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  1. #1
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    Thais and child rearing

    The only time I really have a difference of opinion with My wife is over the upbringing and in particular discipline of our children. Thai women are atrocious disciplinarians, I see it all around in the village we live in. Fat kids who are given unlimited pocket money to spend on sweets and crap, of course this happens in the West as well but mainly in the trailer park environment, here its the opposite, parents who have the education to know better, spoil the kids rotten. ther are kids around here at 6 years old weighing in at 35 Kgs, and not unusually so.

    An incident this morning made me bloody mad, last day of summer school so the kids are asked to bring something, on the way to school I buy some fruit and a small packet of sponge cake but my daughter didn't want that, she wanted sweets.
    So I said, "don't want this so you get nothing" get home and get a bolllicking, if she wanted sweets, why didn't you let her buy them? WTF is this, the kid makes demands and you HAVE to indulge them? fvck that !
    I'm told " now our daughter will be embarrassed in front of her class, your a bad Father"

    Sorry wifey, but our children are not going to be brought up as spoilt little buggers who don't know what discipline and self control is.

    Even now, the children totally ignore Mum when they want to, so usually it goes like this . "Peter tell them to have a shower, Peter, tell them to go to bed" etc.

  2. #2
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    Got on ya PP, stick to your guns.

    Respectful and disciplined kids is something I spend more time on then just about anything else and thank goodness my wife agrees with me on most of what I do.

    I doubt it would have been this way if she hadn't spent some time with my friends and their children here in the west and saw the results they were getting.
    News is what someone, somewhere is trying to suppress - everything else is just advertising.

  3. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by MeMock View Post
    I doubt it would have been this way if she hadn't spent some time with my friends and their children here in the west and saw the results they were getting.
    Good or bad results, MM ?

  4. #4
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    Oh sorry, Good. Very good.

    A lot of my friends home school plus my closest friend is actually a teacher in 'how to rear kids' which is based on 100% consistency and that parents are the boss.

    The results are mind blowing.

  5. #5
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    I had a similar thing with my ex-wife with regard to my step-daughter, hence her being my ex-wife.

  6. #6
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    Its very rare that I have to physically punish them, but on the occasion that they got to the point where you needed to give their bum a spank, there were always repercussions from Mum, particularly if it was in public, say a supermarket.
    Its bad form in Thai culture to do this, well! fvck that again, if they need a smack on the bum I don't really give a toss where it is, its gonna happen.

    Of course in the Nanny state that was my birthplace its forbidden to do this in the home even.
    How the fvck parents discipline their kids there I don't know, although reading stuff.com maybe they don't.

  7. #7
    Mid
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    spare the rod and spoil the child .

    put ya hand ona hot-plate ...fok that hurts !!!!!!!!!!!!!

    won't do that again

    that's NOT to say I endorse the above as a means of punishment but rather that Mother Nature has this one figured already .

  8. #8
    Thailand Expat reinvented's Avatar
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    must admit that this is a future worry for me, well have to backhand the mother in law, wife and baby so they all get the message eh

  9. #9
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    It is a sorry state of affairs when the state will not let you raise your kids as they need to be raised.
    My kids had some manners, kids here do not, and all that RESPECT bullshit you hear,, Thai kids have no respect for themselves, their parents nor anyone else. But the parents are to stupid to understand that, the poor brain dead bastards.

    Like the broad across the road, she lays on her dead ass and sleeps on that shaded platform they all have out by the street to lay on and her kid gets run over and killed,, 2 years later she is laying there asleep and her 3 year old boy goes up the road thru the cowman's pasture and drowns in his pond and is found 3 hours later and she didn't even know he was not at home.

    Fine MF parents, just like Mexicans and then wonder why these 2 countrys are alike and not really out of the stone/bronze age yet and will never be worth a fuck economically until there is a change of thinking,,, OH yea, thats another thing Thai ain't to swift at.

  10. #10
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    BG, there are lot like that up here as well, preteen kids that hang around the street or internet shack at night till midnight, how the hell they get off to school in the morning beats me ? but at home in the west that sort of thing happens just as frequently as well.
    One thing my ol lady doesn't allow, she has to know where the kids are all the time, I spend a lot time riding around on my bike looking for them although our village is safe and they are at one of only another 5 kids places. I maker them take their bikes so two yellow bikes parked outside is always a giveaway.

