Value of Bride's Gold vs Sin Sod?

[Pragmatic]

First thing they seem to do around here, if/once they get a farang is plastic surgery of some sort.

[crackerjack101]

christ I hate that shit.
Also the white skin obsession and the kilos of slap, fucin hideous.
Fortunately my wife is equally anti.

[stfranalum]

My missus hinted that she wanted marriage. I said 'okay but I ain't paying sin sot and I ain't having a ceremony'. She just dragged me to some office in Bkk and 10 minutes later we walk out married. 11 years married, 3 children, and she's never brought it up about me not paying, or that she never had a ceremony to show off in.

Well said.

If you can afford it, and it's not a big dent in your wallet, then it shouldnt be a big deal.

But, it's all on the "visitors home field" ...as a sports analogy, catering to them and not realizing that marriage is mutual.

Finances matter and going all in to make others happy is why this persists. you also lose face when you shell out your savings to make people look rich. So "face" goes both ways.

"hey mate...want to do something?"
"sorry, I can't afford it because I needed to make others look rich" ...is the epitome of losing face from where most of us come from.

[stroller]

I'm hoping the bride's gold cost is closer to the engagement ring (like 60k) than the folk's sin sod (300k) as the budget is getting a bit tight.

Since the gold is for the bride, ask her what she'd be happy with, either to keep or for show & return, as you're on a tight budget. 60k buys 3 Baht, sounds about right. The sin sod is for the parents to keep, but they may agree to give some of it back to help start your married life - the bride could have a word with them, beforehand.

[stroller]

But if you flip that sentiment and demand that it's neutral territory (both the husband, wife, and future children matter), then it makes sense that you simply keep the money for a rainy day (and there will be rainy days).

That's not a neutral position, it's your reasoning.
What about the parents, who are much older, have invested financially & emotionally, aren't they getting anything for a rainy day? Remember, there are no state pensions.

[stfranalum]

What about the parents, who are much older, have invested financially & emotionally, aren't they getting anything for a rainy day? Remember, there are no state pensions.

well, there's that.

but if the newlyweds are worth their salt, they will help whenever they can, when the rain starts.

i suppose the problem only exists when the payment is made, and puts the new family in a bind. That's not rare. I've met a few grooms who were quite bent out of shape, having to start their new life together, in the financial hole.

for me, it was just a few grand (US). I was happy to do it and the family paid off some debts and such. No one was getting rich and it made me happy to do the song-n-dance. i have, however, been asked by a particular sibling, to give aid since then. without going into too many unimportant details, i have made it clear that aside from a genuine family emergency, i'm not the golden calf. fuck, im a teacher...im not even a stainless steel calf. :-D

[Davis Knowlton]

but if the newlyweds are worth their salt, they will help whenever they can, when the rain starts.

Indeed. When help is needed.......not due to some forced ritual.

[thaimeme]

There is a lot of discussion about Sin sod

Endless discussion. Marry an orphan. Sin sod becomes a non issue.

Endless without closure or conclusions.
The sin sod discussions or suggestions become moot and redundant.
Best to allow the inquirer to live and learn for themselves.


The advice to marry an orphaned soul or one that might be estranged from her parents rings true - issues of sin sod become almost non sequitur-like.

Cheers, Norty.

[crackerjack101]

Indeed. When help is needed.......not due to some forced ritual.

And when it's a genuine "need".

[Chico]

Never marry a Thai with white skin,

[katie23]

^I agree with Davis re: the sinsot.

There's no sinsot/ dowry culture in PI. At least not that I know of, or in my immediate circle. There are stories of dowries, but they date back to pre-colonial (pre-Spanish) times. My grandparents, parents, my married sister - no dowry was involved. Both sides pay for the wedding, either equally or 60-40, depending on incomes. My parents & sister both had simple weddings. I think my parents had <50 guests, my sister had <100 guests. My sis & her hub paid for the wedding using their savings, but both sides of parents helped a bit by contibuting some cash.

I've attended somewhat posh weddings (wedding in big church & dinner at hotel), but that fruend's family was a bit hi-so anyway. Most of the weddings I've attended (friends/colleagues) - both sides are college grads, working, and saved up for their weddings.

I have 2 colleagues (girls) who got married recently. One opted for the white church wedding, pre-nup photoshoots & all that jazz. The other opted for a civil wedding at the city hall & simple dinner at their newly rented house. Then for their honeymoon, they opted for a cycling tour of PI - from Luzon to Mindanao. The couple are avid hikers/ bikers. No sinsot was involved in any of these weddings.

For me, I don't expect any dowry & will continue to work after marriage. I certainly don't expect 80k (whether baht or pesos) per month! It would be 'nice to have' but not a requirement. As for a wedding, I think I'd prefer a civil wedding now (some yrs ago, if you asked me, I would've preferred church). But now, I'd prefer a civil wedding, then hiketo Macchu Pichu for the afters! 55+

[David48atTD]

Never marry a Thai with white skin,

Understandable comment, but always ...

One of my partners best friends is Thai, but with Chinese heritage.

She's whiter then I am.

No bleaching creme ... just genetics.

