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Old 09-07-2016, 11:27 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Reasonable grounds for possible child abduction ?

My (ex) went back to her village for a few days whilst I went in a visa run with us both intending to return to our shared home in the city a few days later . Myself her and our nearly 3 year old boy share the same condo , as with have done since he was born .
When I got back from my visa run, there was no sign of here , I phoned her and she told me that she was leaving me and taking my Boy on a family holiday with all her family on a 20 hour bus journey and that she would come back in a month to discuss things .
She paid for this trip by borrowing money from a money lender .
I knew exactly then what the conditions would be for her coming back with my boy .
Sure enough , a few weeks later , I received the ultimatum " Pay back the money to the money lender, or you will never see your Son again"
I point blankly refused , there is no way that I am going to pay for her family to go on holiday when they dont ask me to go and they take my Boy with even telling me and also, if I did pay , it would happen again .
She lives in a north village with no police presence and in squalid conditions and if I went there to get my Boy when she was there, I could quite end up swinging from a tree , attacked or face child abduction charges .
I have since found out that shes moved to a town and hour away and has left my Boy on his own with his old grandmother .
So, my Boy is in a little village with no parents and living in squalid conditions and the ex gf has forbid me from going to see him .
Its been a few months now and now I face a choice . Never seeing my Boy again or going up there to get him .
His mother has abandoned him , I will therefore be taking him from his grandmother , so child abduction shouldnt come into effect and if they do choose to take that road, I can hit them back with extortion charges
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Old 09-07-2016, 11:40 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Very sorry to hear that, Fluke.

Is she a good mother? is your son happy with her? you both have equal right to custody. I think, if I were you... I wouldn't fight it (if) I was certain my son was happy and looked after well... when he is older, he will seek you out bro.

He is your son... will always be your boy. Man I really feel sorry for you mate.

Do you have powerful friends? can you pull in favor from local police?
Whatever you do, don't let emotion overcome you and go up there alone.

Go with the boys in brown (or better still, Army) to retrieve your boy.

In Thailand, it matters little what you know, it matters who you know.
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Old 09-07-2016, 11:56 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Best of luck, Fluke.

You note, that there are no police there, but is there any other kind of legal action or legal backing possible.
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Old 09-07-2016, 12:02 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Is she a good mother?






Sorry to hear, Fluke.

Does your son have a passport from your country? If so, get him and leave for there as soon as you can. An emotional snatch off the street in Bongo-Bongo Country probably isn't the best or wisest way, doing it slower and more craftily is probably the better way. Grease a few of their palms and agree to abide to whatever, go along with it, build their trust, and when you finally get the chance to get him and you out of the country and back to the West, do it.

Good luck.
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Old 09-07-2016, 12:08 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Fluke,

Do you have the capacity to take care of him 24/7? If so go and talk to grandmother and ask her if she wants to look after him of would she prefer you as his father to do it. ( Of course no you won't give her money so she can do it)
It is quite normal in Thai society for the grandparents to care for children. One can argue that it is even evolutionary, and frees up the younger parents to go hunting and gathering while grandparents look after young children.

He is one quarter his grandmother's genes so her tie is also strong. If you relationship with her is/was cordial then it should be OK.

OR leave him there, keep in contact with grandmother/him and when he is older and needs a real school argue on that basis.

If you are "legally" married there cannot be any abduction charges as he is legally your son and ...if village married I don't know what your legal position is?
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Old 09-07-2016, 12:18 PM   #6 (permalink)
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The wisest way is to probably to make them think that they are 'winning', by not challenging them, agree and pander to them, then when you get the open chance......
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Old 09-07-2016, 01:08 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Luigi View Post
The wisest way is to probably to make them think that they are 'winning', by not challenging them, agree and pander to them, then when you get the open chance......
That's good advice. I would even go as far as to give them a bit of coin to keep them unsuspecting. Then offer a daddy weekend with boy and offsky.
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Old 09-07-2016, 01:59 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Hire a lawyer and apply for custody. The other options leave you open to extortion or even jail.
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Old 09-07-2016, 02:43 PM   #9 (permalink)
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^
What he says, a lawyer should be your first stop before any action.

Also, be clear what you want, are you willing to look after the boy on your own, do you have the resources to employ a nanny etc.
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Old 09-07-2016, 02:53 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Begbie
Hire a lawyer and apply for custody. The other options leave you open to extortion or even jail.
Quote:
Originally Posted by stroller
What he says, a lawyer should be your first stop before any action.
What they said assuming you are listed as the father on the lads birth certificate. If not nothing you can legally do.
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Old 09-07-2016, 02:54 PM   #11 (permalink)
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I might ask Fluke what he did to bring on this turnabout?

