable. I have heard rumors that Asian students are scared of beards, but I have proved that theory to be mistaken. Even my pre-schoolers laugh and pet my beard as if I were Santa Claus or a friendly furry pet. I offset the beard with a shirt and tie, and nice pants and shoes. We also keep our Sabbath every week. The Jewish Sabbath starts on Friday about an hour before sundown and ends on Saturday about an hour after Sundown. We don’t travel or work or deal with money or business of any kind during that time. This is in honor of our strong belief that G-d created the world in six days and rested on the seventh. Our Bible, considered to us to be the word of G-d passed down to the prophet, Moses thousands of years ago, called the Torah, specifically dictates this rule to us, and we are happy to obey. We respect Buddhism and your King. We respect a person’s right to be Christian inasmuch as they do not try to missionize us. However, we bow down to no one except our own G-d, the G-d of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob who we believe runs the entire universe alone. In addition, there are several Jewish holidays on which we also do not work. I will enclose a list below for those for the year 2004. They vary from year to year as related to the solar calendar because our holidays are based on a lunar calendar. Our holidays and Sabbaths start on the previous evening and end on the following evening. For example, if we were to have a holiday listed on March 7th, it would begin just before sundown on March 6th and end just after sundown on March 7th. To make matters worse, we require enough time to walk, put on formal clothes, and travel by taxi in order to make it on time, with time to spare, to one of the flowing three Bangkok locations where we check into a hotel for Friday night: Bangrak, Sukhumvit or The Cousand Road area. (Our preference is Bangrak, but any of the 3 locations will suffice.

I brought a suitcase full of books with me, and also some material on my computer to aid in the proper education of your clients, the students. We are also willing to share our material, and assist in the training and administration of your English department.

We appreciate access to basic teaching equipment such as a photocopier and an overhead projector. However, alternates to those methods are negotiable. We also reserve the right to control our students using negative reinforcement methods so they properly digest the material and show noticeable improvement very quickly. Those methods are non-violent. Repeat offenders are expected to be dealt with, in Thai, by the administration when we report them. This ensures a smooth running of the classroom, and a mutual respect between the teachers, administration and students. It also ensures that students who seriously want to learn are not hampered and thwarted by naughty students who tend to dominate uncontrolled classrooms. I’m sure you know all this already, but it needs to be stated. Please forgive by frankness and forwardness in this matter, and at the same time please trust me that it is all for the best of everyone involved, especially the students.

We also expect and a clean and air conditioned teaching environment. Our high-energy methods require that we stay cool and comfortable. These methods include, but are not limited to music, art, drama, games and intense class participation. The inclusion of our multi-faceted teaching techniques are necessary from the very first moment of the very first class. This will insure a good relationship with our students from the very start. We will seek out and bring out the strong points in each and every student, even in a large class, this way, thus facilitating proper learning of English or whatever else we are hired to teach, across the board. Failure is not an option.

We welcome discussion of curriculum and technique. In fact, we get a bit suspicious in cases where no one is concerned with it. So, we have available lesson plans right now, in writing, for you to peruse. Simply tell us the grade level and approximate skill level and age of the target class and we will submit and execute a one or two- hour lesson plan for you in person at your school and you can watch and evaluate.

Well, I think I’ve taken enough of your time. My writing, like my teaching, tends to be long-winded and energetic. We look forward to hearing from you. Also, please feel free to pass our info along to your friends and associates.

Have a wonderful day, and may G-d bless you and your families, your staff and your students, and all your endeavors in life should succeed enormously.



Sincerely, Fred and Wifey Goldberg







List of Jewish holidays for 2004 requiring refraining from work:

Thank you kindly for your understanding. If necessary, these dates are easily confirmable by a local Rabbi. I have the original email correspondence with my Rabbi if you wish to view that also. We don't take any other holidays such as Filipino or American Holidays - so don't worry! We are available on Sundays if they are not on the list below.