She likes the nice stuff, but she's not a head up her ass Hi-So.


Actually, she's available. HR Manager, International Company, reasonable English, never married, no kids.

[Norton]

I don't expect any dowry & will continue to work after marriage. I certainly don't expect 80k (whether baht or pesos) per month! It would be 'nice to have' but not a requirement. As for a wedding, I think I'd prefer a civil wedding now (some yrs ago, if you asked me, I would've preferred church). But now, I'd prefer a civil wedding, then hiketo Macchu Pichu for the afters!

If the last bit is negotiable I'm definately in love.

[katie23]

^can you eat balut?

And I think you're already married... heh...

[Chico]

Look up Tumbasan or bagobo.

^I agree with Davis re: the sinsot.

There's no sinsot/ dowry culture in PI. At least not that I know of, or in my immediate circle. There are stories of dowries, but they date back to pre-colonial (pre-Spanish) times. My grandparents, parents, my married sister - no dowry was involved. Both sides pay for the wedding, either equally or 60-40, depending on incomes. My parents & sister both had simple weddings. I think my parents had <50 guests, my sister had <100 guests. My sis & her hub paid for the wedding using their savings, but both sides of parents helped a bit by contibuting some cash.

I've attended somewhat posh weddings (wedding in big church & dinner at hotel), but that fruend's family was a bit hi-so anyway. Most of the weddings I've attended (friends/colleagues) - both sides are college grads, working, and saved up for their weddings.

I have 2 colleagues (girls) who got married recently. One opted for the white church wedding, pre-nup photoshoots & all that jazz. The other opted for a civil wedding at the city hall & simple dinner at their newly rented house. Then for their honeymoon, they opted for a cycling tour of PI - from Luzon to Mindanao. The couple are avid hikers/ bikers. No sinsot was involved in any of these weddings.

For me, I don't expect any dowry & will continue to work after marriage. I certainly don't expect 80k (whether baht or pesos) per month! It would be 'nice to have' but not a requirement. As for a wedding, I think I'd prefer a civil wedding now (some yrs ago, if you asked me, I would've preferred church). But now, I'd prefer a civil wedding, then hiketo Macchu Pichu for the afters! 55+

[laymond]

From what I understand, in a traditional Isaan wedding the groom is to give the bride some item(s) of gold in addition to the sin sod (money, gold, and other valuables) given to the parents.

I have the sin sod figured out, but cannot find any good information on this gold jewlery that the bride gets to keep. My primary question is about the cost. Is the value supposed to be in the same range as the sin sod, more like the cost of an engagement ring, or something else entirely? I'm hoping the bride's gold cost is closer to the engagement ring (like 60k) than the folk's sin sod (300k) as the budget is getting a bit tight.

Any advice, or pointers to good sources of information on this subject, would be much appreciated.

tell the inlaws to fook off with there sin sod,the marriage is all about you and the bride to be.no one tried that bullshit with me 20 years ago.we got married because we were in loooove,and were still in looove.

[thaimeme]

Indeed. When help is needed.......not due to some forced ritual.

And when it's a genuine "need".

....and not "greed".

[Geezy]

Nearly married a Sino-Thai.

She thought Sinsot was outdated and demeaning. All she wanted was my bank card.

[katie23]

Look up Tumbasan or bagobo.

Those are tribal communities, they have different cultures. Some tribes still wear G-string (male) in the mountains. Some would even take your heart out & eat it. Heh.

The ones that I talked of are lowlanders, mostly Christian ppl (whether practicing Christians or agnostics). College grads, with good jobs. Apples to oranges comparison...

[Chico]

heh heh do a search.

[katie23]

@chico - the bagobo are a tribe/ethnic grp in Mindanao. What may be true for Mindanao (the South) may not be true for Luzon or Visayas, since some parts of Mindanao were not colonized by the Spaniards.

As for the wikipedia entry abt Marriage & Courtship - don't believe everything in wikipedia. Some of it are written by wankers who don't know what they're saying, or infois outdated.

I stand by what I said - for the marriages that I've witnessed here, no dowry was given by the guy. The guy pays for the rings. Or maybe 60% of the wedding. But since it's hard to earn money here, then the girl contributes too, esp.if she has a job. Again, these are what I've seen in my circle - friends, relatives, colleagues.

If you don't believe me, up to you...

[Chico]

not from wiki at all.

the system is used amongst the affluent ,though you seem to know everything.

[Davis Knowlton]

not from wiki at all.

the system is used amongst the affluent ,though you seem to know everything.

Bullshit. Katie does know everything - about her country among many other things. I've lived here over twenty years and have never heard of a dowry payment. Neither has my wife, who, like Katie, is a Filipina.

[Chico]

Well seems you not live amongst the affluent.

[Pragmatic]

What about the parents, who are much older, have invested financially & emotionally, aren't they getting anything for a rainy day?

As farang we invest in our children's well-being as well ie university etc but we don't ask for compensation or the money back upon them marrying. If anything we pay for the wedding too and expect no reward. As for

Remember, there are no state pensions.

neither are there in the UK unless you contributed into a scheme. Nothing's free. Thailand has pension schemes as well, I'm sure.