....or didn't really know or understand who he was marrying a few years back.

In defence to statements above, Thai girls are consistently unpredictable and one never knows what's coming next [read: NUTS] - regardless of situation.

Hope things work out for the best, Fluke.
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Old 09-07-2016, 03:33 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Sorry to read this Fluke. Shitty day on the board, with this and CCCs thread. Think I better go back and give my old gal a big kiss for not being too insane, and trying her best with our lad.

Anyway - no real experience of this personally, but some thoughts. As far as possible I would not deal directly - the very best intermediary at first would be a senior Thai that you trust. A lot of stuff in Thailand is sorted out between seniors - in this case the grandmother on one side - and your chosen senior on the other.

Much will depend on two factors:

1. Does the boy already have a foreign passport
2. Are you prepared to clear out at short notice

I would probably explore legal issues with a lawyer- very quietly and not letting anyone in on that.

I would try to play a longish game, and as said, let the missus think I was being docile while getting my ducks lined up.

As you correctly note - simply rucking up to the village on your own could have very, very bad consequences. She will know the minute you are within an hours travel of the place. Do not think otherwise (and she probably has at least one person nearby to you keeping a careful eye on you).

Hope it all turns out OK - and finally, whatever goes on - the calmer you are, the better your chances of a good resolution.
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Old 09-07-2016, 03:45 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stroller
Also, be clear what you want, are you willing to look after the boy on your own, do you have the resources to employ a nanny etc.
Fluke has no job and likes to stay up late in bars watching football. He then spends the best part of the next day sleeping. Shame we can't hear the other side of this story.
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Old 09-07-2016, 04:14 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Fluke
My (ex) went back to her village for a few days whilst I went in a visa run with us both intending to return to our shared home in the city a few days later . Myself her and our nearly 3 year old boy share the same condo , as with have done since he was born .
When I got back from my visa run, there was no sign of here , I phoned her and she told me that she was leaving me and taking my Boy on a family holiday with all her family on a 20 hour bus journey and that she would come back in a month to discuss things .
She paid for this trip by borrowing money from a money lender .
I knew exactly then what the conditions would be for her coming back with my boy .
Sure enough , a few weeks later , I received the ultimatum " Pay back the money to the money lender, or you will never see your Son again"
i feel sorry for this kid. his mother is worthless.

Quote:
my Boy is in a little village with no parents and living in squalid conditions and the ex gf has forbid me from going to see him .
Its been a few months now
a few months?

i really feel sorry for this kid now. seems the father isn't much better than the mother.


a few months? jesus christ. get your shit together, OP.

and crying the blues on an internet message board isn't going to solve anything.

hire a lawyer....contact the police....get a group of thais to go with you to get your son out of the "squalid conditions" he's living in.

FFS.
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Old 09-07-2016, 04:23 PM   #15 (permalink)
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The numpties above mentioning lawyers show their naivety for sure ...

Also, I get the feeling that you let this go already for 3 months ...that perhaps you don't really give a toss ....if that's the case, thank your lucky stars and settle in for a weekend a month or year ...up to you
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Old 09-07-2016, 04:23 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Very sorry to hear that, Fluke.

Is she a good mother? is your son happy with her? you both have equal right to custody. I think, if I were you... I wouldn't fight it (if) I was certain my son was happy and looked after well... when he is older, he will seek you out bro.

He is your son... will always be your boy. Man I really feel sorry for you mate.

