Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 25 of 46
  1. #1
    Thailand Expat

    Join Date
    Mar 2015
    Last Online
    @
    Posts
    5,961

    First time for me to witness a funeral.

    Last Tuesday my FIL died tragically by drowning in his fish pond.
    We found out in the evening, and borrowed a friend's car and drove north 80 kms to be by MiL.
    Over the next few days I'll describe some of the events and post some pics. Wife has the SD card at the moment, and besides I'm too buggered to do much tonight. We got home this afternoon and it's been a very tiring week of little sleep and too much alcohol.


    Before I get into the nitty gritty....speaking of alcohol, have you ever found yourself drinking too much, much more than you wanted, simply because you know the obnoxious guy won't leave until the bottle is empty and you want to get rid of him as soon as possible and so keep drinking quickly and with super-strength mixes?
    Lol...there's a teaser for some of what transpired, but most of it was interesting and heart-warming.

  2. #2
    Thailand Expat cyrille's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Last Online
    @
    Location
    Chiang Mai
    Posts
    9,206
    Quote Originally Posted by Maanaam
    have you ever found yourself drinking too much, much more than you wanted, simply because you know the obnoxious guy won't leave until the bottle is empty and you want to get rid of him as soon as possible and so keep drinking quickly and with super-strength mixes?
    Not myself, but I've been with a few people who have.

  3. #3
    Thailand Expat
    crackerjack101's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2016
    Last Online
    Today @ 02:43 PM
    Posts
    3,694
    Quote Originally Posted by Maanaam
    Before I get into the nitty gritty....speaking of alcohol, have you ever found yourself drinking too much, much more than you wanted, simply because you know the obnoxious guy won't leave until the bottle is empty and you want to get rid of him as soon as possible and so keep drinking quickly and with super-strength mixes?
    That's where I hand things over to my wife and leave. She always deals with such situations diplomatically, forcefully and very very successfully.
    There are times when a chap needs to take a step back.
    It's not difficult.

  4. #4
    Thailand Expat
    Join Date
    Jun 2014
    Last Online
    @
    Posts
    18,042
    Tamboons exist and are enacted for one principle reason.
    Social gathering for alcohol consumption.

    Otherwise, it's all moot.


  5. #5
    Thailand Expat
    armstrong's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Last Online
    Today @ 06:18 AM
    Location
    Bangkok
    Posts
    1,523
    that's not one more thing, that's the same thing you just said.

  6. #6
    Thailand Expat

    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Last Online
    @
    Location
    Darkside, Pattaya
    Posts
    5,478
    been to a few, I drink heavily and become that obnoxious guy. Works well as people then avoid me.

  7. #7
    Thailand Expat
    Digby Fantona's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2016
    Last Online
    14-09-2017 @ 01:11 PM
    Posts
    1,080
    My first Thai funeral was a monk's and I helped carry him around the temple three times. Thais thought I was a good bloke !

  8. #8
    ENT
    ENT is offline
    god
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Last Online
    @
    Location
    Bangladesh
    Posts
    28,234
    Maanaam.
    "First time for me to witness a funeral".

    Fwk.............. you've lived a sheltered life.

  9. #9
    Thailand Expat

    Join Date
    Mar 2015
    Last Online
    @
    Posts
    5,961
    Quote Originally Posted by ENT View Post
    Maanaam.
    "First time for me to witness a funeral".

    Fwk.............. you've lived a sheltered life.
    Since this is a Thai centered forum, and since this is the "Living In Thailand" sub-forum, I can see that every other member who has commented on the thread realises it was my first Thai funeral.
    No further comment required by me on your post....except to say that it was a typical reaction from you.

    I was just about to pack up the laptop and had a thought....
    Thanks for the condolences everyone, but really not necessary. I didn't know him (and there's more to that story). My grief was mostly seeing my dear wife so devastated.

  10. #10
    Thailand Expat
    beerlaodrinker's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Last Online
    Today @ 02:10 PM
    Location
    vientiane
    Posts
    5,563
    Quote Originally Posted by Maanaam View Post
    Last Tuesday my FIL died tragically by drowning in his


    Before I get into the nitty gritty....speaking of alcohol, have you ever found yourself drinking too much, much more than you wanted, simply because you know the obnoxious guy won't leave until the bottle is empty and you want to get rid of him as soon as possible and so keep drinking quickly and with super-strength mixes?
    Lol...there's a teaser for some of what transpired, but most of it was interesting and heart-warming.
    yeah i hear you.in the last11 years i lived in Lao ive been 4 funerals that farangs died here an 6 funerals from the lao family. Funerals aint big on laughs usually but i do like the Lao people take on it. the funeral usually starts of pretty sedate but turns into 1 hell of a wingding with everybody totally shitfaced after sending the rello or old mate off, hopefully the coonts will put a big ole pissup when BlD Pops his clogs ( slippers) Thongs for the uneducated

  11. #11
    Elite Mumbler
    pickel's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Last Online
    @
    Location
    Elephant Island
    Posts
    5,684
    The first funeral I went to in Thailand was Dirty Dog's.

