Support For Her Parents

[baconandeggs]

Why would a westerner pay sin sot? So your customs mean nothing in favour of an old Thai fashioned thing? Only dills would pay it.

It's the system here, you have to just understand the rules and that's the problem for most farangs, eyes wide shut.

No it isnt. You make your own rules. If a partner voids your customs in favour of hers she isnt worth marrying.

There are millions of fish out there. Throw the duds back.

Ever heard of a mutually beneficial compromise? of the bending reed surviving the storm that felled the oak tree?
In Thailand living strictly by your own rules will lead to a loveless and lonely life.

"If a partner voids your customs in favour of hers she isn't worth marrying."
is as valid as
"If a partner voids your customs in favour of his he isn't worth marrying."[/QUOTE]


That was my point. Thanks for repeating it.

[baconandeggs]

No it isnt. You make your own rules. If a partner voids your customs in favour of hers she isnt worth marrying.

There are millions of fish out there. Throw the duds back.

If you wish to follow your home countries customs, take your wife back to your own country, as I did, no Sin sod.
When we decided to move, live and make our living in Thailand, different story, Sin sod, pigs heads for the jungle spirits, feed monks etc.

At a guess my Sin sod cost less then a western wedding, house built on family land, which my wife/kids will inherit, pain in the ass in-laws they may be, but it is a good long term investment.
As said I make my living here, being part of the extended family and the village as a whole has advantages.
If you, or anyone just wants some shirt, buy, rent in Pattaya, bar girls, long time or short time, is the way to go, don't get married.

Being the rich farang, saving bar girls and their impoverished family is a fools game and it's those who complain the most.

Country is trivial. Respect is a 2 way street. Not sure why you are talking about bar trash.

[Pragmatic]

Speaking only for my experience - I am treated like the King by my extended family.

Good for you on that. For me I like my space and my wife's family respect that.

[baconandeggs]

Speaking only for my experience - I am treated like the King by my extended family.

Good for you on that. For me I like my space and my wife's family respect that.

Any decent family will treat you well.

[birding]

Never marry and bring your kids up the same way.

Works for me.

[Storekeeper]

Won't bore you all with a long story but I decided very early in my marriage that my 'gift' to my wife's family would be to pay for an education for the two kids I took on as step-children. There were a few times when it was suggested there were cheaper options to educate the two of them. And then there would be more money for my wife to potentially disperse among her family members. Never saw how that would get me a good return on my investment so pretty much told them to piss off. The boy is now finished with his two year degree and living a pretty darned productive life in Pattaya. The girl is going to cost me quite a bit more but the end is almost in sight ... just four more years to go and hopefully she'll be an RN with a BSN and totally on her own. Long story short for me is my Thai kin never had a chance. The tail wasn't going to wag this dog. Sure, sure they probably thought I was an ass but I knew in the long run the kind of respect I wanted from them was going to take a while to earn. If everything works out as planned I'll have created a perfect little ATM for the Thai kin folk.

[bowie]

For me I like my space and my wife's family respect that.

Yup, I also do like my space and do not allow "others", be they family or not, to encroach on mine. I could never share living quarters with my in-laws. They do live in typical Thai abode, concrete boxes disguised as apartments in Bangkok proper. I do accept their visits as a necessary part of life, as they accept our visits. Now, I do occasionally use our (mine and my wife's money) to selectively purchase luxury items for them, and have sometimes spend relatively large sums of money on or for medical reasons (real medical expenditures, not stories). But, after all, they are family.

And, of course, on the occasions when we wine and dine or entertain together I foot the entire bill. Hey, I can so easily afford the costs without thinking - they obviously cannot.

But, all in all, I am in charge, and everything is within my control. I have never been disappointed (although there is a learning curve). My extended family is now my family, I have two, US and Thai. I can handle it, I arranged it, and, I am very happy with the status quo.

And, to repeat myself, "I am treated like the King". With genuine respect, not bought. Realizing that respect is a two way street, earned and not purchased.

[bowie]

Won't bore you all with a long story but I decided very early in my marriage that my 'gift' to my wife's family would be to pay for an education for the two kids I took on as step-children.

Good on you.

You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Storekeeper again.

[bowie]

For me I like my space and my wife's family respect that.

You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Pragmatic again.

[Scottish Gary]

When I was married to my Thai wife we used to send money to the parents every month because they were looking after her kids. My wife's sister also used to send money but not as much as she had no kids. Her brother was never required to send anything even although he had a good job working in engineering. Sending cash to the family used to cause huge arguments between us

[Jester]

When I was married to my Thai wife we used to send money to the parents every month because they were looking after her kids. My wife's sister also used to send money but not as much as she had no kids. Her brother was never required to send anything even although he had a good job working in engineering. Sending cash to the family used to cause huge arguments between us

Thanks for the info.

this confirms what I have been learning here.