Purim March 7 (Feast of Esther)
Passover April 6-7, and April 12-13 ((Departure of the Hebrew slaves from Egypt)
Shavuot May 26-27 (Torah ordained festival)
Rosh Hashanah September 16-17 (Jewish New Year)
Yom Kippur September 25 (Day of Atonement)
Sukkot September 30 - October 1 (Feast of "Tabernacles")

Shemini Atzeret October 7 (The Giving of the commandments by Moses on Mount Sinai)
Simchat Torah October 8 (The Giving of the commandments by Moses on Mount Sinai)



FG

[Marmite the Dog]

I think I've seen that one before in my mailbox. I wonder where he is now?

[poolcleaner]

Not that I'm racist but I'll never employ a Jew from the US or Israel.

They are the most fucked up people on the planet.

Strangely all the jews I've known from Aus were simply typical Aussies, amazingly normal!

These fucking gollies with their curly fries hanging next to their ears and their tea cosy hats who the fok would employ them?

Oh I'm going on a bit aren't I?

[kenkannif]

^ It's all good, at least you're being honest

I actually spent a few months in Israel and they're not too bad there, a bit arrogant....but they did sort me out when I was skint.

Don't seem to travel well though.

[hillbilly]

Damn, now everyone has got me resume thangy. Damn!

[habiba]

Zone Alarm Pro?????????

Where are the photos??

[kenkannif]

Is that to me???

[IsaanAlex]

*paging Hitler*

[poolcleaner]

I think this guy has the job....

DEAR SIR|MADAM

MY NAME IS XXXXXXX FROM CONGO, AM 25YEARS BY AGE INFACT I WOS VERY HAPY WHEN I SOW THAT THEIR IS OPPOTUNITY FOR TEACHING JOB WHEN I WOS VISITING THE WEB SITE IN COMPUTER AND I EQUALLY SEE THE EMPLOYMENT REQUIRD WHICH I WOS EQUALL TO THE TAX.THIS IS MY EMAIL ADD AND PHONE NUMBER <deleted>

This is real, in at least it was emailed to me.

I know, it reads just like Wally at 3:30am......

[MeMock]

or CMN at 10.30pm

[Marmite the Dog]

Or Aging One at around 8pm.

[Storekeeper]

got to be snaffie or biowaste i reckon

No way. Mine will be limited to one page with plenty of white space. I'll only include any potentially relevant experience such as training, facilitating or instructing courses. With an emphasis on the outcome versus course content.

Do you think I should include pertinent dates and times I shagged civilian wives when hubbies were away on bidness ?

[kingwilly]

Do you think I should include pertinent dates and times I shagged civilian wives when hubbies were away on bidness ?

only the wifes of the bosses et al - thats sure to impress everyone! lol

[Dougal]

I had a CV sent in for a programmer - all standard stuff except that under 'Additional Qualities' he had put:

"Owner of BMW convertible with white leather seats."
"Steely blue eyes."

I'm not sure what sort of employer he was trying to appeal to but I declined to interview him in case he got the wrong idea about me.

[humpty42]

Do you recommend that I include in my resume the times spent incarcerated both in prisons & mental institutions ? Or should I just say employed by government for the duration of my stay ? humpty

[poolcleaner]

This one's really convincing....

".I teach golf to kids.....err...oh and I'm a teacher too.....errm....ummm............oh yeah and I was awarded 'Teacher of the Year' as well..."

He plays golf and fishes........and if I want proof......maybe I can score a feed out of the interview...

[mrsquirrel]

My old man used to get me to help go through the new managment trainee recruits for the company he was at.

One day he got a resume written on a page of lined A4 paper hand written.

He was going to throw it out when I read through it and saw that they writer was sersiously well qualified.

So I made the old mand contact him just to see what he was all about.

Turns out it was a very eccentric high achieving graduate who impressed the old man so much that he took him on.

The lad did well for himself and managed to not piss of my old man for nearly a year when he did he was shipped off to the plant in north west scotland for 6 months to think about things.

Eventually he moved on and was employed by Mars.

[humpty42]

What industries are you allowed to work in ? If you are a tradesman can you get a work permit? Are the wages any good ? Could you do building work for other foreigners ? Thanks humpty

[Fabian]

Doing construction work for other foreigners is strictly illegal, ask dirtydog.