  12. #12
    Thailand Expat
    jamescollister's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Last Online
    Today @ 05:56 PM
    Location
    Bunthrik Ubon
    Posts
    4,399
    Been to a few burnings, usually more fun than our western type.

    From my blogg, awhile ago, strangest one I have attended.

    Sunday, March 10, 2013

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY AND A MONK HAS DIED.



    Issan and rural Thailand always has something new to amaze me.
    It was the wife's birthday recently, as the rubber tree dormant time was nearing and the flow of money would stop, we could not afford anything grand. Said to the wife, we could go to a resort on the Mun or Mekong river for the night, have a nice dinner and relax by the pool, for you birthday.
    No she says, a Monk has died in a nearby village and I would rather go there. Seemed a strange way to celebrate your birthday, but it was her birthday, up to her.


    Next day, I thinking that this would be a kneeling and blessing job at the Wat { Buddha temple } get my kneeling pillow, told you won't need that, just get the big blue ice box in the car.
    We pack the kids and mother in-law into the car and set off. Ask where am I going, she says to town { Bunthark } 27 km later we arrive at our nearest town and park in front of a bulk supply shop. Wife and mother in-law start buying, not snacks, but boxes of chips, biscuits, all manner of sweets, small bottles of water and drinks. The ice box was filled with ice, the car a 7 seat SUV is so full of junk foods and drinks we could hardy get the kids and mother in-law in.


    We set off to this nearby village, which is not nearby, tarmac road turns to concrete, then to dirt track, as we head off into the hinterlands and we arrive at a small village with a Wat just outside.


    Now our village is at the edge of the badlands, no police to speak of, border soldier country. Soldiers go armed when on patrol, first thing I notice here border soldiers carrying sidearms and not on patrol, we are in bandit country.


    At the Wat we are escorted to an area with lots of long tables, people are giving out free noodles, ice drinks etc to the crowd. There is a stage set up, blaring music and scantily clad dancing girls. Not what I had expected a funeral for a Buddha monk would be, it was a full on party.
    We unloaded the junk food and drinks on to our table, the name of our village was written on a piece of paper and stapled to the table. A crowd gathered round, as we opened the boxes of goodies. At some unseen signal they pounced, grabbing arm fulls of food and drink, with in minutes 4,000 Bahts worth of food and drink had gone. Wife and mother in-law were smiling ear to ear, I on the other hand, stood stunned. Say to the wife, what the hell was that all about, she explains our village has out done all the other villages, we can go home now.


    Monks get burnt at night, people in the day, when the party was over and night fell, the crowds would go. Leaders, village heads and respected elders would attend the Wat, for a night of meditation, candle and monk burning.

  13. #13
    Thailand Expat
    Troy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Last Online
    Today @ 06:15 PM
    Location
    In the EU
    Posts
    5,333
    No booze at funerals in our village...weddings are the places to go if you want booze. Funerals mainly attract all-night card games.

    I attended my FILs funeral about 12 years ago, just a couple of months after my mother died. I wasn't too impressed with close relatives picking through the ashes with chopsticks. Tradition is for a coin being placed between the teeth ( or somewhere in the mouth). It is supposed gto bring luck to the person finding it.

    I was quite close to FIL, he was a pretty decent bloke amd times were good when he was alive.

  14. #14
    Thailand Expat
    David48atTD's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2016
    Last Online
    Today @ 07:52 PM
    Location
    Palace Far from Worries
    Posts
    2,813
    I look forward to your experiences.

    I've been to 6 or 7 Funerals.

    No (visible) booze at any of them, but usually I just go to the 'Burn Day'.

    Gave my recent account here ... http://teakdoor.com/living-in-thaila...-week-end.html (THAILAND:- A Birthing and a Deadin' ... it was a busy week-end.)
    .
    Perspective is everything ... it's the difference between going through an ordeal or going through an adventure..

  15. #15
    Member
    Hugh Cow's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2015
    Last Online
    Today @ 08:00 PM
    Location
    Qld/Bangkok
    Posts
    918
    My condolences to your wife Maanaam. I often ponder the fragility of life when I hear of an incident like this. How we go through life avoiding disease and a million other things that can cause our demise, finally arriving at old age, only to be taken by some freak accident.