.
Thanks , She thinks that she is a good mother and that I am a bad Father because she thinks that I tell him what to do , I think that she is a bad mother because she just lets him do what he likes , she thinks that being a good mother is being their best friend.
She has no idea what being a parent is all about .
Children do not know the difference between right and wrong and she doesnt realise that its a parents duty to teach their children how to behave, for example:
I went to the shop and bought some crayons and a colouring bok for her to teach him coloring in, he began to rop the pages out, I said quite sternly. "No you cannot do that" . He unsrerstood and stopped doing it . His mother then told me to leave him alone and let him rip the book up if he wants, he then threw a crayon out the window, once again I told him that he couldnt do that, his mother then told my boy to tell me to "fukk off" and she told me too as well .
Our differences in up bringing finally took its toll when the little one arrived, she would just come home in the evening and put the baby straight into bed, every night I had to tell her the the minimum that she needed to do was to was his hands feet and face and clean this teeth , and preferably she should also give him a bath and put some different sleeping clothes on for him , she would put him straight into bed at night and take him straight out the next morning still weaning the same clothes .
When she did change his or her clothes, she would just leave then where ever they got taken off . I dont mind going to take everyones clothes to the laundry every few days, but I resented picking her clothes up off the floor, bed, back of the seat or wherever they got left .
Is she had a plate of food, she would just leave the left overs on the plate and wash the plate the next time that she needed to use it, which could be a week later , by that tome it was rotting and stinking ant it attracted cockroaches and those little green flys which hurt when they bite you, we even got a visit by a rat once .
She would also leave rubbish strewn about the condo , empty food and drinks packages just left there forever , Im not an overt cleanliness freak , but I think that is basic cleanliness to put rubbish in the rubbish bin and dirty clothes in the dirty linen basket, instead of leaving them strewn all over the condo , you will have to do it eventually, so you may as well to it straight away .
Now, I dont mind tidying the condo up , but it got to thr stage where I was practically following her about , picking her rubbish up and putting it in the bin, picking the clothes up and putting them in the dirty linen basket , I was like the house maid .
I was resentful of this situation and decided to turn the tables .
Was she a good mother to my Son? I dont think that she was .
Although she would have made a perfect five year old big sister for him
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Old 09-07-2016, 04:30 PM   #17 (permalink)
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Kid sounds better off with grandma
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Old 09-07-2016, 04:35 PM   #18 (permalink)
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Crickey, what a slob of a woman by the sounds of it.

Sure there's another side to the story.
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Old 09-07-2016, 04:41 PM   #19 (permalink)
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Quote:
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The numpties above mentioning lawyers show their naivety for sure ...

Also, I get the feeling that you let this go already for 3 months ...that perhaps you don't really give a toss ....if that's the case, thank your lucky stars and settle in for a weekend a month or year ...up to you
That is unfair , I could face trespass and child abduction charges and would end up in jail on those charges and be blacklisted from entering Thailand . The village is in a desolate area with no public transport and its five hours away , if I did go around there and faced a hostile reception and got told to go away, then all my options would be closed .
They also have solid iron sweat boxes in the village with just a little window at the top, where they throw trouble makers into until they ve calmed down .
Im just sitting tight and waiting for them to get worn down . When by Boy becomes a burden to their family , I will go and get him unopposed and that time is now
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Old 09-07-2016, 04:56 PM   #20 (permalink)
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Kid sounds better off with grandma
Living in filth and squalor ?
I stayed around there a few years ago and woke up to the sound of a young boy screaming, it was my Boys cousin , I opened my bedroom window and she was hitting him with a stick and he was naked and it was in public .
I did also see her pick a stick up to my Son , and point it at him, he threw a cup at her , I told my Son that he cannot throw things at people .
I also told her that if she ever hits my Son with a stick, or a hand or anything else, then I will put a stop to it
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Old 09-07-2016, 05:04 PM   #21 (permalink)
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Best of luck, Fluke.

You note, that there are no police there, but is there any other kind of legal action or legal backing possible.

No, not really , we are not married , unmarried Fathers have practically no rights at all, we are regarded as just being the mothers boyfreind when she had her baby.
Then again, she has no Thai I.D. and no nationality at all, so the law may not apply,
I will soon find out though
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Old 09-07-2016, 05:10 PM   #22 (permalink)
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Hill tribe?

Did you register his birth with your embassy? Ignore Nawty, he's an idiot. You're talking about custody of a child.
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Old 09-07-2016, 05:17 PM   #23 (permalink)
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^^
It's getting worse with each post.
Now you're trolling, right?
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Old 09-07-2016, 05:22 PM   #24 (permalink)
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If my wife ever told my son, to tell me to fuck off, I'd fuck her right off!

You need self-dignity bro!

I've seen many nice farang dudes, being treated like shit by their parasite gfs..
You are in their country and they play that card.
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Old 09-07-2016, 05:22 PM   #25 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NZdick1983 View Post
Do you have powerful friends? can you pull in favor from local police?
Whatever you do, don't let emotion overcome you and go up there alone.

Go with the boys in brown (or better still, Army) to retrieve your boy.

In Thailand, it matters little what you know, it matters who you know.
I agree, very much so. If it does come to taking him, do it with at least a show of force. Pay at least 2 policemen/army types.
Money very well spent.
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