Taking care of people comes naturally to me. Facilitating/enabling lazy-ass sons does not.

I guess I will not be marrying in Thailand.

I have no problem compensating for time spent and kindness rendered. All happy I suppose.

[baconandeggs]

When I was married to my Thai wife we used to send money to the parents every month because they were looking after her kids. My wife's sister also used to send money but not as much as she had no kids. Her brother was never required to send anything even although he had a good job working in engineering. Sending cash to the family used to cause huge arguments between us

Thai families expect daughters to look after the family unit not the sons. It is just old sexism.

[Pragmatic]

It is just old sexism.

Another example of sexism in Thailand is that Farang women married to Thai males don't have to show money to get an annual extension. The farang lady I know works, but her Thai husband doesn't. These Thai guys have it sorted.

[Jester]

Okay hilarious update to my old thread here. I moved to Thailand 2015-Nov-5. Moved new Thai gf and her 9 year old into upstairs cold-water thai-toilet flat 2016-Jan-01.

She treats me like a king... Love her, love her family. Yes she and sisters have helped parents etc, in the past, now everyone broke.... {slaps forehead, yes yes yes I know} I am not involved yet with helping out, but between you and me, it could be coming, should I hapen to do well. She is worth it.

(Don't tell her, but I may even marry her !!!!!!!!!!!!!! {yes slap forehead again} down the road if it furthers my aim for citizenship, But that's another thread.)

Yes it's a bit embarrassing to have to report all this back to you fellows, but I am as happy as a clam.

I love Thailand!

[BaitongBoy]

Citizenship?...

[DJ Pat]

If this is 2016, and everyone embraces modern tech, social media, material stuff etc, then why not embrace modernism and be a modern couple by not marrying and just being a couple?

rude, loutish Farang tightwad cheapskate, and subtle, nuanced, materialistic Thai golddigger trying to understand each other

Ah, so you've met my parents

[fishlocker]

The little red bricks you will be building their house with, find one and swiftly plant it in your forehead.

Do this now or do this later but either way it must be done.

Bob Segar said " I wish I didn't know now what I didn't know then." Something about running against the wind. No tack just running, running against the wind.


Good luck, fish.

[fishlocker]

A slight rephrase , should I do well is she worth it.

But then what do I know, warm water feels good to the fish. Who cares if its piss.I'm floating in it now.

[Jester]

LOL

okay...

[Latindancer]

Hey Jester,
As her family is broke, and as I'm sure you are a nice guy, why not just help out a little ?

In Thailand it's all about appearances, so all you need to do is make the occasional grand gesture, and you will get a name as a great guy. Just don't commit to any kind of regular payment. If you are good people, they will understand that you are not that rich.

Occasionally paying for something (or even for a group outing, with meals) is the Thai way. So just satisfy their cultural expectation a little. In the end, it will not amount to much at all for you, really.

[DJ Pat]

^That's makes a slight impression for about 30mins, in my case anyway
I was having a week long GF experience with a whore and gleefully announced I'd be taking her and her friends and mamasan for a seafood dinner along Walking street, cost almost 4000 Baht, ordered about 6 dishes including two deep fried whole fish and giant prawns, squid etc several spy coolers too

They liked it, but it didn't have the desired heroic effect I was anticipating. It hurt me deep down at the time

[Jester]

The little red bricks you will be building their house with, find one and swiftly plant it in your forehead.

Do this now or do this later but either way it must be done.

Bob Segar said " I wish I didn't know now what I didn't know then." Something about running against the wind. No tack just running, running against the wind.


Good luck, fish.

It was the sardonic humor of expats here that first hooked me on moving to Thailand.

So when all does go to hell, I can try to blame folks like you, right

jk

[Jester]

Hey Jester,
As her family is broke, and as I'm sure you are a nice guy, why not just help out a little ?

In Thailand it's all about appearances, so all you need to do is make the occasional grand gesture, and you will get a name as a great guy. Just don't commit to any kind of regular payment. If you are good people, they will understand that you are not that rich.

Occasionally paying for something (or even for a group outing, with meals) is the Thai way. So just satisfy their cultural expectation a little. In the end, it will not amount to much at all for you, really.

+1
Thanks
That sounds like an approach that I will be comfortable with and that will keep gf proud and happy.

[barrylad66]

[QUOTE=Jester;3202762]Okay hilarious update to my old thread here. I moved to Thailand 2015-Nov-5. Moved new Thai gf and her 9 year old into upstairs cold-water thai-toilet

Absolute shoe in for citizenship

[Jester]

Okay hilarious update to my old thread here. I moved to Thailand 2015-Nov-5. Moved new Thai gf and her 9 year old into upstairs cold-water thai-toilet

Absolute shoe in for citizenship

So you feel that I ought to include that charming anecdote on my application form, then?