  16. #16
    Thailand Expat

    Join Date
    Mar 2015
    Last Online
    @
    Posts
    5,961
    Interesting comments above. The story of this funeral may turn out to be a tad different. This is Southern (but Buddhist).
    My wife's village is on the main highway north-south along the eastern coast, north of Songkhla.
    FiL was missing and wasn't found until 8 pm. We were informed around 10. Borrowed a car and left by 11 ish. The highway is being widened for a 20 km stretch through and beyond Sambo (Yep I had a chuckle the first time a few years ago I saw a sign saying "Sambo Police") Works started about a year ago and at the moment they have reached the stage where they have excavated and leveled and gravelled the new stretch on each side. But there is a 20 - 30 cm drop from the old road surface to this gravel. Not a single safety barrier or even a sign for the 20 kms, and of course the street lights have not been replaced yet, so as we got to this part of our journey, it was quite hazardous. Luckily, it being near midnight, there was not much traffic. We reached MiL's house but couldn't find a place to get off the road. Road workers had not made any ramps but some people have made their own and I found one about 50 metres further on. This system of a dangerous drop-off and few ramps was to prove to be quite frustrating in the coming days.
    People had gathered and a monk was saying prayers.
    The body had been found and eventually rescue service was called. Police attended and ruled death by drowning. MiL opted to not take the body to the hospital for a post mortem because someone told her it would cost 10 000. That was regretful, as we shall see.
    Prayers over, the body, which was already in an ornate and very deep coffin was loaded onto someone's pickup and we all headed off to the wat crematorium where a cooler machine was ready and the coffin placed on top. A decoration that looked like a castle was put on top of the coffin.



    We weren't taking photos that night, but the above is from the next day and by that time the coffin had been decorated in fairy lights.

    After prayers, most people left, leaving just immediate family to sit in the crematorium chapel. Out came the booze but drinking was sedate and subdued. We sat up all night, ostensibly to support the widow who would not leave the chapel or crematorium grounds for the next week.
    My wife has one brother and 3 sisters. The brother lives in Krabi and hadn't arrived yet, 2 sisters live in Satun (about 3-4 hours away) and one sister is a self-serving so-and so who although just lives 1 km away, had attended the prayers but then left to go to bed. It left me and the wife, and a few close relatives to stay.
    It was a long night for dear wifey. She has a habit of getting up at 3 am every morning to study and read, so by 3 am she had been up for 24 hours. But she wouldn't nap, just sit with mum.
    At sun-up I left to go and find a motel. There is on the highway just a few km's away. Booked in, toileted (I really hate the wat's squat toilets with no lock on the door and no bum gun), and showered. I had a nap, and by 7:30 was back at the wat where people had arrived and some were beginning to cook.
    Last edited by Maanaam; 28-06-2017 at 07:02 AM.

  17. #17
    Thailand Expat Dillinger's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Last Online
    @
    Posts
    17,425
    Quote Originally Posted by Maanaam
    MiL opted to not take the body to the hospital for a post mortem because someone told her it would cost 10 000
    Quote Originally Posted by Maanaam
    the body, which was already in an ornate and very deep coffin
    No I better not.

    Condolences to your wife, Manaam

  18. #18
    Thailand Expat Pragmatic's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    Last Online
    @
    Location
    Last but who gives a shit.
    Posts
    8,618
    Quote Originally Posted by David48atTD
    I look forward to your experiences.

    I've been to 6 or 7 Funerals.

    No (visible) booze at any of them
    I've lost count of the funeral parties, not the actual burning, that's different, I've attended. And like David I don't see the 'booze' that everyone is going on about.
    Now if the second funeral party is done straight after the first party, the day after the incineration, then yes as the parties overlaps and perhaps seems it's just like one. Booze is usually reserved for the second party. The first party is a somber occasion.
    The second party is usually done some months after the first party mainly down to finance. If the deceased's family have the money then the 2 parties will conjoined and both parties together will last about 5 days.
    Burning of bodies doesn't occur on a Tuesday. It's seen not as a good day to depart this world. Whereas Tuesday is seen as a good day to be born on. The child will be strong.
    Last edited by Pragmatic; 28-06-2017 at 08:53 AM.

  19. #19
    Thailand Expat

    Join Date
    Mar 2015
    Last Online
    @
    Posts
    5,961
    Quote Originally Posted by Pragmatic
    Burning of bodies doesn't occur on a Tuesday. It's seen not as a good day to depart this world. Whereas Tuesday is seen as a good day to be born on. The child will be strong.
    This cremation was done on Monday, and yesterday morning (Tuesday), very early, the ashes were picked through (by hand) by all the rellies. Coins had been placed with the body and my wife kept two of them, scavanged from the ashes. The bones were put aside at first and the remaining ashes were buried on the wat grounds, then the bone fragments were put in an urn which was then placed in a wall niche in another building on the wat grounds.