  11. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by blackgang
    Like the broad across the road, she lays on her dead ass and sleeps on that shaded platform they all have out by the street to lay on and her kid gets run over and killed,, 2 years later she is laying there asleep and her 3 year old boy goes up the road thru the cowman's pasture and drowns in his pond and is found 3 hours later and she didn't even know he was not at home.
    Darwinism at work. No worries.

  12. #12
    I am in Jail
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    I can't imagine the chasm between typical child rearing here and in the west. I see things here almost every day that would land a US parent in the clink or at minimum, have the child taken into custody.

    I had a gutful of my ex-wife's bullshit, no-discipline approach -- and she was Japanese. Kids ran roughshod over her from the time they were three. For the most part we lived on Air Force bases and there were curfews for the kids. The schools and neighborhoods were great but at home the kids were in charge until I got home from work.

  13. #13
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    The Thai (and Filipino) mentality seems to be to basically pander to young kids, and let the broader family/ village structure bring them into acquiescence as they mature.

    I don't see it is all bad- but then again I like being surrounded by happy 'other peoples Kids'.

    How this style of parenting would handle a truly delinquent case I do not know, but based on observation I can't unilaterally put it down. Perhaps it's a contrast between the Asian village system, and the Western nuclear family system.

    I was brought up with a "if you don't eat your peas, you can't have any pudding" kind of parenting style. Or "If you're bad, you will go to Hell".

    I suppose this goes hand in pocket with Western virtues such as Thrift, denying yourself today to accumulate more for tomorrow, planning for the future and so on. Is it better? I honestly don't know.
    probes Aliens

  14. #14
    I am in Jail
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    ^ Probably depends on whether you're comfortable with your children dying in the road or in the cowman's pond -- or not.

  15. #15
    The Dentist English Noodles's Avatar
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    It all boils down to education and common sense, some of our wives and girlfriends have it, others do not.

  16. #16
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    I don't know how you do it EN, such insightful and profound advice, time after time, product of a quality education I guess.

  17. #17
    Thailand Expat Whiteshiva's Avatar
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    My wife had initially her own ideas as to how to bring up the kids, but having seen how much easier it is for me to keep the kids (twin boys, 3 years old) under control, get them to go to bed, eat their food, do as you tell them, she has finally come around. A key point in my child rearing philosophy is that I never, ever back down. I will never yield to the temptation of thinking, "oh this is too much trouble, I'll let him get his way just to avoid the hassle/crying/whining". That is just encouraging future problems.

    The result is that my kids know that when daddy tells them to do or stop doing something, it is not open for discussion (at least not until they get older). They may not like it, but they know it is futile to put up a fight. This may sound harsh, but I believe it makes their life easier and more consistent. They have clear boundaries for behaviour, and although they will test the limits from time to time (as all kids do, and rightly should), they will stop immediately when told to do so. I love my kids to bits, and I have never laid hand on them nor lost my temper with them, but I think the best start in life I can give them, is to teach them good manners and a certain amount of discipline.

    My wife has actually admitted that she was initially wrong in this respect (not bad for a Thai, not to mention for a woman!), and has agreed to use the same approach with our newborn son. I think the issue on child rearing is the only time in our 5 1/2 year marriage that I have refused to compromise......
    Any error in tact, fact or spelling is purely due to transmissional errors...

  18. #18
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    My philosophy exactly Whiteshiva, however when necessary I do smack.

  19. #19
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    Kids are comfortable with knowing where the limits lie, they do with myself, they just know by my tone that they cannot push any further. Mum will usually say no and they know they have a chance of reversing this if they persist, so they do.

  20. #20
    I am in Jail
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    Good approach WS/MM.

    As they get older, though, your influence on them becomes less and teachers/friends/others grows. It's unavoidable unless you lock them in the basement. If you don't compromise (or appear to) you'll create a rift between you and your teen.

  21. #21
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    Its like a funnel. I call it the freedom funnel. At the start (young age) it is very small and therefore they have very little freedom. As the grow older it opens up and open up fast until suddenly it stops and there is nothing left. Thats when the leave home.

  22. #22
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    some psychologist told me that kids need to know where the limits are.
    it has not helped me with mine.
    when my little girl is naughty and then looks at me with her brown/blue eyes i dont know how to say no.

  23. #23
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    It would have helped if you didn't give in.

    Whose the boss in your family? You or your daughter?

    You only need to give in 1 out of 10 times and that is enough for them to keep trying.

  24. #24
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    ^ this is what I am finding out
    Sorry not good at the discipline job

  25. #25
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    What if I tell you that your daughter will love you even more for it? Kids need, want, crave consistent discipline.

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