  20. #20
    Thailand Expat

    Join Date
    Mar 2015
    Last Online
    @
    Posts
    5,961
    Quote Originally Posted by Dillinger
    No I better not.
    Go on, unless it's nasty....but don't pre-empt a twist in the tale.

    Might as well tell it now.
    On the Tuesday night I asked if his body had been taken to be examined. I was surprised that a police edict was all that was required and no medical opinion sought. I thought privately, "What if died unnaturally?" but would not raise that thought in my wife's mind. TIT, just go with it.

    Next door to the inlaws was FiL's nephew and his wife and they did not get on with FiL.
    On Sunday night (the night before the funeral and after 5 days of preparations and feeding hundreds, someone announced that they suspected FiL was murdered by the nephew.
    This of course created a lot of distress and confusion especially for my wife, her sisters and her mum.
    A BiL (a cop with modest rank) and I tried to dissuade them from taking the body to the hospital. My reasoning was that NOW, since would be an elective PM, it would indeed be charged to the family, and might not happen for weeks. Days at least.
    Not being stingy, just pragmatic. The scene of the suspected crime had not been examined, had been trampled on, and the body washed and chilled for a week. The police had already ruled drowning. There was absolutely no evidence available or known that pointed to foul play except a gossiping villager speculating. If the PM determined a suspicious death, what could possibly come of it, especially since it would have made the police look foolish (I mean, they wouldn't be motivated to look for evidence enough to convict a suspect). To me it seemed that even if it was murder, no good result could occur.
    Another story that was the seed of the suspicion was that the nephew's wife claimed she heard someone calling for help but was too afraid to go and see what it was about. Further to that, when rescue tried to bring the body back to the house (the body was behind the house about 30 or 40m), since there was no easy access from FiL's pond to the house, and the next door's house did have a path good enough for a team to carry a body along, when asked for access, the neighbour (nephew's wife) refused so a boat had to be brought and FiL's body taken along the pond to another access point. Two (reasonable) reasons to despise the next door neighbour, so I suspected the "suspicion of murder" was simply malicious way to get at that bitch neighbour. Cop BiL too. So we both convinced all the sisters to calm down and ask people to stop making unsubstantiated rumours that only upset people for no good result.
    Last edited by Maanaam; 28-06-2017 at 10:43 AM.

  21. #21
    I am in Jail

    Join Date
    Jun 2017
    Last Online
    29-06-2017 @ 03:12 PM
    Posts
    126
    If he was found dead in a fishpond he could easily have been murdered, or killed by accident and thrown in there.

    No money for an autopsy, but plenty for a big elaborate coffin.

    Priorities are wrong.

    Peace be unto him.

  22. #22
    Thailand Expat misskit's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Last Online
    @
    Location
    Chiang Mai
    Posts
    21,686
    The coffin in the photo looks to be a reusable refrigerated box. Seems to be the thing around here lately.

  23. #23
    Thailand Expat Pragmatic's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    Last Online
    @
    Location
    Last but who gives a shit.
    Posts
    8,618
    I
    Quote Originally Posted by misskit
    The coffin in the photo looks to be a reusable refrigerated box.
    It is. Its a refrigerator basically, that is hired to place the deceased in.

  24. #24
    ENT
    ENT is offline
    god
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Last Online
    @
    Location
    Bangladesh
    Posts
    28,234
    Quote Originally Posted by Maanaam View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by ENT View Post
    Maanaam.
    "First time for me to witness a funeral".

    Fwk.............. you've lived a sheltered life.
    Since this is a Thai centered forum, and since this is the "Living In Thailand" sub-forum, I can see that every other member who has commented on the thread realises it was my first Thai funeral.
    No further comment required by me on your post....except to say that it was a typical reaction from you.
    You assume too much.

    Anyway, RIP your FIL.

    We're in for a big funeral in CM, many days of it, as unusually, the wat bell rang out for 10 minutes at 10 am yesterday, ...........the Abbot of Wat Dok Ueang had died at 2am, after a long struggle with bowel cancer.

    RIP

  25. #25
    Thailand Expat

    Join Date
    Mar 2015
    Last Online
    @
    Posts
    5,961
    Quote Originally Posted by Minty View Post
    If he was found dead in a fishpond he could easily have been murdered, or killed by accident and thrown in there.

    No money for an autopsy, but plenty for a big elaborate coffin.

    Priorities are wrong.

    Peace be unto him.
    I don't disagree with you.
    Understand though that MiL and neighbours are uneducated peasants. No concept of thinking about consequences.
    I can't really blame her for thinking that an elaborate coffin that will please his spirit is a priority over some non-comprehensible medical procedure.
    Keep in mind, too, that at that stage there was no thought of murder.
    Add to that that the thought of murder is still now, to me, extremely unfounded. He was a nice old guy with no enemies, it's just the nephew and he didn't get along and someone started a rumour maliciously.

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •